Day 465: Self direction within a group – leading and following

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Earlier tonight I had some backchat about the Desteni group and I caught it and had to breathe and stop it and do self forgiveness out loud – it was a thought that was kind of scary in a way because it is certainly not one I would like to have. I know what Desteni truly stands for and that is what is best for all life. I have been aware of the tendency for the minds of people, including myself, to use Desteni and what Desteni is sharing as a way or “making their own life better” only and once their life has improved and they are more confortable, they will not participate anymore with process and Desteni, or their participation will be greatly diminished. It bothered me that I had this thought because I have always sort of made a promise to myself to never “go back” on Desteni, that this was really one of those few things in existence that I could be sure about. What this also showed me, and another reason why I was taken back by my own thoughts, is that it was revealing to me that I had these thoughts/feelings/emotions previously but not dealt with them – it was a build up of energy that had not been directed.

I was thinking about “why doesn’t Desteni intervene in the world scene? Like with politics, religion, healthcare, education etc…..with all of their amazing talents, gifts and abilities, why are they not becoming and involved with their amazing skills and abilities?

This is an example of how the mind tends to see process and what it means to “change the world”. What I am doing within this is operating under the assumption that the skills/abilities/gifts we develop through our process are objects, or even weapons if you will, to use as an advantage OVER others as if we are trying to impose OUR will as opposed to THEIR will. That is simply not what Desteni is standing for. It is not about imposing anyone’s will, it is a way of directly changing this world and existence through changing ourselves and who we are – and while I would like to support the implementation of something like a Basic Income Grant or an Equal Money System – these are just 1 dimension of a much, much bigger world change that has many, many layers and dimensions to it. World change is not such a black and white thing.

One thing that has always bothered me about this world and that makes no sense to me in this process is: why do so few people get a chance to make it past death? Why do people who have access to the internet and who speak English have the only chance to make it past death and make it in this process? We are no better than others for being able to access the Desteni material. What about the children who are killed in war or who starve to death in poverty? Why is our #1 priority not to implement a basic income or equal money system?? Or, is it that We ourselves are not ready to implement it? Is it that we carry the greatest burden and responsibility because of our advantages? Not to “carry the weight of the world on our shoulders” and become martyrs, but to simply do the most because we have been “given the most”. Our curses are our gifts and our blessings and gifts are our curses. Everything is completely backwards in this world but it is not some “world system out there” – rather it is who we are. Who we are. All that matters is who we are here in this moment.


I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to have backchat about other members in the group because of where I have not participated with the group and thus judged the group due to my lack of understand of what the group was doing.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to see Destonians as special and to tend to look to others for answers for that matter when I am able to work things out myself if I let go of all my distractions and desires.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to create the tendency to look for others for direction/influence to be able to make decisions for me or use the idea that they are “helping me to decide” as a way of keeping back doors open for secret desires and moments where I essentially waste time/the gift of life, postponing self responsibility and promoting my escapism

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to fall into the trap of preprogrammed ideas about words like “leadership” and “followers”, wherein I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to live both words equally as being both the leader and follower of myself , giving myself the right to participate in the group through equalizing myself to these words which would then allow me to at times express both points of being a leader or follower but as a participant in the group with the starting point of what is best for all and thus either expression can be activated where necessary/best for the group but that I need not be defined solely by either word/expression as a polarity of each other

I commit myself to lead myself and follow my own leadership as movement through/as breath in quieting/stopping the kind so that there is no longer a slave/master relationship between myself and the mind but rather equalize myself to/as my own mind so that I become the director/leader of it in humbleness as breath and thus I create the leadership that is a quiet mind/self movement here as breath that I can follow in trust

I commit myself to recognize the moments in which I have thoughts where I criticize, judge or question the integrity/efforts of others as moments of inner friction wherein I am dissatisfied with myself and am projecting that self dissatisfaction outward, and to flag these moments as indicators of self dissatisfaction and thus to investigate in common sense where I can contribute more/take more self responsibility rather than to sit on the sidelines and judge or criticize as this is useless


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