Today the word persistence was brought to my intention – it is sticking with me at the moment because this is a word that I can see will be important to learn and integrate into my living, if I am going to ever really create the life that is best for all life. It goes hand in hand with consistency, another important point that has been difficult for me to learn and integrate in my process – perhaps I have not been persistent enough to be consistent.
Another reason why this word struck a chord for me is that my mind interferes with my process a whole fucking lot – meaning, even though the process is about stopping the mind, I have been using it for so long that I do not necessarily always see myself and from what starting point I am acting from, so I will tend to make the mistake of trying to solve my problems with the mind, even by turning ideas of stopping the mind into mind systems that misdirect me – do you still follow me? It’s a tricky situation, because I have a tendency to constantly judge things and the more I think and judge, the less I see that I am judging and try to use judgments as thoughts to try and direct myself/my world – not a recommended way.
I have seen the importance within this of doing physical work – or in other words, living, but it is living without the mind, being here as just a physical being, directing myself in the moment without my mind influencing me and using physical actions to support myself, such as for instance writing.
This is where persistence is require, because it is so easy to just get lazy. To just sit there and think, and every moment that I spend not moving myself, not directing myself, not doing an activity that is specifically supportive to me within the context of my process – is another moment accumulated thinking. I often trap myself into sitting around and thinking by believing that ‘rest and quiet is what I need’ (doing nothing) because apparently I need it, or I am not ready, or I can’t do it, or what if I fail? – these are the excuses I use with myself.
But I noticed something very interesting today. Today was a day where I scheduled myself to be very busy, where, from 8am to 5pm, I had a number of different things to do which all took maybe 30 minutes to 2 hours each. Because of this constant movement, and essentially ‘having no time to stop and think’, I had to simply live – and it was rather cool. I can see the difference in my beingness, my awareness, when I have spent time living in the mind versus when I have spent time really living as just a physical being – the latter is really a cool experience, the former, not cool at all.
So I see that the key to supporting myself is to be persistent with myself – to push myself to move, to live, no matter what – and that this does not need to be a stressful or difficult experience. Sometimes I get overwhelmed by all the things that I have to do during the day and this is another reason for sometimes giving up on myself and stalling/thinking/procrastinating. But I can only live one moment at a time – an old cliché – once again, the answers to life are so simple – they only require to be lived and applied in a world where the mind complicates everything.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to trust my mind to move me and that I have not accepted and allowed myself to be persistent in moving myself in every single moment, through the fear of living and the fear of failure or making a mistake – I allow me to move me and live here, without self doubt, fear or any form of mind interference as thought – I commit myself to, when and as I see myself in moments where I am stagnant/not moving/not working towards something, to recognize such moments and immediately find a point within which I can move myself – and to not further stall by trying to decide which point to do or how it will be done or any other form of mind projecting – but to simply, stop thinking, breathe, and move myself onto the next activity in the moment.
An Alpha Male's Journey To Life 