Tag Archives: standing up

Day 325: Standing in the mess-age as the message


Human beings are really only as good as what they know: it is the knowledge that we operate and function on that determines what we will live and the choices we make. In this ‘age of information’, the temptation to live in ignorant bliss is the greatest it has ever been, because we as human beings are given no directive guidelines/principles within which we can direct ourselves with the knowledge and information that we take on and experience as our world/reality.

In fact, the very notion of self-direction is suppressed in virtually every way possible: and we are rather just subject to the information we experience and the world systems that function according to this information, teaching us 1 thing: that we are inferior, that we cannot direct ourselves and our reality, to give up on ourselves and just turn to entertainment and other petty preoccupations, that we can never have any real true freedom or happiness, that we are forever limited to the reality and information that we are presented with. And so, the desire to live in ignorant bliss is greater than ever, because in ignorant bliss, one can attempt to escape and get away from the knowledge and information that controls their mind and their life, that they have accepted as ‘the way things are’ in this reality. At every turn our reality is bombarding us with this information about ‘the way things are’ – it is in our commercials, on our TV, in our movies, magazines, newspapers, books, schools, from friends and families – all communicating 1 essential message: you are a slave, you can never change your reality, you must follow and be content with the content that is presented to you as your entertainment. Even our knowledge becomes as polarized as we are because our reading skills and ability to assess information become subject to the ‘good kinds of knowledge’ (entertainment) and the ‘bad kinds of knowledge’ (knowledge about our world/reality).

So as we are living in this age of information, with the internet and the widespread reach of information being like it has never been before on this earth, we are bombarded and there is more pressure to conform and give up than ever before – and yet it is in this bombardment that we are given the keys to our reality: when we decide to be self directive, when we decide that we will face this world as the information it throws at us, when we decide to take self responsibility in understanding that which we are faced with as our world and how we have come to create it – a new self is able to emerge from within it all, and this new self is able to create a new world in its image and likeness. As such, self is no longer required to feel subject to all that self is exposed to as the information of this reality that has influenced and controlled the way that self lives and exists – another way is possible where we exist within it all, yet we are no longer controlled, affected or directed by it all. It takes self honesty, it leads to self forgiveness, and inevitably self change, because when standing self honestly in the face of what this world has become – a playground for demons as those lost in delusion – we have no other recourse than to stand as the solution of what is best for all life. However, no said it would be easy.

The amount of deception and delusion that exists in this reality – which is dispensed at the level of knowledge/information – is extensive and surely this endeavor of standing within it all as the message of life that holds life in the highest regard above all knowledge/information as cultural brainwashing and deception, is an endeavor that will require steadfastness, strictness, humbleness, perseverance, self will, self forgiveness, self honesty, self will and self commitment – to no longer be influenced by the information that controls our lives through spoken words and written symbols, and to unconditionally stand as a beacon of stability as self trust in self honesty, only allowing self to live by and according to the principles which honor all life equally in the highest regard. They key in self honesty is to be forthcoming as the one who is equally and the utmost responsible for what we have created as this massive deception that exists on earth as the knowledge/information that we are conditioned by, identify ourselves by and live according to – I have committed the same sins, I have fallen just as my fellow man has and as the one responsible for creating this age we are living in, as one who finds themselves equally here as part of this mess-age, I stand as the message of life: that the knowledge and information that we live by that is in conflict with life and seeks to abuse and destroy life will no longer be allowed to have any power or control over myself as life – and as such I remain here as the breath of life, directing all that may require direction as my attention given as necessary to sort out the mess we have found ourselves in. This is a commitment that can not be fickle or fair-weather, but must be done in the face of all words that are thrown at us as the continued bombardment of the words/knowledge/information that seeks to enslave us and keep us trapped in patterns of the past, where we believe we are safe, but where the system always has you the most controlled.


Day 287: Positive Illusions and the desire to control

Recently stress has been occurring in my life due to my attempts to control things that are simply out of my control. I have been attempting to control things from the starting point of believing that “this thing is a good thing, and thus I must hold onto it, I must maintain and sustain it”. It is really only due to this belief that I have struggled and become so stressed because if I were to let go of this belief, I would not simply fear losing the point but rather consider who I am without it and who I will decide to be without .

By believing that this point is ‘good’ from a starting point of believing that I need it or that I will be worse-off without out it or I am missing something. So much needless stress and anxiety could have been averted if I had simply questioned my belief.

I know I am being vague and not specific about what exactly this particular point is, but it is interesting because now that I see the principle of what I am describing through being general/vague, I can see how it applies to so much in my life, so many others points, and also applicable to so many other people in this world. It is the one thing that keeps us from really changing for the better: the belief that what we already have is positive. We hold onto positive illusions and fear the negativity of reality, when in fact the only positivity that can ever exist, exists within letting go of all illusions, no matter how seemingly positive, and simply remaining here in physical reality so that we can direct it in a way that is best for all life.

Now what remains for me is only the fear of others judging and misunderstanding me for letting go of/disengaging in what is believed to be positive. But if I fear this point, if I react to this point, it is only showing that I too still fear letting go of this point and have doubt/uncertainty about it. If I am ever to expect others to come to the same understanding or to be able to support others in any way to break free of their own positive illusions, I have to be absolute in my standing, I can not allow myself to fear or react when others judge or misunderstand. Even if I go into the other extreme/polarity of fighting with others or trying to prove something to others, I am in fact tacitly still supporting these positive illusions by fearing losing them or still believing that they are so real that I fear their might and power over me through their power and might over others – when others are really just under positive illusions, nothing more, no matter how real they make it seem.

Thus the point is to remain honest with self in every breath, to not react or fear but rather trust self through self honesty, and simply explain or clarify to those who misunderstand/judge if necessary or even possible – in many cases I will need to be ready to have others simply judge, misunderstand, get nasty even – and still just remain here within and as breath, trusting myself, being honest with myself, and within this, establishing myself and what is really real in this reality as my self directive principle – I trust myself to remain here in self honest common sense and do not allow myself to be influenced by the grip of fear from the positive illusions I have created which only serve to enslave me.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to fear letting go of that which I believe is positive, or to try to fight to let go of it or somehow prove that it is not positive – when in fact all that is necessary is to remain here within and as breath and direct myself to not give into fear/desire. I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I require a point that I have defined as positive/good that exist outside/separate from myself in order to live and thus fearing that if I lose this point, I will somehow be worse off or damned.

I commit myself to no longer stand by that which I have come to believe is positive, and when the tendency/urge arise to act on this belief as actions that are designed to sustain and maintain these positive illusions that I have created – I stop, I breathe, I remain here as breath and I do not allow myself to succumb to fear as self doubt, but rather trust myself through sticking to breath and giving myself the credit and self support that I do not require points of positivity that exist separate from me in order to live and have a fulfilled, dignified life – thus I do not give into this fear as desire to hold onto, defend or fight for illusions, as my thoughts, feelings and emotions. I embrace myself here in self trust as breath.

Day 267: Laziness and energy flow


Throughout this process, sometimes I feel frustrated because I have worked on a point so much, and applied myself to change on this point – and yet may still fall from time to time. I feel like “I have figured this shit out, I know what it’s all about, I know how it works – why do I still fall? What am I missing here?

I have lived a life where basically I was given no real value or support to develop self expression, and in absence of that I developed a shell of a life, a shell of a ‘me’, a fake me to replace the real me to give myself an experience of having lived or having value. That is not life – that is energy and that is what most people seem to be doing to some degree or another – looking for the next high, the next happy experience of themselves. We are hellbent on this feeling that we perceive to be happiness.

Through this ‘fake me’ I have developed, I have developed all kinds of bad habits where the personality lives itself out to get this higher experience of itself – it is basically just ego. In a way these habits are really just a form of laziness, because it is so easy to just fall back into old habits and never have to act/work to live myself, to take on new experiences and self development – that takes far more work/action. As I remember hearing years ago through Desteni portal interviews: laziness is a drug. I see now the practicality and implications of these words more than ever.

I need to be realistic about the fact that stopping these habits take time and absoluteness. They require an absoluteness in my resolve to stand and stop these habits/patterns – both the bigger patterns and the smaller. The smaller points seem insignificant, like I can just let them ‘slide’ and they will be of no consequence or if there is a consequence it will apparently be minor and I can ‘handle it’.

But the fact is that these points begin what could be called a flow of energy. I saw this word ‘flow’ used in this way recently, to explain the accumulation of energy that is built up when we give into seemingly insignificant moments of weakness and desire, and it is a useful word in that its shows how the momentum of the energy is already moving, and from another blog I recently read it was pointed out to me how something that is moving is hard to stop, the more momentum and force it has. 

Seems obvious doesn’t it? Yet we always miss the obvious. So it is best that I not fool myself when I am playing with the fire of energy as seemingly small/harmless habits, thinking that I can handle it, because these are the points that inevitably lead to a big fuckup.

We tend to believe that we are in charge, that we are the masters of our domain – this is simply not so, but rather that voice in our head that tells us this is ego, stepping forth in place of your actual self to deceive you so that you don’t change and it can keep getting what it wants, like an drunk person believing they are in fine condition to drive. 

And there are so many ways to justify it: “just this one time, just a bit, I can handle it, I am stressed, I need to relax, I’m in a bad mood, this will cheer me up!” But as I have mentioned about my past history, these habits and the desire to give into these habits have been formed purely as a compensation for not having lived – replacing the experience of living a life of self value and self expression with a bundle of addictive behavior habits/patterns that give me an energetic experience which I have come to trust and call happiness.

So, this shit is going to take time, coupled with strictness and consistency in terms of what I will or will not allow. It will take time and consistency to stop the habits and to even first establish the new tools/support systems as consistent and unwavering, until they are natural and automated.


I forgive myself that I’ve not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that energy is the fuel of personality and with energy, the personality has a certain flow, and that this energy as personality will flow more when I give it more energy, and that this personality is not in fact me but a demonic entity that exist within me that drives me to the brink of my own possessions/obsessions as fears/beliefs/desires and that to give into even a single thought of desire is to build and accumulate energy which fuels the flow of the mind


Thus I commit myself to be strict in not giving into thoughts/moments of desire as I see, recognize and understand that it is only through these small moments that I am able to either damn myself or set myself free, and thus when and as I see thoughts of desire arise – I immediately stop, breathe and let go, to keep breathing if they are persistent until the energy has stopped, and as the energy has dissipated and been diffused through breath I am then able to move me, to express me, to live me a new and see who I am in these new moments of opportunity where I am no longer controlled, influenced and directed by my own weaknesses as thoughts of desire.

Day 229: Making a difference at the grass-roots level

Lately I find myself increasingly engaged in political discussions with regards to my native country, Canada, particularly pertaining to social change and effecting social change to address the issues that we as a society face which require our urgent attention. If we do not start paying attention to what is really going on in this world – at all levels – there are going to be some terrible and unforeseen consequences.

First things first – before we can even begin to address the problems that exist in our outer world as the society that we are living in, we have got to begin sorting out our inner world. This world is built on relationships: it starts with our relationship with ourselves, which determines our interpersonal relationships as our relationship to one another, and then our cultural/societal relationships as the relationships we have to the culture/society we are living in.

As individuals within our society, we tend to be apathetic about what is really being allowed in our society, and our great contribution to allowing that is our ignorance. Yet when I look at our interpersonal relationships, I see the exact same thing: a large degree of apathy in terms of what we allow in our interpersonal relationships, as it is really not a difficult thing to see how pervasive the conflict and friction we have with our fellow humans on an interpersonal level. Looking then at our relationships with ourselves, the word apathy and ignorance barely even begins to describe it: the degree to which we are dishonest with ourselves and what we accept and allow in our own lives, as the people we allow ourselves to be and exist as, is grossly neglected. So it is no wonder why on all three levels, we tend to believe that it is impossible to change, to change ourselves, our relationships and our societies – or at least that is the convenient excuse to now have to take self responsibility.

What are we allowing on all three levels? Fear, greed, desire, jealousy, spitefulness, neglect, gossip, theatrical drama, anger, spitefulness, ignorance – I mean the list of abuses goes on and on.

The fact is that we cannot even begin to consider having an effect on our outer world if we do not start from the bottom up, from the ‘grass roots’ level. Unfortunately that term has been limited to the second level I have mentioned, the interpersonal level, and that’s why grass roots movements have not prevented the world from becoming the horrific mess that it is today – we have never actually taken self responsibility for who we are within this whole mess.

Let’s face it – our leaders are people just like you and me, and they have their own problems just like we all do, they can’t sort their shit out the same way we as individuals can’t seem to sort out our own problems. Why? Because we completely take for granted and ignore the people we have been socialized as – the way in which we have defined ourselves in our own mind. We point out how fucked up our leaders are when the time comes that we are finally affected by their decisions, and yet we don’t seem to be able to do the same thing with ourselves and give that priority, since after all, that is the first place we are able to make a difference, is in our own lives. I mean, what has everyone been busy with that they believe is so important while the world has been allowed to be reduced to the state that it is in now? It is not valid to suddenly wake up one day after a life of self-interest and ignorance and say you are angry about the system, to blame others for having let the world become what it is today – no matter what role others are playing.

People get the leadership they deserve – this is an old adage in many cultures for a reason. Sadly, those who have the facility (money) that allows them to actually stand up and do something about all of this, take for granted their privilege, and ironically we tend to only get serious about questioning our reality – all of it – and making a difference, until we have lost everything or experienced some kind of extreme trauma/hardship. It is the same kind of mass ignorance and illusion that keeps us from seeing catastrophe in the making – the illusion of self importance. I mean, what was everybody busy with until World War 1 and 2 broke out? If our eyes were actually open, we would clearly see disastrous events such as these in the making, and I’m sure that there were a few lucid people screaming at the top of their lungs, warning us of what is to come – just as we have today.

It doesn’t have to always come to this, we don’t have to keep learning the hard way, and more importantly, will we ever learn, will we ever have a real change, if it is only forced upon us as a matter of consequence? I would wager that we’d rather simply be wiped out. We can be proactive, but it will take some actual doing, some actual self trust and self honesty in application of common sense, it will take the realization that we as individuals are part of something much, much greater than what we have always given importance to in our personal worlds. We are going to have to face, forgive and give up our self interest and resolve our personal conflicts, sort out our inner demons, if we are ever to make a real difference. It takes time, hard work – that how you know it is the real way to make a difference, because you’re mettle will be tested. Once again, it is people that make up our society, and we are going to have to begin looking at these people that we accept and allow ourselves to be and exist as.

In my own personal process, I have had to come a long way before I could even consider taking on broader social issues with any kind of effectiveness and clarity. I had to get self honest about who I really was and who I had become. I had to get down to the nitty-gritty of what is actually going on in my mind, of facing my secrets, my skeletons, my demons. I had to change all kinds of old useless habits to become studious and educate myself about myself and my reality, how things really work, giving myself the education that my society never has and never will. I had to forgive myself extensively for who I had become and learn how to give it all up – myself interest, my desires, my fears, my blame, my judgmental thoughts – all of it. In no way would I have ever had the right or capability to do so, given the person that I had become as a product of this culture. We are products of the culture that we protest – stupid, isn’t it?

I am not saying that one has to be perfect to begin to try to make a difference and start caring about their world, I am saying that taking on your outer world and taking on your inner world must be two parts of the same point – taking self responsibility for this reality and who we are within it. Separation and blame are the name of the game we have been playing with ourselves to no avail. Without taking self responsibility for the people we are – fully, in every way – we will continue these endless cycles of conflict, friction and getting nowhere. Everyone has played a part in this mess, everybody has contributed either actively or tacitly to it, and so we are going to have to learn to stop judging, to stop blaming. We are going to have to learn some understanding and compassion and learn what it means to love our neighbors as ourselves. However, as long as we keep avoiding the reality of the way we treat ourselves, the way we do not love ourselves, the way we are dishonest with ourselves, the way we abuse ourselves – NOTHING WILL CHANGE.

There is support available for this – I suggest life coaching with a group of people who have decided they have had enough abuse, enough horror, and to actually stand up for themselves as life and do something about it. For more visit www.desteniiprocess.com – become an individual or excellence so that we can begin contributing and creating a society of excellence.