Tag Archives: self movement

Day 321: Desiring intimacy within a relationship

Here I am looking at the point of how I have defined the word ‘intimacy’ as something outside of myself, separate from myself. When I look at the word intimacy, I can see how I have defined this within having a relationship – preferably with my ‘ideal’ relationship partner, which is another point I have written about extensively in previous blog posts. So, I have defined intimacy as something that exists within a relationship, separating myself from intimacy and placing it within a relationship, so that apparently the experience of intimacy is only possible within a relationship. Within the relationship, intimacy is further defined as a lot of touching, hugging, kissing, sex, and ‘deep’ conversations, which is another way of saying conversations that are emotionally charged, usually with the energy of fear.

A long time ago I read a really insightful article on what intimacy really is, with regards to self intimacy – you can check out the article here: http://desteni.org/a/winged-exploring-self-intimacy – this article really opened my eyes to the fact that I have neglected myself, I have avoided self reflection and really facing who I am and what I’ve become, extensively, while in pursuit of love, relationships, and all kinds of ‘higher’ energetic experiences – living a life where I am always looking for the next high because within myself I am ’empty’ in a kind of way, because by not being intimate with myself, I had abandoned myself, and thus was this insatiable appetite for energetic highs through experiences was created, which I then searched out in romantic relationships.

Thus now it is time do bring myself back to myself, to again become intimate with myself in self honesty, facing who I am and what I have become as a living principle of doing what is best for all life, as from this starting point, I can direct myself in a way that is effective in taking all life into consideration, so that my life is not wasted in a bubble of exclusion, but is rather based on the intimate understanding that all life is one and equal, and thus who I am and how I live should be oriented as such.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to suppress myself with relationships – focusing on my relationship and my partner so that I am not self directive and focused on myself, and giving my attention and concern to my partner and the survival of the relationship, rather than to first be intimate with myself and focus on myself and that what I am living and who I am is that which is best for all life. Thus I commit myself to bring myself back here through breathing, and to focus myself on myself by utilizing tools like breathing, writing, self honesty, self forgiveness and self corrective application – when and as I see myself being prompted to participate in my tendency to look to others/my partner as a way of essentially taking attention away from myself and distracting myself from my only real ‘power’ as an ability to have any real effect in my living and changing this world to a place that is best for all, I stop, and I breathe, and I do not participate in such desires as my thoughts, feelings and emotions, and rather breathe through the fear that drives me to focus on my partner that is justified as the fear of losing the relationship

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to have defined intimacy as something that exists separate from myself, that can only be achieved and experienced through romantic relationships with a beautiful woman, and that I have further defined intimacy within a relationship as touching, kissing, hugging and sex – not seeing and realizing that intimacy is here – it starts with me, alone with myself, being intimate with myself in getting to know myself and standing as life within/principles that consider and are best for all life – thus I commit myself to redefine and live the word ‘intimacy’ as starting with myself, being honest with myself, directing myself, and living a life that takes my self as life/all life into consideration as equal and one, and thus I commit myself to stop the desire to experience intimacy as something separate from myself as sex and sexual touching within a relationship and rather insist that intimacy be expressed from a starting point of self honesty: as self intimacy, equal and one to/as life

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to have defined intimacy as having ‘deep conversations’ with my partner that are emotionally charged, and that I have allowed myself to yearn for this experience/try and create it where I have not first been intimate and honest with myself – thus I commit myself to stop trying to ‘create an experience of intimacy in my relationship as having deep conversations with my partner as a form of trying to control the relationship from a starting point of trying to maintain the survival of the relationship, and rather I begin with self intimacy as self honesty, as the point from which all other self expression as intimacy may emerge, without the fear of losing control of my relationship as the attempt of the mind to try and continue to maintain control by keeping the definition of intimacy as something separate from self within/as a relationship – when/as I see this desire to have an experience of intimacy as deep conversation arise within me, I stop, I breathe, as I see, realize and understand that this is the mind trying to control me through maintaining intimacy as something defined separate from self within a relationship, as the mind is extremely tricky in presenting projections of intimacy that appear real and fulfilling – and thus I remain here as breath and do not participate when such desires arise as my thoughts, feelings and emotions

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to have defined intimacy as creating some kind of experience with my partner wherein we feel like there is a ‘connection’ between us because we have stimulated each other sufficiently into feeling good through having positive thoughts about ourselves, the other and the relationship as such experiences are in alignment with a symbolism of intimacy and love that has been imprinted in my mind through my mind and society – thus I commit myself to no longer define intimacy as purely creating positive experiences with others such as sex or other things that stimulate happy thoughts/feelings, as this can be tricky as it is only giving the mind energy and an experience of happiness but is not necessarily real, as countless relationship experiences have shown me that started out positive this way but ended up negative because once the energy ran out and we were no longer able to stimulate each other through separation (as we had come to know each other better and begin to see that in fact we are not so different and that real ‘love’ is not so elusive and thus exciting) then all of a sudden intimacy and love ceased to exist – thus when and as I see myself desiring to create a positive experience with my partner in some way where we can connect and be stimulated together sufficiently – I stop and breathe, as I see, realize and understand that this desire only exists in the pursuit of keeping a relationship alive that is based in separation – and thus I do not participate in this desire of the mind as thoughts, feelings and emotions, but rather commit myself to remain here as breath and act in self honesty as breath in the physical, without fear of loss as the desire for a relationship directing me

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Day 299: I, Fear…

Today I sat down to write out all my fears with regards to a certain point I am facing my life and certain experiences I am having, as this was suggested to me by another as a means of self support. It was simplistic, I just sat down and wrote “I fear…….I fear……I fear….” – all the fears that I experience. I mean it is not that hard to do if one just sits down and is honest with themselves about what it is that they fear. We are actually all surprisingly aware of this, if we actually give ourselves a moment to have a look. It was a cool experience to ‘get everything out’ and within this process it has allowed me to get a grasp and a perspective on the points I am facing/experiencing in a way that I normally would have not gained, through for instance just thinking about the point. Even talking out loud about things isn’t quite as effective because self expression can be limited to/compromised by the presence of another and how we feel/experience/define ourselves in relation to their presence.

 

What I then did was write self forgiveness statements on all the fears, taking the point that I feared back to myself by forgiving myself for the same points that I fear in others as they exist within myself. In just doing this, I felt a kind of release from a tension that I had been experiencing but was almost unaware of because the tension had become me, it had become what I lived and experienced as ‘normal’.

 

I then wrote corrective application statements and this is where it got interesting, because here I had to actually create, I had to actually design my living application in a way where it is actually me, for the first time, considering what would make practical sense in terms of what would be best for myself and all life. Here I was finding alternatives from the ways that I normally deal with things, which have never really gotten me anywhere but further into the mess I was already in.

 

So this was a point that I wanted to share due to such effective self support being so simplistic in nature – the problem however is that the mind tends to work solely on ideas and always wants some kind of idea to be satisfied with without ever actually going into physical practical reality to do any real work. It is a way that we stop ourselves from ever really moving ourselves towards corrective action or if we do, we just end up doing it with a pre-conceived idea that suits the mind. When we allow ourselves to move in physical simplicity, and just write, it is amazing what can step forward and how aware and directive we are actually capable of being.

 

It can be challenging to get to this point, and admittedly, I am on vacation now and not busy being engaged/stressed by things like school, work, family, friends and all the stuff that is part of our day to day living. The problem I found is that being so engaged/stressed, when I finally do have a little bit of free time to sit down and write and give myself some much needed self support, I will tend to not want to do it, but rather just find other ways to have an experience of ‘escaping’ the daily challenges/experiences of my reality. Now with having ample free time, it is a bit easier. However, given the necessity/dire need to support ourselves, that who we are is of utmost importance (even though we do not recognize this and give ourselves very little real value), it is critical that we make the time to give ourselves this self support, no matter what the conditions or circumstances. We believe that by ignoring such things and just escaping our reality through various forms of entertainment, that things will be better, when this is proven time and time again to not be true, and life just becomes more stressful, more of a grind.

 

We fear to live physically, to let our hands and body do the work, to move ourselves without any mind controlling us or telling us what to do and how we should live. It is akin to stepping into the unknown – and yet, this is all despite knowing full well that the way we are currently living is simply not ideal – nowhere close – the extent to which this point is realized being completely dependent on how much we choose to accept and allow ourselves to delude ourselves from reality and escape it, rather than facing it head on with the will, self trust, self honesty, strength and resolve to make it better. As we exist already in fear and self dishonesty, we are already lost, and so one literally has nothing to lose by facing that which one fears.

Day 297: Directing myself = directing my reality

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I noticed an interesting point today which is that every aspect of our participation in this reality is a form of agreement – it is a stance, a statement, and expression of the principles that we are living and embody. This is the case by virtue of the fact that the human species exist as one organism as a whole, and as part of nature and the eco-system and the universe in the bigger picture. This is also so whenever we are more directly engaged/interacting with others. Most of the time it is not explicit. It is rather an intrinsic part of who we currently are as the decisions we have made as who we decide to be – what matters to us, what our values are, what we deem acceptable and unacceptable. This then resonates from us and is also reflected in our daily living – however we tend to only see the parts of each other that we would like to put on public display and don’t see the whole story. How is trust possible when this is the case?

 

The decision of who we are – what we will accept and allow ourselves to create ourselves and our world as – is critical to all other facets of our existence. What I noticed tonight is the point that everything hinges on this point – all of our interactions with others, how they will go, our participations in what we contribute to our world and thus what the world gives us in return, is all dependent on who we are. We cannot exist as one thing, and expect to experience another. We cannot expect that we will have effective relationships and effective interactions with others if we do not first establish these points with ourselves – and when we do, these relationships and experiences/interactions are essentially fake. Because then we are trying to create something – whatever we believe we want or we believe is ideal – outside of ourselves. It may last a while, but this is not the truth of ourselves and the truth always comes out sooner or later.

 

My experience and relationship with others hinges entirely on who I am. It is foolish to try and change things ‘out there’, in another person, in a relationship, in an experience. Fear is always the point that ‘pulls me in’ to trying to do this – the fear of myself is projected onto other/my situation because I have not established a point within and as myself as self certainty. It is important to first equalize myself within myself, to come to grips with and forgive my fears, before I can ever expect to experience life in the way that I really want to.

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to try to change my reality outside of myself and from a starting point of separation as a reaction to a thought/fear/feeling/emotion – and that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that I must first understand my reactions, stop the through understanding the point as it exist both within myself and another, allowing myself to be able to direct myself and another from a starting point of oneness, equality and understanding

 

I commit myself to – when and as I see a fear exist within me as some for of backchat/voices in the head – write on the point, establish what the point is, give it a name with clarity, and to work on this point so that my living is equal and thus the point will be directed effectively – before allowing myself to act on the point from a starting point of fear as reaction – I stop all temptation to react and breathe, allowing the energy to pass for so that I may deal with the point effectively through writing

 

Day 284: Focusing on other people

This post is just a few self forgiveness and self corrective statements on the point of desiring an experience of comfort/escape/security through not being alone, and being in contact with others, focusing on others. The problem with this is that if the living of others can make you feel these positive feelings, then the living of others can also influence me negatively, if there is for instance something about their living which I can not accept because I see it as a problem. So it is fascinating how through the desire for an experience of comfort and security, we end up creating the opposite experience of uneasiness and insecurity.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to waste time within the belief/justification that “I am tired” or “I need a break” – as I realize how deceptive the mind is in getting oneself to believe that it is necessary to stop and stagnate and not initiate self movement

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that my process is dependent on the process of others – and within this, fearing the fact that others are not actively engaging in process, and fearing having to engage them eventually inevitably when there may be some kind of disagreement or perceived differences – I forgive myself that I’ve not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that this fear is in fact just a fear of myself not being directive enough to be as effective as possible in my process, and that I am only projecting myself as this fear and thus the solution is to stop all fear/judgment/projection of others and simply move and direct myself

I forgive myself that I’ve not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that process – as all things – is always experienced alone, by oneself alone – and thus I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I can run away and escape by utilizing others as a way of generating energy and having some kind of higher experience of myself – I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that the key to life and enjoying myself and security and being happy, is being around/with others and being in agreement with others in all things, that I have allowed myself to believe that another can save me or make me happy

I commit myself to direct myself effectively here as breath in moments where I desire to stagnate and do what is not practical within the justification/belief that I must rest or I have ‘free time’

I commit myself to, when and and as I see myself projecting myself onto others – to stop, breathe and direct myself to simply STOP and note the point immediately so I can bring it back to myself and my own life, when I have a moment to write about it – as I see, realize and understand that all concerns/judgments of this nature are always about self, and about the fear of others which is in fact the fear of how I am existing and that the desire to worry about others and focus on them is another trick of the mind to not have me direct myself and look at myself

I commit myself to direct myself as what is necessary to be done in my process in focusing on me and doing what I must do to support and direct myself, and to stop the fear of others misunderstanding/reacting badly to this

I commit myself to focus on me here in sorting myself out, and to no longer use others as some kind of ‘nice feeling safety net’ where I can escape through being with others and focusing on others, or even believing that I am sharing my process with others – that is again how tricky my mind is

 

Day 283: Exploring Sexuality

A point that I have not investigated much throughout my process is the point of sexuality and sexual expression. This has been a daunting point to take on due to my history of being a typical male, or even ‘alpha male’ who is just concerned with finding beautiful women and experiencing sex as an energetic fix, an addiction, a dependency on another to be satisfied and enjoy myself. I have not embraced this point as much as I would like to. I have not allowed myself to practice as much as I would like to the act of exploring sexuality as a physical being, without being driven by energy, thoughts, mental imagery and imagination – this also applies to masturbation. What is challenging about this point along with all points in process is the very fact that it is a process, and that this kind of development takes time and patience. I mean, the first few times I’ve tried expressing myself sexually as a physical being – just breathing and being here, no mind – it has been difficult! It has not felt natural and of course when things aren’t easy we tend to want to give up. Here I see the importance of consistent effort and application, and without having any expectations. That is one problem with sex – the starting point is always wanting and desiring the energetic high experience of a climax, an orgasm, trying to ‘get somewhere’ rather than a self expression, a self discovery. That is the point of ‘getting back to the physical’ – is to move self to explore and discover self, not from a starting point of an idea of what self must be, but as an actual emergent expression. It is fascinating because if you look at effective forms of study in this world, like for instance effective science, that is basically what we do – we just discover what is already here – and that process of discovering what is here comes much more naturally and without friction if it is simply done in the moment as a physical act, without any mind ideas/expectations, beliefs.

So, now it is time to get sexy! And I see that I react a bit when I say a word like this because it is still invoking all kinds of connotations I adopted in the past about sexuality, as being from a starting point of lust and self interest. But sexy doesn’t need to mean that. Sex can actually be innocent, sex can be something that we don’t need to be ashamed of, sex can be something where we do not become envious or jealous because it is not done in self interest and spite, and within a whole socially-structured game of trying to win where it is all about getting what one wants. I mean sex in it’s truest form, ideally should be innocent, though I have not expressed or experienced this so much myself, I can see the point, because how can a point of who we really are be intrinsically bad? It is not, we just make it that way and then sex and sexuality becomes this taboo topic that everyone is supposed to not talk about openly and with simplicity and directness. How sad is it that we are missing out on real sexual expression just because of how we have shaped sexuality from a starting point of self interest, and then judged and demonized ourselves for doing so? And again, the same applies to masturbation.

Yesterday I had an experience where I looked at my hand and I started to notice it from a certain perspective, and all of a sudden I was fascinated. It looked so surreal, like it wasn’t me, like it was this alien, animalistic, designed meat-creature-thing. I had this experience as a young child and it was explained to me once that this is due to not in fact being one and equal to the body, but rather existing within and as the mind. So this experience shows the importance of getting back in touch with the body, reintegrating myself into and as the body, because I am separate from it, and if I am separate from it, I can not direct it – what would then be the point of even being here!? As a self support tool, I am able to utilize sexuality and sexual expression as a key in this process of reintegration, where sex is transformed from the energetic experience I always knew it to be, into one of self movement and self discovery – without any preconceived ideas or conditions. We tend to trust our ideas, beliefs and perceptions because we have abdicated ourselves so extensively for so long to knowledge as a higher power – and we tend to completely take for granted and miss that which is here which seems simplistic and mundane – when in reality, when we embrace that which we tend to take for granted, a whole new world opens up that we never before could have even conceived of.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to explore sexuality from a starting point of remaining here as a physical being, moving myself within and as breath, allowing myself to explore and discover myself unconditionally and without ideas/wants/beliefs/desires/expectations

I commit myself to explore sexuality here as breath as an unconditional self expression

Day 281: The desire to please others: “Am I being too serious?”

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I am continuing to write about the tendency to want to help and please others, within the belief of reciprocity that if I ‘live for others’ this way, that apparently it will ‘come back to me’ – this giving only get. It is really fascinating that I have created a belief that I am being selfless, while in fact I am really being selfish – but then not even, because it is just a belief that this will aid me and support me in my life, when it does not even work that way.

So today I noticed another dimension of this point which is that I have defined being completely straightforward and direct in my expression – speaking ‘matter-of-factly’ to people – as somehow being ‘too serious’ or even ‘negative’. Sometimes this belief will influence me to such an extent that I will actually take on this ‘serious guy’ character, due to the reaction that I trigger in myself when speaking directly. Perhaps it is even the belief that to simply be serious and real is apparently being negative. That is demonstrative of how out of touch we are with reality, that to even recognize reality by being real ourselves is seen as somehow being ‘negative’ – because we live in a culture of illusions which we believe to be positive.

I noticed that when I stick to the simplicity of the facts, where, usually in such expression I am calm, stable, my tone of voice and pacing of my speech is stable – I will actually start to feel like I am ‘being too serious’ – and immediately the need arises to make it exciting, engaging, and stimulating for the listener. So, as mentioned in the last post, it relates back to experiences as a child where I basically noticed that I got more attention – and thus got what I want or could fulfill my needs – if I was pleasant, if I was stimulating, and that the way to be stimulating was through how I presented myself, especially through words. Likewise, I saw how I could be ignored and ‘tuned out’ by others – especially adults when I was younger – when I simply spoke and expressed myself naturally.

So within this belief that that which is real expression as directness is ‘serious and negative’ because I am not being overtly positive, I am actually creating the experience of my expression becoming negative, through the fear that it will be perceived that way because I believe that it is that way.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that when I speak directly, simply expression myself or expressing a point, that I am being ‘too serious’ or ‘negative’, only because I am not being positive, within the belief that I must be positive, stimulating and pleasant towards others. I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to – within this belief – actually activate and go into a negative experience of myself wherein my expression takes on a negative energetic charge, when I am attempting to express a point directly/in simplicity/without a positive emotional charge

I commit myself to – when and as I see myself fearing to speak directly and express myself/a point – because I fear how another will respond to me and I fear I can not trust myself to direct the person in the moment – and I want to begin adding either a positive or negative charge to my expression in the belief that I will stimulate this person to listening to what I am expressing or accepting what I am expressing – I stop, I breathe, and I do not accept and allow myself to participate in this desire as my thoughts, feelings and emotions – I remain here as breath and trust myself to direct myself/others in the moment, not allowing the fear of what others might do to me to control, influence and direct me

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to fear to be real in and as my expression, as a self movement, without being movement by any fear as thoughts and the energy that thoughts produce

Day 279: Turning big brother into a breath

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I have 1 student that I work with who has difficulty learning. It is fascinating because while he is capable, and has proven this, whenever he is put to task or instructed, he absolutely can not focus, he can not follow any kind of explicit instructions – he simply ‘turns off’ in a kind of way, although sometimes he may still appear like he is paying attention. It is fascinating how apparent this mental block is, as when I find a way to present things to him ‘casually’, or naturally through points that emerge through conversing with him, he shows that he is perfectly capable as a student. What is fascinating about this mental block is that it seems to be activated any time that work is presented to him some form of instruction, some for of thing that he must follow, some kind of prompt that he must respond to or fulfill – that is when he turns off. What I am suspecting is that through unpleasant schooling experiences, as children are forced into their education, he has developed this defense mechanism. I find it fascinating because I also suspect that at a deeper level, a child knows that the teacher or education is not really working in their best interest and so they simply do not trust them. Because as soon as something is presented within a context of ‘this is educational, we are learning, we are taking on a task’ – you know, when it gets ‘serious and official’.

Now what I also sometimes wonder when I assess another person is: am I really seeing them directly, or am I merely projecting a point of myself onto them – or both?

I see this same point is prevalent in my own life where, whenever I am faced with a new task or challenge, something where I have to move myself – all of a sudden my movement no longer is as fluid and I kind of stop in my tracks, it is like a form of anxiety where all of a sudden I am faced with this looming burden, the burden of hard work. Much of this is based in past experiences where, due to not having proper training, support or understanding, the experience of work was an extremely difficult struggle, and this is what I accepted as the reality of working, unfortunately.

So when this happens, where I am faced with a new task which doesn’t come naturally or easily, like for example doing school work: what I will tend to do is react the information of ‘doing work/school work/I have to get this done/I have to do a good job’ – all kinds of connotations to ‘doing work’ start to come up based on my fears based on my past experiences and before I know it all kinds of thoughts on the point have come up and I react to those thoughts. By trusting these thoughts as the mind, I will have tendency to go further into the mind as fear, looking there for answers/solutions. Now since the mind functions in positive and negative, I will always polarize myself into either one experience or the other. The positive polarity will be where I may have this experience of fear and being overwhelmed but I will ‘muster up the courage’ and ‘fight hard’, or as we say in Canada, “just give’er”. The other polarity is that I will just say ‘fuck this’ and do something else – because of course I don’t want the stressful experience, and what I know of ‘working’ from my past experiences, where I utilized the positive polarity, is that I had to ‘fight hard’, to try hard’, to ‘be prepared for a struggle, a battle’. I know this is why I have given up on myself so many times in life, is because I was just tired of battling, of struggling, and never even conceived that there could be another way.

So this point was raised in with regards to what practical solutions can be utilized when I am faced with doing work and I go into this mental experience. Regardless of what polarity I end up going with, there is a tendency to always stop and think before actually doing the work. I just stop and think about doing it, rather than doing it. I battle with myself within my mind ‘can I do this? Can I not? The positive me is struggling against the negative me and it is an exhausting internal battle – and then if the positive side wins, I will eventually get down to doing the work, but it is interesting how I work when I am in this state. I go into this kind of ‘mode’ where I am ‘over-focused’, as I have called it before, it is like I am so stimulated, so worked up, so focused that I actually can not focus, even though it kind of feels like I am really focused. It is fascinating. It is like a form of anxiety where you have this heightened sense of awareness – but that heightened sense of awareness is rather a form of heightened consciousness – or is that self-consciousness? Within this state, my ability to actually take in information effectively is significantly diminished, as opposed to being in a relaxed state where such tasks become much easier and information is absorbed much more naturally/directly.

What is interesting with my experience, along with so many other experiences that I have sen in the lives of others, is that we all tend to internalize and become the things that we struggled through and endured in our lifetimes. And this is what I did. I internalized ‘big brother’ – the authority figure of the teacher, the principal, the parent – whoever. What I experienced of them, what it was about this experience that I despised, of being forced, of being directed by people who don’t really give a shit, of being essentially policed by teachers to follow their orders within the fear of consequences if I didn’t – I internalized all of these experiences into a ‘big brother’ entity in my head that polices me, where I bully myself and experience (through this voice in my head) the essence of the experience I had in school.

So what I am working on is stopping the experience where, when I am faced with this moment of “ok, time to work now” I stop and go into the experience of thinking/anxiety/fear/questioning myself/looking for ways to do it/looking for ways to get out. What is difficult is that I don’t always see myself when I am stuck in this experience. When I do, it can be as simple as stopping the thoughts, taking a deep breath, and simply moving myself – but that takes practice until it become more natural and the experience of resistance goes away, I’m finding. It is important to identify what exactly are the experiences/feelings/thoughts that I am experiencing so that I can understand them, forgive them and thus see them in the moment when they pop up, so I can stop them effectively. If I can’t see it, I can’t stop it. Aside from writing out the thoughts as they pop up in the moment, there are a few points that I am ware of that keep me from moving myself: “can I do this?” “this looks difficult” “I don’t want to do this, it’s boring, it’s not interesting” “what is the point?” “is this worth the effort?” “this is going to be difficult” “this is not going to be fun” “I have no idea what I’m doing” I’m too tired for this” I can do this later” “I’m going to do this! And it is going to be like this and this and this!” (these last 2 examples demonstrate the negative and positive polarity perspectives of the mind that I have mentioned previously.