So today I noticed in a moment my tendency to try to get a reaction out of people, in terms of the way that I present things: information, events/stories, myself – something that I have noticed many times before.
This is a way that I have typically got things done in my life. In terms of surviving and ‘getting ahead in this world, getting noticed and being relevant is often ‘half the battle’ – this is something that I learned from an early age. Our world kind of operates in a ‘first come first serve’ mentality, and ‘the squeaky wheel gets the oil’ kind of mentality, in terms of the person who can do something more quickly or do it more forcefully is often recognized and chosen to be part of the ‘in group’. I noticed this too in my tendency to get things don’t through aggression, through sheer force. Even if this is not happening in terms of force as physical violence, it is being done in words. Words really can be like form of metaphysical weapons – daggers, swords, axes, guns, machine guns, missiles, grenades, bombs – I mean after all, the invention/manifestation of these weapons didn’t exactly come out of nowhere – the have come as a reflection/result of who we are.
So through words I am able to do these things – taking a little verbal jab at someone is like a stab with a dagger, being rude and blunt is like a virtual punch in the face, saying something that has some deep truth in it about a person that you know is going to hurt them deep down inside is like dropping a bomb – I mean we have that verbal expression when we do something like that verbally – ‘I just dropped a bomb’ – the bomb falling with the gravity of the words beings spoken. Speaking with intensity and emotional sway through intensity is like shooting someone with a laser gun. Rattling off as much information and knowledge so that one can be opinionated and right and look intelligent and intellectual is like the countless bullets being shot from a Gatling gun. Sensationalizing something or a story or someone is like putting a grenade inside of it, where it blows up into this thing that is a big deal that is somehow larger than life. Being standoffish and adversarial with people is like covering yourself in spikes or spines – we call that being ‘prickly’.
When I am making something out to be more than it is I am not only deceiving, but I am causing that harm through my words. I am actually attacking people with words and information. Rather than gently walking with a person, I am bombarding them with something that will hopefully get a reaction out of them. The secret in this tactic is that they will associate such a reaction with me, the person, and as such, associate the fear that they experience through a reaction to such harmful words with me – that is another thing I learned since a young age, being ‘respected’ as a form of fear, people respecting you only because they fear you. Using intimidation to control and move people/my reality.
Obviously this has to stop through moments where I identify this pattern, where I am shit talking with verbal weapons, by sensationalizing things, the same exact way that we sensationalize and glorify war. It is seen as a good things because it causes a commotion, it makes people go ‘holy shit’ and as long as they don’t quite have to see the reality of the harm that is actually being caused, as long as they don’t realize the true nature of what is going on and are rather caught up in their enthrallment to the experience that goes along with the sensationalism, it is allowed. When there is a car accident or a fight – people gather around and the crowd watches. For many it provides this experience of entertainment and while they are busy lost in that sensation of entertainment, they remain completely cut off from the reality of what is really going on, the actual pain that those combatants are actually enduring and the harm that they are causing as bystanders perpetuating it.
Gossip is a fantastic example of these verbal weapon attacks that we don’t see as verbal weapon attacks, until of course we are on the other end of it where we are the butt of the gossip and the joke is on us. Same thing with sports and violent sports (really virtually all sports have become violent in their nature) – you are always enjoying it as long as you’re not on the losing side/team. Time to stop, because it is only a matter of time until we experience things from the other side.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to try and attempt to connect with people and make an impression on them and have them like me through trying and attempting to get reactions out of them by the words I speak
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to sensationalize events purely because I am looking to get a reaction out of people
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that the only way that I am able to connect with people is to get a reaction out of them and get noticed.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I can make a life by creating reactions in people to get attention from them as a form of verbal violence, rather than to simply walk with beings in equality and show them who I really am and in turn embrace who they really are
I forgive myself that I’ve not accepted and allowed myself to be myself with others no matter where I am or what I am doing and instead pressured myself into trying to get reactions out of them and try to get noticed
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to ‘drop bombs’ verbally
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to operate within the belief that ‘the squeaky wheel gets the oil’ and ‘the first one to do it/say it wins’
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to try and attempt to get things done and move people through generating fear within them as a form of intimidation
I commit myself to stop the tendency to try and get a reaction out of people through making something out to be more than it is and generating reactions/fear within people as a way of getting noticed or directing/moving others
I commit myself to ‘connect’ with people by walking with them here as breath in self honesty, rather than trying to appeal to them at the level of ego/mind as fear/stimulation
I commit myself to stop trying to get reactions of positivity out of people by sensationalizing things in my words as a way of getting what I want/directing them/getting noticed
I commit myself to simply be myself with others and breathe when the desire comes up to be outspoken and find ways to get noticed such as speaking in a way to try and get a reaction out of people
I commit myself to take a more real and genuine interest in people, here as breath in the physical reality, and in this way work with them in terms of ‘where they are at’ rather than trying to impose words/information on them – within this I commit myself to work within the principle of simplicity and humbleness, asking simple questions or speaking in simple fact in order to walk with people sufficiently to understand them and direct them as myself