Tag Archives: reacting

Day 315: Daily self forgiveness: using the faults of others to justify my reactions

To those who spend their time looking for the faults in others: Quote About Spend Time Looking Faults Others

Just a quick post for today.

 

Today I had some experiences wherein I was becoming mildly frustrated with ‘the incompetence, bullshit and mischievous ways’ of others – apparently. It is fascinating because as much as I am able to blame others for how I experience myself, they are not ‘making me’ feel anything – everything I experience internally is about no one and nothing but myself.

 

The tricky part is how the mind uses real things in physical reality to justify and further ‘make real’ that which I am experiencing within myself. Sure, perhaps those who I was dealing with were incompetent, bulshitting and being mischevious, but by focusing on this I am overlooking the real point: the issue was over money, and within dealing with a point about money, fears of mine came up – ‘what ifs’ – which are points of self-doubt that the ego uses so cleverly to again ‘make real’ it’s own desires and beliefs. The only reason I experienced any irritation, frustration and therefore blame/judgment towards others, is because of the fears that dealing with money bring up

 

So the point here is to stop all reactions/projections/desires related to money and what the point of money really brings up: fear of loss.

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to lose my things and be ‘cheated’ out of having things: money and possessions, and therefore one day find myself ‘without’ and ‘in trouble’ because I have nothing on which to survive – I commit myself to remain here within and as breath when and as this fear arises, as I see, realize and understand that I am only able to do what I am able to do within the necessity to survive and nothing more, and that to ‘over blow’ this point by acting out of fear and thus resorting to mind-tactics to be able to survive such as attacking others or intimidation – I stop, breathe, and do not allow myself to participate in my reactions and fearful projections about what I will do’, and rather remain here as breath until the energy passes and I may continue to support myself in a way that is not out of self interest and self preservation, but in a way that is best for all life and within the consideration/starting point of all life as equal and one

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to use other peoples short comings to self righteously justify my own fears and reactions, and self beliefs about how my fears are real and how others are wrong and thus apparently are the reason for why I am reacting – I thus commit myself to, upon reacting to others within situations where I fear losing/loss/being harmed, to stop, and breathe, and not give into my reactions and blame towards others, as I see, realize and understand that this tendency to focus others faults is the ultimate deception that looks and feels ‘so real’ in the eyes of the mind because it may have a grain of truth, yet I am fooling myself my making the association between this and how I experience myself within myself as blame – and thus I do not participate in my reactions/projections onto others as they arise as my thoughts, feelings and emotions

 

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Day 253: What the hell is wrong with you?!

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Today I am writing about self righteousness, as I am noticing it’s outflows in various forms. It is a form of blame, and tends to be experience as like a ‘wtf’ kind of reaction towards others, when I am seeing a point that is fucked, and yet I am reacting to the point because of how it somehow relates to me, where I am somehow living the same point without necessarily realizing it – it is only when it is presented in another, perhaps in a different form, that it becomes obvious because it is not me, it does not have the exact same look and feel as my own shit, but it is the same in essence.

Now it is obviously pointless to live this way because I mean, sure, the whole world is fucked, people are fucked beyond belief, but if we live in judgment and blame, we are literally never going to get anything accomplished in terms of affecting any real change. It is simply not effective to judge and blame others for who they are as what they have become and believe themselves to be, when I have not taken responsibility for my own self as what I have become and who I believe myself to be.

As long as I am reacting – I am ineffective in directing a point, as it shows that I have not yet cleared/directed myself effectively. As long as I am looking to make a point or prove a point, I know that I have abdicated my self-responsibility to such a level that I am actually going out and trying to change the point in others as a form of self righteousness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become so accustomed to blaming and judging others, within the desire to be special/better than others, within the fear and pursuit of survival, that I have actually created a character of self righteousness that will focus on the mistakes others are making, without first actually implicating myself and looking at where I have made/am making mistakes

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to, within the experience of reacting to others, not take the point back to self and write myself so that I can see how I created this experience for myself, how the negative experience started out as a positive one, based in desire and positive energy as a form of delusion/escapism from reality, and that I have allowed myself to act on such reactions, believing them to be real in self righteousness, rather than sorting myself out, and not being satisfied to move on and speak with others/direct others until I am %100 clear and have directed the point – as until this is done, I am only speaking to my own detriment and the detriment of others 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe the experience of judgment and blame in thought to be real – and that I have not fully embraced my reaction as reflection of myself, being strict in stopping my experience and immediately working it out until I am clear

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to let greed/wants/desires, to not have to change, to be special, to live a life or unequal privilege, sabotage me into wanting to blame others and be superior, while not in fact taking self responsibility for who I am, to rather in this way create a self/world that is best for all life 

I commit myself to, when and as I see myself judging/blaming others, to immediately stop and not give any power/attention thought to more judgment blame, as I see, realize and understand that any and all reactions are in fact about me, and thus to even be effective in directing others and sorting out this shitty experience of judgment/blame, I commit myself to immediately look at my reactions, breathe, and work them out through self writing, taking a moment to step outside of myself and look at how it all started, to write about how I feel as being about me, and not an actual reflection of what I am experiencing of others, committing myself to do this until I am sorted out and clear, and not making any excuses to stop myself or avoid/not take self responsibility as sorting myself out

Thus I commit myself to never again speak out of reaction, or act out of reaction, but to rather give myself the patience, and give to myself/others the support and understanding necessary by always working shit out before I continue to react or act on such reactions or believe them to be real in any way – thus I commit myself to never give power/attention to what others are doing as a form of blame, as all are equally responsible and that which we are angry about/fear in others, we are the same in essence, and thus from this perspective it does not matter what others do, but rather who self is and what self does, because only by supporting self and taking self responsibility on the point for/as self, is one able to then direct others at a physical level in self honesty and common sense

Day 211: Stability in the face of the mind

I have already written before about how valuable our time on earth is and how important it is to not waste it. I tend to take for granted how much really depends on me, in terms of maybe having to take a leadership role for the moment. Sure maybe I’m not the richest, the most well educated, the most – whatever – but I do see what is going on in this world and I am willing to do what it takes to sort it out. Perhaps I am just placed in a position – due to the circumstances I was born into in this world – where I can see a few things that others do not – and therefore will have to stand within those points and assert myself. Because really, for all people talk, their actual recognition of the issues and how bad things are in this world is really limited, as their actions reflect. There is always such a limit to what we’re willing to do and how far we’re willing to go and what we’re really willing to give up to make a change for the better in this world.

Everything that we are exposed to as our media (which has been the primary education system in the world) really teaches us nothing of the real problems in this world, how bad it really is, how it really works, intimately showing the faces and lives of those who live in absolute destitution and lives where they are valued as if less than nothing. People who have money and comfortable life are so sheltered that they have no clue at all.

Where our real intentions will stand is according to where we will stand – what we will allow within our lives and within ourselves. For this reason, it is important to give up the things and the influences that keep us from fully standing. The matrix really is all around us and if you’re not careful about the information that you are allowing to exist in your mind as your thoughts, and then in your outside world as what you are living/talking about/participating in within your interactions – you will get sucked in. So along with the things I will have to give up within myself as the thoughts, words, ideas beliefs and perceptions I will have to let go of, so will there be changes in my outside world. Those are not decisions to be made hastily, influenced by an emotional or thought or feeling experience, but within self honest common sense.

Thus I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize the importance of every word I think, speak, and allow within my mind as how I have defined it in my mind as this determines the entire outcome of who I will be and what I will live – thus I commit myself to breathing and investigating, whether in the moment or when I have a free moment to write on paper – the words that I am thinking , speaking, participating in and living to make sure that it is in fact self honest and that which is best for all life.

I thus forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not fully investigate my reactions but rather to believe in my reactions as if they are real, not being careful as to whether they are self honest or not – within this I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to feel the need to react as a way of functioning with others to make things seem ‘normal’ and ‘flowing’ and to fear the reactions of others if I am not immediately responding/reacting as speaking

And so I commit myself to breathing to check if I am reacting to the words I am reading/hearing experiencing to see if I am reacting to them or not and I commit myself to stop reacting and to rather breathe here and to live/respond in self honest common sense as breath – even if that means at times to remain silent or speak in a way that others will not understand at that moment

I commit myself to give up/not participate in any reactions/interactions that can in no way be of any benefit to life