Day 464: the trappings of an easy life

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that there is something more or greater ‘out there’ in the form of a sexual experience with a beautiful woman – I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that a sexual experience with a woman that it beautiful or ‘more beautiful than other women I’ve been with’ will somehow satisfy me and bring me closer to real happiness when in fact it creates the opposite experience

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that there is something greater or more in the form of my life in Thailand that can be ‘easy’ in the sense that it is not challenging and simplistic and has warm weather, and to have defined this as ‘better’ and something that I am missing out on when I am not experiencing it

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to perceive having an easy life and getting more for doing less as being ‘better’ or ‘more than’, not considering or regarding whether or not I am actually living and enjoying myself within such an experience

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to have defined an easy and unchallenging life in a positive light as a resonant design that is based in past experiences where life was difficult and I found what I was doing pointless/purposeless (school, work/jobs) and that I’ve not allowed myself to see, realize and understand that by having an easy life I in fact miss what is here as the real essence/purpose of life which is to learn and change in a way that transforms my very being, and that this is the gift of life and things being challenging – thus I commit myself to not always go for the easy life/experience but to rather go for things based on how I see that they can support my self growth within the context of creating a self/world that is best for all life

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to try and create/gravitate towards that which is safe of prosperous, rather than to try and create/gravitate that towards that which will assist me to understand myself and this reality and become a better person

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to hold on to memories of comfort and pleasure and to hold such memories as the highest/best possible experience possible and thus aspire towards experiencing them/hold on to the desire to experience them – I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to use such memories as the temptation that resistance presents to me when and as things get challenging/tough in my life/process

I commit myself to look at what I need within the context of what will support me to grow, understand and self realize who I really am as life, rather than to look at what the mind wants as desires/wants/needs

I forgive myself that I’ve not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that when I am experiencing anxiety, stress, worry, anger, frustration and dissatisfaction, that this is an indicating that my standing and trajectory as not in alignment with that which is best for self as all as one as equal as that which would best support me to understand, learn, grow and take self response-ability for this life I have been gifted with as the opportunity to grow and learn what it means to live life

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to base my self growth on money and to limit myself growth to money and fears surrounding money and survival and potentially not living the life I want to live as a comfortable and easy/unchallenging life

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to limit my self-expression with money by holding on to the fear that life may get unnecessarily difficult and the subsequent desire to have an easy and unchallenging life

I commit myself to see the opportunity in challenges and difficulty

I commit myself to see, realize and understand that if I utilize the tools I have been given of self honesty, self forgiveness, breathing and writing, that I am able to turn all challenges/difficult experiences into gifts that I can take with me eternally

I commit myself to not take the easy path and to not choose life paths only because they are easy but to rather walk the road less traveled in terms of walking the path that will assist and support me best to see, realize and understand my self response-ability as who I really am as life

I commit myself to place myself where I can have the most impact in my world and have the most opportunity to learn and grow, rather than to place myself in the position of being the most at ease and comfortable

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to have defined that which is easy and unchallenging as that which is best – I commit myself to redefine that which is best as no longer being that which is easy, unchallenging and comfortable as I see, realize and understand that what is best is not a matter of experiencing something as ‘easy’ or ‘difficult’ but simply a matter of what will assist and support me best to self realize myself as a self response-able human and that this generally implies walking a road less traveled which is in itself a challenge – yet I commit myself to redefine that which is challenging and difficult within the highest and most positive regard due to it being that which will assist and support me to grow and realize my self responsibility

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