Tag Archives: security

Day 273: Insecurity

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Today, before writing this, I experienced a feeling like I don’t know what to write about, as I often do when I go to write my blog. I always walk through this experience now because I know too well that there is all kinds of shit that requires my attention, so sometimes I will read blogs or listen to interviews/watch videos to get the ball rolling. The word ‘insecurity’ had come up recently in a song I discovered that I really liked, it is called ‘Soulmate’ by the band ‘No Use for a Name’ (the word soulmate referring to deep seeded insecurity) and I really liked the lyrics when I read them. They struck a chord with me (har har). Then tonight, I read a blog about insecurity and relationships, and recently I had some conflict/misunderstanding in my relationship, so after reading this blog it was like ok, time to look at this point of insecurity.

I suppose it is a normal thing, and just as I have not questioned it for so long, I’m sure neither have so many others who constantly live within such a point. What is insecurity? Fear of loss, the certainty that the future outcome of one’s life is one that is not desirable. It is intertwined with fear and anxiety, where -based on the way we live, and who we accept and allow ourselves to be – we create a life of insecurity with fear and anxiety as our main experience of ourselves. The fear and anxiety can then easily turn into anger when the prospect of real loss looms or even appears to loom and threatens our security – but our security can only ever be threatened if we are in-security (insecure) to begin with.

How do I create the experience of insecurity as a mathematical certainty of a future outcome that is not best? By living a life where I abdicate my self responsibility, where I do not stand in my own stead of self responsibility, living the life and creating a self that would be ideal, but rather look to/depend on others to do such a thing. We tend to believe that we can attain an ideal self/experience of self by depending on/drawing from the world around us. Just like we are conditioned to believe that we can buy our happiness, or that having a relationship will complete us, or that if we get that great new house/car/toy/job/whateverthefuckyoulike, then everything will apparently be great in our lives. The more we believe that we are not sufficient, that we can do do it for ourselves, that we can not be self responsible – we go looking outside of ourselves and this is such a great fall that we create that crippling experience of insecurity, where we obsess about controlling out reality and getting what we desire.

When abdicate ourselves and our ability to take self responsibility and live a life of real value that considers all life in equality, we create this kind of demonic/vampiric entity that needs to be fed to stay alive, and before you know it, we just become consumers, obsessed with consuming goods and whatever it is that will fill that endless void, that insatiable appetite – it will never be enough because it is a void that we created in the first place! This entity will then do anything it can to hold onto its food source, its energy source. It is insecure because it knows that – as something that was created – it is temporary. We abandon ourselves and let the demons/vampires take over, and then wonder why we are so insecure, why enough is never enough.

So, what would then happen if we did not abandon ourselves, but rather took self responsibility and do all in our power to ensure that we are creating a self/world that is best, with an outcome that is certain to be best for all life? In my experience, the more I give up, the less insecure I am. Conversely, the more I hold onto old habits/patterns/addictions and don’t get real about taking responsibility to create a life/self that is best for all – the more insecure I am, and the more I depend on others/things I have separated myself from, to fulfill me. That is no way to live. And this is a deep awareness of what we are accepting and allowing in our lives, it may not necessarily be something that one is aware of in their conscious mind.

So I have found this is the key to stopping all insecurity – stand up and take self responsibility for one’s life in stopping old vices as habits/patterns/addictions, and rather take self directive principle and create a self/world that is best for all life – then you will have all the security one could ever need because it has been created so.

That’s all for today. To be continued.

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Day 186: My freedom and good fortune is temporary

With the world going in the direction that it is, the security of all life on earth is threatened and in reality no one is safe – yet for those who have always experienced a life of security and privilege, the illusion of this experience and the money they currently possess serves as a strong illusory buffer from seeing the reality of things. This is also the case in my life. Sometimes it is difficult to admit to myself how bad things are really going to get because as long as things are working out for me and I have money, I am able to pretend that it is going to be this way forever.

And not only is this a foreseeable future based on the progression of current events, but history has proven this to be the case over and over again. Did anyone imagine or take seriously the possibility of a world war before world war 1 and 2 took place? Not likely as if it were so, such things would have been prevented. Did we as a society use our powers of projection and foresight to see looming genocides like Cambodia and Rwanda take place? Obviously, not because they were allowed to happen.

In a flash, what seems like a calm ordinary way of life can suddenly turn into a living hell, as it has for so many unwitting civilizations. How long would it take for your local community to turn into a living hell if tomorrow the food and water supply were cut off?

Seeing into the future is not some magical ability of prophets, it is a natural skill developed through one’s consistent application of self honesty, meaning to live in reality and always consider all that is here in the physical reality.

Within this realization, the importance of bringing about a better self and a better world (they go hand in hand) become that more urgent. I say this not as a message of fear of personal doom looming, because in self honesty we should be able to recognize that even if our security was not threatened, the security of the lives of others that are constantly being threatened and will continue to be threatened is equally as important as ours. But it doesn’t work that way, does it? So this goes back to why I say bringing about a better self is imperative if you want to bring about a better world, because:

There is war and genocide taking place every day on earth – but you have some thing apparently more important to do.

There are babies being born into lives with no food and water where they will starve to death – but apparently your family is more important than that.

There are animals being slaughtered brutally, painfully and without mercy on an unimaginable scale, but apparently your personal goals and desires are worth more than that.

There are people suffering and going insane because they have no money, no job, no food, no home, no future – but apparently your god is more important than that.

The earth is being raped and the natural equilibrium of the planet which we depend on to exist is being destroyed along with countless special going extinct – but apparently your country and patriotism is more important than that.

And the list goes on and on. What is really important in life? The very question is fundamentally flawed because there is nothing ‘in life’ – there is only life and life itself is important as all of existence in its entirety that is included within the context of what is life!

We’ve got to start getting past our egos and the constant reassurance we are attempting to give ourselves that ‘everything is ok’ and that what we believe is important is so, and consider for real that no one and nothing is special, save for life itself. We’ve got to be willing to give up that which we hold as most special to us in the name of what is best for all life so that our integrity is of the highest nature that it can be, so that we can live a life where our way of life is sustainable, because what we value is all life equal and one, and this is the value that is sustained in place of what we have traditionally always valued – our little ‘bubble worlds’ where apparently some things are more important than others.

If we do not, we will lose everything, eventually – this is guaranteed no matter in which way the scenario on earth plays out, because if this way of life does not come to an end within your lifetime, it will certainly do so at death where finally we can realize – it was all for naught!