Day 437: Mysteries of the subconscious mind and the value of education

So I’ve been getting over an illness that I’ve ha the last few days, and I’ve just started to focus again on my Desteni I Process work. As I’ve mentioned in previous posts, the more I work on DIP, the more I realize how critical it is that I work on DIP. I will elaborate:

Through working on a mind construct, I’ve been able to identify how and why I have developed particular behavior patterns, which affect and hinder the effectiveness of my interaction with others and my overall ability to direct myself in clarity. These behavior patterns were developed through specific experiences that have been stored into the subconscious mind as memories. All of our automated behavior is essentially coming from our subconscious minds, which is the storing place/database of all of our past memories/experiences. They determine ‘who we are’ in our day to day life, our personalities, our choices, etc.

So what I am essentially doing is educating myself – doesn’t seem obvious that this can be called education but this is because we have a very limited definition of what education is in this world. I am first educating myself about myself, to understand how and why I am the way that I am, and the reprogramming myself to live in the way I would actually like to live, a re-education process. More importantly, I am taking the time to do this for myself, and that is the critical point of education that has to be addressed in today’s world.

Because our understanding of what education is so warped (due to our experience/understanding of it from past experiences of being in the educational system) we tend to give very little value to education at all. There is a kind of blind faith in education, and that faith has to be blind because while we have a vague idea that education matters, there reality is that our education system is, quite simply, grossly insufficient, and so to have faith in it, you have to be blind and optimistic.

But with a real, effective education possible and accessible (see more on DIP), it simply comes down to us recognizing that value and giving ourselves the space and time to take advantage of that value, by applying ourselves in the process of giving ourselves such an education.

It is about recognizing the value of yourself, your life and the reality of the problems you/we face in this world, and thus the value of the solution as the education. When this happens, we will find the time, we will find the resources, the money, the resolve – whatever it takes to get it done. When we grant ourselves that value to see things clearly, we embark on a path that holds for us great reward and a future that we would truly like to live in and look forward to.

Day 436: Legalizing gay marriage in America is useless, and here’s why…

Today I opened my facebook and found it littered with posts about how gay marriage had been legalized in the United States. It’s obviously understandable that any citizen would want to have the same, equal rights as others. So they’ve got that now. America, %4 of the world’s population, approximately %10 of which are gay, have the right to marry. So %0.4 of the worlds population got the right to marry.

Now let’s get real.

There can be useful benefits to people who get married. However, none of the following benefits are gained whatsoever from having the right to get married:

– the right to food and clean drinking water
– the right to a proper home
– the right to equal education to those who can afford superior education and post secondary education
– the right to work have a dignified life
– the right to a sufficient, living income
– the right to be protected from violence and harm
– the right to healthcare that is equal to those who can afford superior healthcare
– the right to a heated, comfortable home (for those of us living in northern areas)

Without even going into the question of the legitimacy of the institution called ‘marriage’ (personally, I’m not a fan), does anyone not notice any glaring problems with this scenario, while everyone is busy having a party over this proclaimed ‘massive victory for civil liberties’?

Years ago, on my facebook I decided to conduct a social experiment. I noticed the LGBT ‘equal rights’ movement was blowing up. Because I was entering a time in my life where I was learning about the principles of oneness and equality – that means supporting equality for ALL life in every way – I decided to add a bunch of people who used the word ‘equality’ as their middle names, to see how far this notion of ‘equality’ actually stretched. I often post content that exposes the inequalities that exist around the world, in all of their varying forms, and posts regarding the implementation of practical solutions to support the establishment of equality for all life on planet earth.

I have noticed very, very little support from the LGBT ‘equality’ movement. Nor have I seen any significant number of posts supporting a movement towards equality for all life on earth from this community. This is a rather limited definition and scope of ‘equality’, wouldn’t you say? This came as no surprise to me, as people tend to support ‘noble causes’ that really only directly affect their own lives, and this group in particular (American LGBT’s) have one special thing that gives them a voice: money. Unlike so many marginalized groups in this world that have no real equality to those in positions of privilege (those who have money), this group is loud and noticeable because they can buy the right to have a voice.

So while everyone is busy celebrating this apparent victory, here are some other ‘equality’ points that are not being addressed and see very little hope of changing any time in the near future:

– children starving to death around the globe and more than one billion people living on the breadline
– wage slaves/sweatshop workers working in horrible conditions to make cheap products for those who have money
– countless women and children working as slaves in the sex slave trade
– economic genocide wreaking havoc among the mass population as elites further consolidate wealth and power
– environmental destruction occurring at an ever-increasing rate
– the mass genocide and hell that is the plight of the animal kingdom, whether it be in factory farms, laboratories or for material goods
– the profiteering of education that is placing millions of students in insurmountable debts
– the profiteering of a health care industry that capitalizes on keeping people sick and unhealthy
– the degradation of our food supply and its standards
– perpetual war and violence across the globe
– the abuse of children in religious and educational institutions, as well as child kidnapping
– endless cycles of race-based hate crime
and the list goes on and on…..

Where is the ‘fight for equality’ when it comes to supporting solutions that are all inclusive, that consider everyone around the globe and not such a small, select group of individuals? Where is the ‘fight for equality’ when it comes to doing what is best for ALL life?

This is all not to mention that this mass diversion of attention onto the LGBT marriage equality issue is something that is featured prominently in the mainstream media. I can always hear the sound of sheep marching to the slaughter when I see what the mainstream media is focusing on, and then suddenly seeing all of the posts of my facebook news feed mirror what the media is focusing on. It is there for a reason and that reason is solely to distract the public from the issues that really matter, from the things we ought to focus on if we want to make a REAL change in this world, once and for all. Americans, are you really so stupid as to continue to trust what the mainstream media is focusing on and promoting?

And as a final note, as I’m sure I’ve offended someone people of the LGBT religion with these words – if you are considering me a hater, I would note that my own father is a transsexual, with my full and unconditional support. My father, as one example, is not concerned with this new development of legalized gay marriage because  my father is able to simply recognize that it is not nearly as big a deal as what people would like to make it out to be.

Do people really think that a law is going to change the face of a deeply rooted cultural hatred towards LGBT’s and other general xenophobia? Do people really think that this will solve the fundamental issue of why we as a people have become so divided, hateful and violent?

The real issues in the world are rooted much, much deeper than that. Let’s get to the bottom of it. A suggestion? Follow the money trail..

Day 435: Desteni I Process: creating self stability in relationships

In the past couple weeks I’ve been working a little more consistently at my Desteni I Process life coaching course and I’m grateful that I have. I’m still not spending as much time as I’d like to on it, so this is a goal of mine. It’s fascinating because of course the reason I might justify not working on it, and why it is not a top priority is not understanding how critical it is to my life. It’s easy to find excuses, especially when I am busy with things like work, but interestingly enough, that is the opposite of the truth as I am seeing how important it is for my work (and the rest of my life, for that mater) that I work consistently at DIP.

I saw this directly when working on a mind construct wherein I went into past experience with one of my parents to see how I had defined myself within myself and who I am towards others within such experiences – how I had come to develop all kinds of behavior patterns through misunderstandings in negative past experiences. I saw a connection between how I reacted toward that parent in certain experiences and how these reactions came to be behavior patterns/ways of dealing with other people in my world, and how they ultimately do not serve me as I am being reactive and living based on memories. So, it turns out that to be effective in my work, it is critical that I work on my DIP so that I am effective within my relationships/interactions with other people.

Like most things, it can very challenging to get myself to do the work, especially since it is always like going into the unknown and you don’t quite know what you’re going to get, or you don’t see the immediate benefit of that work – and yet here I can see that there is tremendous benefit, to the point where I actually would like to get onto the next mind construct because I know it will really stabilize and clear myself so that I am truly effective within all my other relationship/interactions. It is fascinating how so much of the way we learn to behave/interact with others is based on how we defined ourselves/others based on past experiences with our parents, as, for most people, they play the biggest influential role in the development of a child’s life.

Day 434: Morality as enslavement

So after being on yet again another experience of ‘going it alone’ in my life, in terms of building a comfortable and successful life for myself, you know, working, making a home, all that stuff, I have come to learn a few things about what really matters in life, mostly learning the hard way. It seems that because I’m already stubborn enough that I tend to learn then hard way, it is no wonder that even after a hard lesson, I can easily ‘forget’ what I’ve learned and like any new way of life that is learned, sometimes it is easy to forget what I have learned and really, fully learn from it, in terms of implementing that lesson into my life and the way I live completely, permeating all through every aspect of my life and the way I live.

One thing I have learned is to put my body ahead of my job/work – or anything else for that matter. There is a tendency to sacrifice ourselves for our jobs and the money that they bring. It is as though we are looking past the long term to the short term, because while one’s health may be bad in the short term, money pays the bills and brings long term security, apparently.

It should be obvious that this makes no sense and that a job is never worth compromising one’s health – and yet I still have times where I recognize that I may need to rest and take care of my health, while I’m still busy worrying about my work being upset with me or having problems maintaining my employment – such fears are mostly based on past experiences where, as an employee, I was treated as expendable. A recent chapter from a book by Zig Ziglar sold me on my own body, about how valuable our bodies actually are and how to compromise our bodies for any amount of money is the most foolish thing one could do.

Another point for myself to review is the trap of morality. It is amazing the degree to which I’ve let false morality fuck with my life. Morality, for the most part, is a lie used by those with no actual morality to keep other in line. This can also be applied within the aforementioned example of compromising oneself for a job – morality is used extensively in the work force and attached to ‘work ethic’ because apparently, the work force/economy is a noble and respectable thing. Ha. Only fools who have never done business for themselves could believe such a thing.

Any lie can be sold to us to have us conform and become subservient to serve special interests of those who know how to play and control this game – and it is very well controlled. It is no wonder it would go as far as brainwashing us to the point where we would compromise our own health and well being – both physical and mental – for a job.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not put my own physical body above all things as my physical body has the most value of anything as it is what supports me to do all else – I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to use fear of survival as a way to not put my physical body first and to defend this fear of survival with morality. I forgive myself that I’ve not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that morality as I know it is complete bullshit.

I commit myself to no longer put anything else before my own physical/mental health and wellbeing, and I commit myself to stop using morality to deceiving myself into doing this as a justification of what is apparently right

Day 433: Stepping out of yourself and finding a radically different perspective

In the last few days I’ve had a lot of anxiety over my future and the uncertainty of how I was ever going to reach my goals practically. What I did not consider and what I was not aware of was how much my own memories of past experienced serve to supply the knowledge that I was attempting to figure out this equation with.

I did not consider how many assumptions about how things are and how life apparently works were embedded in my decision making process – can’t make a decision that way! What it took to assist me to step out of this way of thinking and seeing/perceiving how things would work was talking to someone who had radically different experiences than me.

This person did not even need to challenge my assumptions and the way I was thinking about things/perceiving them directly – through merely hearing the radical difference in how this person saw things, it exposed how many assumptions existed within me that I was taking for granted. This was a staggering contrast to some of the other people I was talking to about the same points – family, friends – who, because of their similar experiences, were not of much assistance because the way they saw things was too similar to how I saw things.

All of a sudden, I was seeing new solutions to my predicament, that had been there right in front of my eyes staring at me the whole time.

So this is the basic point for this blog, the point being that sometimes you have to really go far to step outside of yourself so to speak, and the way you think and see things, to see things in a whole new way and consider things in a whole new way. It may seem radical. It may seem extreme, it may seem too far fetched and ‘out there’ – but is that not what we need when we are so stuck in the trappings of the limited thinking of our own minds? To get out of it and go ‘far out’.

Day 432: Practical insight: who I am beneath the surface

I’ve had a few moments today where I really noticed how much I – and people in general for that matter – actually know about ourselves….how little we actually know about ourselves. We are not at all aware of how much that we see and perceive is purely belief based, has purely been taught to us – let alone remembering the moment/experiences within which they were taught to us. How can anything of ourselves/the way we perceive reality be trusted if we do not even see that it is based on beliefs that were taught to us? How much can we trust ourselves and our perception if we do not even remember when, why and by whom we were taught these beliefs? We are much more complicated beings than we would like to admit. That is why when we go to figure things out in our reality we call it re-search – we are researching into the past to understand the unfolding of that which has been created and exist currently.

In recent posts I have talked about the creation of positive energy and a positive character as I noticed this self deception within/as myself and that it does not in fact serve me/life – it is something created on the surface to keep me from ever actually seeing what is deep beneath the surface of my being. I have seen that this positive energy, which creates a kind of character/behavior/image is nothing more than a beautiful brick wall that keeps me from ever seeing beyond, from ever actually understanding who I am as life and thus how to live life practically, equal and one with/as life itself as who I really am.

When I stop the act I find a peculiar thing – no love exists in fact, within/as me. No beauty exists, nothing pleasant or nice or pretty exists. With the positive energy act, on the surface I may act like I like people. In truth I have no interest to be social/associate with others than to get what I need to get in order to survive and have a dignified life. Do desire to be with others, to assist and support them to understand them and take the time to understand them exists, other than to do it as a means to an end to get what I want in order to be able to exist and live a dignified life. I do not actually lime nor am I impressed by people, other than I may like and be impressed by within the context of how it can serve me to survive and live a dignified life. I do not desire to explore and expand myself/my reality exist and no desire to share such a living expression exists. No desire to be physically affectionate and have sex exists. How dependent have I become on the lie of positive energy – created as a survival mechanism in pursuit of a dignified life – have I become to live and do the most basic things in terms of living/self expression?

When a negative energy takes us over – alarm bells go off and we scramble to do everything we can to rectify the situation – why do we never question the positive energies that we accept and allow within/as ourselves? They are merely two sides of the same coin.

I have had experiences where, when I stop participating in such positive energies and the phony characters that they create, it is as though the voice of ‘big brother’ enters my head and says ‘no, don’t go there, you’re doing something wrong’ – you need to love people, you need to be positive for them, you need to be pleasant, you will hurt them if you do not, you will anger them, people will not like you because you will not please them or give them what they want. What you are doing is wrong and you are mean.

And yet we do not see the wrongness and the malice of everything in our reality that we are creating and what it is actually that exists within and as each and every one of us deep inside of ourselves that is creating such horrors – what a backwards way to view reality and what is apparently positive and negative. It is all in reverse. We are living from the ‘surface inward’ – trying to live in the illusion of the superficial veneer and within that, enabling the evil that is within us and destroying what little may be left within ourselves that is real and pure. We do not live from the ‘inside-outward’, because to project what is on the inside, based on how we have been conditioned/programmed within/as ourselves, would produce the most vulgar and obscene results – and yet, that is the scene we end up creating inevitably in our reality, because that is how life actually works, regardless of how we may want to see it and live, it works from the ‘inside-outward’, where it is who we are within/as ourselves that create and dictate that which our outer reality will be created as.

To be continued in the next post.

Day 431: Over-spending myself at work and consistency: creating the experience of exhaustion

I noticed at times how overwhelmed I get with all of the things that I am taking on in my life, sometimes I am not as effective as I can be with the time I have because I look at everything and feel like “I can’t do all of this! I need a break!” and I can see that this is in a way true but only true because I am creating this experience. At work, I have a tendency to be very positive and ‘nice’ and ‘kind’ with everybody, like I want to give off an image asserting that I am a nice, trustworthy person, but in fact it is a form of compensation for what I am doing. The fact is that I have a job to do and that job isn’t always pretty (that’s an understatement…). I would like to change how things are done, at least on my part, within the system, but although I was able to do that in the past, I am finding my new job extremely controlled and rigid, and so I’m not able to do the same thing now. Also, I should not do this as a way of fooling myself into becoming self-righteous and judging other teachers for who and how they are.

But this image is how I am creating the experience of exhaustion, because it takes energy to upkeep this image, I can see and feel at times that I am acting nice and that it is not my true self-expression. So because this energetic act takes a toll on me, when I get home from school I feel tired and I just want to relax, just want to take a break – but with all the responsibilities I want to take on I really can’t do that, unless it is the kind of break that is truly required to nurture the human body so it can function effectively/optimally.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to act as the nice guy character in my work and to believe that this is a critical part of having successful employment and that I’ve not accepted and allowed myself to simply be myself and do what is actually necessary to have successful employment as the work that is expected of me

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to try and attempt to be positive about the reality that I am in as a form of denial to not have to try and do the things that are necessary for me to do at this time to serve the system as a means to an end to enable myself to serve the greater good in the ‘bigger picture’

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I can do more than I can actually do to effect change within the system, merely because I might have been able to in the past or because I may have a better approach

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to be naïve about how much I can actually do within the system as a way of avoiding to have to do the things that I do not want to do or don’t agree with

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to try and attempt to try and be positive and simply ‘get through my day’ because I do not like my job or agree with what I am required to do

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that I am creating the experience of exhaustion and feeling overwhelmed and not being as effective as I could be by playing the nice guy character and feeding energy to this character

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to use the fact that I do not like my job or agree with my job in principle as an excuse to not try and do what is asked of me and not have to face the reality that I am currently living and participating in, as a form of self righteous absolution

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to use the nice guy persona as an ideal image to compensate for a lack of effort and unwillingness to apply myself within the justification that ‘the system is fucked’ therefore ‘why bother trying anything?’

I commit myself to stop the nice guy character and simply do what is necessary of me at my job without judging it as inferior or myself as superior and ‘knowing better’

When and as I see myself going into the nice guy character – I stop, I breathe, and I do not participate in this point/belief/character as I see, realize and understand that such a character is only designed to compensate for the things that I do not want to do and the points/reality that I do not want to face, thus I do not participate in this energy as it arises as my thoughts, feelings and emotions and I simply focus on doing the work that is required of me

I commit myself to focus on the things that I can control and doing my job within the understanding that I am here to face the reality that I am in, no matter what justification or self righteous belief I may want to use as an excuse not to, and within the realization that doing so – fully embracing the reality that I am in here and applying myself within it, is the key to being stable as breath and constant, without energy fluctuation and the desire to stop/rest/escape

I commit myself to stop the desire to simply want to pass the day by within the excuse that my job and the education system is fucked and to do my best in terms of what I am able to actually do within it to make the job as good as possible, even despite/within the limitation and fuckedness that I find myself in