Day 444: Giving up fear of loss

We all have something in our lives that we feel we need, that we feel we must have, that we feel we cannot live without. How often is this feeling actually real, and how often is it something we just convince ourselves?

We tend to get lost in our own desires and the idea of what we think we want and need. For myself, a big point of desire is the desire for a relationship and ideal female partner. What I have found is that such a desire arises from a point of self abdication: meaning, that somewhere along the lines we fell and believed that we were ‘not enough’, that we were inferior, not sufficient, that we were not capable,etc. Within such a point of self abdication, where we have not realized and LIVED to our fullest potential: desire is created. The more that this desire is fed, the more difficult it is to give it up, and the fear of loss is created, and can become intense – before we know it, we are living in fear of loss.

Tonight, I briefly experienced an intense feeling of fear of loss and so I had to sit down and do some writing. I questioned it: WHY do I actually fear this? And, is this even worth fearing?

Is fear ever an acceptable guide? Of course not: it should be an indicator that something is awry.

And so I began to ponder: what if this is the key, what if this is the answer that I am really looking for in life to support me to be who I really am? What if that which I fear losing is the greatest gift that I could ever receive? What if we were wrong about that which we believe we should fear losing? What if the complete reverse is true, and, if anything, we are lost within that which we think we need and ‘have’?

I am, at this point, quite convinced that this is the case – intellectually – and yet, I have to give myself a chance in REALIZING this point by truly giving up such points to see if they truly are the keys that I’m looking for for the life that I truly want to live.

Are you living the life that you truly want to live? If not, then it’s obviously time for a change. If we are really not satisfied with that which we are living, if we can recognize that fear of loss is no way to live, then it is always worth giving up that which we fear losing to see ‘who we will be on the other side’ – there is only one way to know this, and that is to do it.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to fear losing my relationship, or to think that a relationship even is mine

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I need a relationship, or that I can trust a relationship when in fact a relationship is not based on a self honest agreement and thus has no real value or future/potential for expansion

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to lose control over who I am by losing myself in feelings by giving into the positive feeling/idea of relationships, love and sex and within that, abdicating my own self honest and self movement/self direction

I commit myself to stand here as one and equal without the want, need or desire to participate in a relationship

I commit myself to live the corrective statement of no longer enslaving myself to the idea of a relationship and love as the experience of energy through a perception of power/control

I forgive myself that I’ve not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that the desire to have access to a ‘beautiful female body’ for my ‘pleasure’, and the excitement that I experience at the prospect of or the experience of having such access, is based on the desire to control another and control something ‘of value’ and that I have not lived the understanding that this desire/experience is based on the fact that I have abdicated myself: meaning that I have myself my own self value/worth and my own ability to realize and live such value and from such self abdication, went looking for another to control and have power over

I commit myself to stop the desire to have power over another whom I may see as having ‘value’ through recognizing my own value and my own directive principle and in this way, ‘take my life back’ to the start where I can start seeing, realizing and understanding my own true abilities, potential and value.