Day 411: Forcing discipline vs. discipline through understanding

Today, I noticed my tendency to ‘over-prepare for things’, to try to do everything ‘the right way’, to focus ‘too much on getting it right’ – it is like a striving for perfectionism by holding my breath and trying to control every little thing so that I can ‘have a firm hold on everything’.

I used to do this with many things in my life – I would make everything in my life revolve around a particular point, usually some kind of obsession that I was trying to fulfill. Now I have noticed this tendency in the same way I try to apply myself in my process – specifically, with being disciplined and getting things done. While it is true that sometimes you have to simple walk through with something and ‘go for it’, in terms of delving into uncharted territories (after all, that is what discipline is about, doing the things that we may resist because they are new/unfamiliar) – it is not necessary to ‘brace myself’, to ‘psyche myself up’ as though I am preparing for war, for some catalystic/climactic/’make or break’/’do or die’ moment. It is as though I am trying to set aside my whole entire day/life in order to prepare for ‘what I need to do’ within my process. But this begs the question, if it is self honest common sense, if it is really self expression as who I really am, then why do I have to push myself so hard?

It is as though I fear losing everything if I do not accomplish what I set out to do. It is as though I fear forgetting or losing motivation – so much of what I mentioned here is just old habits learned through past experiences where my self movement was based on fear of loss and the energy created from that fear of loss which drove me – so I would ‘keep my energy levels high’ to do something that I either did not really want to do, or believed I did not want to do because I did not understand how or believed that I was inferior and incapable of doing it.

Everything is here and there is no real need to do this. This process is not something that I should be walking because I feel it to be a ‘do or die’ kind of scenario – it should be a self honest, common sensical self expression through understanding the consequences that my actions have, and within that, what would I then like to do based on the kind of life I would like to create and experience? This is where all my mistakes come in as quite useful because I am able to simple look at an action and go ‘ok, been there, done that, know where that leads to – I would prefer not to have that experience’. Or, going to the ‘positive side’ of it – it is like ‘ok, I know that if I do this/put in this time, then this will be the consequence and that is really quite a cool consequence that I would like to see and live through’.

Not only does this behavior come from past experiences from much earlier on in my life, but for a large portion of my process I had been living this way, where – when it was explained to me how physical actions could help to support me to get me out of the mind of thoughts/thinking and bring me back here to breath/the physical body, I oversimplified it in way with fear of loss as my starting point and went ‘ok, I must do all things physical and as long as I do physical tasks all day long, I will be fine’ – but life is much more specific than that! Doing only physical actions does not mean that I am necessarily growing or expanding myself, it can still be turned into another form of self-enslavement where I hide from life and new experiences, due to the fear of what mental stuff may come up during such new experiences – a pity, because there exists my opportunity to see who I am, learn and change!

Additional to this self deception of the ‘idea of being physical’ is the belief that I must not do things that will stimulate me – specifically, eating certain foods or ingesting certain chemicals/drugs – again, if I am self honest, then I should not actually fear any substance – and that is really all it comes down to – all beliefs aside, simply being self honest in every single moment – in one single moment of self honesty I am able to see what I am doing and what the starting point of it actually is.

I will continue with self forgiveness and self corrective statements in the next blog.

Day 410: Investing in self – invest-I-gate
Often look back at my life and realize how much time I have wasted on useless shit – this is magnified within the context of understanding of the dire situation our world is in and how much change is needed. I am 30 years old now and I’ve ‘lost a lot of time, but I still have quite a bit of time to try and make as much of a difference as possible – the only thing holding me back from doing this is of course my own shortcomings, my own selfish addictions/habits/patterns that in fact aren’t selfish at all because they do not make me a better or stronger person in any way – they are just escapes from my own self responsibility to this world/to life.

So today I made a list of all the things I would like to do in this pursuit of working towards a better world/self. I had somewhere between 10-13 items on the list – it’s a lot to do on a daily basis, considering these are only the daily commitments – a lot of other things can come up.

So while it is useless to rush, I do realize that time is not to be wasted, and within this, efficiency is also key. I have noticed before that when I stick to my commitments, not only do I get more done but I also become more efficient at getting things done because overall I am focused, I am self-directive, and so I end up not wasting any time. The challenge here however is stopping the old ‘time wasting’ habits, which I have constant resistance to.

Here is where a specific word came up today – invest, or, investment. What is an investment? An investment is a giving – you give up something in the short term so that you can receive/produce/create more in the long term. So often, investments, at the time of investing, seem/feel as though they are a loss, like I am losing/missing out on something – however the reward that inevitably comes always proves this feeling/experience wrong and shows that investing is always worthwhile. When I look at all the things that I want to do – yes it is challenging, yes there is hard work involved – but I end up receiving in ways that makes me truly grow, in ways that I end up taking much more with me, taking things that I will never lose because I have truly invested in myself.

What is also interesting is that the word invest or investment is similar to the word investigate. When you break down the word investigate you have invest-I-gate – and when you investigate something you look into it. So when I invest, I invest in me, I look into the ‘I’ of me when I invest-I-gate, and within doing this, I break past personal barriers – the ‘gate’ of invest-I-gate – and this is exactly what this process/investing is all about – breaking down the personal gate, the personal barriers that keep me from ever actually truly growing and creating a richer life/self for myself and all others.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe that when I apply myself in my daily responsibilities, I am ‘doing work’ or embarking on something that is ‘hard’ or ‘not pleasurable’ or something that ‘I would rather not do and that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize and understand the principal of equality – that to get I must first give and within applying myself, I am investing in myself and giving to myself the life that I would prefer to live and leave behind on this earth

I commit myself to – when and as I see the resistance arising to not want to participate in daily responsibilities – to simply take a break and move in common sense practical understanding of what must be accomplished as a purely physical action that is without energetic attachment, fear or fear of loss as a ‘back door’ or expecting something in return and doing my responsibilities because I expect something in return – as I see, realize and understand that to get I must give, and thus I commit myself schedule in my daily responsibilities and apply myself/move myself in completing them within the simplicity of breath and physical movement – I commit myself to invest in myself and within doing this, I commit myself to invest in life and creating a world that is best for all life

Day 409: From obsession/possession to living purpose, part 6

Before I go into today’s continuation on the point of purpose and developing/giving purpose to myself, I would like to briefly look at some experiences I had today, which relate this blog on purpose.

During my daily tasks, I noticed myself thinking about the past – random memories of various moments throughout my life where I was in conflict with others. In holding onto these memories of conflict, there is like a desire to hold onto this anger and an attempt to still want to ‘win’ these past conflicts that I experienced – how crazy is that?

When I noticed myself doing this, and the sheer futility of it, I stopped, I breathed, I did the self forgiveness (when I was a lone I did it aloud, when I was in public I did it in my head by really directed the inner voice in my head so that the self forgiveness was clear) and I moved on with my day. Done. Thoughts released….until the next time a though comes up. Interestingly enough I have been living with this kind of conflict for so long that it has become like a way of life, to the degree where on a mental level I associate conflict and basically ‘fighting’ with living and survival – ‘fighting for my right to live’ – but life is not something to be fought for – life is who I am, life is lived. Implicit in forgiving myself for holding onto memories of conflict and the desire to participate in conflict is the understanding that separation is not in fact real – I stand as one and equal to others and therefore fighting/conflict can really be seen for what it is – stupidity.

So with regards to the ‘how’ of purpose – it is about doing what is best for ALL life ALWAYS – regardless of the beliefs that may exist and those who have chosen to believe that they are not life – because at times, such demonic belief and the behavior it allows for can be challenging – within that, fear and the desire to resist/fight cannot be allowed and I must stand and breathe through whatever ‘comes my way’ so to speak.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to want and desire to exist in such a way where my existence/survival as at the expense of others by living through a system of conflict/friction where I ‘fight for my right to live’ – when in fact solutions that are best for ALL life are possible so long as I ensure that I stop the desire to compete and fight as it arises as a resonant energetic experience within me as such resonance is based on past experiences/impressions/definitions of life and living

So with regards to developing/giving purpose to myself, I would like to look at the ‘what’ of purpose today – what it is that I would ultimately like to do with my time on earth. I will begin with a point form outline of what it is that I would like to do with my remaining time on earth.

– To free myself so that I may assist and support others in freeing themselves. The enslavement that exists on earth is existent primarily at a mental level – we have enslaved ourselves to ideas/perceptions/beliefs/opinions – this is done by each one unto themselves but is also a copied behavior/reproduction of the environment and experiences that we are exposed to. The tools of self honesty and self forgiveness through writing are extremely powerful tools with which one can release themselves from the computer program of the mind which is the database of these memories/experiences that we have formed the ideas/beliefs/perceptions that we use to enslave ourselves. Life is not a memory, it is not a system or a program. By dedicating myself to use these tools effectively to release myself, I am placing myself in a position where I can assist and support others to do the same.

I will go into more depth on the ‘what’ of my purpose in the next post. Thanks for reading and die well.

Day 408: Big Breasts
I am taking another short break from my blog series on purpose to look at a point that may seem comical to some – big breasts.

I definitely feel a bit silly writing on this topic – rather shy, as I have judged myself for having developed the kind of relationship that I have with big breasts. I have judged myself for doing so – and yet, how can this not be a relevant topic to discuss when I know that it is a big point for many, many other men? I remember watching one TED talk in particular where a female model talks about how obsessed we are as a society with breasts. Even just talking about this subject feels ‘taboo’ because of all the ‘buzz’ around it, because of the way we men tend to view it. And yet, in reality – they are just breasts.

This point of taboo – of the ‘forbidden fruit’ – is one of the first things that drew me towards breasts. it was one of those ‘off limit’ things that I just had to have, because of course life was mundane and boring and most things that were taboo (and yet a natural part of life – must be cool. And yet, it was overemphasized. How did this happen?

In my teen years, I remember what a taboo subject sex became – and yet, by this time I had a strong need/desire for it. Sex wasn’t exactly easy to do/get as we are not properly educated to be able to express ourselves effectively and openly with sexuality – there trust and honesty simply isn’t there. So during this time, I as a man would tend to look for ‘signs’ – the sings that say ‘where can I get the sex’.

Of course then came the media – the pictures/images/videos found in books, magazines, tv, movies – that present breasts and women who flaunted their breasts in a particular way. I would see images that were extremely sexually suggestive, designed to entice men, and they often portrayed breasts in a certain way – women showing them, teasing with the partial showing of them, women who naturally had large breasts or had surgically enlarged breasts as to draw extra attention to them. Often I would see these women with large breasts and sexually suggestive expressions on their faces. Breasts, as I mentioned, were a sexually taboo subject and so just like sex with taboo and not such a simple thing to access – so were breasts. So in a way, breasts came to represent sex and the attainability of sex in my mind. Like the flag of sex – where there were breasts, there was sex. My first long term girlfriend even happened to have large breasts and this was the first girl I was really ever able to be sexual with.

Now in reality, breasts serve a purpose. With regards to sexuality, there really isn’t much to them. You can’t exactly do much with them. It is funny because for all the time that I have dreamed about/prized/sought after/lusted for breasts – once I had actually gotten what I was searching for, the experience was very anti-climactic. They were just there. I could touch them. They were jiggly. That’s about it. Not so exciting after all. It is like finding the Wizard of Oz.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to give an added/extra value to breasts as something that I do not have possession of /access to and within this, to want and desire to have access to them.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe that I will be happier and my life will be more complete if I have continual access to large breasts

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to associate breasts with getting sex and thus that I have accepted and allowed myself to let breasts symbolize potential access to sex in my mind

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to become addicted to the feeling of energy that the image/feeling of big breasts brings me through the way I have defined big breasts as signifying potential sex

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe that certain signs/symbols such as big breasts are necessary in order to find a sexual partner/sex, as this is something I came to believe during a time when I had no ability to communicate and express myself effectively with regards to sexuality and the need for sexuality as others did not as well and thus looked for ‘subtle hints’ that were expressed in the way that women would emphasize their breasts

I forgive myself that I’ve not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that breasts are simply another body part that serve a function in the design of the physical body and thus naturally have no sexual connotation/function to them

I forgive myself that I’ve not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that the reality of attaining/experiencing/feeling big breasts is always anticlimactic as they become just another body part that is here, as they are always here around me all the time, whether or not I can see them or touch them actually makes no difference

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to have defined breasts and speaking about/having physical contact with breasts is inherently sexual and/or taboo

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed the idea of breasts being taboo/off limits to appeal to me as this is in fact based on the idea that women are separate/different from me and within that, that sex is difficult to have

I forgive myself that I’ve not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that the glorification of breasts is often used to deceive and control men through the idea that they are getting what they want and therefore are often used to get men to do what others want

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe that any part of the body is taboo when in fact it is the way in which we define the body and desire/covet sexuality that is taboo as it is done alone in self interest and usually not openly and secret

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that women that have big breasts/big breasts themselves are special/different/’one of a kind’ and thus something to be desired as they are rare and ‘stand out from the crowd’ are thus seen/defined as that elusive thing that I desire but apparently cannot attain as I see, realize and understand that defining breasts in such a way is only a reflection of how I defined sexuality as something elusive/difficult to attain in my younger years where I had no skills/abilities to be able to direct myself effectively in communicating and expressing my need for sex

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to create a fantasy reality around breasts and make them something that is ‘larger than life’ when in fact they are always here as a normal part of this reality

When and as I see myself getting excited at the thought/image/picture of large breasts – I stop, I breathe, and I do not participate in this energetic experience as I see, realize and understand that this is self deception that was created at a time where I saw sex as difficult to attain and therefore defined breasts as the symbol representing access to sex/sexuality and therefore viewed large breasts/women with large breasts as something special to be sought after – I breathe and realize that I am not ‘missing out on anything’ as I am simply here and so are the breasts and no real special value exists with regards to breasts as this would imply that I am separate to women and thus fear having access to women/sex – this is not so as I am able to remain here and realize that sex too is here and part of me/everyone as a natural self expression

Day 407: From obsession/possession to living purpose, part 5
Today was a really interesting day. One could say that it was a ‘good’ day but it was beyond good – the way that I tend to see and define certain days/things/people as ‘good’ or ‘bad’ is a kind of polarity game that I play with myself and life does not work that way – there is only ‘who I am’ – the decisions that I make, and the consequence/outflows that they produce.

Today was interesting because I reaped the benefit of some particular decisions I had made recently, and I did not see this benefit coming, I did not expect it and in a way I did it with some doubt and reluctance. Because I had set some specific goals for myself, in a way I had a purpose to push through a point that I normally wouldn’t have pushed through – and not that life should be about ‘pushing’ through anything, the experience just feels that way sometimes because you are doing something that you resist doing.

I really wanted things to work out, and so I pushed myself to take responsibility, to do the things I didn’t ‘want’ to do, that were not based in self interest. I gave, rather than took. Because I gave, I received. I gave in the face of the temptation to want to only take. I was facing some tough experiences in the mind which made me want to escape – I stood up and faced myself/looked at myself, and did self forgiveness for the points I was accepting and allowing that was making my experience tough for me.

After things worked out for me – the mind came back again, as if to say “ok, everything has worked out for you now, you can come back to me! just a little bit, you can handle it! everything is fine, you can afford to screw around a bit more”. But as my day continued, I realized one thing: that I like who I am when I give as I would like to receive, that I enjoy remaining here in this reality and not escaping into the mind because I like the experience of giving and the consequence that this brings. A whole new world of possibilities really opens up. The mind is an extremely limited thing. Living in the polarities of fear and desire is an extremely limited thing, and is essentially a form of insanity because you just end up repeating the same things over and over again.

When I pushed myself to work, to give, to do what I know (self honestly) is necessary to be done – it is like a whole new world opened, of new experiences, of new possibilities. I realized how much I feared the future and was clinging on to some kind of past – and yet the actual future that I was fearing was that very same past that I was clinging onto – a deep awareness that if I continue clinging on to this past, then my future will be the same, and it will be horrible.

So this really puts things into perspective and realistic context in terms of how, when we sometimes perceive something as being so difficult/impossible to give up/change/work on, in fact, we are giving up nothing for everything – we are merely expressing ourselves so that we may explore the ‘everything and anything’ that we may become – we begin to explore just how vast we actually are as beings and how vast this existence and our experience within it can be.

So this is a point to add with regards to the ‘how’ of designing purpose for myself in my life – that in order to live and fulfill my purpose, I must give as I would like to receive. In order to live purpose I must dedicate myself to all the work that must be done/given towards that purpose as necessary stepping stones to achieving that purpose, and within that, that there may be resistance and challenges and the feeling of self doubt sometimes arising that ‘this won’t be worth it’/’what if this doesn’t work out’/’what if there is something better’, but that this is something that is truly worth working towards – a world that is best for all life and a life worth living because I am actually here living it by giving as I would like to receive wherever I am able to.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to resist giving as I would like to receive

I forgive myself that I’ve not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that the resistance to giving as I would like to receive is not actually about the giving but is based on the fact that I fear the future of what I am currently living, but the mind works in reverse and sees giving up nothing as giving up everything while it sees giving up everything as giving up nothing and therefore ‘acceptable’ desirable’

I forgive myself that I’ve not accepted and allowed myself to realize and remember what it is that I am working towards and the purpose that I am working to fulfill and the magnitude of value/wroth this purpose carries, as working with the purpose of creating a world that is best for all life is truly the greatest thing that one can do with their life on earth

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not see the greatness/reward as consequence/outflow of facing myself and giving up self interest, and instead taking actions/working towards a world that is best for all life

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to resist change and new experiences

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to always want things to work out in a certain way that fulfills self interest and is focused on self preservation/survival primarily, rather than to unconditionally give as I would like to receive, which means taking the necessary time to assist and support myself so that I may be more effective in assisting and supporting others in my world and doing what is necessary as the steps towards creating a world that is best for all life

I forgive myself that I’ve not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that I have ‘all the answers’ and ‘know how’ already, and that they only need be lived and applied and that this will simple require walking through resistance as the mind sees change/giving to self/working unconditionally towards what is best for all life as a threat to it’s survival and self preservation, and thus I forgive myself that I’ve not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand how the mind plays tricks on me in this way, and thus how deceptive/ridiculous the temptation of the mind actually is

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to resist going beyond the temptation of the mind to see who I am without it and beyond it

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to trust fear and to fear letting go, rather than using commonsense and within this, to see letting go as somehow being ‘bad’ and fearing how others may feel ‘slighted’ and how they may react if I let go and change myself

I forgive myself that I’ve not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that temptation is an illusion – nothing more

I forgive myself that I’ve not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that in giving up self interest and temptation, I am in fact giving up nothing for everything, I am in fact giving up weakness and dependency for the ‘strength’ and ‘freedom’ of life, so to speak

So, with regards to purpose and the ‘how’ of living my purpose into manifestation, I commit myself to give as I would like to receive, as it is only through giving and putting in the necessary work/input – regardless of the fears and resistances that may come up in the mind – that I am able to create the outflow/consequence that will support me to live my purpose in life which is to create a self/world that is best for all life.

Day 406: Discouraged

Today I’m taking a break from my blog series on developing/giving myself purpose, as a point came up today that possessed me for a moment.

I was considerably affected by a couple experiences today that set off this experience of discouragement. I tried to sort of ‘keep my head level’ but the experience/energy possessed me sufficiently enough that I was consumed for a time and was not able to direct the experience effectively with the tools of breathing and writing, which are the only tools I have found to be effective in dealing with my inner experiences.

So the point was with regards to work and finding work. I have found it challenging finding full time/long term work since I finished University (the job market seems like it is tougher than it has ever been). There are a few ways that this experience of discouragement is validated/made real by my mind. One is money – maybe the biggest of all points – I have been spending a lot of money and of course when there is only money spent but no income, that can be something that I allow to create an experience of stress within me, which is rather useless because it does nothing and the mental experience of stress takes me away from here, from the physical reality where I can act and make an actual difference.

Another point was that a job prospect did not come through as I had expected/hoped it to – this happened to me once already and the experiences accumulated – partly because I never dealt with how I experienced myself the first time I had that experience with writing as I am now.

Another point that got me down into this experience of discouragement was feeling like everything is so unnecessarily complicated. This appears to be a form of justification and excuse for my own self responsibility for who I am within these experiences. It was me who allowed myself to get my hopes up. It was me who allowed the point of money to influence me and stress me rather than to stop such inner experience that are based on money. It was me who could have (and could be) doing more to make this situation work out. Can I honestly say that I have been/am currently doing everything possible to assist and support myself so that things work out as I need them to? no.

This experienced – unchecked and unchallenged, left uncorrected – produced the thought of ‘wouldn’t it be nice to just escape and ‘take a break by’… and all kinds of thoughts of old, useless past habits that I used to escape reality came up. Wanting to gorge myself on unhealthy but tasty food, wanting to get high, wanting to find some hot girl and have some ‘fun’ – that is where things get dangerous because the temptation arises within me. But this is only a consequence of the fact that I did not take self responsibility and deal with my inner experience in all of these experiences. Daily writing is crucial to process my inner experiences so that they do not process me. Funny, just seeing the word ‘process’ is like the word ‘possess’ – and that is exactly what the mind does when one is not self directive – it possesses you.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to take it personally when things don’t go my way/as I hoped/planned, and that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into a state of discouragement through this experience/feeling of not being accepted/being rejected by others

I forgive myself that I’ve not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that the experience of me feeling rejected is in fact about me and me rejecting myself as I have not fully taken the opportunity to support myself with breathing and writing daily to assist and support myself in finding solutions and directing myself in this world to create an outcome that is best

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to be motivated and influenced by money and financial standing, rather than to act unconditionally to produce an outcome that is best for all life

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to overwhelm myself with thoughts, feelings and emotions and to essentially focus on the negative and negative possibilities/outcomes rather than to simply take a deep breath and take the necessary actions to support myself, as I see, realize and understand the reality/gravity of my situation and the situation for life on earth and that to get lost in feelings/beliefs of dis-empowerment and being overwhelmed take me away from the reality here where I am able to act and make a difference

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to get lost in positive energetic experiences when things do go my way/as I would like them to as this creates the trap of hope where I equally get lost in the mind as this experience of positive energy as thoughts/feelings and emotions which also takes me away from being here and thus cannot act consistently in continuing to work towards an outcome that is best for all life – within this I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to only look at ‘getting things my way’ within the context of survival and self preservation only, when in fact I am always able to act in ways that are best for all life, regardless of circumstance and thus within this, there is in fact no ‘my way’ – there is only that which supports life and this should be my only starting point/orientation

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to justify my inner experiences and my inaction to process/direct myself within them by blaming others/my situations and finding legitimate-sounding reasons as to why I am having a shitty experience when in fact such experiences exist within me and within me only and are created only by me

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to let my inner experiences go unchecked and not dealt with as this creates the desire to escape my reality and fall into past habits/patterns of addiction

I commit myself to see, realize and understand that the experience of discouragement in based on the expectation and hope I have created for myself by attaching a positive value to certain experiences which I see as ‘benefiting me’ within the context of my survival and my own survival only, as I see, realize and understand that I need not limit myself to wanting/desiring certain things/experiences to go a certain way as I have the ability/response-ability to direct myself here in every moment in a way that is best for all and that with this as my starting point, I am not limited as I will not become stuck in mental possessions/projections of ideal situations (or fears as the polar opposite of that) and through remaining here as breath, stable and consistent, I am able to continue to find solutions and work towards solutions practically in the physical reality

Day 405: From obsession/possession to living purpose, part 4
Purpose is not something that can be projected from the mind onto our reality as merely an ideal of what and how we are to live. Purpose is something to be developed in real time, to be lived by self, for self, as self.

My initial plan for this blog was to start writing out the ‘how’ of purpose – how my purpose will be lived. While it would be nice to just somehow know everything about how my purpose is applied in the physical reality, that would be assuming that I know everything about the physical reality that I am living in, ignoring what new experiences may come and how I will work my purpose ‘into’ them.

For context, the reason I mention this is that within the designing of purpose for myself, I have some understanding of the importance of assisting and supporting the children of this world and that the future of our world depends on this completely. Lately however, as I am now finished with my University studies, I am immersed again in the real world, and I have been fortunate enough to have found a job working with children.

Having actually started getting back down to the nitty gritty of what it actually means to work with children (it has been a few years since I have done this, and I have learned a lot since that time), I am learning first-hand the actual value/practicality of the aforementioned statement about my understanding the importance of assisting and supporting the children of this world. I have began to see, quite frankly, how badly discarded children are by adults, how badly we mistreat and abuse children – and this maltreatment/abuse is not necessarily explicit or obvious – much of it is simply neglect and not actually supporting children to be able to direct themselves effectively, and rather just allowing them to be exposed to the forces of this world, which certainly don’t have their best interests at heart.

This very fortunate opportunity of being able to work with children also supports me to reflect on who I am and what I as an individual am contributing to their future – our future – in realizing the degree of influence that my actions and choices have and how much they affect others. They support me to be a better man. Their innocence shows me how much they depend on it.

Lastly, these children have been reminding me that we were once all children, and that just because people grow up in the adult world, does not mean they are any more than children. It has assisted and supported me to stop judging others, because – like when I see a child doing something that is really not cool, but see that they simply do not know better/are only a product of what others have shown and taught them – I see that adults are no different, as many simply have not transcended/grown out of some of those early childhood stages of impression and influence.

So, one point I have seen with regards to giving myself purpose in this world, is to assist and support the children of this world in every way possible – and within that, that there is a shit ton of work to be done.