Day 320: Strengthening my resolve to stop daily addictive habits

 

What am I experiencing today? I am experiencing the desire for attention, I am experiencing an inability to stop myself when the prospect of having sex arises, I am experiencing desires to eat food that I really don’t need, it just takes good, I am experiencing the desire to smoke weed, I am experiencing resistance to getting down to doing real work like writing and self investigation or school work, excitement over my coffee habit where I get excited about drinking coffee and being productive, but don’t end up being productive. Also the addiction to pro sports thing, pointlessly checking sports updates for entertainment/distraction. I keep justifying the desire to smoke weed as ‘I can handle it, just do a bit once in a while’ or ‘I can put checks an restrictions on it that are out of my control so I have no choice to stop’, but it is like, how can I trust myself on that? Also fears about my relationships and whether or not it is practical or if I am ‘wasting time’ – which I should not project onto my relationship or the other because really a relationship is not even a real thing lol and the other is not to blame. I also notice I have this tendency to worry and be indirect in handling point I am facing by not being simplistic in writing about them, but rather reacting to them in moments of insights/moments where I notice them, or even when I write about them. This is unnecessary as it just takes simple self honesty to see the point with my own 2 eyes and it will then be obvious what to do – self forgiveness and self corrective application. That seems to be it, other than the regular thoughts that arise, which I should really start jotting down in a notebook – I just noticed that I found an excuse not to do this, and so I will in this moment go grab my notebook and a pen, to keep on my person.

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to crave and desire attention from others as the stimulation that the mind needs/requires in order to define itself and move itself and have a purpose – when and as I see myself desiring attention from others, I stop, I breathe, as I see, realize and understand that this desire is the mind looking for self definition, purpose and direction – thus I do not participate in this desire and rather ‘keep my nose to the grindstone’ of directing myself in humbleness to simply continue to apply myself in doing what is really practical/relevant/necessary to be done, point by point

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to give into the desire for sex when I see myself being stimulated by and reacting to the sight of another’s body and the opportunity/possibility of having sex – thus when and as I see myself having such reactions to the image/feeling/sensation of another’s body and the opportunity to have sex and the excitement at having the opportunity for an energy high, and the desire to act on these reactions: I stop, I breathe, and I do not participate in these desires as my thoughts, feelings and emotions as I see the patterns where sex has become a mental experience/high of wanting an experience of an energetic high which the mind experiences as power, control and good feelings/sensation, and thus I remain here as breath when experiencing such sights or physical contact

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to want and desire to eat food that stimulates my mind because it tastes good, rather than simply giving the body what it requires practically, in gratefulness and humbleness – thus when and as I see myself going for the delicious food because I desire energy, I stop, I breathe, I realize that the body simply doesn’t need this and that if I do not participate, I will still be here/fine, and thus I do not participate in such desires no matter how the mind justifies it as I see that the mind is tricky and will tempt me in every way possible with thoughts, feelings and emotions

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to make a habit out of getting coffee as a ‘nice big idea’ because apparently it means I will do work and be more effective, as this is the ultimate deception to actually justify wasting more time once I’ve got coffee, putting my work off and procrastinating further – thus I commit myself to use coffee in a way that is practical wherein I set my plan of what I will be doing once I get my coffee, drink the coffee, and then simply do what I had planned immediately

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to waste my time, distract myself and generally lose self direction and focus by paying attention to pro sports updates – thus I commit myself to simply stop checking pro sports, and as a support I have already blocked all the pro sports sites I normally visited so that I have the reminder every time I may try to give into my desire, as I see and realize that stopping is sometimes difficult, and yet I am missing nothing of real benefit by simply stopping ‘cold turkey’

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to want and desire to smoke weed as a way of escaping my reality and completely not having to focus on doing anything real or making any real difference in myself and in this world, so I can just escape my reality and create a fantasy reality that is apparently blissful and deny life, just because I have defined myself as weak and incapable and defined making a difference in myself/this world as apparently difficult or not enjoyable – thus I commit myself to stop the desire or act of smoking weed as it is simply impractical – when and as this desire arises, I simply stop and breathe and do not participate in this desire as my thoughts, feelings and emotions as I see that it is the mind/ego attempting to destabilize me and that I am in fact not ‘missing out on anything’ by not escaping my reality through smoking weed

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to project my own self dishonesties onto my relationship and partner, such as impracticality and lack of self direction, and that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that there is in fact no such thing as a ‘relationship’ and that this is only a projection of who I am and how I am living onto this imaginary creation, as well as my partner, and that this point about me can be corrected so that I do not have such negative experiences projected onto things outside of myself – thus I commit myself to take the point I experience towards my relationship, whether it be doubt or fear or dissatisfaction or anger or impracticality or whatever it is, and take these points back to self and correct my living by correcting myself and my relationship with myself so that all other forms of relationship I experience and participate in are a real self expression of myself as that which is effective, directive and best for all life – when and as I see myself experiencing things like this towards my relationship/partner – I stop, I breathe, I see, realize and understand that I am projection me and my relationship with myself and my living application onto my relationship and partner, and thus I do not participate in these projections as my thoughts, feelings and emotions.

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to worry and think too much about the points I am facing when I have a moment of insight, realization or noticing a point, and then go searching the mind for answers/solutions. When and as I see myself noticing a point or having an insight, and then immediately going into reaction/fear/searching the mind for what to do – I stop, I breathe, I see, realize and understand that this is impractical and only further complicates my process and is unnecessary over-thinking things, and that I can stop all this by simply breathing and also by writing out the point immediately, thus I do not participate in the mind as thoughts, feelings and emotions as fearing points, reacting to them and trying to solve them with the mind, but rather simple breathe and do self forgiveness or write out the point

Day 297: Directing myself = directing my reality

I noticed an interesting point today which is that every aspect of our participation in this reality is a form of agreement – it is a stance, a statement, and expression of the principles that we are living and embody. This is the case by virtue of the fact that the human species exist as one organism as a whole, and as part of nature and the eco-system and the universe in the bigger picture. This is also so whenever we are more directly engaged/interacting with others. Most of the time it is not explicit. It is rather an intrinsic part of who we currently are as the decisions we have made as who we decide to be – what matters to us, what our values are, what we deem acceptable and unacceptable. This then resonates from us and is also reflected in our daily living – however we tend to only see the parts of each other that we would like to put on public display and don’t see the whole story. How is trust possible when this is the case?

 

The decision of who we are – what we will accept and allow ourselves to create ourselves and our world as – is critical to all other facets of our existence. What I noticed tonight is the point that everything hinges on this point – all of our interactions with others, how they will go, our participations in what we contribute to our world and thus what the world gives us in return, is all dependent on who we are. We cannot exist as one thing, and expect to experience another. We cannot expect that we will have effective relationships and effective interactions with others if we do not first establish these points with ourselves – and when we do, these relationships and experiences/interactions are essentially fake. Because then we are trying to create something – whatever we believe we want or we believe is ideal – outside of ourselves. It may last a while, but this is not the truth of ourselves and the truth always comes out sooner or later.

 

My experience and relationship with others hinges entirely on who I am. It is foolish to try and change things ‘out there’, in another person, in a relationship, in an experience. Fear is always the point that ‘pulls me in’ to trying to do this – the fear of myself is projected onto other/my situation because I have not established a point within and as myself as self certainty. It is important to first equalize myself within myself, to come to grips with and forgive my fears, before I can ever expect to experience life in the way that I really want to.

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to try to change my reality outside of myself and from a starting point of separation as a reaction to a thought/fear/feeling/emotion – and that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that I must first understand my reactions, stop the through understanding the point as it exist both within myself and another, allowing myself to be able to direct myself and another from a starting point of oneness, equality and understanding

 

I commit myself to – when and as I see a fear exist within me as some for of backchat/voices in the head – write on the point, establish what the point is, give it a name with clarity, and to work on this point so that my living is equal and thus the point will be directed effectively – before allowing myself to act on the point from a starting point of fear as reaction – I stop all temptation to react and breathe, allowing the energy to pass for so that I may deal with the point effectively through writing

 

Day 286: Taking chances

 

I ended off in the last post where I mentioned that I had goals that really matter, within the context of the post which was about basically how I get sidetracked by desires that I believe help me or make my living experience better when they do not in fact. I mentioned the importance of being self honest in assessing whether or not my actions are actually conducive to these goals, or if I am just wasting my time.

Both today and yesterday I had experiences where I was trying to physically get somewhere, both driving and on the bus. In both trips, I got lost, because I did not follow directions. I took a chance and acted as if I can just trust myself without really knowing/being clear/having direction. Was ‘kind of sure’ what I was doing. That is not good enough. I mean, when you make a decision, and you direct yourself according to that decision, you either do it or you don’t – all the way through the process of carrying out that decision. This is an overall tendency I have had in my life where I feel like I can ‘wing it’. Why do this when it is not necessary? Why take a chance when I know exactly what to do? What is the point of having knowledge if I do not apply it? What is the point of being here if I do not direct myself? And if I am not following my own directions – whose directions am I following?

Sometimes I get a sense of freedom from ‘doing whatever I want’, like I have associated giving into my mental impulses with some form of freedom. This is not so because freedom is like a kind of paradox where it goes hand in hand with self responsibility. Freedom is only possible if I am self responsible. But then it is not really freedom – it is just taking responsibility to live who I am – the creator who is capable of creating a life and a world that is best. If I do this, then there is no need for an experience of freedom, it would be redundant because I have already created a life that is best. This life that is best must be what is best for all life as well. So, I have the tools – I must apply them because there is no point in taking chances – taking chances is the birth of uncertainty and ignorance as to the outcome of the future, and that is the birth of fear of the future.

Day 281: The desire to please others: “Am I being too serious?”

 

I am continuing to write about the tendency to want to help and please others, within the belief of reciprocity that if I ‘live for others’ this way, that apparently it will ‘come back to me’ – this giving only get. It is really fascinating that I have created a belief that I am being selfless, while in fact I am really being selfish – but then not even, because it is just a belief that this will aid me and support me in my life, when it does not even work that way.

So today I noticed another dimension of this point which is that I have defined being completely straightforward and direct in my expression – speaking ‘matter-of-factly’ to people – as somehow being ‘too serious’ or even ‘negative’. Sometimes this belief will influence me to such an extent that I will actually take on this ‘serious guy’ character, due to the reaction that I trigger in myself when speaking directly. Perhaps it is even the belief that to simply be serious and real is apparently being negative. That is demonstrative of how out of touch we are with reality, that to even recognize reality by being real ourselves is seen as somehow being ‘negative’ – because we live in a culture of illusions which we believe to be positive.

I noticed that when I stick to the simplicity of the facts, where, usually in such expression I am calm, stable, my tone of voice and pacing of my speech is stable – I will actually start to feel like I am ‘being too serious’ – and immediately the need arises to make it exciting, engaging, and stimulating for the listener. So, as mentioned in the last post, it relates back to experiences as a child where I basically noticed that I got more attention – and thus got what I want or could fulfill my needs – if I was pleasant, if I was stimulating, and that the way to be stimulating was through how I presented myself, especially through words. Likewise, I saw how I could be ignored and ‘tuned out’ by others – especially adults when I was younger – when I simply spoke and expressed myself naturally.

So within this belief that that which is real expression as directness is ‘serious and negative’ because I am not being overtly positive, I am actually creating the experience of my expression becoming negative, through the fear that it will be perceived that way because I believe that it is that way.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that when I speak directly, simply expression myself or expressing a point, that I am being ‘too serious’ or ‘negative’, only because I am not being positive, within the belief that I must be positive, stimulating and pleasant towards others. I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to – within this belief – actually activate and go into a negative experience of myself wherein my expression takes on a negative energetic charge, when I am attempting to express a point directly/in simplicity/without a positive emotional charge

I commit myself to – when and as I see myself fearing to speak directly and express myself/a point – because I fear how another will respond to me and I fear I can not trust myself to direct the person in the moment – and I want to begin adding either a positive or negative charge to my expression in the belief that I will stimulate this person to listening to what I am expressing or accepting what I am expressing – I stop, I breathe, and I do not accept and allow myself to participate in this desire as my thoughts, feelings and emotions – I remain here as breath and trust myself to direct myself/others in the moment, not allowing the fear of what others might do to me to control, influence and direct me

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to fear to be real in and as my expression, as a self movement, without being movement by any fear as thoughts and the energy that thoughts produce

Day 272: What can I do to take self responsibility?

Today I am writing a self support blog for some tough times I have been going through. They have been mentally tough more than anything, although it is having real effects on my physical reality because it is becoming quite difficult to focus. I’m going to keep this one short because a lot of the writing I will continue to due will be in my personal journal. What I will say in this blog post however is: QUESTION EVERYTHING – including yourself. Question if the things you are doing and participating in and a part of, tacitly or actively, are really real, if they are really trustworthy, if they are really self honest, if they are really what is best for all life. Do not compromise yourself for bullshit, because you fear to lose something or someone. If you do, you are going to experience regret like you wouldn’t believe – the consequences are brutal.

When things get tough – support yourself and be self honest about where you can make improvements and where you are not being self honest with yourself. Don’t blame others and when things get tough – breathe breathe breathe, then, sit down and write. Don’t stop writing until you’ve gained some composure and clarity, and don’t act on your thoughts, feelings and emotions, no matter how vivid and intense they seem. I made this mistake today and things could have been less stressful if I had taken a step back and really faced myself.

If we are to ever have any hope that other people will sort themselves out, we have got to sort ourselves out. Yes, the world has gone mad – and we are the world. I get frustrated and feel I have to ‘draw a line’ with others when they refuse to take any self responsibility or change or insist on remaining spiteful – but the truth is that I have to draw that line with me first, to give myself that boundary through taking self responsibility and looking at myself. Sometimes I feel like the answers don’t exist within me, they are somewhere out there, buried in the outer world issue or people I am dealing with – but that is not so – I am my own answer and I have been all a long.

I forgive myself that I’ve not accepted and allowed myself to face myself before facing others when dealing with an issue or conflict, and for allowing myself to act on thoughts/feelings/emotions in dealing with another rather than stabilizing myself through breath and sitting down to write

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to think and feel like I don’t have the answers or I don’t know what to do

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe that the problems I experience exist solely in others, while not looking at/realizing the fact that my experiences are my own, and that this is the only point in which I am able to work and take self responsibility – within this, I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to be self righteous in believing that I am doing more/trying when others aren’t

I forgive myself that I’ve not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that the only place I am able to effect change when I am experience problems is within myself – and that I have not allowed myself to realize that this is the key to enabling me to see the situation with clarity and without emotional attachment/fear/blame, and thus direct the problem with ease

When and as I see myself wanting to fix the problem ‘out there’ in something/someone else – I stop, I breathe, I see, realize and understand that this is a trap to keep me enslaved to my own mind and not solve the problem in fact, and that I am missing the point that the problem exist within me and that the only way to take directive principle is to face myself in breathing/writing – thus I do not give into the desire to change the problem ‘out there’ as my thoughts/feelings/emotions/energy, but rather be self directive in seeing what I can change about myself/where I can take self responsibility and lead by example

I commit myself to give as I would like to receive, no matter what others are doing around me and to no longer use the excuse of what others are doing to not stand up and live the life of integrity that I really want to

I commit myself to identify reactions and deal with them immediately

I commit myself to question things in writing when I am having an experience of uneasiness/unclarity/uncertainty

Day 253: What the hell is wrong with you?!

Today I am writing about self righteousness, as I am noticing it’s outflows in various forms. It is a form of blame, and tends to be experience as like a ‘wtf’ kind of reaction towards others, when I am seeing a point that is fucked, and yet I am reacting to the point because of how it somehow relates to me, where I am somehow living the same point without necessarily realizing it – it is only when it is presented in another, perhaps in a different form, that it becomes obvious because it is not me, it does not have the exact same look and feel as my own shit, but it is the same in essence.

Now it is obviously pointless to live this way because I mean, sure, the whole world is fucked, people are fucked beyond belief, but if we live in judgment and blame, we are literally never going to get anything accomplished in terms of affecting any real change. It is simply not effective to judge and blame others for who they are as what they have become and believe themselves to be, when I have not taken responsibility for my own self as what I have become and who I believe myself to be.

As long as I am reacting – I am ineffective in directing a point, as it shows that I have not yet cleared/directed myself effectively. As long as I am looking to make a point or prove a point, I know that I have abdicated my self-responsibility to such a level that I am actually going out and trying to change the point in others as a form of self righteousness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become so accustomed to blaming and judging others, within the desire to be special/better than others, within the fear and pursuit of survival, that I have actually created a character of self righteousness that will focus on the mistakes others are making, without first actually implicating myself and looking at where I have made/am making mistakes

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to, within the experience of reacting to others, not take the point back to self and write myself so that I can see how I created this experience for myself, how the negative experience started out as a positive one, based in desire and positive energy as a form of delusion/escapism from reality, and that I have allowed myself to act on such reactions, believing them to be real in self righteousness, rather than sorting myself out, and not being satisfied to move on and speak with others/direct others until I am %100 clear and have directed the point – as until this is done, I am only speaking to my own detriment and the detriment of others 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe the experience of judgment and blame in thought to be real – and that I have not fully embraced my reaction as reflection of myself, being strict in stopping my experience and immediately working it out until I am clear

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to let greed/wants/desires, to not have to change, to be special, to live a life or unequal privilege, sabotage me into wanting to blame others and be superior, while not in fact taking self responsibility for who I am, to rather in this way create a self/world that is best for all life 

I commit myself to, when and as I see myself judging/blaming others, to immediately stop and not give any power/attention thought to more judgment blame, as I see, realize and understand that any and all reactions are in fact about me, and thus to even be effective in directing others and sorting out this shitty experience of judgment/blame, I commit myself to immediately look at my reactions, breathe, and work them out through self writing, taking a moment to step outside of myself and look at how it all started, to write about how I feel as being about me, and not an actual reflection of what I am experiencing of others, committing myself to do this until I am sorted out and clear, and not making any excuses to stop myself or avoid/not take self responsibility as sorting myself out

Thus I commit myself to never again speak out of reaction, or act out of reaction, but to rather give myself the patience, and give to myself/others the support and understanding necessary by always working shit out before I continue to react or act on such reactions or believe them to be real in any way – thus I commit myself to never give power/attention to what others are doing as a form of blame, as all are equally responsible and that which we are angry about/fear in others, we are the same in essence, and thus from this perspective it does not matter what others do, but rather who self is and what self does, because only by supporting self and taking self responsibility on the point for/as self, is one able to then direct others at a physical level in self honesty and common sense

Day 247: Self-honesty takes real effort

Today, it took a moment to get to writing, as it often does, because I sort of draw a blank, not always remembering what I was experiencing in that particular day, or what is really going on with me. Using a thought diary is good for this and I recently bought one because I plan to get back into the habit of writing out my thoughts in the moment so I can see more clearly what I am working with at the end of my days.

I basically had to just sit down and write. Write my feelings in the moment, write out a bunch of fears and concerns and feelings and all kinds of shit, and I realized that I really had been resisting writing and looking at all this stuff – that’s what the whole point of ‘drawing a blank’ is, it is looking for ‘something to write about’ as an idea of the mind, projecting itself, rather than looking at the actual content of my mind as how I am experiencing it. It turned out to be all kinds of stuff, thoughts, feelings, emotions and desires that I had been having in very brief moments here and there throughout my day, which do have an accumulative effect, and I am sort of aware that I am having them in the moment, but stopping them in the moment is still something I am getting the hang of – just breathe breathe breathe, and then finally move on when the energy passes. 

The mind tends to want to follow up those thoughts and this is ultimately why I resisted something as simple as writing about how I feel and what I want – I fear to change myself as the fear of losing the illusion of myself. Self honesty is not something that comes naturally in this regard, because we have for so long spent our lives chasing these illusions and believing them to be real. It takes real effort to actually move oneself to sit down and look at oneself, self honestly, because even at times when we think we are being real with ourselves – we are not. It also takes time for these habits of following the mind to stop, and to implement the new pattern habit of not going there and breathing through the patterns. Sometimes I feel discouraged because it does take so much time, and not just so much time waiting, but so much time of consistent and constant application.

And yet every time I get a glimpse of what is really going on in this world, I feel ashamed that this is even a challenge for me, that I even allow myself to struggle with this, because those desires to live and exist in the mind are really nothing and frankly quite selfish when you look at the state this world is in the and the support that is required to be given.

I forgive myself that I’ve not accepted and allowed myself to do the necessary ranting and raving in personal writing to be able to have an honest look at what it is that I am experiencing and work with what is here, giving myself the clarity, insight and stability to direct myself in self honesty and self trust

I commit myself to utilize ranting and raving, as well as a thought diary, to assist and support myself to see with clarity who I really am, and thus enabling myself as to how to best to support and direct myself in self honesty and self trust

When and as I see myself experiencing the resistance to right as not knowing what to right/not feeling like I can direct myself to write about something – I stop, I breathe, I see, realize and understand that this is the tendency of the kind to want to hold onto old habits/patterns and not be self honest/look at who I am/what I am actually experiencing within myself – and thus I do not participate in this resonant experience as my thoughts, feelings and emotions as these past patterns of resistance and rather direct myself here within/as breath to do the necessary ranting and raving/writing in the moment to be able to support myself and see who I really am and how I can correct myself to live in a way that is best for all life

Day 182: Working with backchat as the inner voices

Today through my lesson in the DIP Pro course, I was learning about how backchat works – that means the thoughts in my head that I am having about myself and others, like another voice in my head, speaking back to me. What a strange thing, because there is only me, if one look at it objectively in the physical reality. So then having voices in my head, talking back to me as if there is more than one ‘me’, would indicate a form of multiple personality disorder. And really, who doesn’t have this?

I have learned about how the personalities are entities that I have developed for the sake of survival in different situations and environments, and that these mind personalities were passed on to me by my parents, and in this way I have become an exact copy of my parents, which is quite a scary thing – and this statement I am making has nothing to do with my parents per say but more about the fact that I am just a copy – that these thoughts and ideas can not be me, that is impossible, because it was just copied from those who went before me, without any real awareness of what I was doing. Having said this, it is interesting because I notice that in the moments in my life where I took on a particular point, there was a degree of awareness of what I was doing, of what I was accepting and allowing, but it is as though I immediately turned away from this awareness, turning my back on my self, turning my back on self honesty – so it is no wonder that this kind of behavior becomes pathological and ‘first nature’ and before one knows it, it is simply who they are and any memory or remembering of how they became this way is long lost, and unwittingly they simply believe ‘this is me’ to such an extent that there is not even an awareness that they are actually just believing it.

So within this learning experience has also been stressed the importance of keeping a backchat diary, to actually in the moment of backchat occurring, jot down what is happening and keep a record of it – and already I am noticing particular patterns in my thoughts – this is where it becomes even more clear as to what a scary scenario this all is – I mean, patterns, repeating themselves! Like a robot, a computer – it puts into even greater control the extent to which we are not in fact what our egos would have us believe we are.

Another important point I am seeing within all of this is how crucial it is to not participate in backchat, to not feed it or act on it, because it is obviously an untrustworthy thing by nature, and can have really destructive consequences as the machine is essentially taking me on a ride and I am in no way what whatsoever in any kind of control. Many ‘what if’s’ may come up, as in ‘but what if there is some validity to this point’ or any form of temptation to pursue it as if there may be answers there, so I am going to begin applying myself in stopping those justifications.

The really cool thing about working with backchat is that this is the real shit. Often I (and I’m sure many others) have wanted to and even attempted to sit down and sort themselves out but even then it is quite a challenge because we have no idea how to or where to start, and even in trying to be self honest proves difficult as we have already become self dishonest in nature. In other words, the very thing we are using to look at and assess ourselves with, is our delusion as our mind – and thus it cannot see itself for what it is, clearly – WE cannot see ourselves for what we are, clearly. With backchat – you are physically taking it out on paper and looking at it – no mind – and here is the really shit, the actual factual truth of what is in your mind, whether you like it or not.

This is the place to be, to work to sort ourselves out. I suggest if you have not yet, sign up for the Desteni I Process – you have no idea how much more there is ‘to you’ that you’re missing out on.

 

I commit myself to keep utilizing my backchat diary every day and every moment that I am able to when backchat occurs, so be able to see the patterns, and then correct the patterns with self forgiveness and self corrective application so that I may stop them/not participate within them with clarity, awareness and understanding.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to fall to the temptation of the justification of ‘what if this thought has a point/validity/answers/will benefit me?’ – Thus, when and as I see myself participating in backchat and feeding it or wanting to feed it or participate in it – I stop, I breathe, I see, realize and understand that this is not me, but rather it is my mind as an entity designed to limit, control and enslave me, and I do not participate in this desire to give power to backchat by participating in it as my thoughts, feelings and emotions