Tag Archives: steadfastness

Day 333: Daily habits and thinking

Observe your thoughts for a day, a week, a month” – this was something that I read today that really stuck with me, even though it may seem a simplistic point. I notice that actually, to even observe my thoughts for a whole day is very difficult, because of the nature of thinking: that you are the one doing it, and so while you’re busy doing it, it is difficult to be able to step back and observe what you are doing.

This is where words like determination, dedication and strictness have to be lived and applied, because such a habit of taking note of one’s own thoughts does not happen naturally at all, it takes real effort and concentration, it requires one to be steadfast, almost vigilant, if it is to be done properly. I happen to have started reading this new book on habits and habit formation and that is one of the points that is brought up: that forming new habits take real work and concentration. Over time they become easier to activate as the path has already been walked – practice makes perfect.

Crucial within this is to stop participating in habits that take away from this point of concentrating myself on what matters. It is crucial to actually direct myself here in the moment in making specific decisions where I am fully aware of what I will do and I do it, based on the understanding that deciding on and sticking to certain activities will in fact support me. There is always something there to entertain myself with, there is always someone else to focus on, and then there is always my partner, who is quite frankly very attractive and charming to me – all of these points are things that I experience as nice, good feeling habits that are just so easy to fall into, as they have already been formed – and I notice that when I fall into these habits, because they are based in the energy of the mind, I become like hazy, clouded and unfocused, it becomes very noticeable when I then try to focus myself/concentrate on something. Again, strictness with self, and not fearing that I will ‘lose anything’ is crucial here, because what I tend to do when I fear losing something, is that I may apply myself, but I will kind of ‘try too much, ‘focus too hard’, where I become too intense, obsessive and zealous, because within that fear of loss within giving up old habits, a new energy is created which is then the energy that I end up feeding and building-up in the attempt to stop and change.

This reminds me of an interview series I watched recently from Desteni with regards to Michael Tsarion and his work, where they discussed the point of how we try to be good and not be evil, but how being good takes so much effort and energy because it is only based on judging evil and thus trying to suppress/not be evil. This is simply not necessary and doesn’t work, especially when I have the tools and even some of the experience to be practical and effective in dealing with the mind. So, back the notebook I will keep in my pocket for when thoughts come up, back to breathing as a self support as often as possible and when I see myself falling into old habits – there is no need to judge and then fear – but to simply recognize, breathe and within breath the common sense is always here to move myself directly, in one single moment as breath as I see, understand and realize what it is that I must do – move myself.

I forgive myself that I’ve not accepted and allowed myself to stick to the simplicity of breath in directing myself here in every moment – of being determined to breathe whenever I see myself participating in a habit/pattern/addiction, and to then move myself to make a decision in self honesty in participating in that which is practical and relevant which supports me. I forgive myself that I’ve not accepted and allowed myself to be disciplined in writing out my thoughts and observing the patterns of my mind as thoughts consistently so that I may begin to know and understand how I work and thus know how to support and change myself effectively

When and as I see myself getting lost in a habit/desire.pattern/addiction, or even the thoughts of participating in it – I stop, I breathe, I see, realize and understand where this is going and that I will only delude myself with energy as the habit/energy takes over and I lose control over my own self directive principle, and thus I remain here as breath and direct myself in self honesty as a decision that self honestly will support me in my process of stopping the mind

I commit myself to stop my habits/patterns/desires/addictions effectively so that I may support myself to understand myself, and thus within stopping I commit and dedicate myself to writing out my thoughts and to observe and write out my thoughts as much as possible, within the commitment of getting to know myself and thus getting to know all beings as the mind, and thus being able to change myself and direct myself and within this, be able to direct and support others effectively, making my existence on this earth relevant as I can actually have an effect on my reality that results in an outcome that is best for all life as change

Day 325: Standing in the mess-age as the message


Human beings are really only as good as what they know: it is the knowledge that we operate and function on that determines what we will live and the choices we make. In this ‘age of information’, the temptation to live in ignorant bliss is the greatest it has ever been, because we as human beings are given no directive guidelines/principles within which we can direct ourselves with the knowledge and information that we take on and experience as our world/reality.

In fact, the very notion of self-direction is suppressed in virtually every way possible: and we are rather just subject to the information we experience and the world systems that function according to this information, teaching us 1 thing: that we are inferior, that we cannot direct ourselves and our reality, to give up on ourselves and just turn to entertainment and other petty preoccupations, that we can never have any real true freedom or happiness, that we are forever limited to the reality and information that we are presented with. And so, the desire to live in ignorant bliss is greater than ever, because in ignorant bliss, one can attempt to escape and get away from the knowledge and information that controls their mind and their life, that they have accepted as ‘the way things are’ in this reality. At every turn our reality is bombarding us with this information about ‘the way things are’ – it is in our commercials, on our TV, in our movies, magazines, newspapers, books, schools, from friends and families – all communicating 1 essential message: you are a slave, you can never change your reality, you must follow and be content with the content that is presented to you as your entertainment. Even our knowledge becomes as polarized as we are because our reading skills and ability to assess information become subject to the ‘good kinds of knowledge’ (entertainment) and the ‘bad kinds of knowledge’ (knowledge about our world/reality).

So as we are living in this age of information, with the internet and the widespread reach of information being like it has never been before on this earth, we are bombarded and there is more pressure to conform and give up than ever before – and yet it is in this bombardment that we are given the keys to our reality: when we decide to be self directive, when we decide that we will face this world as the information it throws at us, when we decide to take self responsibility in understanding that which we are faced with as our world and how we have come to create it – a new self is able to emerge from within it all, and this new self is able to create a new world in its image and likeness. As such, self is no longer required to feel subject to all that self is exposed to as the information of this reality that has influenced and controlled the way that self lives and exists – another way is possible where we exist within it all, yet we are no longer controlled, affected or directed by it all. It takes self honesty, it leads to self forgiveness, and inevitably self change, because when standing self honestly in the face of what this world has become – a playground for demons as those lost in delusion – we have no other recourse than to stand as the solution of what is best for all life. However, no said it would be easy.

The amount of deception and delusion that exists in this reality – which is dispensed at the level of knowledge/information – is extensive and surely this endeavor of standing within it all as the message of life that holds life in the highest regard above all knowledge/information as cultural brainwashing and deception, is an endeavor that will require steadfastness, strictness, humbleness, perseverance, self will, self forgiveness, self honesty, self will and self commitment – to no longer be influenced by the information that controls our lives through spoken words and written symbols, and to unconditionally stand as a beacon of stability as self trust in self honesty, only allowing self to live by and according to the principles which honor all life equally in the highest regard. They key in self honesty is to be forthcoming as the one who is equally and the utmost responsible for what we have created as this massive deception that exists on earth as the knowledge/information that we are conditioned by, identify ourselves by and live according to – I have committed the same sins, I have fallen just as my fellow man has and as the one responsible for creating this age we are living in, as one who finds themselves equally here as part of this mess-age, I stand as the message of life: that the knowledge and information that we live by that is in conflict with life and seeks to abuse and destroy life will no longer be allowed to have any power or control over myself as life – and as such I remain here as the breath of life, directing all that may require direction as my attention given as necessary to sort out the mess we have found ourselves in. This is a commitment that can not be fickle or fair-weather, but must be done in the face of all words that are thrown at us as the continued bombardment of the words/knowledge/information that seeks to enslave us and keep us trapped in patterns of the past, where we believe we are safe, but where the system always has you the most controlled.

Day 294: No said it was ever going to be perfect

No one ever said life would be easy.
But they did say,

The title of this blog is a statement I am going to need to learn to accept. While the ultimate goal is always perfection as the purest living expression of ourselves, it will never be possible to travel down that road of continuous improvement if I do not begin to face the current reality of things, which is far from perfect. The question is: who am I within such situations? If I am reactive, I will copy that which I see as I am easily influenced, and I will use the examples set before me as excuses and justifications to allow myself to be weak and be tempted by illusory desires that have been fed to me by my society to make me weak.


How can I provide for those who I care about if I allow myself to react and be influenced by the failings of others? How am I to stand and be dependable and trustworthy, with integrity, to always ensure that what I accept and allow is what will create a world that is best for all life, if I cannot even stop my fear of what others have become and the dangers they may pose to themselves and life in general? How am I going to face my day if my reactive nature has me subconsciously anticipating the next unfortunate/negative event that may be waiting for me that may be out of my control to stop, will I just allow myself to be defined by some negative experiences or events, just because I am able to find reasons to blame other people and things for such events?


No. Of course not. That is what equality would imply – I am required to become a humble servant to life within the understanding that I am life and as such, the harmed state that life is currently in is my cause and responsibility to correct. This is my only reason to have virtue or ambition.


This blog post seems to be shaping up into a point of dealing with discouragement, deterrence and the overall point of giving up on myself and this world – an old habit of mine that seems to be dying hard. I suppose everyone does this to some degree or another – we use the bad things that happened to us in our lives, at times where we did not consider or understand why these things happened – and we use them by taking things personally and adopting these experiences as reasons why we don’t live life fully – we are trapped in memories of harm and helplessness. Sometimes we create beliefs through the explanations that we use to explain these events, and from these beliefs we also get ideas about what we want and what the solution is – this is also a form of deterrent because it keeps us from letting go of a point that is likely holding us back because we have accepted this as ‘the way’ and thus fear that ‘there can be no other way’ – especially when we have committed so extensively to the old way.


But there is a new way – to live without fear as breath. “keep your eyes on the prize” is what someone said to me today, in the context that: “keep your chin up, because even if things don’t go as planned you will get to where you are going, as long as your head is facing straight forward to see the way”.


I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to become deterred from engaging in my process and living my life to the fullest in every moment, because I fear bad things happening along the journey and thus I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to use bad things happening in the past – and thus the fear of bad things happening in the future – as an excuse/justification to not push myself to express myself and live life to the fullest in every single moment


I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to associate my process and my goals with/to be defined by particular things or people, and to then become discouraged when things do not go according to plan – conversely, I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to set myself up for disappointment and failure by associating my process/goals with certain things/people and then once I have achieved/acquired such things or associated/interacted with/had certain experiences with certain people, and then becoming discouraged when I perceive myself to ‘lose’ such things/people/experiences – not realizing the limitation I am placing on myself by defining myself by only certain things that I know (knowledge = thoughts)


I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to create ideas/beliefs/associations/definitions of how things should be ideally and how I should experience myself ideally, and then become deterred/discouraged when things do not go this way – I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to think and belief that process is going to be an easy, perfect or painless process – I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowd myself to be deterred by pain or other negative experiences


I commit myself to ‘keep my eye on the prize’ in terms of not allowing certain events/experiences such as disappointment or other judgments, or the fear of these events happening to define who I am and my motivation and how I will live


I commit myself to not copy the failures and flaws that I see and to not judge them because if I judge them I will believe them, and if I believe them I will fear them, and if I fear them I will copy them


I commit myself to not define my process/goals by certain things/people/experiences so I am no longer defined/influenced by the perception of loss or potential fear of loss but rather am able to always consider alternatives and other possible outcomes, through letting go of fear and the subsequent desire/belief of how things should be


I commit myself to never be influenced/defined by painful or negative experiences