Tag Archives: patterns

Day 337: Going beyond the mind and the reward of insight

I have talked before in this blog a out how easily the power of habit can take over, where I have found that there exist within me a desire to find a program of behavior that I can just stick to, so I can basically turn myself off and put my mind on autopilot – it is this underlying drive that exist within me, that was created within me through symbolic imprinting of experiences throughout my life, to live a kind of artificial life of artificial intelligence. It is fascinating how we as human beings become so robotized and don’t even realize it, realize that we have this tendency to want to robotize ourselves and find comfort in it.

 

It is an extremely effective control system because even if one has the absolute best of intentions, even if they can speak the gospel in perfect form, this intent/desire to do good is re-routed into the circular living, the circular logic (robots run on codes/programs of logic) where such intents become formatted, where ‘doing good’ becomes limited to only certain activities, and within participating in such activities in ‘autopilot mode’ where it just becomes a robotic pattern of habit, we lose ourselves – we are no longer here as breath in the physical body, but rather just existing within a program that is busy running/playing out. This is crucial because to live a life that is best for all, of real care and love for life – can never be a program, can never be defined only by certain acts – because in doing so, we deny our inherent ability to direct ourselves and live life in a way that is best for all in every moment, self directively – it is as though we do not trust ourselves/give ourselves the confidence to do so, and so abdicate such responsibility to a program. Eventually, the program takes over and becomes warped and a twisted mockery of itself, a shadow of itself, as religion and morality so often does – that is because these are, again, formatted systems of benevolence.

 

We as human beings are set up to do this and so our entire lives and all that we do/participate in become subject to/contextualized by this tendency to live systematically. If there are any criticisms of Destonians being robotic and merely ‘spewing the gospel’ that are valid as observations, it is due to this tendency, that, despite being educated on principles that are truly best for all life, the pre-existing tendency to format and systematize new information and behaviors can still take over – it is easy to ‘talk the Desteni talk’ – living it is a whole other story – just like Christianity or any other cosmology that has valid principles that serve life. The only difference with Desteni is the commitment to constantly self scrutinize and push self to be honest with oneself to ensure that this actually doesn’t happen, as we educate our selves to have a practical understanding of how the mind works in order to prevent this from happening, and hold a steadfast commitment to ourselves and life to persist. We work together and hold nothing as personal or sacred in terms of a moral ‘right and wrong’ – we assist and support each other and cross reference each other and do whatever is necessary to be effective in supporting each other – even if it means saying that which may be difficult for another to hear, within the principle of ‘tough love’.

 

I write about this point because I have had a bit of tough love myself, and found it extremely effective, as I understand how deceptive the mind is in, understanding that I am in fact my own worst enemy – and thus what may seem ‘tough’ about ‘tough love’ sometimes is merely how the mind perceives it.

 

Today, when working on a mind construct – which is extremely challenging because there is nothing programmed/habitual/pattern-based about it, you are walking mind constructs as the memories in your mind that influence you and limit you into patterned living, in real time – I saw the benefit of working in real time, in breaking out of habitual living, even if that habitual living seems just and righteous. It can be extremely difficult to break out at times, but the reward really is simply magnificent. I was having insights and old memories that I had long forgotten come up, I was having ‘aha!’ moments where I gained some deeper understanding into myself and my own mind, which is essentially the key to freeing me from the limitations of my mind, that really keep me enslaved. We tend to identify with our enslavement as something positive just because it becomes to habitual, we feel safe to live in ‘autopilot mode’ because we are taught that it is good and nice and to fear stepping beyond the boundaries of what we know as living life as a programmed robot.

 

But the reward of pushing ourselves beyond our perceived limits really are something that we can appreciate as we have never appreciated anything like it before, if we actually do it.

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Day 320: Strengthening my resolve to stop daily addictive habits

 

What am I experiencing today? I am experiencing the desire for attention, I am experiencing an inability to stop myself when the prospect of having sex arises, I am experiencing desires to eat food that I really don’t need, it just takes good, I am experiencing the desire to smoke weed, I am experiencing resistance to getting down to doing real work like writing and self investigation or school work, excitement over my coffee habit where I get excited about drinking coffee and being productive, but don’t end up being productive. Also the addiction to pro sports thing, pointlessly checking sports updates for entertainment/distraction. I keep justifying the desire to smoke weed as ‘I can handle it, just do a bit once in a while’ or ‘I can put checks an restrictions on it that are out of my control so I have no choice to stop’, but it is like, how can I trust myself on that? Also fears about my relationships and whether or not it is practical or if I am ‘wasting time’ – which I should not project onto my relationship or the other because really a relationship is not even a real thing lol and the other is not to blame. I also notice I have this tendency to worry and be indirect in handling point I am facing by not being simplistic in writing about them, but rather reacting to them in moments of insights/moments where I notice them, or even when I write about them. This is unnecessary as it just takes simple self honesty to see the point with my own 2 eyes and it will then be obvious what to do – self forgiveness and self corrective application. That seems to be it, other than the regular thoughts that arise, which I should really start jotting down in a notebook – I just noticed that I found an excuse not to do this, and so I will in this moment go grab my notebook and a pen, to keep on my person.

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to crave and desire attention from others as the stimulation that the mind needs/requires in order to define itself and move itself and have a purpose – when and as I see myself desiring attention from others, I stop, I breathe, as I see, realize and understand that this desire is the mind looking for self definition, purpose and direction – thus I do not participate in this desire and rather ‘keep my nose to the grindstone’ of directing myself in humbleness to simply continue to apply myself in doing what is really practical/relevant/necessary to be done, point by point

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to give into the desire for sex when I see myself being stimulated by and reacting to the sight of another’s body and the opportunity/possibility of having sex – thus when and as I see myself having such reactions to the image/feeling/sensation of another’s body and the opportunity to have sex and the excitement at having the opportunity for an energy high, and the desire to act on these reactions: I stop, I breathe, and I do not participate in these desires as my thoughts, feelings and emotions as I see the patterns where sex has become a mental experience/high of wanting an experience of an energetic high which the mind experiences as power, control and good feelings/sensation, and thus I remain here as breath when experiencing such sights or physical contact

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to want and desire to eat food that stimulates my mind because it tastes good, rather than simply giving the body what it requires practically, in gratefulness and humbleness – thus when and as I see myself going for the delicious food because I desire energy, I stop, I breathe, I realize that the body simply doesn’t need this and that if I do not participate, I will still be here/fine, and thus I do not participate in such desires no matter how the mind justifies it as I see that the mind is tricky and will tempt me in every way possible with thoughts, feelings and emotions

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to make a habit out of getting coffee as a ‘nice big idea’ because apparently it means I will do work and be more effective, as this is the ultimate deception to actually justify wasting more time once I’ve got coffee, putting my work off and procrastinating further – thus I commit myself to use coffee in a way that is practical wherein I set my plan of what I will be doing once I get my coffee, drink the coffee, and then simply do what I had planned immediately

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to waste my time, distract myself and generally lose self direction and focus by paying attention to pro sports updates – thus I commit myself to simply stop checking pro sports, and as a support I have already blocked all the pro sports sites I normally visited so that I have the reminder every time I may try to give into my desire, as I see and realize that stopping is sometimes difficult, and yet I am missing nothing of real benefit by simply stopping ‘cold turkey’

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to want and desire to smoke weed as a way of escaping my reality and completely not having to focus on doing anything real or making any real difference in myself and in this world, so I can just escape my reality and create a fantasy reality that is apparently blissful and deny life, just because I have defined myself as weak and incapable and defined making a difference in myself/this world as apparently difficult or not enjoyable – thus I commit myself to stop the desire or act of smoking weed as it is simply impractical – when and as this desire arises, I simply stop and breathe and do not participate in this desire as my thoughts, feelings and emotions as I see that it is the mind/ego attempting to destabilize me and that I am in fact not ‘missing out on anything’ by not escaping my reality through smoking weed

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to project my own self dishonesties onto my relationship and partner, such as impracticality and lack of self direction, and that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that there is in fact no such thing as a ‘relationship’ and that this is only a projection of who I am and how I am living onto this imaginary creation, as well as my partner, and that this point about me can be corrected so that I do not have such negative experiences projected onto things outside of myself – thus I commit myself to take the point I experience towards my relationship, whether it be doubt or fear or dissatisfaction or anger or impracticality or whatever it is, and take these points back to self and correct my living by correcting myself and my relationship with myself so that all other forms of relationship I experience and participate in are a real self expression of myself as that which is effective, directive and best for all life – when and as I see myself experiencing things like this towards my relationship/partner – I stop, I breathe, I see, realize and understand that I am projection me and my relationship with myself and my living application onto my relationship and partner, and thus I do not participate in these projections as my thoughts, feelings and emotions.

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to worry and think too much about the points I am facing when I have a moment of insight, realization or noticing a point, and then go searching the mind for answers/solutions. When and as I see myself noticing a point or having an insight, and then immediately going into reaction/fear/searching the mind for what to do – I stop, I breathe, I see, realize and understand that this is impractical and only further complicates my process and is unnecessary over-thinking things, and that I can stop all this by simply breathing and also by writing out the point immediately, thus I do not participate in the mind as thoughts, feelings and emotions as fearing points, reacting to them and trying to solve them with the mind, but rather simple breathe and do self forgiveness or write out the point

Day 261: Love is more than a feeling

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When we really take a look at how imperfect we are as human beings, the mistakes we make, the strife in our life and our world, the extent to which we deceive ourselves and others on a daily basis, the extent to which we are ignorant of the things that really matter and require our attention in this world – it is really a dishonest thing to claim that we know what ‘love’ is – the word ‘love’ implying the pinnacle expression of human benevolence.

If love as the pinnacle expression of human benevolence actually existed, wouldn’t every single human being on earth be taken care of and living to their full potential, never having to live in fear of others? I would imagine that this would be the very least that we are capable of creating as real love on earth.

Our world is in such a mess, where life is given so little value – we as living, breathing, physical beings are given so little value – that we exist in such an extensive degree of inferiority where all we are looking for is a nice happy feeling to keep up pacified from the reality of how much we have devalued and diminished ourselves, how little we have honored ourselves as life. Everyone is just obsessed with this feeling – I mean this is basically how I have always lived and it is so extensive that stopping is not just this easy, simple quick thing – and this despite the fact that all I am trying to give up is illusory in nature – it is nothing but feelings! And so all the time we are just looking for the next high – we don’t see it because we are so immersed in an entire culture of hedonism, but if one have a look, it is plain to see that virtually all decisions are only ever oriented around what will serve self – even if indirectly – so charity and altruism – yeah – bullshit.

We go to real lengths to get what we want – first we’ll use honey, and then if that doesn’t work we’ll turn sour and use vinegar – we will use words like ‘love’ to create this feeling experience, and if that fails, we will throw a temper tantrum because we are not getting what we want. This cannot be love. We have all been deceived by the love deception that by this point, we should not buy it anymore – we should be able to see how this word has been used and abused purely to create a feeling and serve self interest, and really start to consider what love is as a real, tangible physical act.

What is love as a real physical, tangible act?

It is making sure that there are no secret desires that put ourselves first and others second. It is making sure that we are honest with ourselves about who we are and thus live honest lives in turn. It is making sure that we are directive in taking responsibility for our reality. It is making sure that life is taken care of, that every person is well fed, are given proper education, proper health care, proper living necessities. It is stopping the massive amount of abuse that is currently taking place on earth and taking whatever actions necessary to stop such abuse.

Our desires for the happy feelings we are so ‘in love’ with are really so trivial, so selfish, so pointless, when we consider the real problems in this world and the real love that is needed by so many in our dying world

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to obsess over love as a feeling: as the attainment of a positive energetic experience

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to fear not living with the experience of energy as positive feelings

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to throw tantrums and protest and find justifications/blame towards others because I am not getting the energetic experience I desire

When and as I see a desire for positive feelings/energy arise within me in thought: I stop, I breathe, I see, realize and understand that this desire is purely the desire to energy which I have become so addicted to, and that the mind will create any justification/rational to get this feeling, and will present a variety of ways/physical acts that I can do which I apparently ‘like’ that will create this feeling which exist as past habits/patterns, and thus I do not allow myself to participate within this desire as my thoughts/energy 

When and as I see myself fearing to not have/attain this energetic/positive feeling experience and the habits/patterns that create this feeling experience within me – I stop, I breathe, I see, realize and understand that this fear of loss/not having love/not having energy is a way for my mind to manipulate me to move back towards this energetic addiction to good feelings, and thus I do not participate in these fear as my thoughts, feelings and emotions

When and as I see myself becoming angry towards/blaming others because I am not getting the energetic experience I want as positive feelings, and see myself justifying this anger/blame towards others – I stop, I breathe, I see and realize that this is the mind ‘pulling out all stops’ and going to a last resort of throwing a temper tantrum because it is not getting the energy it wants – thus I do not participate in this tendency to blame and be angry towards others and judge others as it arises in my thoughts, or as a negative energetic feeling/emotional experience 

Day 260: Do we know how much we don’t know?

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In the last blog I gave an update to stopping a habit in my life that only serves to distract me from that which is real, that which is important and requires my attention. There are several points like this in my life and they preoccupy me primarily through my thoughts as my thought patterns, taking me away from reality into a fantasy world of distractions and preoccupations – one can call it them illusions because they are the things I give importance to which are not important in fact. With everyone essentially existing in this way: it is no wonder the world is so dysfunctional, why people are so ignorant and ineffective, not living to our full potential and making an absolute mess of this world.

I briefly mentioned how in stopping the habits as distractions/illusions, more time opens up, more opportunity opens up to in fact give life/my reality the attention that is required to actually work towards effecting a change. What I haven’t focused on as much, is the vastness of the amount of work that is necessary to be done, in terms of that which requires our attention in this reality, as the urgent necessity to sort out our world.

The degree to which we are existing in our habits that serve to distract us from our reality, as illusions that are based in our self interest, is always equal to the degree to which we are ignorant of what is really going on in our world – and have a look at how much the average person is preoccupied with and driven by their own self interest – virtually everything we do on a daily basis revolves around our self interest, virtually all of our priorities revolve around what will make us feel good. That is the weakness, as the fear of loss that creates desire, that allows for us to be so deaf dumb and blind, that we have practically no directive principle in life.

I was watching a documentary film tonight, called ‘Matrix of Power’ by Jordan Maxwell. He is a researcher of the occult – secret powers which he claims control the world and influence/direct human activity to serve the interests of a small few in the world. Of course, it is foolish to listen to any being as if their word is the gospel, but having seen first hand the extent of the deception that exist internalized within my own mind, much of what he claims really does not surprise me. If even half of what he says is true – it is quite amazing the degree to which we have no idea what is really going on in this world and the actual extent of evil that dominates this world. What is the role of ‘we the people’ within all of this – this point of self interested illusions that I have aforementioned. As long as things are fine and dandy within our own minds, because we are feeding ourselves constantly with the things that make us feel good, then we have given full permission to see the world in naïve, rose-colored lenses. It is hard to fathom such evil when your outlook on reality is influenced by the constant buzz of good feelings – because within such a point of mental intoxication – you are in fact living such evil, by contributing the evil that exist in this world through remaining deaf, dumb and blind. it is foolish to blame the elite or secret societies in this world as being the administers of the systems of control/enslavement in our world, as from a certain perspective even they are just sheep, living in fear of their fellow human being and just towing the line which they were born into. And this is not to mention that: if you or I were born into their shoes, we would have done the exact same things. What gives us the self righteous idea that we would not be equally tempted and corrupted by such power?

I was originally going to blog today on the point of fearing what others can do to you, the fear of others casing you harm – and yet in this last paragraph, I have addressed this point – the fear of what others may do to you is equal to what you have allowed to be done unto yourself/others through remaining ignorant and illusioned. We live within such a fear because there is a deep-seeded awareness that our ignorant bliss is a form of spite which through which we indirectly inflict harm onto others in this world by living so ignorantly and abdicating our self responsibility towards life. There is also the deep awareness that what goes around comes around. This is why, slowly but surely, more and more people are finding – to their apparent surprise, shock and dismay – their freedoms and rights being taken away – were they ever even freedoms and rights in the first place? Or was that just another self interested illusion of ‘freedom’ which we used to fool ourselves with to again, be able to remain within bubbles of self interest and never actually take responsibility for our lives?

I suggest to study Desteni – because this is the group that actually understands the vital part that the individual plays in their own enslavement and the enslavement of life on earth, and thus that the key to being effective to stop the systems of control/enslavement that exist is to first stop such systems within self, as stopping participation in our vices, habits, patterns and addictions that only serve to keep us deaf, dumb, blind, ignorant and ultimately slaves to our own mind.

Day 258: 24-Hour Abstinence Challenge

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When titling this blog, it took a few tries until I got the spelling of this word correct. Normally I am decent when it comes to spelling – I have sometimes wondered if my inability to spell a words spells the fact that I haven’t grasped that word, both in the memory of copying the word itself as well as the definitions/concepts it embodies.

In recent blog posts I have written about prioritizing that which is important, about living my life to it’s full potential, living without regret, in a way where I don’t end my days feeling unfulfilled and wanting for more. Within this, I have more clearly identified for myself that which I would like to do, what are some things I would like to get done and accomplish, some ways I would like to live. I have also identified what is problematic in my life, in terms of old habits that have no real value, and only serve to keep me from full transitioning into a new being, a new way of living life – I could really do so much more if I did not allow such pointless things to hold me back. 

As it has always been for me in this process, stopping any old habit is the same as stopping an addiction – it does not come naturally at all, or without resistance and withdrawal. I have screwed myself in the past by not being realistic about how to go about stopping long-standing habits/addictions, where I ended up getting false expectations and creating ideals about how well I was going to do, and then only ended up in disappointment and discouragement. Stopping a habit/addiction had become a form of abstinence that was really just a suppression, where I would try really really hard to just stop and keep stopping and the whole thing was very energetically driven and tiring – and eventually I would fail – yet I set myself up for failure.

I have began to learn how to walk practically, within the understanding that change is a process that requires more than just stopping, that I require support through writing and doing the necessary study and investigation to ensure that I am stopping with understanding. When I have stopped other habits/addictions in the past, because it came so unnaturally, with so much resistance, I had to actually first do a 24 hour abstaining period, just to break the habit and physically come to terms with stopping – in a way, I had to make decisions that were a form of tough love on myself, not giving myself any other options. Usually, after breaking the habit initially, things would get easier over time, and at the very least, I was giving myself a window to support myself, with clarity, without any backdoors or ulterior motives, or being under the influence of still being dead-smack in the middle of a habit/pattern, just in between doses.

24 hours really isn’t much to ask, either. It is the least I can do, and I owe it to myself, to life, to give myself the chance – no matter how much I resist, or feel as though I am ‘missing out on something’ – I mean that is just withdrawal talking. Thus I am dedicating myself to a minimum of 24 hours of stopping old habits/patterns that really contribute nothing to life. I won’t discuss here the specifics of what some of these habits are – one could gather from reading past blogs, or just use your imagination – I am a fairly ‘normal guy’ when it comes to time-wasting habits – but it doesn’t so much matter what we are wasting our time with as it does the fact that we are wasting away the bit of time we are gifted with while here on this earth.

I forgive myself that I’ve not accepted and allowed myself to give myself a chance to break free from old habits/patterns that serve to keep me lost and from completely making the transition into a new life, using the experience of feeling overwhelmed, like I cannot do it, as a justification, due to past experiences where I set myself for disappointment and failure by not being practical about how to go about stopping habits/addictions – within this, I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to test the point of stopping through giving myself the time and space to stop with simple commitments that are manageable and reasonable to ask of myself and do, to give myself the breathing room/time/space to support myself with more clarity than I otherwise would have while stuck in the middle of a habit/pattern, not realizing and understanding that stopping must be accompanied with self study and understanding, and not enforced on the physical like some unreasonable ultimatum, imposed with force as a for of suppression

I commit myself to live 24 hours without giving into an old habit/pattern of wasting time with various distractions/entertainments/preoccupations and to, within this experience, support myself with breathing and writing – when and as I see the desire to participate in an old pattern arise in my thoughts : I stop, I breathe, I remember my 24 hour commitment to myself as life, I see and understand that the desire to participate in old habits/patterns is simply the mind having withdrawal and using the illusion/belief that I am ‘missing out on something’ – and thus I do not allow myself to participate in these thoughts/this energy as desire, and continue to move myself throughout my day, here as breath.

Day 254: Determination

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  1. The quality of being determined to do or achieve something; firmness of purpose

  2. A position, opinion or judgment reached after consideration

  3. Deciding or controlling something’s outcome or nature

  4. The act of making up your mind about something

All of these definitions I have found on the word are useful to be understood, applied and lived. In this process, every moment is a challenge to make the decision to not participate in old habits/patterns. What is an even greater challenge is to create oneself anew through living-in new applications, new habits, new decisions about who I am going to be and what I am going to do. Through making decisions, and fully living them in practical applications with determination, I determine who I will be and what my future/consequences of how I have lived will be. This is something that is crucial to assess about everything that we do and participate in within our lives.

I have made up my mind to do this process, and yet in every moment I am faced with the challenge of determining who I am and what I do and who I will be. There are moments where I feel clouded and lost, because I am still stuck in past patterns of thoughts/living habits, and I find it important to in the moment stop and assess: what am I doing? What are my priorities, according to all that I require to do to live the life I really want to live? What is important? What will I do and how long will I do it for? How long does it make sense to do it for, and in what way does it make sense to do it? 

There are just too many distractions in this world, too many triggers that can lead to this falling into old habits, no matter how benign they seem to be – and before I know it, I have lost time, precious time. To live with determination in my self application is the key to stopping such habits, and really being strict and honest with myself about what I am allowing and how I am living. Is what I am living what I really want to live ideally, as that which is best for all life? I determine that, in every moment.

Thus I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to use the tools available like breathing and writing to stop and assess and determine what is necessary to be done, what is priority and how it is to be done – I forgive myself that I’ve not accepted and allowed myself to determine specifically what is important and to be prioritized and accomplished, through self honest self assessment and breathing through the resistance of walking a new path of determination

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to be distracted by entertainment and activities that take my attention away and weaken my resolve and determination, and to use justifications of such actions as being benign or harmless when in fact they are hindering my determination and the future that I am determining for myself

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed my mind as old habits/patterns/desires to determine who I am and what I will do 

I forgive myself that I’ve not accepted and allowed myself to determine who I am going to be and how I am going to live in absolute specificity as self honesty

I commit myself to determine what I will do, how I will live and who I will be through self honest assessment and the utilization of tools such as breathing, writing or even speaking aloud if necessary

When and as I see myself resisting the opportunity to assess and determine what is priority, what I will do and who I will be – I stop, I breathe, I see that I am sabotaging myself through temptations and self interest as the desire to fall back into old habits/patterns which determine for me a bleak future – and thus I do not participate in such temptations as they arise as my thoughts/feelings/emotions/energy, I commit myself to move through this resistance with determination as self here in breath

I commit myself to live my life and apply myself in process with determination in every moment, as a simple self honest assessment and self movement in the moment to determine what I will do and who I will be, creating self trust within myself as the certainty of the outcome being determined as that which I would like to be, as equal and one

Day 251: Walking a new path without thought

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So today, I had another desire to go back into a past pattern of thought. The pattern is not so much about the specific activity I am doing (which for privacy purposes, I will not be naming) – but rather, who I am within the experience as the thoughts that are coming up within me. It is like that with a lot of things. I am beginning to understand this as before, I would simply try to avoid/suppress the act, rather than dealing with the point of who I am within the act, meaning: how do I experience myself, what are the thoughts that come up during the act?

It would be like having a past patterns of being addicted to food, where the act of getting food and eating it brings up all kinds of thoughts as a mental experience that builds up energy, and then you’re mind fucked. Or playing on Facebook – Facebook can be cool, but turning it into a big mental experience by allowing all kinds of thoughts and for self to participate in such thoughts, is a different story, it would change one’s entire experience of being on facebook.

So rather than to avoid things because I fear to fall, I am stopping the fear and trusting myself to be honest with myself about who I am within the experience – to set boundaries with myself and be strict about what I will allow (or rather, not allow) within the mind.

Now this is not to be used as some kind of justification to lead self into past patterns – if it is found that I am unable to participate in an activity without the mind/thoughts completely taking over – then yes, I will step away for a while and work on things before I dare to venture back into the point.

Answers to our problems tend to be simple it is just the things we don’t want to look at, the things we don’t want to do, the things we fear to give up that is making life so difficult – but the answers are simplistic, and only self can be honest with self about whether or not self is in fact living the answer.

I forgive myself that I’ve tried to avoid certain activities because of past experiences of who I was in the activities and within this, not realizing how I am tacitly allowing myself to fear myself and rather not trust myself to actually apply myself for real in self honesty to change who I am within such activities, not allowing myself to give to myself the opportunity to change myself for real by changing who I am within this world and all that I participate in 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to trust the mind to such an extent that I actually believe that I require the mind as thoughts to participate in certain activities, and fear to let go of the mind as thoughts.energy, not realizing that I am able to direct myself here as breath and create myself anew within/as breath through no longer allowing who I am and my self movement to be dictated by the mind as thoughts/energy

I commit myself to give myself the opportunity to change who I am in actual real time in physical reality by changing who I am within certain activities that have normally in the past been mental experiences, by stopping the actual thoughts/desires that come up when participating in activities – thus when and as I see thoughts pop up when participating in activities that had normally always been energy based for me – I stop, I breathe, I see, realize and understand that I no longer require the mind/thoughts/energy to live, experience and enjoy myself as I have believed I require to in the past – and I walk as breath exploring physical activity without the mind intervening