Day 274: Insecurity, part 2

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So I mentioned in my last post that recently I had some conflict/misunderstanding come up in my relationship. At the time it happened, I found it very difficult to write about, because I was too overwhelmed by my own mind – this goes to show how important the decisions I make are, how important it is to be clear about my standing/principles and what I will accept and allow or not – consequences are inescapable and can be so severe that handling them might be no easy feat, or we might not even be able to handle them the way we would like to at all.

Basically, what the conflict/misunderstanding consisted of was each of us projecting our fears and insecurities onto each other. As I had mentioned in my last blog, fears and insecurities always stem from an awareness of how we are living and what our actions are. Obviously one of us, or neither of us, were living in a way where we would be satisfied with ourselves, and this turned into fear of loss, expressed as blame and us projecting ourselves onto another. It takes real commitment to live a life where a successful relationship is possible, because one has truly given as they would like to receive. Whenever my commitment to life and living a life that is best for all is not absolute, I end up going into this point of fear of loss, expressed as anger/blame. So to have a successful relationship, I know what is required in terms of my living commitment – absoluteness, otherwise, I know how my dissatisfaction with myself will eat away at me and consume me and all that matters to me. It is the reason why I have failed so many times in the past, so many times that I have come to almost expect like this is how it should be, and thus I resist real commitment as real change.

One point of resistance I have had towards absolute commitment is some idea that it is boring – you know, the idea of ‘sticking to the same old thing’ – because in the past, I had associated consistency with slavery – you know, doing boring and useless shit that did not benefit me, on a consistent and regular basis. It is like I have come to experience inconsistency/failure as some form of excitement, getting stimulated/high off the fear that I create and experience – it is fascinating because as much as I have written about being addicted to the positive, I have never considered that one could actually in fact be addicted to the negative – even while have a degree of understanding that when it comes to the mind/energy, positive and negative are two sides of the same coin – and the positive is not real within that.

I’m sure many experience this about some point in their lives – feeling as though being committed to something is some kind of trap/slavery – but not having learned what it means to live principles that are best for all life, we fail to consider that the fear of being trapped by consistency, is rather us fearing the trap we have created for ourselves already – believing in/subscribing to a life of inconsistency and failure, to such an extent that we believe this is what life is, and even worse, that it is who we are and that we enjoy it.

Life is too short to run away from self responsibility – to making real commitments that challenge us to be the best we can be in service of life. It is fucked that – when faced with challenges/consequences/conflict, the tendency is to want to run away, rather than sort oneself out.

So 2 points here: expecting/accepting failure as normal, and fearing/resisting consistency/absoluteness in my resolve to say consistent in my living application as if it were ‘boring’.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe that failure is normal, acceptable, to be expected, part of life, and even fun and enjoyable or exciting

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to fear consistency, within a belief that it is boring or I will be trapped/enslaved and that it will be boring/meaningless/pointless/not supportive – and thus within this I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to associate consistency/ sticking with principles that are best for all life with past experiences of feeling enslaved on a consistent basis, thus associating consistency and sticking to simplicity/basics as boring or enslaving or a trap

I commit myself to stick to principles that are best for all life and be absolute in my resolve to stand, and give as I would like to receive, and to remain consistent in my application of sticking to breath and stopping destructive patterns of self interest where I do not give as I would like to receive – and thus within sticking to the simplicity of principles that are best for self/all life, I do not allow myself to be trapped by the illusion of ‘excitement’ as change as failure to stick to consistency/principles/simplicity as I experience is as ‘boring’ or ‘missing out on something’ – I commit myself to not run away from self responsibility.

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Day 273: Insecurity

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Today, before writing this, I experienced a feeling like I don’t know what to write about, as I often do when I go to write my blog. I always walk through this experience now because I know too well that there is all kinds of shit that requires my attention, so sometimes I will read blogs or listen to interviews/watch videos to get the ball rolling. The word ‘insecurity’ had come up recently in a song I discovered that I really liked, it is called ‘Soulmate’ by the band ‘No Use for a Name’ (the word soulmate referring to deep seeded insecurity) and I really liked the lyrics when I read them. They struck a chord with me (har har). Then tonight, I read a blog about insecurity and relationships, and recently I had some conflict/misunderstanding in my relationship, so after reading this blog it was like ok, time to look at this point of insecurity.

I suppose it is a normal thing, and just as I have not questioned it for so long, I’m sure neither have so many others who constantly live within such a point. What is insecurity? Fear of loss, the certainty that the future outcome of one’s life is one that is not desirable. It is intertwined with fear and anxiety, where -based on the way we live, and who we accept and allow ourselves to be – we create a life of insecurity with fear and anxiety as our main experience of ourselves. The fear and anxiety can then easily turn into anger when the prospect of real loss looms or even appears to loom and threatens our security – but our security can only ever be threatened if we are in-security (insecure) to begin with.

How do I create the experience of insecurity as a mathematical certainty of a future outcome that is not best? By living a life where I abdicate my self responsibility, where I do not stand in my own stead of self responsibility, living the life and creating a self that would be ideal, but rather look to/depend on others to do such a thing. We tend to believe that we can attain an ideal self/experience of self by depending on/drawing from the world around us. Just like we are conditioned to believe that we can buy our happiness, or that having a relationship will complete us, or that if we get that great new house/car/toy/job/whateverthefuckyoulike, then everything will apparently be great in our lives. The more we believe that we are not sufficient, that we can do do it for ourselves, that we can not be self responsible – we go looking outside of ourselves and this is such a great fall that we create that crippling experience of insecurity, where we obsess about controlling out reality and getting what we desire.

When abdicate ourselves and our ability to take self responsibility and live a life of real value that considers all life in equality, we create this kind of demonic/vampiric entity that needs to be fed to stay alive, and before you know it, we just become consumers, obsessed with consuming goods and whatever it is that will fill that endless void, that insatiable appetite – it will never be enough because it is a void that we created in the first place! This entity will then do anything it can to hold onto its food source, its energy source. It is insecure because it knows that – as something that was created – it is temporary. We abandon ourselves and let the demons/vampires take over, and then wonder why we are so insecure, why enough is never enough.

So, what would then happen if we did not abandon ourselves, but rather took self responsibility and do all in our power to ensure that we are creating a self/world that is best, with an outcome that is certain to be best for all life? In my experience, the more I give up, the less insecure I am. Conversely, the more I hold onto old habits/patterns/addictions and don’t get real about taking responsibility to create a life/self that is best for all – the more insecure I am, and the more I depend on others/things I have separated myself from, to fulfill me. That is no way to live. And this is a deep awareness of what we are accepting and allowing in our lives, it may not necessarily be something that one is aware of in their conscious mind.

So I have found this is the key to stopping all insecurity – stand up and take self responsibility for one’s life in stopping old vices as habits/patterns/addictions, and rather take self directive principle and create a self/world that is best for all life – then you will have all the security one could ever need because it has been created so.

That’s all for today. To be continued.

Day 272: What can I do to take self responsibility?

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Today I am writing a self support blog for some tough times I have been going through. They have been mentally tough more than anything, although it is having real effects on my physical reality because it is becoming quite difficult to focus. I’m going to keep this one short because a lot of the writing I will continue to due will be in my personal journal. What I will say in this blog post however is: QUESTION EVERYTHING – including yourself. Question if the things you are doing and participating in and a part of, tacitly or actively, are really real, if they are really trustworthy, if they are really self honest, if they are really what is best for all life. Do not compromise yourself for bullshit, because you fear to lose something or someone. If you do, you are going to experience regret like you wouldn’t believe – the consequences are brutal.

When things get tough – support yourself and be self honest about where you can make improvements and where you are not being self honest with yourself. Don’t blame others and when things get tough – breathe breathe breathe, then, sit down and write. Don’t stop writing until you’ve gained some composure and clarity, and don’t act on your thoughts, feelings and emotions, no matter how vivid and intense they seem. I made this mistake today and things could have been less stressful if I had taken a step back and really faced myself.

If we are to ever have any hope that other people will sort themselves out, we have got to sort ourselves out. Yes, the world has gone mad – and we are the world. I get frustrated and feel I have to ‘draw a line’ with others when they refuse to take any self responsibility or change or insist on remaining spiteful – but the truth is that I have to draw that line with me first, to give myself that boundary through taking self responsibility and looking at myself. Sometimes I feel like the answers don’t exist within me, they are somewhere out there, buried in the outer world issue or people I am dealing with – but that is not so – I am my own answer and I have been all a long.

I forgive myself that I’ve not accepted and allowed myself to face myself before facing others when dealing with an issue or conflict, and for allowing myself to act on thoughts/feelings/emotions in dealing with another rather than stabilizing myself through breath and sitting down to write

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to think and feel like I don’t have the answers or I don’t know what to do

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe that the problems I experience exist solely in others, while not looking at/realizing the fact that my experiences are my own, and that this is the only point in which I am able to work and take self responsibility – within this, I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to be self righteous in believing that I am doing more/trying when others aren’t

I forgive myself that I’ve not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that the only place I am able to effect change when I am experience problems is within myself – and that I have not allowed myself to realize that this is the key to enabling me to see the situation with clarity and without emotional attachment/fear/blame, and thus direct the problem with ease

When and as I see myself wanting to fix the problem ‘out there’ in something/someone else – I stop, I breathe, I see, realize and understand that this is a trap to keep me enslaved to my own mind and not solve the problem in fact, and that I am missing the point that the problem exist within me and that the only way to take directive principle is to face myself in breathing/writing – thus I do not give into the desire to change the problem ‘out there’ as my thoughts/feelings/emotions/energy, but rather be self directive in seeing what I can change about myself/where I can take self responsibility and lead by example

I commit myself to give as I would like to receive, no matter what others are doing around me and to no longer use the excuse of what others are doing to not stand up and live the life of integrity that I really want to

I commit myself to identify reactions and deal with them immediately

I commit myself to question things in writing when I am having an experience of uneasiness/unclarity/uncertainty

Day 271: Practicalities of self change – how do I change myself for real?

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Since school has started again, I have begun re-structuring my life since I have the added responsibility of school again, after about 2 weeks off. It is interesting the way I (and I’m sure many others) tend to treat work like it is something unhealthy, like some kind of horrible drain that we need to escape whenever possible, when often it is never the work itself but who we are and how we experience ourselves within ourselves that is such a drain on the body – all the thinking, the fears and anxieties that often go along with our work experiences, because after all work means money and money means survival, so work for many like myself becomes an intrinsically stressful thing, where we go into ‘work mode’. Then we also have the opposite polarity of ‘play time’ or ‘relax mode’ where we find ways to escape. The two points support each other and are two sides of the same coin – because in both cases, we are just experiencing ourselves energetically, so it is ironic that we try to escape the negative energetic work experience with the positive escape/play experience – they are both just energy. The problem is that we want just the positive experience and the more we give into that positive, the more we will resist the negative work experience, and yet it is an inevitability, and the more we chase the positive, the more intense the negative experience is going to be and the more difficult we will experience it. I mean it is essentially just throwing a tantrum because we are addicted to the positive energetic experiences we hold so dear, and thus resist giving them up to have to work.

I am constantly working with these points, in stopping the tendency to give into the positive energetic experiences that make living and working so difficult. Living and working is not in reality such a difficult thing, we just experience it that way, especially if our living/working really doesn’t contribute to anything meaningfully benevolent in our lives or in the world. There is a lot of resistance to giving up the positive and it takes time, especially when you have trusted such an experience for so long and as extensively as I have – and yet it is no excuse to not do everything possible to support myself to stop. I don”t mean that in a moralistic sense, I literally mean it does not excuse me from the consequences I am creating for myself, by trusting/giving into the positive energy of the mind. Positive thinking is a trap that makes us numb to reality as the world around us, and makes us cranky bitches when we don’t get what we want. We actually believe that such experiences are the answer. But they are just that – experiences – one might notice that their experience of happiness is always a fleeting thing, it is never constant and requires constant input and stimulation to be experienced, and the right kind of stimulation, and the right amount – just like a drug – and eventually you become numb to it and it isn’t enough and you need more, and more, and more…

But stopping this point, breathing, and through breath – directing myself to take on new endeavors, new tasks, new responsibilities, new learning experiences – I am beginning to see what it really means to live, and to live to my full potential.

I mean, I always wanted to have a great life, a perfect life, where everything works well and I am one and equal with all and everything is just as it should be – not shitty! And yet it is through my conditioning that I have been mislead: the pursuit of happiness as an fleeting energetic experience: that is not the key. The key, I am finding, is to push myself to live to my full potential as I mentioned before, but within a context that does consider others/the world around me as equal and one to myself – otherwise, what is the point of becoming a better person?

It is quite a cool experience because when you make this decision, to stop giving into the mind of positive energy/positive thinking, and actually live real positivity – that means living words/deeds that mathematically provide a certain outcome that is favorable – then all of a sudden, I find my fear and anxiety diminishes, by weaknesses that are birthed in my desires and vices begin to disappear, and all of a sudden living becomes interesting and purposeful – isn’t that what everybody would like? A life of real meaning and purpose, without a worry or fear, that functions effectively all the time without falter, where we are one with and equal to the world around us? Whereas when I give into my illusionary desires of wanting these positive energetic experiences that I’ve become addicted to, I begin to live with fear and anxiety because I know deep down who I am and what my starting point is and what I am really allowing. I become weak, nasty and reclusive, because I am harboring a secret agenda where the only thing on my agenda is living for me myself and I – nevermind everything and everyone else – they are just become tools in my eyes of how I can fulfill my self interest! That is why people use/abuse each other all the time and they don’t even see it. 

Putting this in practical application is really interesting and quite a journey where you figure out how to live for real, how to manage yourself in the physical reality effectively, with understanding and common sense. Currently I am finding it is important to breathe when desires come up, and to be practical about my ability to take on new activities/responsibilities, while not fooling myself with the excuses of “I can’t do it” or “I’m not ready yet”. These 2 points, of both stopping old patterns and being effective with new points go hand-in-hand: the more effectively I stop myself from repeating the old patterns/habits, the more clarity I have in structuring my new living/expression. If I am not stopping effectively, then I will tend to ‘get ahead of myself’ in my mind and project myself very ambitiously doing more than my physical body can actually handle – I notice this a lot. So, stopping old habits, breathing, and working with the body – making sure it is well taken care of, fed, rested – is key in establishing and creating a new self that can really live to my full potential and live a life of real value where over time I will be recognized for the fact that I have in fact stood for life with such resolve/absoluteness that others will see the trustworthiness of my consistency. The only thing stopping us from being the absolute best we can be, from having the absolute best experience of ourselves, is the belief that we are doing so already.

 

I forgive myself that I’ve not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that over-ambition/impracticality of taking on new responsibilities and structuring my living stems from not stopping old habits, where I then project in my mind all the things that I will do, and that this will not work but rather I must breathe and stop all old habits, and be practical about what responsibilities are priority, and how to practically work with the body in accomplishing them.

I commit myself to – when and as I see myself projecting in my mind what I will do – I stop, I breathe, I realize that this is only a projection and that it is due to the fact that somewhere in my life, I am still giving into old habits/patterns , and to immediately stop and move myself as breath in taking on new responsibilities. Thus I do not give into these desires/projections as my thoughts/feelings/emotions/energy and I realize that I must also be patient with myself in stopping old habits and yet realize the importance of walking through and moving forward as if I continue to allow myself to give into desires, I will inevitably continue to create this experience of projecting myself as doing more than what is actually practically possible for my body in the physical reality

Day 270: The bad boy character

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This is in a way continuation of my last blog about the hero character, as it is the other side of the coin, so to speak. Both of these characters were designed within the system of morality I grew up in and experienced and thus defined myself according to. Neither of them are who I really am.

While I observed the power of the hero character from a young age, so too did I observe the power over the villain. They seem to always take turns getting the best of each other. What was appealing to me about the bad boy character is the ability of the bad boy to strike fear and shock in others, knowing that there is certain kind of ‘respect’ that people have for things that they fear, although it is not really respect, it is just fear and through fear we ‘respect’ as a form of being controlled by what we fear. Also, there is the point of people having a form of ‘admiration’ for a person is so bold as to be as ruthless as possible in pursuit of their self interest, to get what they want – because people will tend to try to do what they can to get what they want, but often it is only the fear of consequences that deter us from being so bold and ruthless. Like “I don’t give a fuck…yeah, I said it”. The bad boy character is cocky and arrogant and doesn’t apologize for being such a badass. So cool, isn’t it? Obviously not. 

Perhaps there could have been value in the bad boy character in that it enabled me to essentially say “fuck the system” – and guess what? Turns out the system is fucked! But to blame is pointless, and essentially the bad boy character is a fool because it is just imitating a system that fucked the original being (who became the bad boy character) in the first place. So – being pissed off at the system and saying “fuck that, I’m gonna get mine, I’m in it for me!” – is really quite stupid because it is just recreating the problem and then recreating that harm onto others who will then also become badass demons and say ‘fuck the system – but then I have already become the system as the bad boy character and now we are just a bunch of bad boy character systems fucking each other, competing over how low we can go, seeing how selfish and spiteful we can be to our fellow beings in the name of self interest and fear.

So feeling like I am cool or clever and thinking I’m a ‘badass’ within this point of acting out the bad boy character is really stupid, and yet there is no need to go into the other extreme polarity of being the hero character. Perhaps the hero was just born out of regret and guilt as a way to counter the evil of the bad boy character – looking for redemption.

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to have defined myself as some kind of rebel bad ass and to take a point of pride in being bold, ruthless, outrageous, socking or simply being a rebel in any general way, not realizing that within this I am simply giving into my self interest and being spiteful towards others, fucking myself over through the example I am living for others, who will inevitably reciprocate that which I have given/lived/expressed

When and as I see myself wanting to be ‘cool’ by going into the bad boy character and wanting to do something bold/hardcore/ruthless/rebellious/shocking/outrageous as a way of getting attention and getting what I want – I stop, I breathe, I see, realize and understand how I am utilizing this system to control others through fear and projecting a false image, and doing so purely for my own self interest – and thus I do not give into the desire to act out this character as my thoughts, feelings and emotions.

Day 269: The Hero Character

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Helping those in need, saving people, protecting the innocent, killing bad guys! I mean, you know you have read too many comic books and watched too many moves when…

I noticed this tendency today within myself to want to be a hero, to do heroic things and be regarded as some kind of knight in shining armor. The knight in shining armor always gets the girl, doesn’t he?

The hero character is a character that is created opportunistically out of the fake morality system of go(o)d and (d)evil that we have created, where we are existing in self-created bubbles of separation to our fellow man/this world and as a result, polarize ourselves into an endless variation of degree of good and evil. All that one such as myself has to do is to lock onto this system, learn it’s rules of what is apparently good and noble and what is apparently evil and condemnable, and play it – I’m the good guy, I am the good-est of the good guys, the highest of the high with the highest calling. I mean what better way is there to have power? That’s what super hero’s have – super powers!

Within this character, I will present myself as being greater than I really am, strong and more noble than I really am, more caring than I really am, more considerate and loving than I really am – I mean it goes on, you get the idea.

But have heroes ever really made any real, lasting difference to our world? If so, would we even know who the real heroes are? In my experience, the real heroes have always gone unsung, almost completely unnoticed.

Within the living understanding of equality and what it means to be equal there can exist no heroes because heroes are simply capitalizing on a point of inequality through a world system that essentially creates bad guys, just like armies capitalize on countries that are apparently bad because they are apparently a threat our security – or like the way CEO’s of the prison industry are the heroes capitalizing on high incarceration rates.

Sometimes it really seems justified in our own minds – but that is only within the allowance of a reaction to a point that we’ve been programmed to see as ‘wrong’ and thus if we act as heroes we are apparently right. Our reactions of hatred towards others and the injustices we witness – and yet we don’t even understand our own reactions sufficiently enough to realize that they are in fact the key to stopping all evil in this world – because it is our reactions of anger, blame, vengeance, revenge that reveal that it is in fact we who are the evil ones, living with no compassion, no understanding, no consideration for others as equal to ourselves – just a desire to capitalize and yet again not have to face and correct ourselves because we are apparently righteous. Not only this, but when a hero comes around to apparently ‘save’ everybody – we have been completely self dishonestly absolved of our own response-ability to change the mess of bad guys we are creating on this earth.

We don’t need heroes – we need equals – that is the most heroic thing one could ever do – and yet it is not heroic in terms of the mockery we have made out of heroics because it is just living within the recognition of a point that we should have been aware of all along – our own equality – to and as ourselves and this reality.

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe that being a hero solves anything

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to want and desire to be a hero and to use the point of fake morality within the system as a way of fitting myself into a context where I can be the good/righteous/heroic one, existing within and sustaining definitions of what is apparently good and evil in this world 

I forgive myself that I’ve not accepted and allowed myself to not realize that a hero is not a real being at all but just a character that capitalizes off of a system that creates bad guys and that the hero is special in no way whatsoever as the hero was simply lucky to be born in a position where self righteousness can be more easily claimed and believed

In forgive myself that I’ve not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that a hero is just a faker and s not in it for life but just for the hero to be recognized by everyone as the hero and carry out his own agenda and is thus one of the greatest abusers while claiming some kind of higher morality – within this I forgive myself that I’ve not accepted and allowed myself to believe that a hero is not what is in fact needed and that people do not need to be saved as what is really necessary to change this world to a place that s best for all life is equality and oneness, done through self honesty, self forgiveness and self corrective applications

I commit myself to stop the tendency to want to try and capitalize on the evil of the world by being the hero character and making myself look better than I really am this way – when and as I see myself reacting to something unjust in this world and the hero character begins to be activated – I stop, I breathe, I remain here and do not give into this inner movement as my thoughts, feelings and emotions and rather remain equal to myself here as breath in order to direct myself/what is here

I commit myself to stop abusing a position of good fortune to capitalize on the mess this world is in through utilizing the hero character – rather, I commit myself to establish equality, firstly to self and then to others, so that all are equal and thus no good guys and bad guys can exist

 

Stay tuned for the other side of the coin of the hero character where I will be writing about the bad boy character.

Day 268: Do I have time? Or does time have me?

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Time is a strange thing in that it is perceptual, and how we perceive and experience time is essentially just a reflection of how we experiences ourselves within ourselves. Everyone has had those experiences of tiny moments that feel like an eternity and long moments that seem to have flown by.

We tend to correlate time with how we experience ourselves and use time as a way of contextualizing how we live and what we do. Do we have the time? Time is money, after all. Through this correlation, we tend to obsess over time itself and then begin basing life on the clock that we are watching. As if it is time who decides who we are and what we will do. Sure, we are only given a limited amount of time on this earth, but who we are and what we do within it should in no way be determined by something that we made up. I mean time is a measurement system – how the hell can we base the way we live on a system that we use to measure our living? Just the same way money is simply a system that measures and assesses value, and we then live our lives according to money.

I noticed today, my tendency to live according to time. Now what is interesting is that time is something that is created – when we really want something or need something or at least believe that we do, we will usually make the time for it. We tend to not have time for the things we don’t like, we just don’t spend time doing them. Within my frame/perception of time that I am living in, I notice that I have made time for all kinds of useless habits/patterns and addictions, because I have come to believe that I enjoy them – while there are many things I should really be giving my attention to, that I don’t – I don’t make the time for them because there is no desire as self interest. However I do have a conscience and know that I should be making time for these things – and I do – but just barely. Usually, I will wait until the end of a day to do personal self support writing or begin writing a blog. I will waste my time on meaningless shit because I am telling myself “it’s ok, I have the time, I can spare it”. This point of wasting time and postponing self responsibility is a big fuckup because in reality, given the state that we and our world are in, time is the last thing that we have to spare.

It takes practice to become effective with time, it takes discipline, it takes the self directive principle in each moment to say “ok, what am I going to do with this moment” and do it – then move onto the next moment and whatever is necessary to be done in the next moment – but as a self direction in self honesty, not just sort of going “ok, I think I’ll do this now, oh I feel like doing this so whatever I’ll just do it – never mind it’s relevance and whether or not it has any real value to life.

Basically, I have been managing my life according to time, managing it within the clock and how I have given the times of the clock different values and connotations that apparently make some things valid and other things not valid, depending on where I’m at in time. Rather than managing what I want to live and do according to time, wouldn’t it make sense to manage time according to what I want to live and do?

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to manage my life according to time, believing I have to do certain things at certain times or that I do not have time to do certain things or because it is the ‘wrong time’ to do them – I commit myself to learnt to live each moment equally and apply myself in each moment equally as doing what is really necessary to doing that moment, rather than to ignore the gift of time that I have by stagnating and using the belief of having time to spare to justify not using my time effectively.

I forgive myself that I’ve not accepted and allowed myself to realize that ‘not having the time’ is an excuse to not have to do something that I might not prefer, as time is in fact created as it is based on priorities – thus I commit myself to stand and direct my moments of time to ensure that I am using time effectively in a way that is best for self as life

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to manage my life and what I will do according to time, and thus I commit myself to rather establish my priorities, who I will be and what I will do, in self honesty, and use time as a way to manage and measure my effectiveness with regards to my living application – I commit myself to direct myself effectively in self honesty as breath from moment to moment, taking on each new moment as the self directive principle with clarity as breath