For a long time it is like I have been caught in survival mode. What keeps me here is my self interest and this faint hope that if I stick to it, everything will somehow work out for me. Even if it did, what about the havoc I am wreaking in the process? Because it looks like I have a good shot in this lifetime of surviving compared to most people, so it is like “that is good enough” I will just be happy with that, that I am one of the lucky ones, and pack it in and just try to get by without too much hassle or inconvenience. Within this, making survival something ‘moral’ because then I am ‘successful’ which is a moral thing to be in this world, a ‘functioning member of society’ – but what are we functioning for? Only to make money for ourselves in our own self interest. That is why, I have found that “success” is an empty thing, according to the energetic attachment I have created to success as an idea – success being reduced to merely an idea because it is concerned only with self – that is not real success.
This ‘good feeling’ I get from ‘doing all the right things’ as defined to be morally correct is a deception because it is all based on this notion of success and I have bought into it and others around me have bought into it and will reinforce it, because once I have ‘stuck my nose to the grindstone’ enough and have been ignorant enough to the world around me to self righteously make money for me, myself and I, I will be feared and revered for the cold-blooded tenacity required to be lived to have such a steadfast determination to be successful in the name of self interest alone. This is what my family and world experience has taught me in every way and all behaviour is in some way shaped by this point – money as power.
But the clincher is the self deception of believing that there is an easier way, through believing oneself to be special and worth more than they are in fact and thus are entitled to a life of power and control through building self up to such a point where success is just an expected standard. Through believing that somehow self can ‘have it all’ to control for self and that everyone within this is just partisan to what serves self. Every energetic experience where it feels like self is succeeding and ‘winning’ is thus a deception because that winning and success is coming at the expense of another and is relative to failure.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe in a definition of success that was taught to me by those who came before me as being something difficult to attain and beyond me and something that can be lost if I am not obsessed with the fear of self interest and my own self accepted and allowed inferiority and thus that any success I have or experience is by contrast ‘positive’ and ‘something good for me’ – not realizing that the morality that governs this is system morality and is not real and thus does not stand as the real measure of what is truly best or not, and thus, all living actions and practical living applications that previously gave an energetic experience of ‘winning’ must be re-defined as simply another part of living so that self is not limited by the deception of the apparent grandeur experienced as the feelings of ‘being successful’ so that self does not become enthralled and intoxicated by perceptions of grandeur but rather live life within a practical living context of what would be best for all life eternally and thus within this, personal preferences must be investigated and redefined according to what is best for all life.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to use the trappings of self victimization through the relationship I have created with myself and the idea of success as a way of not standing up for life through believing that standing up for life is simply too difficult when in fact, it is how I have defined being successful as something apparently difficult due to my apparent inferiority that makes it seems difficult to stand up for life
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to use the addictions I have created as positive energy rewards as an escape from the fearful pursuit of success as a way of limiting myself from not doing what is best for all life and to instead create phony problems that are not real but in fact just made up drama to make life seems more difficult than it really is – not realizing that living and surviving did not require to be created as such a stressful experience and is only so due to the fear and self interest that the pursuit of success is based in!
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe that there is an ‘easier way’ to live than to give as I would like to receive
I commit myself to redefine and live success according to what is best for all life
I commit myself to take my process moment by moment, day by stay and to stop the tendency to want to make things better’ faster than they are within the realization understanding that this desire exist within the context of self interest and the desire to succeed as it circumvents this process of self realization through the belief that self has ‘transcended’ and is based within the desire to not take self responsibility
I commit myself to, when and as I see thought/feelings/emotions arising within me wherein I feel/experience a ‘sense of accomplishment’ – to stop, breathe, and see that this is in fact based in inferiority, and I do not participate within such energetic experiences
I commit myself to stop the desire to be a success in the eyes of others as society as defined success and within this, to stop wanting to simply appear or feel/think I am special by doing this that is simply defined as ‘good’ but not actually living what is good as self as what is best for all
I commit myself to stop associating doing what is necessary to survive with and success and a positive energetic charge – realizing that this is self deception of the belief that I am inferior but am now becoming better because I am becoming the character I need to be to survive by participating in particular acts of the character that brings about a successful life for the character
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to take pride in presenting the character that is successful, not realizing that this is just a character and thus, not who I really am but just the control of fear