Tag Archives: tools

Day 340: Writing as a tool

 

In the past I had kind of a mystical idea about writing self forgiveness. It made complete sense to me to forgive myself for what I have accepted and allow myself to be and become as I could see that what I had become did not serve me and was not really who I was, but was just an idea of who I am and how I should live that I copied from my society and those who came before me, in order to fit in and survive. But when I would do self forgiveness, aside from understanding what needed to be forgiven, I had vague idea about it, like if I just wrote the forgiveness then there would be this magical shift within myself where suddenly all of my desires and habits would just stop and I would just sort of magically change. I did not see the importance of being specific in exactly how that self forgiveness would be lived in real time.

 

My self forgiveness was impractical and that is what I am focusing on at the moment – making sure that writing is a self directive tool, akin to how, for instance, a scientist may use writing as a tool in his process of discovery and testing things out. The scientist will observe what is going on and then take notes so he can understand the habits/qualities/properties etc. of something, then will attempt and try different things to try and achieve whatever it is he is trying to achieve, but in that process, will use writing along the way to script and outline what he is going to do, and also to write about the effectiveness of it, what worked and what didn’t, why it did or didn’t work etc.

 

The same thing applies to my writing in my process. Yes, sometimes I will write blogs on general points that give general insights or perspectives or stories on certain points, but for myself, in being practical in moving forward in my process, remember what this process is all about in the first place: changing myself to live a life that is best for me and all life, so that I can practically correct myself and live life anew, it is crucial that I use writing effectively in real time: that means to write about real events, to write about the actual thoughts/feelings/emotions that I experience, to outline, point by point, what are the mental processes that unfolded so that when the same point arises, I can see the point and ‘stop the mind in it’s tracks’ as these same habitual mental processes unfold.

 

I remember someone once pointing out to me that I can’t even remember all the thoughts I had yesterday, and it was true, and I didn’t necessarily see the relevance of this (other than the obvious point of how oblivious/controlled I am), which he then pointed out to me: that that would be self honest. To actually remember, is an act of self honesty – not ignoring what transpired and what happened that formed who I am now and what I do/how I behave now, so actually see and understand what created me.

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to be impractical in my use of writing, believing that if I simply write and do self forgiveness, then things will just magically change and be better, within defining such acts as simply ‘good’ without considering how the point of writing must be a practical tool to identify and forgive patterns, and then script exactly how I would walk the process of change practically in real time, and to use writing to directly support and facilitate this process

 

I forgive myself that I’ve not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that if I do not utilize writing as a specific tool to support myself and direct myself and establish my self change in walking my process, then there is no point in writing at all, as I would then be justifying my mistakes through the belief that I am doing something good and changing while no actual practical change is taking place

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to become overwhelmed with who I am and what I have become as all of the mistakes that I make and everything that is wrong with me, and judge myself because of this, and that within being overwhelmed, I attempt to try and deal with everything at once, and become unspecific and vague and too broad in my writing, and that I have not allowed myself to stop, breathe, and give myself patience and time to deal with myself one point at a time, within the certainty and commitment of applying myself every day to make progress, point by point in effectiveness, until it is done

 

I commit myself to ensure that my writing is effective in taking on one point at a time, and working with the actual points as thoughts/feelings/emotions that I experience in my daily living so that I can investigate what has transpired, how it played out, and thus how I can correct myself practically the next time such a point arises in my mind as my thoughts, feelings and emotions

 

I commit myself to write with self direction and specificity

 

I commit myself to not try and take on too many points at a time and look at a point too broadly, and simply work with what is here as my inner experiences of the mind, as I see, realize and understand that I now have the tools to practically do so with effectiveness, and commit myself to walk this process and walk through the resistance that I may experience to utilizing such tools

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Day 326: The value of ranting and raving

 

Tonight I began working on a ‘mind construct’ – this is a technique used to deconstruct the knowledge and information of the kind which comprises the beliefs, opinions, ideas and perceptions that exist in the mind which create what is referred to as the ‘mind consciousness system’ – here I am using specific terminology that I have learned through the Desteni I Process. It is a self help and life coaching course which teaches practical tools which one can use to deconstruct their own mind, to be able to life a life if clarity that is not directed and controlled by the mind as the mind has been created and programmed by us with the influence and taint of our society and culture. A ‘mind construct’ is an invaluable tool that allows one to look at themselves in a way that is not biased and takes real work here in the physical – no guessing games or spiritual tricks, it is real technical/mechanical stuff.

 

The first part of doing a mind construct is simply to rant and rave – to let the mind rant and rave about whatever the point is that one is facing. The purpose of this is to provide one with the real, candid stuff of the mind, which one can then use and utilize as the content that of the mind that will be worked with and deconstructed. This is the part of the mind construct I have worked on tonight.

 

As usual, the ranting and raving provided me with an initial sense of relief, of just being able to ‘speak my mind’ in a way where I am not suppressing myself or hiding from myself or fearing how I might be judged. It is rare in this world that we give ourselves moments in our lives where we can be truly open and candid. But one of the other reasons we do not do this is the fact that we fear what we will uncover and discover – because everyone knows the truth of themselves is not so nice.

 

But this fear of ranting and raving, this fear of facing ourselves only comes from a perspective of not knowing how to deal with it, not knowing how to change it – we fear that when we rant and rave, it will be from a starting point of believing in what we are ranting and raving about, and thus may be further influenced by that mentality if we rant and rave – therefore not having the self trust, self-assurance and fearlessness of knowing that whatever it is that we uncover/discover: we can correct it, we can change it. This is understandable – we are taught in every possible way to not focus on ourselves, to not be insightful, to focus only on the superficial and the world around us – and if one does happen to be insightful and want to investigate themselves deeper, we are certainly not given any tools with which we can correct and direct that which we uncover/discover within ourselves.

 

But this education now here, if one is looking for it, in the Desteni I Process, or even DIP Lite, which is completely free. There are those out there who have the know-how and the willingness to teach and support others because they themselves have made a commitment to themselves to support themselves and other to make this world a place that is best for all life. There is no more reason to run, to hide, to fear, to avoid, to suppress, to judge – the solution and the tools are here – we simply have to be willing to give those tools to ourselves, to give ourselves back to ourselves, to realize that – even if don’t know yet – there is something more to this life than what we have accepted and allowed – will we accept and allow ourselves to go further and dig deeper? That is a question that we owe it to ourselves to answer with great care and consideration.

Day 293: Letting go of past vices and the tools for a new life

 

One thing that I am well aware of which makes writing more difficult, is the things I do to escape reality – the habits and patterns I have developed which give me the experience of ‘taking a break’ from the difficulties I experience in life. The more I give into these vices, the more my resistance to writing – a real solution – grows. This is the essential problem that we as a species are facing: we are so addicted to our vices and the things we use to cope with our mistakes and deficiencies that we will not even consider a real solution.

 

What is different in my case is that I have been given tools to find my way out of the mess that I got myself in, also known as my mind, as the accumulation of memories/experiences I’ve had and how they define me. What I see when I look back is that I developed all these coping mechanisms during a time in my life where I had no other answers, no other tools, and no sign of help or assistance ever coming. From this a kind of experience of hopelessness emerged, and this is where I sort of said “fuck this, I’m going to just do my own thing that pleases me”, and so the vice was born, the escape artist was born. The more that I (we) move down this path of escapism as the solution, the more trapped we become in it, and it is really no way to live, it is self perpetuating weakness, it is a life of fear, anxiety and lack of self trust because we are deeply aware of what we are doing, that we have forgotten from where we came and ignore the path that we are headed towards. Who wants to live that kind of life?

 

And yet I see how I have come to believe that living this way is the only way. It is difficult to even fathom a life without my vices, like wow, it seems like it is beyond comprehension. I mean, talk about brainwashed, talk about controlled, talk about enslaved. But what I had forgotten is that this view stems from this overall mentality of escapism as the solution, and that this was formed during the period in my life when I had no solutions. Now the escapism doesn’t work anymore (or I’ve just realized it), but it is different this time: I have the tools. I have the answers, because I created the problem. I am the problem, because it is me who accepted the belief of what I apparently want as vices that I use to escape. I do not need to fear anymore to disengage from these escapes, because I have the tool – it is time to persist in giving myself the self support that I require, that I always wished for but never got because I never before realized that I am my own creator.

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that the act of giving up and all of the vices that I use to escape reality were formed at a time when I felt I had no other solutions/alternatives, and that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that I no longer require to put my faith and trust in these vices, I no longer have to put faith in them as I have the solution here as me as self honesty and self forgiveness and thus it is only a matter of remaining here as breath and not giving into the desires of the mind to escape, so that I may give myself the breathing room to walk a new path of living and self discovery wherein I am the directive principle

 

I commit myself to embrace the tools I have been given as gifts with which to set myself free from the limitations of the mind and to commit myself to use these tools on a daily basis so that I may stop escaping my reality within the belief that life is my enemy, and I may embrace all that I encounter in my journey as I have the tools to live and express myself as one and equal in all that I may encounter and experience

Day 117: Ignoring the mind – part 2

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I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to suppress myself through ignoring the mind – either through suppressing my thoughts, feelings and emotions or simply disregarding what I am aware of through and as the mind as what I am participating in when a point is fully understood as its origin, manifestation as thought/feeling/emotion and thus its consequential outflow/play out

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to exist within past habits/acceptances and allowances wherein I did not have the tools to understand/work out the mind by not utilizing the tools I have now to understand/work out the mind

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to want and desire to ignore negative judgments others have of me while still desiring to be judged positively by others – not realizing that these two points go hand in hand and that one cannot exist without the other – and from this, believing that I can somehow escape the negative judgments while attracting the positive judgments

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to ignore the mind – as the awareness that something is ‘not right’ as understanding that there is a consequential outflow to my actions, in favor of giving into desires/wants – and that, this does not mean necessarily that I must suppress wants/desires, but that rather I must face them and do the necessary self investigation to understand them and see, understand realize who I am within them through self honest writing – however, I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to simply ignore what I do certainly understand about some desires/points where I know their origin, how they are manifested and thus how they will play out, as an act of stupidity in making a quick decision in ignorance as if I were ‘jumping off a cliff’ and simply ‘hoping for the best’ as if the predictable consequence will somehow magically not happen

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to be reckless – believing that I am invulnerable/invincible as a result of a life/childhood experience where I was privileged, provided safety and had no real understanding of how life works and thus acted as if life was a game without consequences, as it was presented to me this way

 

I forgive myself that I’ve allowed myself to illusion myself through believing that I want and need certain things that I must pursue and acquire with reckless abandon as a general neglect/disregard for life

 

I commit myself to be aware of my thoughts and investigate my thoughts when and as I see myself caught in the act of thinking, to see the real nature of my thoughts and what they are indicating and immediately and unconditionally do self forgiveness on them – this can be done through writing, aloud, or even in my mind as long as I am the directive principle in utilizing the voice and applying the forgiveness – this makes self forgiveness possible anywhere, any time

 

I commit myself to stop the habitual behavior of helplessness within the belief that I am incapable of supporting myself/sorting out the mind through engrained past experiences of not understanding self/the mind, and to utilize all tools at my disposal in investigating, understanding and sorting out the mind as myself

 

When and as I see myself desiring to be judged positively by others and to manipulate my presentation of me/their impression of me – I stop, I breathe, I see how this is a desire based on fear with the inevitable outflow of wanting to escape/ignore negative judgments of me and manipulate my presentation of self/how others perceive me, and I do not participate in this game of good/bad or likeable/unlikable characters as the desire exist within my mind as my thoughts, feelings and emotions

 

When and as I am aware resonantly that something is ‘not right’/’off’/of a self dishonest nature – I investigate this point to see in specificity what I am participating within and how I am participating to see if self deception exist, and to stop the tendency to suppress myself due to a general/vague awareness that something is ‘wrong’ – instead, I stop, I breathe, and I investigate myself and my reality and my actions through self writing

 

When and as I see myself simply ignoring what I already understand and am aware of as my participation in desires where I see the consequential as not being best for self/all as a form of ignorance to the mind as my desires – I stop myself, I breathe, I realize that there are no ways of avoiding consequence as what I am participating in is not what is best for all, and I do not participate in this tendency to simply ‘go for it’, and the tendency to ‘hope’ that everything will somehow magically be fine – I see and realize the consequential outflows of my actions and no longer allow myself to deceive myself through the fear of giving up this desire which pushes me to simply ‘go for it’ – realizing that if I give this point up, only then may I see who I really am and what the consequences of self honest living would be

 

I commit myself to see and find out what the consequences of self honest living are

When and as I see myself wanting/desiring to act with reckless abandon, where I will be reckless in abandoning myself/life in favor of my desires as what I believe I want – I stop, I breathe – I realize and understand that this tendency was engrained through leading a privileged life where I did not always see or understand the consequences of my actions and thus  believed that there were no consequences/that I was invincible – I no longer allow myself to act/live this way as I realize that all my actions have direct consequences and thus all consequences created must be within the context of what would be best for all life

 

I commit myself to see through all illusions that have me disregard self/self honesty/life/the physical through no longer participating within my desires to pursue them with reckless abandon – as only then will I see through the illusions and who I am when I stand for/as life

 

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