Tag Archives: desteni i process

Day 326: The value of ranting and raving


Tonight I began working on a ‘mind construct’ – this is a technique used to deconstruct the knowledge and information of the kind which comprises the beliefs, opinions, ideas and perceptions that exist in the mind which create what is referred to as the ‘mind consciousness system’ – here I am using specific terminology that I have learned through the Desteni I Process. It is a self help and life coaching course which teaches practical tools which one can use to deconstruct their own mind, to be able to life a life if clarity that is not directed and controlled by the mind as the mind has been created and programmed by us with the influence and taint of our society and culture. A ‘mind construct’ is an invaluable tool that allows one to look at themselves in a way that is not biased and takes real work here in the physical – no guessing games or spiritual tricks, it is real technical/mechanical stuff.


The first part of doing a mind construct is simply to rant and rave – to let the mind rant and rave about whatever the point is that one is facing. The purpose of this is to provide one with the real, candid stuff of the mind, which one can then use and utilize as the content that of the mind that will be worked with and deconstructed. This is the part of the mind construct I have worked on tonight.


As usual, the ranting and raving provided me with an initial sense of relief, of just being able to ‘speak my mind’ in a way where I am not suppressing myself or hiding from myself or fearing how I might be judged. It is rare in this world that we give ourselves moments in our lives where we can be truly open and candid. But one of the other reasons we do not do this is the fact that we fear what we will uncover and discover – because everyone knows the truth of themselves is not so nice.


But this fear of ranting and raving, this fear of facing ourselves only comes from a perspective of not knowing how to deal with it, not knowing how to change it – we fear that when we rant and rave, it will be from a starting point of believing in what we are ranting and raving about, and thus may be further influenced by that mentality if we rant and rave – therefore not having the self trust, self-assurance and fearlessness of knowing that whatever it is that we uncover/discover: we can correct it, we can change it. This is understandable – we are taught in every possible way to not focus on ourselves, to not be insightful, to focus only on the superficial and the world around us – and if one does happen to be insightful and want to investigate themselves deeper, we are certainly not given any tools with which we can correct and direct that which we uncover/discover within ourselves.


But this education now here, if one is looking for it, in the Desteni I Process, or even DIP Lite, which is completely free. There are those out there who have the know-how and the willingness to teach and support others because they themselves have made a commitment to themselves to support themselves and other to make this world a place that is best for all life. There is no more reason to run, to hide, to fear, to avoid, to suppress, to judge – the solution and the tools are here – we simply have to be willing to give those tools to ourselves, to give ourselves back to ourselves, to realize that – even if don’t know yet – there is something more to this life than what we have accepted and allowed – will we accept and allow ourselves to go further and dig deeper? That is a question that we owe it to ourselves to answer with great care and consideration.

Day 271: Practicalities of self change – how do I change myself for real?


Since school has started again, I have begun re-structuring my life since I have the added responsibility of school again, after about 2 weeks off. It is interesting the way I (and I’m sure many others) tend to treat work like it is something unhealthy, like some kind of horrible drain that we need to escape whenever possible, when often it is never the work itself but who we are and how we experience ourselves within ourselves that is such a drain on the body – all the thinking, the fears and anxieties that often go along with our work experiences, because after all work means money and money means survival, so work for many like myself becomes an intrinsically stressful thing, where we go into ‘work mode’. Then we also have the opposite polarity of ‘play time’ or ‘relax mode’ where we find ways to escape. The two points support each other and are two sides of the same coin – because in both cases, we are just experiencing ourselves energetically, so it is ironic that we try to escape the negative energetic work experience with the positive escape/play experience – they are both just energy. The problem is that we want just the positive experience and the more we give into that positive, the more we will resist the negative work experience, and yet it is an inevitability, and the more we chase the positive, the more intense the negative experience is going to be and the more difficult we will experience it. I mean it is essentially just throwing a tantrum because we are addicted to the positive energetic experiences we hold so dear, and thus resist giving them up to have to work.

I am constantly working with these points, in stopping the tendency to give into the positive energetic experiences that make living and working so difficult. Living and working is not in reality such a difficult thing, we just experience it that way, especially if our living/working really doesn’t contribute to anything meaningfully benevolent in our lives or in the world. There is a lot of resistance to giving up the positive and it takes time, especially when you have trusted such an experience for so long and as extensively as I have – and yet it is no excuse to not do everything possible to support myself to stop. I don”t mean that in a moralistic sense, I literally mean it does not excuse me from the consequences I am creating for myself, by trusting/giving into the positive energy of the mind. Positive thinking is a trap that makes us numb to reality as the world around us, and makes us cranky bitches when we don’t get what we want. We actually believe that such experiences are the answer. But they are just that – experiences – one might notice that their experience of happiness is always a fleeting thing, it is never constant and requires constant input and stimulation to be experienced, and the right kind of stimulation, and the right amount – just like a drug – and eventually you become numb to it and it isn’t enough and you need more, and more, and more…

But stopping this point, breathing, and through breath – directing myself to take on new endeavors, new tasks, new responsibilities, new learning experiences – I am beginning to see what it really means to live, and to live to my full potential.

I mean, I always wanted to have a great life, a perfect life, where everything works well and I am one and equal with all and everything is just as it should be – not shitty! And yet it is through my conditioning that I have been mislead: the pursuit of happiness as an fleeting energetic experience: that is not the key. The key, I am finding, is to push myself to live to my full potential as I mentioned before, but within a context that does consider others/the world around me as equal and one to myself – otherwise, what is the point of becoming a better person?

It is quite a cool experience because when you make this decision, to stop giving into the mind of positive energy/positive thinking, and actually live real positivity – that means living words/deeds that mathematically provide a certain outcome that is favorable – then all of a sudden, I find my fear and anxiety diminishes, by weaknesses that are birthed in my desires and vices begin to disappear, and all of a sudden living becomes interesting and purposeful – isn’t that what everybody would like? A life of real meaning and purpose, without a worry or fear, that functions effectively all the time without falter, where we are one with and equal to the world around us? Whereas when I give into my illusionary desires of wanting these positive energetic experiences that I’ve become addicted to, I begin to live with fear and anxiety because I know deep down who I am and what my starting point is and what I am really allowing. I become weak, nasty and reclusive, because I am harboring a secret agenda where the only thing on my agenda is living for me myself and I – nevermind everything and everyone else – they are just become tools in my eyes of how I can fulfill my self interest! That is why people use/abuse each other all the time and they don’t even see it. 

Putting this in practical application is really interesting and quite a journey where you figure out how to live for real, how to manage yourself in the physical reality effectively, with understanding and common sense. Currently I am finding it is important to breathe when desires come up, and to be practical about my ability to take on new activities/responsibilities, while not fooling myself with the excuses of “I can’t do it” or “I’m not ready yet”. These 2 points, of both stopping old patterns and being effective with new points go hand-in-hand: the more effectively I stop myself from repeating the old patterns/habits, the more clarity I have in structuring my new living/expression. If I am not stopping effectively, then I will tend to ‘get ahead of myself’ in my mind and project myself very ambitiously doing more than my physical body can actually handle – I notice this a lot. So, stopping old habits, breathing, and working with the body – making sure it is well taken care of, fed, rested – is key in establishing and creating a new self that can really live to my full potential and live a life of real value where over time I will be recognized for the fact that I have in fact stood for life with such resolve/absoluteness that others will see the trustworthiness of my consistency. The only thing stopping us from being the absolute best we can be, from having the absolute best experience of ourselves, is the belief that we are doing so already.


I forgive myself that I’ve not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that over-ambition/impracticality of taking on new responsibilities and structuring my living stems from not stopping old habits, where I then project in my mind all the things that I will do, and that this will not work but rather I must breathe and stop all old habits, and be practical about what responsibilities are priority, and how to practically work with the body in accomplishing them.

I commit myself to – when and as I see myself projecting in my mind what I will do – I stop, I breathe, I realize that this is only a projection and that it is due to the fact that somewhere in my life, I am still giving into old habits/patterns , and to immediately stop and move myself as breath in taking on new responsibilities. Thus I do not give into these desires/projections as my thoughts/feelings/emotions/energy and I realize that I must also be patient with myself in stopping old habits and yet realize the importance of walking through and moving forward as if I continue to allow myself to give into desires, I will inevitably continue to create this experience of projecting myself as doing more than what is actually practically possible for my body in the physical reality

Day 225: Deconstructing the mind

Today there will be just a couple statements of self forgiveness and self corrective application which I had written earlier in the day in my journal. I am currently working on a mind construct that is covering a more ‘personal point’ and thus will be keeping it for myself. After all, this process is about self, done for self, by self, here as a physical act in the moment.

What I am working on at the moment is called a mind construct. A mind construct is essentially a method of deconstructing current patterns/habits/addictions that are based in ideas, beliefs, perceptions about ourselves and our reality that were created through past experiences that we will harbor and carry with us today as memories, stored within and as the subconscious mind. Being subconscious in nature, we tend to not see how these memories are still influencing our behavior and how we experience ourselves currently in our living and daily participation in reality. So in essence, in working on a mind construct one is busy peeling back the layers of their mind as accumulated memories to see how one has constructed themselves as their consciousness, determining/influencing how one experience, perceive and behave in their reality.

This is done as a physical process and requires self honesty – so you don’t have preconceived ideas of what your working with or what the outcome will be – you simply walk through the mind as past memories and this is why it is such a revealing process, revealing you to yourself as that which we tend to take for granted that control and influence us as these accumulated memories. You discover how much you have forgotten, how much you have ignored, how much you are compromised, everything that you have been through that you still carry with you and will have the tendency to run away from because while there is a deep awareness that something is not right – you have no idea what that something is and how it works.

I learned how to do mind constructs through the Desteni I Process – a course that I began a few years ago which has assisted me tremendously in understanding myself and coming to grips with myself and my reality, providing clarity from which I can live and express life more freely in ways I had never before imagined – without the self imposed limitations of my own mind as within our own minds, we have become our own worst enemies.

I recommend to try the Desteni I Process if you want to see what’s on the other side.

Now, for today’s self forgiveness and self corrective application statements:


I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to want, desire and seek attention and recognition from others, as a way of feeding the mind as ego as the illusion that I am living something as value due to how I am presented to others and viewed by others/myself – not realizing that this pattern was developed over years where I had no direction, no understanding of myself and my world, no effective life skills or training, and thus developed a fear of/aversion to living myself fully here in the moment and applying myself fully without any distractions in the back of my mind of there being something ‘better’ that I could be doing that creates this experience of loneliness and the desire for attention

I commit myself to immerse myself fully in living and daily applications as self directive principle as breath

Day 190: Is Desteni a scam? Part 4


Here I am continuing with my testimonial of the Desteni group through first-hand experience and participation within the group and the principles by which it lives.

One of the points that stands out about the Desteni group is that it is a group that lives by principles – not personal preferences. The integrity of this group on principles that are best for all life is unlike I anything I have ever experienced before, because the principles always stand absolute despite any personal principles or self interest one may have, whether they are a member of the group or not. That is not to say that anyone in the group is special, as if we were born that way – no – upon investigating the group one will see that they are ordinary human beings who go through all the same shit as a normal person – the difference is, when a ‘problem point’ emerges with a Destonian, the point is always self-responsibility first, through self honesty.

One great example of this is in how the group does not play favorites with members – all are held to the standard of self honesty and what is best for all life, so Destonians get no preference. If a Destonian is then for instance found in a dispute with an outsider, there is no automatic taking of sides, and if it is found that the Destonian has not been self honest and is acting in ways that is not best for all life, that point is to then be sorted out by that Destonian.

Support is given unconditionally to all, whether they are members of the group or not  – and so the only thing stopping one from getting any support is themselves, because the support is all about self honesty and self responsibility – and who wants to do that?

There are no doctrines or rules to follow – there is only self honesty as only self knows the truth of self, only self is aware of what exactly is going on in ones mind. Within this, there is then no brainwashing in terms of convincing people what to think, rather self education is encouraged and Desteni are a group of real leaders who support others to enable themselves to think independently and figure things out for themselves. Here, the importance of vocabulary and how words are used to deceive and control, is key, as conversely words also hold the key to stopping deception and self deception, and structuring a persons mind in a way that will be beneficial to them and their environment.

After my visit to the Desteni Farm and a couple years of supporting myself with the tools they had been giving freely, I decided to enroll in the newly established Desteni I Process course, which was a way that one could learn and do their process in a structured fashion for a monthly fee. Having found what they provided me thus far to be very effective and already being so grateful for what I had learned and how I had changed, I decided to take the course and really get on with my process. I didn’t know what to expect with the course and it was unlike anything I had ever done before, but the results came steadily and surely. Over time I had come to understand even more about myself and the human mind and how it functions, affecting my entire experience of myself in my world, my personal well being and my overall quality of life.

I eventually came to a point where I could no longer afford the course due to financial limitations, and I worried that I would no longer be able to progress at the steady and sure rate that I had been. Yet again the group was there to support me by providing me the opportunity to continue the course, free of charge –and to this day I am still doing the course, free of charge on a sponsorship. As I had mentioned, the only thing really stopping oneself from engaging in this process is themselves, and any claims that Desteni is some kind of a money making scam are obviously unfounded. I already saw this when I visited the farm for the first time and saw first-hand how they were living.

This is the main ‘end game’ goal that I have heard those who make claims about Desteni without proper research, speak of. And if the claim is not that someone is benefiting financially, the claim is that there is some kind of idolatry going on, that it is either money or fame as the ‘end game’ goal. Particularly that it is Sunette Spies or Bernard Poolman that are gaining all this apparent popularity that somehow benefits them.

Now as I mentioned already, the participants in Desteni stand resolute within the principles of oneness and equality above personality and personal preference – therefore any kind of idolatry is obviously something that is not able to be allowed within the group. Funnily enough, the very first words that Bernard Poolman ever said to me when I met him was ‘stop following me!’.

As well as this, we live in a world where people capitalize on messages of love and light, telling people what they want to hear, that they are special, and finding every way to play to their hearts desires. It doesn’t take much research to see that what Desteni shares doesn’t fall in line with that at all – on the contrary, they are saying we are all equal and thus no one is ‘special’ from that perspective, and they are showing people the absolute mess that the human mind and the world has become due to our complete self interest and delusions of self importance, which completely contradicts the message you so often hear in our consumerist society that tells everyone that ‘everything is just fine’ and ‘you are perfect the way you are’ and ‘learn how to get more’.

What I have found most prominently in those who have claimed that Desteni is somehow a bad thing (usually through simply using the word cult and hoping that it’s common connotation as being a negative word infects those who cannot think freely for themselves) is that they simply have a point in their world that they fear giving up as, in their view, their world is ‘working for them’, and because the fear of failure and the fear of loss is so great, anything that they may perceive as threatening their position of success and exposing the truth of their success – that it was built in a world of lies where good people die for no reason and the greedy and deceitful get rich – will simply be written off as ‘bad’ or a ‘cult’.

Many who might claim to be open minded should check out Desteni and the message they share because it will surely put that claim to the test – do you have the courage to actually study the material seriously, apply the principles and test it all out – or are you going to stand there from a distance and make demonizing claims to incite fear in others who may also not have the courage to really see for themselves?

The fact is that unlike the mass majority of groups and movements who capitalize their fame on sensationalism, Desteni has no claim to fame – because all Desteni is doing is pointing out the truth of existence, what is already here, if people would so dare to open their eyes. It is no secret that humans tend to only see what they want to see and only remember things as they want them to be remembered, that we are our own worst enemies. Desteni, I have found, is not against anyone, save for this ‘enemy’ within you. If one would dare to admit, that they are not perfect, that everything is not ok in their world, that we require correction and improvement, not out of self interest, but because they recognize that life is being ab-used – then Desteni is a simple thing to embrace.


Day 188: Is Desteni a scam? Part 2

Here I am continuing with my first hand testimonial on the Desteni group and principles for which it stands and by which its participants live.

I had left off talking about how I had been investigating Desteni initially from a starting point of wanting/hoping to find something special to fulfill my self interest, and that the more I continued to research it, the more I found out this was not at all what it was about. The forum, for instance, was a place where people could come and learn and share themselves in self honesty, but as soon as a person would come in looking to create friction to get attention, push their own egos or agendas/opinions, they were immediately banned. This obviously was perfectly acceptable from my perspective because as I had mentioned in the previous blog, once I started learning about the principle of oneness and equality, this would be the measuring stick from which all other things would be tested as to whether or not they would stand/be allowed – and obviously being special and pushing your own ego/opinions does not fall in line with that. It was a very cool and very stabilizing experience to, for the first time ever in my life, a guiding principle that I could stand within and as, that was truly what was best for life and therefore able to be lived in absolute certainty and clarity – and experience I had never had before in my life.

There was one particular point that stood out about what it was that Desteni stood for that really set them apart from any other ‘truth seekers’ that I had encountered. While I came across many sources in this time of research that shared interesting or revealing things about our world, most of them tended to be coming from the same starting point that I had come from: looking to find and present something as being special or profound, some kind of ‘ultimate truth’ that was going to blow everybody away. The truth seeking community had become somewhat of a vanity fair, full of energy, excitement, sometimes even on the brink of being outright entertainment. When I mention the ‘truth seeking community’ I refer to the likes of David Icke, Alex Jones, Peter Joseph/Zeitgeist, Michael Tsarion, Jordan Maxwell, Dr. Bill Deagle, David Wilcox, Terrence McKenna, Alex Collier, Bill Cooper – to name a few whose work I was researching at the time.

What I noticed about Desteni is that among all of what was being shared, they had put a focus on the sad state our world is currently in, showing in great detail the degree of suffering and abuse that is taking place on earth. Simple stuff, like for instance animal abuse. Suddenly all the great mysteries revealed and secrets to our Universe were not so special anymore. The truth hit home and it was simple and shameful. This was the clincher, I could now see that this was the real deal, because it was no longer this big spectacle, now it was about practical reality. Because this is what it all comes down to: even if you know everything there is to know about the universe and your great quest for understanding the bigger questions of life is fulfilled – what the hell are you going to do with all of it? Because if it makes no real change to the problems that exist on earth, that all that glory can be of no real value – it is just then Hollywood stuff.

So I began researching quite a bit and after not long it was mainly what I researched, save for all the other links that were shared among the group that were relevant to the Desteni message, such as for instance the movie Earthlings – maybe the most impactful outside link Desteni has ever shared with me.

My life however did continue to have problem and get even tougher, but fortunately I had this support behind me – all of the tools that were shared with me which I could start applying to sort myself and get through tough times – like self honesty and self forgiveness. I even supported myself to quit my addiction to weed for the first time after a brutal 4 year sting of addiction. For the first time in my life I had been enabled through simple, free tools that I could apply for myself to finally stand up for myself, get some real self respect, stability and integrity, and finally learn how to become a responsible human being that cares for life, to let go of the illusions of happiness in my life that I had grown so accustomed to and finally learn about myself and how to really enjoy the life that I have been given.

To be continued in part 3.

Day 182: Working with backchat as the inner voices

Today through my lesson in the DIP Pro course, I was learning about how backchat works – that means the thoughts in my head that I am having about myself and others, like another voice in my head, speaking back to me. What a strange thing, because there is only me, if one look at it objectively in the physical reality. So then having voices in my head, talking back to me as if there is more than one ‘me’, would indicate a form of multiple personality disorder. And really, who doesn’t have this?

I have learned about how the personalities are entities that I have developed for the sake of survival in different situations and environments, and that these mind personalities were passed on to me by my parents, and in this way I have become an exact copy of my parents, which is quite a scary thing – and this statement I am making has nothing to do with my parents per say but more about the fact that I am just a copy – that these thoughts and ideas can not be me, that is impossible, because it was just copied from those who went before me, without any real awareness of what I was doing. Having said this, it is interesting because I notice that in the moments in my life where I took on a particular point, there was a degree of awareness of what I was doing, of what I was accepting and allowing, but it is as though I immediately turned away from this awareness, turning my back on my self, turning my back on self honesty – so it is no wonder that this kind of behavior becomes pathological and ‘first nature’ and before one knows it, it is simply who they are and any memory or remembering of how they became this way is long lost, and unwittingly they simply believe ‘this is me’ to such an extent that there is not even an awareness that they are actually just believing it.

So within this learning experience has also been stressed the importance of keeping a backchat diary, to actually in the moment of backchat occurring, jot down what is happening and keep a record of it – and already I am noticing particular patterns in my thoughts – this is where it becomes even more clear as to what a scary scenario this all is – I mean, patterns, repeating themselves! Like a robot, a computer – it puts into even greater control the extent to which we are not in fact what our egos would have us believe we are.

Another important point I am seeing within all of this is how crucial it is to not participate in backchat, to not feed it or act on it, because it is obviously an untrustworthy thing by nature, and can have really destructive consequences as the machine is essentially taking me on a ride and I am in no way what whatsoever in any kind of control. Many ‘what if’s’ may come up, as in ‘but what if there is some validity to this point’ or any form of temptation to pursue it as if there may be answers there, so I am going to begin applying myself in stopping those justifications.

The really cool thing about working with backchat is that this is the real shit. Often I (and I’m sure many others) have wanted to and even attempted to sit down and sort themselves out but even then it is quite a challenge because we have no idea how to or where to start, and even in trying to be self honest proves difficult as we have already become self dishonest in nature. In other words, the very thing we are using to look at and assess ourselves with, is our delusion as our mind – and thus it cannot see itself for what it is, clearly – WE cannot see ourselves for what we are, clearly. With backchat – you are physically taking it out on paper and looking at it – no mind – and here is the really shit, the actual factual truth of what is in your mind, whether you like it or not.

This is the place to be, to work to sort ourselves out. I suggest if you have not yet, sign up for the Desteni I Process – you have no idea how much more there is ‘to you’ that you’re missing out on.


I commit myself to keep utilizing my backchat diary every day and every moment that I am able to when backchat occurs, so be able to see the patterns, and then correct the patterns with self forgiveness and self corrective application so that I may stop them/not participate within them with clarity, awareness and understanding.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to fall to the temptation of the justification of ‘what if this thought has a point/validity/answers/will benefit me?’ – Thus, when and as I see myself participating in backchat and feeding it or wanting to feed it or participate in it – I stop, I breathe, I see, realize and understand that this is not me, but rather it is my mind as an entity designed to limit, control and enslave me, and I do not participate in this desire to give power to backchat by participating in it as my thoughts, feelings and emotions