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Day 301: Relationships as God, Religion and Savior

 

In my dream last night, I was with another, I’m pretty sure it was a woman in a car, although my recollection of that is vague, and basically I was getting pissed off because I was looking for water and I just didn’t have time/patience for BS, for asking questions or whatever it was that just didn’t seem so important cause it felt like I was dying of thirst. In reality my body was actually very dehydrated and I ended up drinking a bunch of water as soon as I woke up. This whole experience is fascinatingly symbolic. Is the vehicle my relationship? Am I in it with my girlfriend who is the woman? Is my not having patience tolerance indicative of my disinterest in her ideology? Is the thirst for water my thirst for life and the dire situation life is in, in need of attention and support? Is my waking up and finally drinking water in physical reality indicative of the necessity to wake up from/break out of illusions of the mind so that I can realize/actualize my understanding, priorities and ambitions?

 

With a little more insight into this dream – I keep interpreting that which I am coming to understand as ‘fight or flight’ – like I have to make a major decision that ‘we cannot be together’ but that is silly – I’m apprehensive to say this because it is like I fear that I am just convincing myself of that because I want to hold onto the relationship, I want to stay in hope – that could be so – but what about changing myself within it? This is the key and I am aware that my tendency to want to part with others has limited me from being able to work with others and within this, work on myself and learn. I keep wanting to make rash decisions, and yet I fear that what I am living now is a rash decision, as the intense desire to want to make things good, to make things ‘work out’. The mind is always taking me from one polarity to the other and the fact is that the truth is in the middle – we are both just beings, just here on earth, stuck in our own shit. The challenge is to be of support even when I am not getting what I want, when I am not being positively stimulated, and to also not go looking for it. The challenge is to support only where possible and step back otherwise – the challenge is to not try and help just because I want some kind of specific outcome for myself because I fear loss/some negative experience. This is the case with any human being and is a learning curve I really have to go through – live and let live – let them be – do my work and step back – without fear of loss. This dream does not necessarily symbolize my relationship with my partner – the same essential points can be seen in all relationships. This is where I see the value in walking with another.

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to want and desire and attempt to try and control my relationship/partner – which includes that which I see as ‘positive’ attempts to make the relationship better/alive/strong through stimulating myself and my partner positively within the context of trying to have a successful relationship – and that I have not accepted and allowed myself to ‘live and let live’, and keep interaction practical, here, in the moment and without fear of loss as my starting point – I commit myself to ‘live an let live’, meaning that I commit myself to stop trying to stimulate the relationship positively and move the relationship within positivity as I see that this is based in fear of loss and not practical, but rather just based on the idea of love which is only a belief created and utilized within the fear of loss

 

I forgive myself that I’ve not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that the desire/tendency to want to make a rash decision that ‘we can’t be together’ or ‘it won’t work’ is actually based on an experience of disappointment and disillusionment where I am brought back to reality through traumatic events which contrast the desire and hope I have created within making ‘big plans’ and creating ‘big ideas’ about me and my partner and our future – thus I commit myself to stop the tendency to ‘get ahead of myself’ and try to create and design an ‘ideal future’ for me and my partner as I see, realize and understand that this is done in fear of loss and not practical, and instead I commit myself to walk a physical process of establishing self trust and trust with another where I no longer allow fear/reactions to direct me/my relationship but rather work in self honesty and understanding, here as breath

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to even believe in relationships – to believe that they exist, that they are real, as I was conditioned to believe in the idea/ideal of a relationship as the love/romantic relationship with a ‘special someone’ – and to within this, play games within myself where I judge myself/my partner within this paradigm/belief of a relationship, where, if it fits the image/belief/ideal, I get a positive feeling/thoughts/outlook which is just a positive energetic experience, and if it is not fitting the image/belief/ideal, I get a negative feeling/thoughts/outlook which is just a negative energetic experience – not realizing that none of this is real, it is just based on the belief/ideal of a relationship that was designed in fear of loss during a time in my life where I felt I could never trust human beings and that if I did not find some kind of form of security, I would lose/die/have a negative experience – thus I commit myself to see, realize and understand that a relationship is just a belief, an energetic body/entity that is created within the fear of loss/fear of others, and I commit myself to see, realize and understand that in reality, we are just two beings, two earthlings who are here, finding ourselves in the mess we have put ourselves in where we are our own worst enemies and thus do not require saviors, such as in the form of a relationship/partner/positive energetic experience of another, but instead require real practical support and solutions here as equals so that we may assist and support each other for real, establishing self honesty and self trust and thus honest and trust within our interaction, as I see, realize and understand that this goes far beyond what the illusion/fantasy of a relationship could ever be

 

It is fascinating how relationships function just like a religion, a god, a savior – as they depend on our belief and subscription/participation in order to exist.

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Day 277: Who we are as individuals – can we be saved?

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Interaction, cooperation and interconnectivity is intrinsic to human expression – without each other assisting and supporting each other as we direct ourselves in our world, we are much more limited than we would be when drawing on each others input. It is who we are. We cannot escape it, for as much as we would like to find reasons to deny each other and separate ourselves from life through a variety of self definitions as so-called ‘personalities’, we are nothing without each other.

And yet who is each one but an equal to another? Who is not an individual that consists of the whole? Each one of us has this point of individuality as our access point to our participation in the whole as the group of humanity and that group within the eco system and the rest of the universe – life. Each one stands within this point alone and cannot escape this one point but through death – to only then return as some other point! Whether in the form of human, animal, plant, dirt – whatever it is I’m not even sure is that important in the bigger picture because essentially one point just moves/transforms to another. This movement is also constant and an intrinsic, inescapable part of who we are as life. But what is the movement? Where do we go when we die? Do we determine that? In a way yes we do because we determine what the state of the earth and how beings on it may experience themselves will be in the future times to come. So our movement in this current life that we are living-out here in this moment is the movement that will determine the future movement of humanity as a whole.

If our movement is not effective, we will obviously bring onto ourselves a more difficult experience of ourselves in the times to come. What we seemed to have to done trap ourselves from actually moving froward as individuals and a species is to systematize the movement into a closed system called humanity or civiLIEzation that is a small minority closed group that dominates the earth without understanding and is thus a danger to the life that exist. We give these systems names according to their roles such as for instance ‘political system’ or ‘economic system’. We don’t exist within that system at all. Nope, because as mentioned, the systems are powered by us as individuals and thus if we as a species are trapped within our systems we have created to direct us it implies that we ourselves are driven by systems at an individual level – we internalize (internal lies, eternal lies) the system and live as the systems as we exist as them as our beliefs, thoughts, fears, emotions, opinions, feelings etc. Our experience of ourselves both within and without has become as just systems, that were not designed to be conducive to the forward development of ourselves as individuals and as a group, to develop any kind of real equality or change, to bring about any kind of real actualization of who we really are as beings on this earth as our intrinsic design implies.

Who is the doctor without the plumber? Who is the child without the parent? Who is the parent without the child? Who is the man without the woman? We define each other to the extent and that we define ourselves and our experience of ourselves and each other will reflect that. So what will the starting point of that self definition be?

We have unfortunately through illusions like ‘free choice’, money and the experience/perception of having power over others convinced ourselves that this reality is escapable, that we can deny who we are – but sooner or later, reality sets in. We cannot escape this aspect of our design and our self responsibility for self movement that is conducive to the living of the group as a whole, we cannot escape it anymore than our need to eat and sleep.

There is no escaping this reality and certainly there are no saviors. It is we at an individual level that will determine our fate and the outcome of humanity’s journey here on earth. It does not matter how success we may have within the current system and how well it bodes on us in our life, in terms of making money and friendships/bonds. It doesn’t matter if we have all the money in the world or people to take care of us. What matters is who we are and how we experience ourselves – and how others experiences themselves and this is again a reality that will set in because as we are beginning to see the consequences of just living lives of self interest where we are only concerned with our own well being and not our responsibility to ourselves as life as the individuals that contribute to the group as a whole. So while some of us may currently have a fair amount of control over their lives sufficient to make sure that they have a nice experience of themselves until they die – that is irrelevant in the bigger picture when you consider that the person absolutely loses control of what will become of them on the other side and how they will then eventually inevitably experience themselves. The only way we are able to have an input/effect onto the experience of ourselves as individuals that exist within the whole, is to decisively determine now who we will be and what we will do in this life, this very brief time that we have to have a difference with.

To only take care of this one life is foolish, to take care of only one life form is foolish, to take care of some lives and other lives is foolish. We have to know deep down how little control we have – and yet we can not deny that we have a place in this world, that we are here, that we exist, that we don’t want to die know if we have at least that choice – why would we want to be here, naturally?

Let’s stop the external illusions we use to abdicate our power and self responsibility in this world to have a better experience of ourselves and other where we do not live in such a constant state of fear due to our neglect of ourselves, and thus each other and life. We can only recognize others once we have recognized ourselves. We can first forgive ourselves for how we have abdicated ourselves with self corrective applications, and from this forgive each other through the stopping of who we were when we harmed each other and the certainty of ensuring that through our commitment to ourselves life that we will never harm again.

 

Day 269: The Hero Character

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Helping those in need, saving people, protecting the innocent, killing bad guys! I mean, you know you have read too many comic books and watched too many moves when…

I noticed this tendency today within myself to want to be a hero, to do heroic things and be regarded as some kind of knight in shining armor. The knight in shining armor always gets the girl, doesn’t he?

The hero character is a character that is created opportunistically out of the fake morality system of go(o)d and (d)evil that we have created, where we are existing in self-created bubbles of separation to our fellow man/this world and as a result, polarize ourselves into an endless variation of degree of good and evil. All that one such as myself has to do is to lock onto this system, learn it’s rules of what is apparently good and noble and what is apparently evil and condemnable, and play it – I’m the good guy, I am the good-est of the good guys, the highest of the high with the highest calling. I mean what better way is there to have power? That’s what super hero’s have – super powers!

Within this character, I will present myself as being greater than I really am, strong and more noble than I really am, more caring than I really am, more considerate and loving than I really am – I mean it goes on, you get the idea.

But have heroes ever really made any real, lasting difference to our world? If so, would we even know who the real heroes are? In my experience, the real heroes have always gone unsung, almost completely unnoticed.

Within the living understanding of equality and what it means to be equal there can exist no heroes because heroes are simply capitalizing on a point of inequality through a world system that essentially creates bad guys, just like armies capitalize on countries that are apparently bad because they are apparently a threat our security – or like the way CEO’s of the prison industry are the heroes capitalizing on high incarceration rates.

Sometimes it really seems justified in our own minds – but that is only within the allowance of a reaction to a point that we’ve been programmed to see as ‘wrong’ and thus if we act as heroes we are apparently right. Our reactions of hatred towards others and the injustices we witness – and yet we don’t even understand our own reactions sufficiently enough to realize that they are in fact the key to stopping all evil in this world – because it is our reactions of anger, blame, vengeance, revenge that reveal that it is in fact we who are the evil ones, living with no compassion, no understanding, no consideration for others as equal to ourselves – just a desire to capitalize and yet again not have to face and correct ourselves because we are apparently righteous. Not only this, but when a hero comes around to apparently ‘save’ everybody – we have been completely self dishonestly absolved of our own response-ability to change the mess of bad guys we are creating on this earth.

We don’t need heroes – we need equals – that is the most heroic thing one could ever do – and yet it is not heroic in terms of the mockery we have made out of heroics because it is just living within the recognition of a point that we should have been aware of all along – our own equality – to and as ourselves and this reality.

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe that being a hero solves anything

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to want and desire to be a hero and to use the point of fake morality within the system as a way of fitting myself into a context where I can be the good/righteous/heroic one, existing within and sustaining definitions of what is apparently good and evil in this world 

I forgive myself that I’ve not accepted and allowed myself to not realize that a hero is not a real being at all but just a character that capitalizes off of a system that creates bad guys and that the hero is special in no way whatsoever as the hero was simply lucky to be born in a position where self righteousness can be more easily claimed and believed

In forgive myself that I’ve not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that a hero is just a faker and s not in it for life but just for the hero to be recognized by everyone as the hero and carry out his own agenda and is thus one of the greatest abusers while claiming some kind of higher morality – within this I forgive myself that I’ve not accepted and allowed myself to believe that a hero is not what is in fact needed and that people do not need to be saved as what is really necessary to change this world to a place that s best for all life is equality and oneness, done through self honesty, self forgiveness and self corrective applications

I commit myself to stop the tendency to want to try and capitalize on the evil of the world by being the hero character and making myself look better than I really am this way – when and as I see myself reacting to something unjust in this world and the hero character begins to be activated – I stop, I breathe, I remain here and do not give into this inner movement as my thoughts, feelings and emotions and rather remain equal to myself here as breath in order to direct myself/what is here

I commit myself to stop abusing a position of good fortune to capitalize on the mess this world is in through utilizing the hero character – rather, I commit myself to establish equality, firstly to self and then to others, so that all are equal and thus no good guys and bad guys can exist

 

Stay tuned for the other side of the coin of the hero character where I will be writing about the bad boy character.