Day 391: Just writing


This will be a brief post as it has been a long day and I do need to rest. Tonight, when going to write my blog, I was searching in my mind on points to write about. When that wasn’t working, I realized that; shit, I need to just write. Here I was looking for something ‘next level’, something ‘out there’ that is like this big mystery about myself to try and write about and debunk, but the truth is that I have all kinds of shit going on inside of me, all kinds of points that create all of these inner experiences of thoughts, feelings and emotions that have accumulated and affected me so much in my daily living, that I really need to just let it out. Just through that act alone, I am writing myself on the path to self support, by dealing with the real shit.

But it fascinates me that my first inclination was to look somewhere else, even after having noticed this point about myself before. It is as if I am censoring myself, suppressing myself, repressing myself. We are in many ways, intimidated, bullied and sometimes even forced to do this in our world, in our daily lives and the things we participate in. But we have internalized it, we have internalized this fear of ourselves, of expressing who and what we really are in the moment, in focusing on that which is real as ourselves/our physical bodies.

Amazing things are possible when we just write. When we just let it out. When we just express ourselves. You may not always like what’s going to come out and what you’re going to see, but if what comes out is truly what is here, then that is the only thing we can work with. We can bully ourselves with the fear of being judged by others, or we can choose to recognize judgment for what it is and stop it within ourselves first and foremost, to stop judging ourselves and others with beliefs, ideas and expectations. The fact is that we are all ‘in it together’, we all go through the same basic human experiences, and within the recognition of that fact, if becomes plainly obvious whether it would be better to treat ‘us’ with judgment or understanding – embracing that which we are, so that we may be that which we would like to become.

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