Tag Archives: Religion

Day 307: Some notes on what I’ve learned from living in Thailand

Seeing the economic status/conditions of this country, and being able to fit it into the bigger picture that includes all of the world nations, has helped me to better understand the global hierarchy of nations and how individual countries play specific roles within this.


Within this, currency manipulation and separation through cultural identities is key – also the competition point, which is expressed through nationalism.


One of the best tools to keep any nation bonded to maintaining its role in the global hierarchy is nationalism – one of the best forms of control is to have one identify with and begin to love and revere their chains – this obviously applies at the individual level in interpersonal relationships as well. Religion also plays a major role in this as the antidote when the conditions of a nation are adverse, giving all kind of justifications as to why things are the way they are or false hope that it is all somehow for the better.


Identifying oneself with impoverishment, destitution and extremely adverse conditions carries with it great psychological implications – usually a degree of shame and a complete lack of self belief and self will – we all know how hard it is to be poor in the west at a social level and the implications this has – now imagine the massive degree of poverty that is standard, normalized and accepted in countries such as this, and how broad and far reaching these conditions are with regard to their effect on the psyche of the individual – conditions that we in the west would be appalled by, as we now see people rioting in the streets due to their living conditions worsening – whereas in countries such as this, it is already standard, accepted. It is fascinating because in this country, the protests and riots you see in the streets are actually the political minority upper-class who are angry about any attempts by ‘corrupt’ politicians to improve the lives of the poor majority lower class – this majority poor lower class simply don’t have the time or resources to gather and form a force to protest or riot, they are too busy surviving (or not even).


So our own lack of awareness to the lives of the impoverished in our own countries in the west are really just ‘the tip of the iceberg’ when you broaden that to a world-scale, and our lack of education and proper media reporting/exposure play a major role in this – also the fact that as nations who naturally compete according to the laws of economics, this ignorance can also be justified because as long as we are on the winning team, things are fine apparently. If anything, our main priority and inclination is to take advantage of and exploit such conditions, which really something that is done quite extensively.


Language barriers and cultural norms are exacerbated through the competition principle – most racism in the world is not overt but rather implicit, the principle of ‘it is different from me therefore I value it less’. The competition principle – expressed through cultural identity – places the lens through which we tend to judge things that are different and not normal in our own cultures, which is really an unfortunate thing because when you get down to it, you realize that it is all essentially the same stuff – predictable humans behavior based on circumstances/conditions – but just appearing differently because we are coming from different perspectives that are shaped by our conditions – again here economic conditions play the largest defining role.


For instance, in my experience I have noticed the tendency for many foreigners who come here to judge this country – which is quite an easy thing to do, given the conditions here and the issues they create – without ever considering that they themselves have in fact played a role in why things are the way they are in places like this. National borders are really illusory when it is plain fact that the entire world is very directly connected by a global economic system, and of course more indirectly connected through relationships.


When you break down borders and view this as a global issue, you also realize that in fact, what we would call ‘normal middle class’ people in western/developed nations, who we consider as not being rich, are in fact within the top %10 of the worlds richest people – so when people in the west feel disempowered to act and make any change for the better in their world within the mentality of ‘poor little old me, what could I possibly do?’ – understand that there are people in this world – China serves as a great example of this – who live in complete slavery. They get up, work for 18 hours, with short breaks for meals and hygiene upkeep to make sure they are still alive and can work – sleep for 6 hours and then repeat. People who would look at the lives of middle class people like ourselves and think ‘omg, they have 2 or 3 hours of free time to themselves every day and bit of extra money in the bank?’ what a life! I only wish I could ever be so privileged, the things I could do with all that freedom…’


We are also – in the case of Thailand – talking about a nation where certain basic freedoms are not even allowed by the rule of law – for instance while we have free speech in the west – although that is questionable and constantly under duress – this pales in comparison to a nation like this where for instance you literally cannot say any thing negative about the monarchy – you would be thrown in jail.


In the west, our lack of understanding and our inaction comes largely from information control and manipulation, but when we are talking about a country with money and resources through which the individual tends to be more enabled and have more opportunity, ignorance is more of a choice – whereas in Thailand there is a large amount of information control on the internet and in media in general, and again very limiting economic conditions – many people genuinely don’t know what they don’t know and have no way of ever finding out, and thus have very little chance or opportunity of being able to help themselves.


So this really all puts into perspective our self-responsibility and our responsibility to our world as middle-class westerners.

Day 301: Relationships as God, Religion and Savior


In my dream last night, I was with another, I’m pretty sure it was a woman in a car, although my recollection of that is vague, and basically I was getting pissed off because I was looking for water and I just didn’t have time/patience for BS, for asking questions or whatever it was that just didn’t seem so important cause it felt like I was dying of thirst. In reality my body was actually very dehydrated and I ended up drinking a bunch of water as soon as I woke up. This whole experience is fascinatingly symbolic. Is the vehicle my relationship? Am I in it with my girlfriend who is the woman? Is my not having patience tolerance indicative of my disinterest in her ideology? Is the thirst for water my thirst for life and the dire situation life is in, in need of attention and support? Is my waking up and finally drinking water in physical reality indicative of the necessity to wake up from/break out of illusions of the mind so that I can realize/actualize my understanding, priorities and ambitions?


With a little more insight into this dream – I keep interpreting that which I am coming to understand as ‘fight or flight’ – like I have to make a major decision that ‘we cannot be together’ but that is silly – I’m apprehensive to say this because it is like I fear that I am just convincing myself of that because I want to hold onto the relationship, I want to stay in hope – that could be so – but what about changing myself within it? This is the key and I am aware that my tendency to want to part with others has limited me from being able to work with others and within this, work on myself and learn. I keep wanting to make rash decisions, and yet I fear that what I am living now is a rash decision, as the intense desire to want to make things good, to make things ‘work out’. The mind is always taking me from one polarity to the other and the fact is that the truth is in the middle – we are both just beings, just here on earth, stuck in our own shit. The challenge is to be of support even when I am not getting what I want, when I am not being positively stimulated, and to also not go looking for it. The challenge is to support only where possible and step back otherwise – the challenge is to not try and help just because I want some kind of specific outcome for myself because I fear loss/some negative experience. This is the case with any human being and is a learning curve I really have to go through – live and let live – let them be – do my work and step back – without fear of loss. This dream does not necessarily symbolize my relationship with my partner – the same essential points can be seen in all relationships. This is where I see the value in walking with another.


I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to want and desire and attempt to try and control my relationship/partner – which includes that which I see as ‘positive’ attempts to make the relationship better/alive/strong through stimulating myself and my partner positively within the context of trying to have a successful relationship – and that I have not accepted and allowed myself to ‘live and let live’, and keep interaction practical, here, in the moment and without fear of loss as my starting point – I commit myself to ‘live an let live’, meaning that I commit myself to stop trying to stimulate the relationship positively and move the relationship within positivity as I see that this is based in fear of loss and not practical, but rather just based on the idea of love which is only a belief created and utilized within the fear of loss


I forgive myself that I’ve not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that the desire/tendency to want to make a rash decision that ‘we can’t be together’ or ‘it won’t work’ is actually based on an experience of disappointment and disillusionment where I am brought back to reality through traumatic events which contrast the desire and hope I have created within making ‘big plans’ and creating ‘big ideas’ about me and my partner and our future – thus I commit myself to stop the tendency to ‘get ahead of myself’ and try to create and design an ‘ideal future’ for me and my partner as I see, realize and understand that this is done in fear of loss and not practical, and instead I commit myself to walk a physical process of establishing self trust and trust with another where I no longer allow fear/reactions to direct me/my relationship but rather work in self honesty and understanding, here as breath


I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to even believe in relationships – to believe that they exist, that they are real, as I was conditioned to believe in the idea/ideal of a relationship as the love/romantic relationship with a ‘special someone’ – and to within this, play games within myself where I judge myself/my partner within this paradigm/belief of a relationship, where, if it fits the image/belief/ideal, I get a positive feeling/thoughts/outlook which is just a positive energetic experience, and if it is not fitting the image/belief/ideal, I get a negative feeling/thoughts/outlook which is just a negative energetic experience – not realizing that none of this is real, it is just based on the belief/ideal of a relationship that was designed in fear of loss during a time in my life where I felt I could never trust human beings and that if I did not find some kind of form of security, I would lose/die/have a negative experience – thus I commit myself to see, realize and understand that a relationship is just a belief, an energetic body/entity that is created within the fear of loss/fear of others, and I commit myself to see, realize and understand that in reality, we are just two beings, two earthlings who are here, finding ourselves in the mess we have put ourselves in where we are our own worst enemies and thus do not require saviors, such as in the form of a relationship/partner/positive energetic experience of another, but instead require real practical support and solutions here as equals so that we may assist and support each other for real, establishing self honesty and self trust and thus honest and trust within our interaction, as I see, realize and understand that this goes far beyond what the illusion/fantasy of a relationship could ever be


It is fascinating how relationships function just like a religion, a god, a savior – as they depend on our belief and subscription/participation in order to exist.

Day 255: Who are we living for?


So I am currently studying for my exams at University, and busier than normal every day. I noticed how diligently I had been working and how effective I was able to be with my work, by remaining diligent and putting in the time, focus and concentration. Yet something bizarre also occurred to me – why am I not always this diligent? What could be accomplished and what would my life be like if I was always such a hard worker? And more importantly, what are my motivations and priorities in life that determine whether or not I am a hard, diligent worker?

And of course it was plain to see that the reason I become so diligent and hard working is that this is something that indirectly relates to my survival – it is something I am doing for me, that benefits me. Granted, I would probably not be in University, as part of an overall effort to better myself, if it were not for what I had learned about self honesty, equality and oneness from the Desteni material, as I realized the importance of improving myself so that I could be more effective in making this world a better place – but more directly, this is of personal benefit. I notice the same thing when it comes to work and making money – all the effort and determination is there, because I see a direct benefit. 

‘No man is an island’, and yet we are conditioned in such a way where we are only focused within a limited perception of seeing the direct benefit of something to ourselves – our education of how this physical reality actually functions within a principle of oneness/equality is so poor, that we never see the greater outflows of our decisions, actions, and the greater context of life within which we make them. We don’t see the importance of living within such a context. This affects everything we place importance and value on.

We’re always ready to work hard or fight hard or do whatever it takes so that we have take care of ourselves and have the lives we want to live, or maybe for those around us who we value and consider as loved ones, or those we associate with in our own minds through associative cults like nationalism, religion etc. – but to act within consideration of anyone outside of those circles, well, it just doesn’t happen.

I will work, fight, be diligent for myself or my loved ones – why do I not work diligently in support of all life as one? It is simply not in my programming. I mean look at what typically happens when it is proposed that one live in a way that is ‘best for all life’ – and we have seen this a lot within the Desteni group – there is simply no response, I mean it isn’t even on the radar – or sometimes worse, people will actually try to demonize and slander such a proposition.

We should ask ourselves every single day, why are we not making tis world a place that is best for all life? Are we actually taking the most effective course of action to ensure that this world gets sorted out, or are we kidding ourselves that what we are doing is ‘good’ – finding and working towards pseudo solutions that do not in fact get to the core of the problem we are facing as a whole here on earth, but instead just make us feel good about ourselves because they relate back to our own identities in some way? If we actually lived and worked within the self honest and realistic consideration of what others as our equals/life are currently experiencing, as if it were ourselves or our loved ones – we’d be working our asses off in every moment trying to make a difference, because that is how bad of a condition our world is in, that is how extensive the amount of work there is to be done – it would take our entire lifetimes dedication.

I mean, how fucked is it that we cry for those who undergo injustice or suffer or die, when they are ‘close to us’ or ‘family’, while millions starve to death and experience lives that are beyond horrific, and we can just feel nothing? How does this not haunt us in our every waking moment? It should. I mean, do we even know what a ‘family’ is? The human race is a family. The earth is a family. The universe is a family – how dumbed down and limited are we? Some serious deprogramming is going to be necessary here, and some real self forgiveness is going to be required as we finally begin to understand how we have spited, neglected and disregarded life, how we did nothing when millions who endure absolute horror wished someone would come and no one came, while we obsessively pursued our own happiness, living in a bubble in our own minds. And if we don’t learn – well, all bubbles burst eventually.


Day 187: Is Desteni a scam? Part 1

My name is Adrian Blackburn and I am here to give my perspective on what is referred to as ‘Desteni’, or the ‘Desteni group’ or even the ‘Desteni cult’ by some. One of the reasons for this is that while there are people on the internet who make claims about what Desteni is, it is important to check the source of who it is that one is getting this information from, as with any research. The reason I insist on sharing my perspective is that I have an actual first-hand perspective on this group, as someone who has studied the material of the group extensively, applied and lived by the principles they are sharing, and involved myself physically with the group in ways that include actually meeting with and participating with others involved in it. This is an important point to look at as I have noticed that many who try to defame and slander this group have no actual experience in any of these research areas, and will even make claims that are outright lies about it as I am able to testify from my first-hand witness report. So if you are an independent researcher who is only looking for the truth, here is my story.

Some background info:

I was born in 1984 in Ottawa Canada, originally in a family of 4 but eventually had experienced 2 divorces in my family life. My mother was a hair stylist and my 2 fathers were professional musicians, so these points had a great influence over who I would become in my older years. As a child I was quiet and spent a fair bit of time by myself, didn’t watch much television and was not really placed intensively into any kinds of hobbies or social activities, save for the ones that I took an interest in, like for instance comic books as a young boy.  I began playing some sports casually at age 10 and eventually became very competitive with American football in my later teen years as like many adolescent males I wanted to be seen as a tough guy and finally found a sport that I could compete well in. At the age of 10 I began really getting into music and this was when I began learning how to play the drums, which I eventually took more and more seriously as I got older, and eventually studied at and graduated from a music college in Brighton, England. I had spent a significant amount of time playing in bands until mid 2007 when my main project that I had been putting everything into for a couple of years, had fallen apart due to egos and infighting.

I stumbled onto Desteni in October of 2007 one night while I was up late watching videos on YouTube. At this point in my life, I was quite disenfranchised with my life and the world I was living in, having recently lost interest and faith in the things that I had previously thought were so important in this world, like girlfriends and heavy metal music, I had been on a bit of journey investigating the side of life that no one really ever looks into: questioning the validity of our world and our way of life as a society, our leaders, our version of history and what we as a society place value on. I started to see that things were not as they seemed and behind the illusions we tend to create in our learned behavior of self importance, there was great, great deception and a hidden truth that held the key to understanding who we are and what is really valuable.

And yet while my interests were set on uncovering truth, little did I realize the extent to which I myself was conditioned to be self obsessed and therefore the ulterior motives I had in my ‘truth seeking quest’: that even within this quest, I was still unwittingly looking for a place within it all where I could be special – maybe the special one that figured it all out, for instance.

So on this evening, although the subject was naturally going to interest me, I really had no idea what I was getting into when I clocked on the link to the first Desteni video I ever saw – which in a way was perfect because I had no preconceived ideas about what I was getting into.

What I stumbled onto blew me away, because here was this person suddenly, without any pretension, suddenly just talking in absolute detail about how the human mind works, the complete mechanics of it directly explained in such simplicity that a child could understand it. I then understood more about myself and how human beings work from watching that 10 minute video than I ever had in all my life throughout all of the knowledge and experiences that I had ever attained. What was particularly striking on a level that was beyond knowing, was how this person was speaking – this part I have always had a bit of difficulty explaining, but having had a life where there is so much deceit and un-clarity in the words that people speak, the words this person spoke were the most pure expression I had ever seen. After this first experience, I had a feeling that I was ‘onto something big’.

Naturally I visited the site, started reading the articles, watching more videos, joined the forum and began reading and asking questions there. Everyday became so fascinating – here I had become so tired with living a life of empty dreams and false promises, and finally I was able to start learning about how things really work in this world, about myself – things that I had always considered ‘the bigger questions in life’ had simply become topics of direct and concise explanation from which we could then discuss and also share our questions or perspectives. It was like discovering the most valuable thing ever in existence – myself.

One of my first reactions was then to share it with everyone I knew, expecting that anyone would naturally be as curious as I was to finally understand the big question: what the hell is really going on in this world? Little did I realize that even this question required the degree of self honesty one was required to have by which they could even realize that: they have no idea what is really going on in this reality (and thus any real sense of what was important, what had value, what they are doing with their lives etc.). To my surprise, what I was sharing was met with very little interest, if any. Most wouldn’t even bother to move themselves to check it out for themselves and some of the only responses I did get were just contemptuous judgments without any real consideration – essentially people just wrote it off. Likely that if I had still been stuck in a point in my life where I was busy with whatever I thought was so important, I would have done the same.

Now as I had mentioned, there was an ulterior motive of ‘how can this all benefit me’ in my discovery of Desteni and part of the excitement that came from researching it came from this. This is where it got interesting, because the more I watched the videos the more that I realized that: ‘oh shit, this isn’t what it is about at all’. As many people do, I had made the mistake of associating  the understanding of fundamental truths with some kind of ‘specialness’, like I was discovering some ‘great higher power’ of this apparently amazing and magnificent truth that was so beyond everyone and everyone – great for me!!!! But in fact, as I watched the video more and more I realized the very intent from which my excitement was based was the exact thing from which the problems on earth are based. The truth was not something magnificent or profound – the truth was a simple explanation that all of the self importance from which I had lived and based my life on was just a lie. I realized that the leaders of humanity which I was busy trying to expose as being deceitful were not in fact the true hidden power that deceives – I realized that this hidden, deceitful power that I was vainly seeking to expose, was myself.

Thus the message of Desteni began to become clear: oneness and equality – and this changed everything. Having seen and considered that point that all life was equal, that I was no better or worse from these other people who I had been focusing my attention on, changed everything. Immediately I had realized that no longer could I ever in self honesty blame anyone again. This was another crucial point that came as one of the main pillars of the Desteni message: Self Honesty. Along with oneness and equality, it became obvious common sense that if I am equal, I am no better and no worse, then it is impossible to blame, because inherent in blame is a point of superiority and inferiority. No longer could I in self honesty say that there were people that I could define as those I like or don’t like, those who are friends or enemies, those who are important or not important – from this point of realization, I had to always take into consideration within all future decisions one point from which all other points would be measured as valid or not – oneness and equality.

Here finally, was the answer to why my life, why this world, had become such a strife – and the solution to end all of the conflict and suffering which I had become so weary of. Now, I simply had to learn more.

This blog will be continued in part 2.

Day 186: My freedom and good fortune is temporary

With the world going in the direction that it is, the security of all life on earth is threatened and in reality no one is safe – yet for those who have always experienced a life of security and privilege, the illusion of this experience and the money they currently possess serves as a strong illusory buffer from seeing the reality of things. This is also the case in my life. Sometimes it is difficult to admit to myself how bad things are really going to get because as long as things are working out for me and I have money, I am able to pretend that it is going to be this way forever.

And not only is this a foreseeable future based on the progression of current events, but history has proven this to be the case over and over again. Did anyone imagine or take seriously the possibility of a world war before world war 1 and 2 took place? Not likely as if it were so, such things would have been prevented. Did we as a society use our powers of projection and foresight to see looming genocides like Cambodia and Rwanda take place? Obviously, not because they were allowed to happen.

In a flash, what seems like a calm ordinary way of life can suddenly turn into a living hell, as it has for so many unwitting civilizations. How long would it take for your local community to turn into a living hell if tomorrow the food and water supply were cut off?

Seeing into the future is not some magical ability of prophets, it is a natural skill developed through one’s consistent application of self honesty, meaning to live in reality and always consider all that is here in the physical reality.

Within this realization, the importance of bringing about a better self and a better world (they go hand in hand) become that more urgent. I say this not as a message of fear of personal doom looming, because in self honesty we should be able to recognize that even if our security was not threatened, the security of the lives of others that are constantly being threatened and will continue to be threatened is equally as important as ours. But it doesn’t work that way, does it? So this goes back to why I say bringing about a better self is imperative if you want to bring about a better world, because:

There is war and genocide taking place every day on earth – but you have some thing apparently more important to do.

There are babies being born into lives with no food and water where they will starve to death – but apparently your family is more important than that.

There are animals being slaughtered brutally, painfully and without mercy on an unimaginable scale, but apparently your personal goals and desires are worth more than that.

There are people suffering and going insane because they have no money, no job, no food, no home, no future – but apparently your god is more important than that.

The earth is being raped and the natural equilibrium of the planet which we depend on to exist is being destroyed along with countless special going extinct – but apparently your country and patriotism is more important than that.

And the list goes on and on. What is really important in life? The very question is fundamentally flawed because there is nothing ‘in life’ – there is only life and life itself is important as all of existence in its entirety that is included within the context of what is life!

We’ve got to start getting past our egos and the constant reassurance we are attempting to give ourselves that ‘everything is ok’ and that what we believe is important is so, and consider for real that no one and nothing is special, save for life itself. We’ve got to be willing to give up that which we hold as most special to us in the name of what is best for all life so that our integrity is of the highest nature that it can be, so that we can live a life where our way of life is sustainable, because what we value is all life equal and one, and this is the value that is sustained in place of what we have traditionally always valued – our little ‘bubble worlds’ where apparently some things are more important than others.

If we do not, we will lose everything, eventually – this is guaranteed no matter in which way the scenario on earth plays out, because if this way of life does not come to an end within your lifetime, it will certainly do so at death where finally we can realize – it was all for naught!