That I am here in this moment is almost the only thing I can be certain of. Life seems to move so fast and the mind reacts so instantaneously and seemingly naturally that I miss so much of what prompts me to ‘speed up’ and move at a pace where I don’t always really pay attention to what I am doing, what I am saying. This is not to say that I shouldn’t act naturally, but that there are certain things which I see, that if I just gave myself a moment and didn’t give into my mind/fears so automatically, I could then give myself a chance to direct myself more effectively in a way that is less considered/walked: as breath.
When I am honest with myself I can see how I have been programmed to live a life of self-interest – the base mentality that we are all programmed with because as long as we all play and support this game, those who have massive advantages over the rest of us (by virtue of their birthright) will always win a game that we create and support by virtue of our allowance and participation in it. The outflow of this is that I am addicted to certain things in my reality that I experience as “I like doing this” because it gives me some kind of inner experience of nice feelings.
When I look at the basics of these addictions – greed, lust, gluttony, sloth, wrath, envy, pride – it is sufficient as a guideline to at least know what not to do, to know what not to participate in – it can just be difficult at times to fully apply myself in not participating in such habits, and also to remain consistent in doing so. And yet when I do, and stick to this basic guideline of not participating in my own selfishness, my own self interest: a whole new world opens up where I can actually live for real, where I can live in a way where my starting point and consideration is what is best for all live, including all as one as me – so essentially, addictions are the ‘food’ of the mind and ego – no matter how seemingly innocent they are or how we may justify them to ourselves.
When I look at my life, there is so much that I can convince myself is important and that I must obsess over, ‘or else apparently I will lose out, apparently I will not survive and thrive if I do not obsess over my own self interest, if I don’t live in constant fear of loss and defeat’. This is the mentality of my culture, my society: compete and win at all costs – fuck everything else, fuck life – we just don’t want to see it that way because we present our self interest and addictions as wonderful, fun, innocent – whatever. When I look at my life, apparently: my job is so important, my relationship is so important, the experience of feelings that I have defined as “love” is so important, whether or not others like me and how they think of me is important, whether I look good or not is so important, whether or not I have lots of money to buy things for myself is important, having lots of fun and great experiences is so important, my family and friends is so important, etc. etc. If this is so – and given that humans were created equal – what does this imply of all the billions of people who live only to suffer and have no chance of ever experiencing success and dignity in any of these points I have previously mentioned? Wouldn’t my priority as a responsible human being then be to work to ensure that all beings on earth are given the same opportunities and rights of those things that I obsess over and believe are so important for myself? It is going to require a great degree to humbleness to accomplish anything of real significance in this way, in this reality.
I have a tendency to over-think things, to procrastinate, to worry and wonder if I am ‘doing things right’ and ‘what is the best way to get this done’ – it is simple – self honesty – you just do it. Do away with all the shit in your life that you have falsely claimed is so important, ‘get a life’ and change your priorities – stop participating in the shit that only makes me feel nice but makes no real difference in the world as the world continues to plummet into hell. Self honesty is extremely simplistic and really just requires us to give up the things we fear and resist giving up.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to give priority and value to my own self interest, which includes all of my addictions and activities that I participate in which make no real difference int his reality and just give me the illusion of happiness and fulfillment because they create feelings in me that are based in separation from life as they serve only ego and self interest, and I forgive myself that I’ve allowed myself to justify such actions as apparently being all in good fun and somehow being that which is best for all by making me happy first.
I commit myself to identify my priorities, what does not require attention and what does, based on the principle of participating in actions and doing whatever is necessary that will accumulatively, eventually and inevitably create a world that is best for all life and to no longer question or doubt or delay myself through over-thinking things and giving into the fearful thoughts and resistance of the mind, and rather act here as breath in self honesty as who I really am as life, where the mind is unable to deceive me by directing me with thoughts that are programmed to only serve self interest
Through directing ourselves as life, our example resonates, and its effect permeates reality like water, in a way that is beyond what we have always known: trying to control ourselves, others and our reality with the mind from a starting point of fear and self interest, as this will never produce a result as a world that is best for all life.