Day 68: Being judged as a straight male

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I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as bad for wanting/desiring sex

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to adopt the judgment of others through feeling bad when others judged me as bad for wanting/desiring sex

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am exceptional in being bad for wanting/desiring sex as a form of self interest, not realizing that everyone is existing within a point of self interest to one degree or another that comes in one form or another and thus I am in fact equal to all others as this self interest was taught to me by a society that exist in self interest

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to take the blame in past relationships for being self interested as only wanting sex or cheating on a partner because I wanted sex, and allowed myself to be blamed/defined as ‘the bad guy’ because it was obvious that I as a straight male has self interest in the form of wanting sex – yet I did not allow myself to see/realize that both I and my partner were existing within forms of sex interest as we were both in the relationship for our own selfish reasons as wants/desires that merely took on different forms

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to let others/society tell me who I am as allowing myself to be defined by their judgments of me as bad/selfish for being a straight male that wants/desires sex

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not realize that others judgments of me being bad for being selfish in wanting/desiring sex and their attacks on me for being this way, were in fact based in self interest where they in fact want something and had an ulterior motive in making this judgment of me, in an attempt to have power/control through creating a moral context of better/worse where they get to be the morally superior/righteous ones in contrast to be being the morally inferior one

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to suppress my wants/desires only because I fear self judgment/others judging me

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not realize that real self change that is best for all life must be done through a real understanding, not through an idea of what something is that is based in morality definitions that are created in the human power struggle of people trying to have power over one another

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to define myself as being the ‘bad guy’ as having self interested desires where the woman is the ‘victim’ – not realizing that I am also a ‘victim’ of my own desires just as everyone is enslaved to their own self interest as desires as self interest/desires are always based in fear – and everyone has fear

 

I commit myself to stop suppressing my desires and investigate myself self honestly through living out who I currently am and writing daily to support myself in understanding who I am so that I may make the corrections necessary through understanding to create a life that is best for all

 

I commit myself to stop judging myself and suppressing myself because I fear being judged by others within the acceptance and realization that I am in fact one and equal to all others and am not any better/worse

 

I commit myself to stop and forgive all morality judgments that I have made about myself and others with regards to sex/desire

 

I commit myself to investigate all desires of the mind so that I may understand the mind and its desires and accordingly distinguish between what is real and what is not to create a life that is best for all, and not limit myself/suppress myself from participating within the desires of the mind only because I fear them because I have judged them as wrong/bad and would simply like to escape/suppress those judgments

 

I commit myself to no longer limit my understanding of my mind/desires through judgments and trying to escape my mind/desires through suppression, as the self honest realization that what I resist will persist and that I cannot simply stop through a desire to change that is based on morality judgments – that I must understand me and how/why I have created myself this way and thus why and how to stop and create a life that is best for all

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Day 67: Laziness and Procrastination

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I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to be lazy and procrastinate

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not realize that procrastinating is the procreation of fear wherein fear will be an inevitable experience when I accept and allow myself to procrastinate as there exist an awareness that valuable time has been lost and that I have not done what is necessary to create a successful life on earth for myself as life but instead procrastinated in self interest believing that I can escape the self responsibility of creator

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not realize that laziness is a drug of the mind where I allow myself to be intoxicated by the belief that I can escape myself/my reality through entertainment and distraction which is a form of ego in wanting to play God, believing that I can get away with what is not possible to get away with – abdicating self responsibility

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not see and identify laziness and procrastination as forms of resistance and that I’ve not allowed myself to see and realize that what I resist will persist as self responsibility as life is always here and must always be lived in any moment, and that any belief that I am able to resist self responsibility is a mental illusion that it is actually possible to escape the self responsibility of being here in the physical as even death is no escape from self responsibility, but rather death is the escape of the illusion as all illusions end at death

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to use the excuse/justification of “I’m not ready” or “I’m too tired” as excuses to be lazy and procrastinate when this is not in fact so and that I must give myself a chance to walk through this resistance by always trying/applying myself

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to use the excuse that I don’t have the time to apply myself when in fact there is always enough time, and it is instead just a matter of priorities

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to resist changing myself and be lazy with regard to applying myself in process within the belief that it is somehow difficult, not realizing that applying myself in process is a simplistic application where I’m able to simply look at what is here in self honest writing to investigate who I am and do the relevant self forgiveness, and that this is actually quite a fun process as I move myself and no longer accept and allow myself to be limited to laziness/procrastination/resistance and that every time I do this, I learn, grow and accumulate a new me that is self directed and not limited to energy/feeling of the mind

 

I commit myself to apply myself daily/consistently in self writing as self support and stop all laziness and procrastination with regard to my process or other daily tasks that require to be done

 

I commit myself to realize the self enjoyment and self directive principle/self will of no longer allowing myself to be limited to laziness/procrastination/resistance through walking through these experiences and applying myself in my process/whatever needs to be done, no matter what how strong the resistance or how believable the justification of this resistance may seem

 

I commit myself to walk through all temporary experiences of laziness/procrastination/resistance to see that it is only an energy ‘weighing me down’ and to no longer allow myself to be influenced/controlled/directed by this energy

 

I commit myself to always make the time to support myself through self honest writing and self forgiveness

Day 66: Is this all that there is? Pt. 3

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I commit myself to participate within my reality fully, to not accept and allow myself to limit who I am, how I experience myself and what I do to an idea as knowledge and information

 

I commit myself to live every moment anew through remaining here as breath, self honest and to no longer limit myself to ideas of the future that I am projecting from my past experience to create a new life that is not pre-programmed

I commit myself to investigate all patterns/habits/addictions so that I do now allowed myself to remain within a pre-programmed life wherein I will inevitably come to believe that this is all there is

 

I commit myself to never give up on myself by stopping the question/investigation of who I am as self honest reflection, and to commit myself to always walk with myself through self honest writing to ensure that who I am is not limited to a program

 

I commit myself to break the trust that I have invested in my mind through investigating, breaking down and forgiving that which I have created as the mind which I have come to trust to guide me – to ensure that I am in fact directing me here and not mind controlled

 

I commit myself to no longer trap myself within boredom as the repetition of existing/living patterns where I am trapped within patterns and even if I am trapped in patterns, so never allow these patterns to bored me to death by remaining here as breath and self honestly investigating within living these patterns ‘who am I?’ and within this, I commit myself to stop all fear as certain fear of the future as consequences through changing myself for real so that the future is one that is not to be feared

 

I commit myself to give up self interest as addictions/patterns/habits through self honesty and self forgiveness to see who I really am without the mind as what is really possible in this world – no longer allowing myself to believe that the mind is ‘all that there is’

 

I commit myself to dedicate myself to investigate and question myself and who I am/how I am living

 

I commit myself to stop my dependency on consciousness to be direct as a limited slave through debunking consciousness daily in investigating through self honest writing my day to day living and who I am within experiences

 

I commit myself to live a life that is not limited as life cannot be limited to an idea – I commit myself to find out what life really is as a life lived without the limitation of the mind of knowledge

 

Day 65: Is this all that there is? Pt. 2

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I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe that all there is to life is to live for my own self interest, experience and entertainment, to only fulfill myself and only be concerned with myself

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe that that which I have experienced in my life experience, is all that there is  to be experienced in my life as projecting my past onto the future as repeated patterns, as a life lived in self interest – not realizing that this has only been my experience and that just because this is all I’ve ever known, does not mean that this is all that is possible

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to limit myself to my life experience as knowledge of what life is as continued patterns lived of addictions/habits

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to give up on myself in believing that what I have experienced/become is all that is possible in this world of life and I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not realize that to allow myself to continue to remain stuck within past patterns/habits/addictions is the living statement of giving up on myself and accepting within myself the belief that this is all there is that is possible in life

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to investigate/try to understand life and what is possible in life and how I will direct myself in life – through and as the mind – as the mind is only able to project what it understand as knowledge of patterns of how life apparently works which it will then attempt to project into the future in an attempt to direct self – not realizing that this is in fact mind control

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe that life is boring through limiting my understanding of life to the mind, not realizing that all experiences of boredom are created through and by the mind by allowing self to be trapped in limited patterns of the mind

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not realize that fear is an inevitable experience as a way of life when I have accepted and allowed myself to be limited to patterns of the mind as I have trapped myself into a creation that is not real that will inevitably end – yet I have deliberately trapped myself in this creation in self interest and within this, will always fear losing this creation as the deeper awareness exists that this is just an illusory creation and thus will inevitably come to an end – and that I have really reduced to myself to nothing more than an idea as a mind consciousness system of knowledge and information which has consequences that are inevitably experienced that are to be feared

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not see that living only for my own self interest is not ‘all there is’ to life, through not allowing myself to actually step out of the patterns of my own self interest in my day to day living as this is the only way to see what is really possible as life in this world – to give up the old life of self interest and live life here breath by breath as a physical being that consider all life equally through standing as part of the physical reality, one and equal

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that consciousness as thoughts/the mind is extremely limited and is not life

 

I forgive myself that I haven’t dedicated and challenged myself to break out of my own mind as living old habits/patterns/addictions

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that living in habits/patterns where I am directed by my own thoughts as self interest is possession and mind control and that I am not in fact in charge, directing myself here – thus, how can this be called life, let alone accepted as ‘all that there is’ to life?

 

In part 3 of this blog I will be continuing with the necessary self corrective statements on this point

There is more to life – visit www.desteni.org and equalmoney.org to learn more

Day 64: Is this all that there is?

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There have been times when I stopped and wondered – is this it? Is this all there is to life? Isn’t there anything more to just being here, working, talking to people, doing stuff, entertaining myself, and other menial tasks that don’t seem to serve any real purpose or fulfillment?

 

I have projected in my minds eye that this which I have always experienced of life is all there is, and all there can ever be. The deception in this is of course that I am taking my experience and limiting myself to only what I have experienced of life thus far and projected it out into the future – trapping and deceiving myself into not even trying to step outside of what I have accepted as life, which eventually turns into the desire to give up on really ever doing anything new, and just remaining preoccupied within a life of self interest and self gratification through sensory pleasures. Life starts to look really boring within this scope and it is really a frightening thought. It is frightening that it is possible for so many in this world to have accepted this as life – an idea that we are just born, are here for a short time to fuck around and entertain ourselves, and then just die.

 

What I’ve began to see is that this notion of being bored, dissatisfied and questioning whether or not this is all there is, is based on my own acceptance and allowance of who I am within this reality. I found that living a life of pure self interest is really limiting and unsatisfying – that my world becomes very small and boring when it is just me living for me, only trying to please me – because within this I am limiting myself to one very small part of reality where I am only conscious of and experiencing this tiny little fragment which I have come to be preoccupied with as I have defined this one tiny little part as my life and all that matters.

 

Only in challenging myself to break out of this point of self definition where I am only concerned with/possessed by my own self interest which is created through the fear of losing that which I have accepted as all that I am as this one individual being, have I been able to step out of my own individualized consciousness and experience for real what consciousness can never be or experience – LIFE.

 

Through consciousness I have never really found the satisfaction I believe I desire, and when I do, it is never enough and I always need more – a bottomless pit where I am never truly fulfilled. Only in supporting myself to step out of this limitation of self definition have I ever experienced any real relief, and real interest, any real fun, enjoyment – real fulfillment, real living.

 

In part 2 of this blog I will continue with self forgiveness and self corrective statements on these points

Day 63: Effective Writing pt. 2

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I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to be ineffective to support myself in my writing by having expectations/ideas about writing that I must have an idea to write or write in a certain way that’s sounds good and in doing this, not simply working with what is here as how I am currently experiencing myself

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to make a big deal about writing meaning that I have created big ideas and expectations about my writing where it is like a chore and will apparently take a lot of time and will be difficult and complicated only from past experiences of making things difficult and over complicated for myself

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not realize that writing is a simply self support tool where I can reflect myself back to myself as how I am experiencing myself and that this can be done at any place and at any time and has no limits/bounds/strings attached to it, and does not have to be time consuming or a difficult chore

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to go into anxiety and search in my mind for what to do in moments of transition between work/school/tasks or moments of free time or moments where I feel fatigued because a task has just ended – not realizing that I cannot direct myself in the mind from my anxiety of what I should do or must do but rather than I can simply breathe for a few moments until I catch my breath, and then assist and support myself in directing myself by writing to myself as I am able to use writing as a point of support to organize myself as to what is relevant and what must be done and how to do it

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not realize that self writing is not an obligation or chore to do for someone else or a system – it is a self support to be able to live and enjoy myself to my full potential

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I only fear the future and have anxiety when I have not supported myself here to make sure that the future is sound

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to create a life of tasks and chores – even to the point where sleep and other forms of self expression are just tasks and chores done in fear – by living from knowledge that is acquired/based in fear – instead of living based on principles that ensure what is best for self as all as one as equal as a physical being – not a mind being that is programmed with knowledge and ideas of FEAR

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to try to dictate from the mind what must be done in my process and in self forgiveness/writing – instead of expressing myself here physically as a process of walking self discovery and stopping the tendency to be dictated by the mind and instead use tools where the physical is allowed to speak and express

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I can only become possessed by fears and obsessions about what I apparently should do that is dictated by the mind, when I haven’t supported myself with tools that allow the physical to step for and direct myself here as the physical in self honest, practical common sense

 

I commit myself to stop using excuses and justifications as to why I should or should not write – and to simply write without preconceptions

 

I commit myself to write daily as a self support tool within the understanding that self honesty and self intimacy is a way of life that must be discovered as myself through writing unconditionally in self support – not as a chore or task to be done

 

I commit myself to write for myself and others as myself

 

I commit myself to stop and breathe through all fears of writing and doing work through stopping all ideas/perceptions/definitions related to writing/doing work and the fear that is experienced due to these ideas/perceptions/definitions

 

I commit myself to breathe through moments of transition/completing tasks until I am no longer feeling lost and until my mind is no longer racing, and once this energy passes, write as a self support/self clarification/self direction if necessary

 

I commit myself to script a life that is best for myself as life through supporting myself in writing in investigating/understanding/being honest with myself about who I am and what I am experiencing and to do the necessary self forgiveness and self corrective statements in writing upon seeing/understanding/realizing who I am and what I am experiencing

Day 62: Every Child is an artist – what happened to the adults? Pt. 2

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to participate in the creation and continuation of an education system that does not value life but is instead based on a system of profit where children are trained to work in the pursuit of profit above life

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to support and be a part of a society that brainwashes the child that is an artist to forget the ways of artfulness as unconditional self expression and self discovery and become a greedy, self interested capitalist that acts only based on fears and goals that serve self interest and greed

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to play the role of the child who has forgotten what it means to unconditionally self express and by becoming brainwashed with fears and knowledge and desires by a system of greed and consumerism

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to play the role of the teacher that brainwashes the child into forgetting what it means to unconditionally self express by becoming brainwashed with fears and knowledge and desires by a system of greed and consumerism

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not see that society creates desires and goals of what it wants to through fear and inferiority as the belief that the natural state of the human is lack and therefore must consume to be whole and strive for a goal

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not support an equality based system where the self expression of all children is supported unconditionally so that each child may express itself and grow as life without fears and desires

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not realize that even taking a positive approach to students in the education system and being friendly and kind to them within the current school system that is based on capitalism, is still brainwashing that is just done with a deceptive smiling face and does not change the fact that the child is being abused by being given ideas about itself and its world that are based in fear, desire and self interest

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to create and exist within ideas of success and failure and as such I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to brainwash others and the children around me with  ideas of success and failure that stymie the unconditional artistic self expression of life

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to – as a member of society – ignore the blatant changes in children from childhood into their adult lives as they become consumed by fears and desires as knowledge and information that are due to what the parents and teachers of the system teach the child that profit and self interest is all that matters and to disregard self as life in the pursuit of self interest and profit

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not see that the education system is based on teaching vast amounts of knowledge to preoccupy and brainwash the child from every realizing/understanding/expressing itself and life and by replacing this with knowledge/ideas about who the child apparently is and what life apparently is as a fearful existence of desire and consumerism

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not see the obviousness of the fact that children exist without fear and in self expression that is free of fear and desires and from this perspective, the child is superior to the adult that believes it can teach the child and that the child must become like the adult, despite all evidence of the fact that the child is born without flaw as the absence of fears and desires as self interest

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not see that the child is educated with knowledge and information of positive and negative, good and bad, right and wrong etc. as fears and desires that destroy the unconditional self expression of life

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that the child is educated of knowledge and information of who it is and what the world is that limit the self expression of the child as knowledge of what the child and the world is implies what the child and the world is not and thus the child is cut off from itself as the world as life through ideas of what it is based on what it is not – and that this can never be real as one can only learn/choose to be something it is not

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to support a society that teaches the child the ways of survival and fear of survival – both as a participant as the child who was brainwashed into survival – and the teacher who has brainwashed the child into survival – not realizing that survival can never be life as life is unconditional self expression without fear – how can life FEAR ITSELF?

I commit myself to support myself as the teacher and the child to stop all fears and desires and learn/teach what it means to live and express myself as life unconditionally without fears and desires

I commit myself to stop the system of brainwashing through knowledge as fears and desires by stopping my participation in fears and desires and stopping the system of educating children/people into fears and desires as knowledge and information

I commit myself to stop all ideas about myself/others that are based in self interest and fear

I commit myself to support a solution to the abusive education system as a new system that is based in equality so that the children of the world may remain as artists as they grow and age to live in unconditional self expression without fear and desire

I commit myself to stop all justifications of and ignorance of the current abusive education system and to expose the education system for the brainwashing that it is that limits and destroys life as the unconditional self expression of the child

I commit myself to stop teaching the children of the world that profit is worth more than life through my own living example

I commit myself to stop all self expression that is based of fears and desires and learn from the children to become free from knowledge of self/my world and learn again to express myself unconditionally as life

I commit myself to stop and do self forgiveness on all knowledge about self/others/life that limit life from expressing unconditionally and separate life from itself so that life may become the art-form that the child that lives without knowledge exemplifies