Tag Archives: future

Day 286: Taking chances

 

I ended off in the last post where I mentioned that I had goals that really matter, within the context of the post which was about basically how I get sidetracked by desires that I believe help me or make my living experience better when they do not in fact. I mentioned the importance of being self honest in assessing whether or not my actions are actually conducive to these goals, or if I am just wasting my time.

Both today and yesterday I had experiences where I was trying to physically get somewhere, both driving and on the bus. In both trips, I got lost, because I did not follow directions. I took a chance and acted as if I can just trust myself without really knowing/being clear/having direction. Was ‘kind of sure’ what I was doing. That is not good enough. I mean, when you make a decision, and you direct yourself according to that decision, you either do it or you don’t – all the way through the process of carrying out that decision. This is an overall tendency I have had in my life where I feel like I can ‘wing it’. Why do this when it is not necessary? Why take a chance when I know exactly what to do? What is the point of having knowledge if I do not apply it? What is the point of being here if I do not direct myself? And if I am not following my own directions – whose directions am I following?

Sometimes I get a sense of freedom from ‘doing whatever I want’, like I have associated giving into my mental impulses with some form of freedom. This is not so because freedom is like a kind of paradox where it goes hand in hand with self responsibility. Freedom is only possible if I am self responsible. But then it is not really freedom – it is just taking responsibility to live who I am – the creator who is capable of creating a life and a world that is best. If I do this, then there is no need for an experience of freedom, it would be redundant because I have already created a life that is best. This life that is best must be what is best for all life as well. So, I have the tools – I must apply them because there is no point in taking chances – taking chances is the birth of uncertainty and ignorance as to the outcome of the future, and that is the birth of fear of the future.

Day 278: What is your right to life?

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As the global economy continues to collapse and there are fewer and fewer jobs available, the struggle to compete and survive among our fellow man becomes more intense. For all the intensity of the struggle, sometimes it doesn’t even seem like it is for much, struggling and working so hard just to exist, just to have a place in this earth and not starve to death. It doesn’t seem like much to ask for, does it?

And it isn’t, in reality, in a world with more than enough for all. But what is the actual context that we are living in? What about this unreal world system we have created?

Within the current world system, many people – billions of people – do not even get this opportunity to exist – and many more are living on a fine line, barely existing and struggling like no one would imagine to do so, for an extremely meager existence. When I found out that this was the case, how difficult it is and how much some people struggle for next-to-nothing, and then looking at my own life, how much is taken for granted, how surviving comes easily (although living, not so much…) I started to question my own right to life. Perhaps there is a better person who, if given the opportunities I have, may not squander them and may do much more good for so many more people, if given such an opportunity.

To this day, this understanding sticks with me, and frankly, living a normal, status-quo life just doesn’t work anymore for me – it’s really not satisfying and it is difficult to live with myself knowing that I am squandering what I have….for this short amount of time that I have it.

But I see so many people operating without this understanding – merely justifying their existence within this idea that this system is the way life really is, and thus they must fight to live and if they happen to win, it is justified because that is how the game works. Yes that is how the game that we have made out of life works – it is not how life works. We tend to throw such temper tantrums when we don’t get our way or succeed, but when I do, or see others doing it, I ask myself “but why do you deserve it?” And the fact is, we don’t – no matter what we would like to believe.

Perhaps this is the ‘wave of the future’ in business – that it is only the ones who truly have a higher calling in what they do, to make this world a better place for all life, that will be the ones to survive the economic squeeze – perhaps all the dinosaurs who have profited off of deceiving, cheating, essentially stealing from their fellow man, will be the ones weeded out. I know that for myself, those old systems of manipulation as a pathway to success are systems that no longer work – they are not sustainable and I would continue to destroy myself and this world if I continued to use them. Marketing scheme’s are just schemes after all, whether you’re marketing yourself, your business…whatever.

I would suggest that we all find a practical way to become part of this new wave – and if we can not, to get out of the way for another who might or perhaps support another who will stand in your stead if you are not ready. In this life, we have been fearing the wrong thing all along – we have feared death and the end, while never really fearing how we are living on this earth and what we will leave behind – that is the real thing we should be concerned with. The survival of the individual is meaningless at the expense of the whole, because the individual, no matter how deluded, will inevitably find himself once again as part of the whole.

Day 276: Points to reflect on, simplicity and strictness

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There are a few things I am starting to figure out in this process. I have had a few experiences that have shows me these points, but the challenge has been structuring my living and doing so consistently to reflect and incorporate my newfound understandings. One point is that self dissatisfaction is an inevitability when we do not live to our full potential – the degree to which we are dissatisfied with ourselves isn’t as important as understanding that it is a mathematical certainty that the outcome of how we feel in being dissatisfied with ourselves is equal to the degree of input we put in, in terms of the degree to which we abdicate ourselves and give excuses/justifications as to why we can let things slide. There are so many excuses to not strive to be the best we can be. Weakness is like a habit. So this is a lesson to be learned and applied in the moments where desire strikes – to realize ‘where this is all going’ and where it is going to end up’, because of that self dissatisfaction will be expressed in some form or another, usually as self abuse or projecting/abusing others or blaming others.

Another point I understand is how tricky the mind is. We tend to assume that we are the ones who are in total control of our destiny and so sometimes when we are trying to change the demons that exist within us, we forget that the demon itself takes on a life of its own and the demon becomes the observer through which we try and effect change. I have referred to this before as ‘trying to change through the mind’ – it is impossible. This point highlights the importance of working with others in a group and using the support offered to investigate oneself to prevent the observer from taking over – namely, this highlights the importance of doing my DIP assignments and that this should be my past time.

Another point is that it is the fear of loss that the mind uses as it’s power to reason/excuse/justify why we should not stop ourselves from giving into old habits/patterns, why we should not push ourselves to go beyond our preprogramming. And yet: everything is and will be lost – just like the name of my old band – all is lost.

Another point I notice is that there it is not possible to make up for lost time – this plays into the point I mentioned about consequences being inevitable. On top of the consequences that one has to face when they fall, is the fact that this time spent falling is time lost that could have been lived, that could have been better spent creating a self and world that is best for all life. We are given a very limited amount of time here on earth to truly live our lives and make the best of it.

I have written in more depth on these points before – and yet from time to time I need a reminder. As mentioned, the mind is very tricky and this is why I find myself having to ‘get back to basics’ sometimes, because when I fall back into any old habit, even the smallest one, it ends up starting a domino effect of momentum where I begin to fall on other points, and before I know it, they accumulate and I fall off the wagon completely. After just 2 days of not writing to support myself, I find myself here having to get back to square one, to re-establish myself. In a way it is necessary to do this many times in process through breathing – every time a thought comes up, just breathe.

Sometimes I believe that if I am hard enough on myself, that I will be able to ‘grind myself to a halt’, because that’s how I used to deal with points, either judging myself until I stop or forcing myself to stop, like becoming my own policeman and jailor, but I can see that this is unnecessary and is only done when there is no self trust as self honesty, and thus I am not trust worthy and will naturally begin to police/jail myself. Breath is a point of self honesty here where I don’t need to force myself into submission, where I don’t have to make self change some massive effort, but rather simply remain here. Sometimes I link the keys to my process with the more prominent points that I am aware of that I must stop, but that is a deception, that is going back into morality as the policeman, because the mind can deceive in all kinds of whats and all it really comes down to is having thoughts – if I have thoughts, I am self dishonest, I am not here as breath in the physical reality – the only place one can ever live. It is as though the mind was created only to deceive, so that one can make plans ‘outside’ of the physical reality to try and fuck with it.

Anyways, this blog is not the most focused as I have not been focused lately. I did a lot of reading tonight and I read a point with regards to simplicity – keeping things simple. In practical terms, this means breathing when thoughts come up, as mentioned, and also going straight to writing when a point is required to be looked at, and when doing so – keep it simple! That means asking the right questions, asking simple questions, and continue to follow questions and answers to questions with more common sense questions until you’ve gotten to a point of clarity. I have had a tendency to judge myself or my questions/answers in this process, and before I know it I have gone into the mind and once again I am in observer mode. What was also mentioned in the post I had read about simplicity was the point of being strict. This is important within the context of understanding what the situation is here on earth, what it is that needs to be done, and thus realizing – why wait? Why waste time screwing around when time can be better spent elsewhere making a difference? And here I am talking about wasting time both with myself and others – neither should be done. There is always work to be done whether it is with me or with others, the point is to be strict about getting it done. Here again I come back to the aforementioned fear of loss, but I am can always ready and willing to explain why I am taking such a stance, and if one is not willing to hear me out – then there is a bias and right there is my indicator that I am wasting time hearing one who is not willing to hear.

 

I forgive myself that I’ve not accepted and allowed myself to be strict with myself and others in setting boundaries and being self directive in making sure that process is the priority – I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to waste time with others in a way where I am not being supportive towards them or myself, but rather follow them and give into their desires out of fear of loss because I fear losing them – when in fact each one is self responsible and each one can only lose themselves and such lostness cannot be forever as it is always energy/entity based.

Looking back in my process, it was the times where I was asked simple common sense questions that assisted and supported me the most – they just had to be the right questions. Also, the times where I was really struct with myself and diligent in stopping habits/patterns/addictions were the times where I made real progress and began to understand myself on a level that goes beyond energy/mind.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not keep things simple in terms of identifying what is here for fear of facing what is here

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not assess what I am participating in and how I am living and what I am accepting and allowing with simplicity and common sense to see whether or not it is relevant/valid within the context of process and the work that is necessary to be done here on earth

I commit myself to keep things simple and stick to the simplicity of breathing and writing

I commit myself to be strict with myself in doing what it takes to stop myself and be effective in my process – including all of my activities, participations and acceptances and allowances, both within myself and in my outer world

I see, realize and understand that that which I accept and allow to be done unto myself as my own self dishonesties/abuses is that which I accept/allow others to do unto me and thus when I deceive myself I am giving others permission to deceive me with effectiveness, because I will not see the deception as I deceived myself and trusted the same energy that all humans use to deceive themselves and others

Day 273: Insecurity

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Today, before writing this, I experienced a feeling like I don’t know what to write about, as I often do when I go to write my blog. I always walk through this experience now because I know too well that there is all kinds of shit that requires my attention, so sometimes I will read blogs or listen to interviews/watch videos to get the ball rolling. The word ‘insecurity’ had come up recently in a song I discovered that I really liked, it is called ‘Soulmate’ by the band ‘No Use for a Name’ (the word soulmate referring to deep seeded insecurity) and I really liked the lyrics when I read them. They struck a chord with me (har har). Then tonight, I read a blog about insecurity and relationships, and recently I had some conflict/misunderstanding in my relationship, so after reading this blog it was like ok, time to look at this point of insecurity.

I suppose it is a normal thing, and just as I have not questioned it for so long, I’m sure neither have so many others who constantly live within such a point. What is insecurity? Fear of loss, the certainty that the future outcome of one’s life is one that is not desirable. It is intertwined with fear and anxiety, where -based on the way we live, and who we accept and allow ourselves to be – we create a life of insecurity with fear and anxiety as our main experience of ourselves. The fear and anxiety can then easily turn into anger when the prospect of real loss looms or even appears to loom and threatens our security – but our security can only ever be threatened if we are in-security (insecure) to begin with.

How do I create the experience of insecurity as a mathematical certainty of a future outcome that is not best? By living a life where I abdicate my self responsibility, where I do not stand in my own stead of self responsibility, living the life and creating a self that would be ideal, but rather look to/depend on others to do such a thing. We tend to believe that we can attain an ideal self/experience of self by depending on/drawing from the world around us. Just like we are conditioned to believe that we can buy our happiness, or that having a relationship will complete us, or that if we get that great new house/car/toy/job/whateverthefuckyoulike, then everything will apparently be great in our lives. The more we believe that we are not sufficient, that we can do do it for ourselves, that we can not be self responsible – we go looking outside of ourselves and this is such a great fall that we create that crippling experience of insecurity, where we obsess about controlling out reality and getting what we desire.

When abdicate ourselves and our ability to take self responsibility and live a life of real value that considers all life in equality, we create this kind of demonic/vampiric entity that needs to be fed to stay alive, and before you know it, we just become consumers, obsessed with consuming goods and whatever it is that will fill that endless void, that insatiable appetite – it will never be enough because it is a void that we created in the first place! This entity will then do anything it can to hold onto its food source, its energy source. It is insecure because it knows that – as something that was created – it is temporary. We abandon ourselves and let the demons/vampires take over, and then wonder why we are so insecure, why enough is never enough.

So, what would then happen if we did not abandon ourselves, but rather took self responsibility and do all in our power to ensure that we are creating a self/world that is best, with an outcome that is certain to be best for all life? In my experience, the more I give up, the less insecure I am. Conversely, the more I hold onto old habits/patterns/addictions and don’t get real about taking responsibility to create a life/self that is best for all – the more insecure I am, and the more I depend on others/things I have separated myself from, to fulfill me. That is no way to live. And this is a deep awareness of what we are accepting and allowing in our lives, it may not necessarily be something that one is aware of in their conscious mind.

So I have found this is the key to stopping all insecurity – stand up and take self responsibility for one’s life in stopping old vices as habits/patterns/addictions, and rather take self directive principle and create a self/world that is best for all life – then you will have all the security one could ever need because it has been created so.

That’s all for today. To be continued.

Day 186: My freedom and good fortune is temporary

With the world going in the direction that it is, the security of all life on earth is threatened and in reality no one is safe – yet for those who have always experienced a life of security and privilege, the illusion of this experience and the money they currently possess serves as a strong illusory buffer from seeing the reality of things. This is also the case in my life. Sometimes it is difficult to admit to myself how bad things are really going to get because as long as things are working out for me and I have money, I am able to pretend that it is going to be this way forever.

And not only is this a foreseeable future based on the progression of current events, but history has proven this to be the case over and over again. Did anyone imagine or take seriously the possibility of a world war before world war 1 and 2 took place? Not likely as if it were so, such things would have been prevented. Did we as a society use our powers of projection and foresight to see looming genocides like Cambodia and Rwanda take place? Obviously, not because they were allowed to happen.

In a flash, what seems like a calm ordinary way of life can suddenly turn into a living hell, as it has for so many unwitting civilizations. How long would it take for your local community to turn into a living hell if tomorrow the food and water supply were cut off?

Seeing into the future is not some magical ability of prophets, it is a natural skill developed through one’s consistent application of self honesty, meaning to live in reality and always consider all that is here in the physical reality.

Within this realization, the importance of bringing about a better self and a better world (they go hand in hand) become that more urgent. I say this not as a message of fear of personal doom looming, because in self honesty we should be able to recognize that even if our security was not threatened, the security of the lives of others that are constantly being threatened and will continue to be threatened is equally as important as ours. But it doesn’t work that way, does it? So this goes back to why I say bringing about a better self is imperative if you want to bring about a better world, because:

There is war and genocide taking place every day on earth – but you have some thing apparently more important to do.

There are babies being born into lives with no food and water where they will starve to death – but apparently your family is more important than that.

There are animals being slaughtered brutally, painfully and without mercy on an unimaginable scale, but apparently your personal goals and desires are worth more than that.

There are people suffering and going insane because they have no money, no job, no food, no home, no future – but apparently your god is more important than that.

The earth is being raped and the natural equilibrium of the planet which we depend on to exist is being destroyed along with countless special going extinct – but apparently your country and patriotism is more important than that.

And the list goes on and on. What is really important in life? The very question is fundamentally flawed because there is nothing ‘in life’ – there is only life and life itself is important as all of existence in its entirety that is included within the context of what is life!

We’ve got to start getting past our egos and the constant reassurance we are attempting to give ourselves that ‘everything is ok’ and that what we believe is important is so, and consider for real that no one and nothing is special, save for life itself. We’ve got to be willing to give up that which we hold as most special to us in the name of what is best for all life so that our integrity is of the highest nature that it can be, so that we can live a life where our way of life is sustainable, because what we value is all life equal and one, and this is the value that is sustained in place of what we have traditionally always valued – our little ‘bubble worlds’ where apparently some things are more important than others.

If we do not, we will lose everything, eventually – this is guaranteed no matter in which way the scenario on earth plays out, because if this way of life does not come to an end within your lifetime, it will certainly do so at death where finally we can realize – it was all for naught!

Day 178: Day self forgiveness at the workplace

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to fear not knowing what to do when I have a student, or that I will have a ‘bad’/incapable student who will create problems for me

I forgive myself that I’ve not accepted and allowed myself to realize that understanding is the key to self movement within/as awareness, and thus I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to, in moments of not knowing what to do, go into fear/the mind looking for answers and turning to knowledge/past experiences, and that I have not allowed myself to simply breathe and be here – when and as I see myself panicking because I feel I don’t know what to do and going into the mind/knowledge/past memories, I stop, I breathe, and I allow myself to be here, as the physical, and no longer allow myself to go into mental projections of the mind that are based on fear and self doubt

Day 148: Scheduling myself as a support structure

I have tried scheduling myself as a self support somewhat, but I have not allowed myself to commit myself to working with a schedule, and walking a schedule/the process of developing a schedule consistently enough for it to become natural and effective. My fear with regards to a schedule is that it will be too limiting, or that something may not go according to schedule. I tend to get my hopes up, and then become very discouraged when things do not go according to plan, so this is where it is important to realize that developing a schedule that works is a process. I have found schedules in the past (work/sleep schedule) to be a cool support structure, but in a way it was not necessarily me directing me but rather still being directed by a system that I had no choice but to follow – when I was ‘off that schedule’ there was still this ‘free time’, but it is more like ‘whatever time’ because I’m not really being productive or self directive but just living according to whatever comes up. This is an easy way to get swept by thoughts/the mind as influencing my living.

I also often find myself struggling to find the time to do certain things, and unsatisfied that I am not giving priority to the things that I would like to give priority and focus/attention to. This creates a lot of stress because there is a kind of uncertainty that I will not be successful, that things will not work out. I’ve got to work out a life that works so that this fear of the future/anxiety stops.

So, tomorrow when I wake up, I will be writing down an hour by hour plan of what I will be doing for my day, and noting as well what points are a priority – this may be important if some unforeseen things come up and not all planned responsibilities are fulfilled.

I forgive myself that I’ve not accepted and allowed myself to schedule myself as an effective way of scripting myself/directing myself in self honest common sense, and take the time/days necessary to develop an effective schedule that works

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe that a schedule will be limiting

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to become disappointed and give up just because things do not go according to plan/schedule, but rather simply see how I can adjust my schedule according to any points that came up which I did not take into consideration

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to create uncertainty, anxiety and fear of the future through not scheduling/working out a life that will be successful

I commit myself to develop over time a schedule that is effective, to ensure success and that I live the life I really want to live and live to my full potential