Tag Archives: reality

Day 333: Daily habits and thinking

Observe your thoughts for a day, a week, a month” – this was something that I read today that really stuck with me, even though it may seem a simplistic point. I notice that actually, to even observe my thoughts for a whole day is very difficult, because of the nature of thinking: that you are the one doing it, and so while you’re busy doing it, it is difficult to be able to step back and observe what you are doing.

This is where words like determination, dedication and strictness have to be lived and applied, because such a habit of taking note of one’s own thoughts does not happen naturally at all, it takes real effort and concentration, it requires one to be steadfast, almost vigilant, if it is to be done properly. I happen to have started reading this new book on habits and habit formation and that is one of the points that is brought up: that forming new habits take real work and concentration. Over time they become easier to activate as the path has already been walked – practice makes perfect.

Crucial within this is to stop participating in habits that take away from this point of concentrating myself on what matters. It is crucial to actually direct myself here in the moment in making specific decisions where I am fully aware of what I will do and I do it, based on the understanding that deciding on and sticking to certain activities will in fact support me. There is always something there to entertain myself with, there is always someone else to focus on, and then there is always my partner, who is quite frankly very attractive and charming to me – all of these points are things that I experience as nice, good feeling habits that are just so easy to fall into, as they have already been formed – and I notice that when I fall into these habits, because they are based in the energy of the mind, I become like hazy, clouded and unfocused, it becomes very noticeable when I then try to focus myself/concentrate on something. Again, strictness with self, and not fearing that I will ‘lose anything’ is crucial here, because what I tend to do when I fear losing something, is that I may apply myself, but I will kind of ‘try too much, ‘focus too hard’, where I become too intense, obsessive and zealous, because within that fear of loss within giving up old habits, a new energy is created which is then the energy that I end up feeding and building-up in the attempt to stop and change.

This reminds me of an interview series I watched recently from Desteni with regards to Michael Tsarion and his work, where they discussed the point of how we try to be good and not be evil, but how being good takes so much effort and energy because it is only based on judging evil and thus trying to suppress/not be evil. This is simply not necessary and doesn’t work, especially when I have the tools and even some of the experience to be practical and effective in dealing with the mind. So, back the notebook I will keep in my pocket for when thoughts come up, back to breathing as a self support as often as possible and when I see myself falling into old habits – there is no need to judge and then fear – but to simply recognize, breathe and within breath the common sense is always here to move myself directly, in one single moment as breath as I see, understand and realize what it is that I must do – move myself.

I forgive myself that I’ve not accepted and allowed myself to stick to the simplicity of breath in directing myself here in every moment – of being determined to breathe whenever I see myself participating in a habit/pattern/addiction, and to then move myself to make a decision in self honesty in participating in that which is practical and relevant which supports me. I forgive myself that I’ve not accepted and allowed myself to be disciplined in writing out my thoughts and observing the patterns of my mind as thoughts consistently so that I may begin to know and understand how I work and thus know how to support and change myself effectively

When and as I see myself getting lost in a habit/desire.pattern/addiction, or even the thoughts of participating in it – I stop, I breathe, I see, realize and understand where this is going and that I will only delude myself with energy as the habit/energy takes over and I lose control over my own self directive principle, and thus I remain here as breath and direct myself in self honesty as a decision that self honestly will support me in my process of stopping the mind

I commit myself to stop my habits/patterns/desires/addictions effectively so that I may support myself to understand myself, and thus within stopping I commit and dedicate myself to writing out my thoughts and to observe and write out my thoughts as much as possible, within the commitment of getting to know myself and thus getting to know all beings as the mind, and thus being able to change myself and direct myself and within this, be able to direct and support others effectively, making my existence on this earth relevant as I can actually have an effect on my reality that results in an outcome that is best for all life as change

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Day 325: Standing in the mess-age as the message

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Human beings are really only as good as what they know: it is the knowledge that we operate and function on that determines what we will live and the choices we make. In this ‘age of information’, the temptation to live in ignorant bliss is the greatest it has ever been, because we as human beings are given no directive guidelines/principles within which we can direct ourselves with the knowledge and information that we take on and experience as our world/reality.

In fact, the very notion of self-direction is suppressed in virtually every way possible: and we are rather just subject to the information we experience and the world systems that function according to this information, teaching us 1 thing: that we are inferior, that we cannot direct ourselves and our reality, to give up on ourselves and just turn to entertainment and other petty preoccupations, that we can never have any real true freedom or happiness, that we are forever limited to the reality and information that we are presented with. And so, the desire to live in ignorant bliss is greater than ever, because in ignorant bliss, one can attempt to escape and get away from the knowledge and information that controls their mind and their life, that they have accepted as ‘the way things are’ in this reality. At every turn our reality is bombarding us with this information about ‘the way things are’ – it is in our commercials, on our TV, in our movies, magazines, newspapers, books, schools, from friends and families – all communicating 1 essential message: you are a slave, you can never change your reality, you must follow and be content with the content that is presented to you as your entertainment. Even our knowledge becomes as polarized as we are because our reading skills and ability to assess information become subject to the ‘good kinds of knowledge’ (entertainment) and the ‘bad kinds of knowledge’ (knowledge about our world/reality).

So as we are living in this age of information, with the internet and the widespread reach of information being like it has never been before on this earth, we are bombarded and there is more pressure to conform and give up than ever before – and yet it is in this bombardment that we are given the keys to our reality: when we decide to be self directive, when we decide that we will face this world as the information it throws at us, when we decide to take self responsibility in understanding that which we are faced with as our world and how we have come to create it – a new self is able to emerge from within it all, and this new self is able to create a new world in its image and likeness. As such, self is no longer required to feel subject to all that self is exposed to as the information of this reality that has influenced and controlled the way that self lives and exists – another way is possible where we exist within it all, yet we are no longer controlled, affected or directed by it all. It takes self honesty, it leads to self forgiveness, and inevitably self change, because when standing self honestly in the face of what this world has become – a playground for demons as those lost in delusion – we have no other recourse than to stand as the solution of what is best for all life. However, no said it would be easy.

The amount of deception and delusion that exists in this reality – which is dispensed at the level of knowledge/information – is extensive and surely this endeavor of standing within it all as the message of life that holds life in the highest regard above all knowledge/information as cultural brainwashing and deception, is an endeavor that will require steadfastness, strictness, humbleness, perseverance, self will, self forgiveness, self honesty, self will and self commitment – to no longer be influenced by the information that controls our lives through spoken words and written symbols, and to unconditionally stand as a beacon of stability as self trust in self honesty, only allowing self to live by and according to the principles which honor all life equally in the highest regard. They key in self honesty is to be forthcoming as the one who is equally and the utmost responsible for what we have created as this massive deception that exists on earth as the knowledge/information that we are conditioned by, identify ourselves by and live according to – I have committed the same sins, I have fallen just as my fellow man has and as the one responsible for creating this age we are living in, as one who finds themselves equally here as part of this mess-age, I stand as the message of life: that the knowledge and information that we live by that is in conflict with life and seeks to abuse and destroy life will no longer be allowed to have any power or control over myself as life – and as such I remain here as the breath of life, directing all that may require direction as my attention given as necessary to sort out the mess we have found ourselves in. This is a commitment that can not be fickle or fair-weather, but must be done in the face of all words that are thrown at us as the continued bombardment of the words/knowledge/information that seeks to enslave us and keep us trapped in patterns of the past, where we believe we are safe, but where the system always has you the most controlled.

Day 293: Letting go of past vices and the tools for a new life

 

One thing that I am well aware of which makes writing more difficult, is the things I do to escape reality – the habits and patterns I have developed which give me the experience of ‘taking a break’ from the difficulties I experience in life. The more I give into these vices, the more my resistance to writing – a real solution – grows. This is the essential problem that we as a species are facing: we are so addicted to our vices and the things we use to cope with our mistakes and deficiencies that we will not even consider a real solution.

 

What is different in my case is that I have been given tools to find my way out of the mess that I got myself in, also known as my mind, as the accumulation of memories/experiences I’ve had and how they define me. What I see when I look back is that I developed all these coping mechanisms during a time in my life where I had no other answers, no other tools, and no sign of help or assistance ever coming. From this a kind of experience of hopelessness emerged, and this is where I sort of said “fuck this, I’m going to just do my own thing that pleases me”, and so the vice was born, the escape artist was born. The more that I (we) move down this path of escapism as the solution, the more trapped we become in it, and it is really no way to live, it is self perpetuating weakness, it is a life of fear, anxiety and lack of self trust because we are deeply aware of what we are doing, that we have forgotten from where we came and ignore the path that we are headed towards. Who wants to live that kind of life?

 

And yet I see how I have come to believe that living this way is the only way. It is difficult to even fathom a life without my vices, like wow, it seems like it is beyond comprehension. I mean, talk about brainwashed, talk about controlled, talk about enslaved. But what I had forgotten is that this view stems from this overall mentality of escapism as the solution, and that this was formed during the period in my life when I had no solutions. Now the escapism doesn’t work anymore (or I’ve just realized it), but it is different this time: I have the tools. I have the answers, because I created the problem. I am the problem, because it is me who accepted the belief of what I apparently want as vices that I use to escape. I do not need to fear anymore to disengage from these escapes, because I have the tool – it is time to persist in giving myself the self support that I require, that I always wished for but never got because I never before realized that I am my own creator.

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that the act of giving up and all of the vices that I use to escape reality were formed at a time when I felt I had no other solutions/alternatives, and that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that I no longer require to put my faith and trust in these vices, I no longer have to put faith in them as I have the solution here as me as self honesty and self forgiveness and thus it is only a matter of remaining here as breath and not giving into the desires of the mind to escape, so that I may give myself the breathing room to walk a new path of living and self discovery wherein I am the directive principle

 

I commit myself to embrace the tools I have been given as gifts with which to set myself free from the limitations of the mind and to commit myself to use these tools on a daily basis so that I may stop escaping my reality within the belief that life is my enemy, and I may embrace all that I encounter in my journey as I have the tools to live and express myself as one and equal in all that I may encounter and experience

Day 260: Do we know how much we don’t know?

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In the last blog I gave an update to stopping a habit in my life that only serves to distract me from that which is real, that which is important and requires my attention. There are several points like this in my life and they preoccupy me primarily through my thoughts as my thought patterns, taking me away from reality into a fantasy world of distractions and preoccupations – one can call it them illusions because they are the things I give importance to which are not important in fact. With everyone essentially existing in this way: it is no wonder the world is so dysfunctional, why people are so ignorant and ineffective, not living to our full potential and making an absolute mess of this world.

I briefly mentioned how in stopping the habits as distractions/illusions, more time opens up, more opportunity opens up to in fact give life/my reality the attention that is required to actually work towards effecting a change. What I haven’t focused on as much, is the vastness of the amount of work that is necessary to be done, in terms of that which requires our attention in this reality, as the urgent necessity to sort out our world.

The degree to which we are existing in our habits that serve to distract us from our reality, as illusions that are based in our self interest, is always equal to the degree to which we are ignorant of what is really going on in our world – and have a look at how much the average person is preoccupied with and driven by their own self interest – virtually everything we do on a daily basis revolves around our self interest, virtually all of our priorities revolve around what will make us feel good. That is the weakness, as the fear of loss that creates desire, that allows for us to be so deaf dumb and blind, that we have practically no directive principle in life.

I was watching a documentary film tonight, called ‘Matrix of Power’ by Jordan Maxwell. He is a researcher of the occult – secret powers which he claims control the world and influence/direct human activity to serve the interests of a small few in the world. Of course, it is foolish to listen to any being as if their word is the gospel, but having seen first hand the extent of the deception that exist internalized within my own mind, much of what he claims really does not surprise me. If even half of what he says is true – it is quite amazing the degree to which we have no idea what is really going on in this world and the actual extent of evil that dominates this world. What is the role of ‘we the people’ within all of this – this point of self interested illusions that I have aforementioned. As long as things are fine and dandy within our own minds, because we are feeding ourselves constantly with the things that make us feel good, then we have given full permission to see the world in naïve, rose-colored lenses. It is hard to fathom such evil when your outlook on reality is influenced by the constant buzz of good feelings – because within such a point of mental intoxication – you are in fact living such evil, by contributing the evil that exist in this world through remaining deaf, dumb and blind. it is foolish to blame the elite or secret societies in this world as being the administers of the systems of control/enslavement in our world, as from a certain perspective even they are just sheep, living in fear of their fellow human being and just towing the line which they were born into. And this is not to mention that: if you or I were born into their shoes, we would have done the exact same things. What gives us the self righteous idea that we would not be equally tempted and corrupted by such power?

I was originally going to blog today on the point of fearing what others can do to you, the fear of others casing you harm – and yet in this last paragraph, I have addressed this point – the fear of what others may do to you is equal to what you have allowed to be done unto yourself/others through remaining ignorant and illusioned. We live within such a fear because there is a deep-seeded awareness that our ignorant bliss is a form of spite which through which we indirectly inflict harm onto others in this world by living so ignorantly and abdicating our self responsibility towards life. There is also the deep awareness that what goes around comes around. This is why, slowly but surely, more and more people are finding – to their apparent surprise, shock and dismay – their freedoms and rights being taken away – were they ever even freedoms and rights in the first place? Or was that just another self interested illusion of ‘freedom’ which we used to fool ourselves with to again, be able to remain within bubbles of self interest and never actually take responsibility for our lives?

I suggest to study Desteni – because this is the group that actually understands the vital part that the individual plays in their own enslavement and the enslavement of life on earth, and thus that the key to being effective to stop the systems of control/enslavement that exist is to first stop such systems within self, as stopping participation in our vices, habits, patterns and addictions that only serve to keep us deaf, dumb, blind, ignorant and ultimately slaves to our own mind.

Day 245: What is the context of our personal challenges?

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No matter what goes on in this world and how bad things get, we humans are a stubborn lot and we just don’t seem to learn, just can’t seem to manage to figure out that message that guys like Jesus left us 2000 years ago to love our neighbours as ourselves. It seems like this system of control that we have created for ourselves to keep us blind, dumb and stupid to what is really going on in this world. It’s December now and here in Canada masses of people will be busy brainwashing themselves with the illusion of created with Christmas with feelings of love while the worlds plight descend to a new low. What magnificent beings of love and light we are.

Is it really so hard to see what is going on? Are we really so weak and pathetic that we can’t even stand to look at ourselves and reality in the face? Are we really so evil that we can continue living lives of hedonism and self interest and turn a blind eye, not implicating ourselves as equal contributors to the mess that this world is in?

Everyone has it within themselves to rise to these challenges – and the world will become a more and more challenging place to exist in – but it is like people we have allowed ourselves to become so weak, so disconnected from ourselves, we have given our power away to ‘higher powers’ (whatever form each person’s ‘higher power’ comes in is variable) so extensively that standing up for life, literally looks impossible. Imagine that – brainwashing that is so effective and pervasive that we actually believe that making this world into a place that is best for all life is impossible. We have come to love our self abuse, our plight – we identify with it, we believe it is us, just because it is all that we’ve ever known.

This pathology of weakness carries on and on and we spend our lives running from reality, doing whatever it takes to not have to consider and investigate what is really going on in this world. That is why every now and then, some trauma is quite useful, as life’s way of showing you what the fuck is really up. What happens in situations of trauma? We can either fold and crawl back under a rock with our tails between our legs – or we can sand up. Have you ever had a tough experience in life, a cold, hard dose of reality, and realized that you simply have to act, to stand up? I mean, what else is there to do?

I understand how hard it is to change. I understand how difficult it is to get out of your own illusion. I understand how hard it is to give up the things you think you like, that give you that nice little feeling of happiness that we’re so addicted to. I am challenged by it everyday and my past habits/patterns/addictions echo with me every day in my mind as waning thoughts that gradually decrease in intensity every time that I do not accept and allow myself to participate in them. We are our own worst enemies, and within that, we are a threat to life. While giving up your self interest and learning to honor life seems like such a difficult thing – what is it worth to you, to stop the suffering that exists in this world? How important are your little vices and preferences and belief when compared to the absolutely monolithic scale of suffering that is taking place on earth, without anyone even really noticing or caring? The petty shit we constantly preoccupy ourselves with is really nothing when you see what it really going on 

There are consequences to all of this. We are in big shit. I mean, really big shit. We may as well give up everything now because it is going to be taken away from us sooner or later. Everyone dies, but not everybody is prepared to die. We will have to give up everything inevitably, and yet no one wants to give up everything. How stupid is that? And yet we cling onto the illusion that we can hold onto it all and that we can even ‘own’ it – ownership being a form of human delusion unto itself – not realizing that the more we cling on, the more we lose, the more we lose ourselves to an illusion, and then we just become losers. Addicted to the happy feelings and thought that we believe to be so real, like a ‘loser’ drug addict – it really makes people pathetically weak. Do we actually believe money will save us? Do we actually believe that positive thinking and happy feelings with save us? We know they are all fleeting. We’ve all experience this. And yet, we just don’t seem to get it. 

The best trauma for all of this is breath – stop the illusions that exist in your mind as your thoughts,, feelings and emotions, because they are just fear anyways. It is a ‘pro-active’ way of facing the inevitable end, because rather than having things end horribly as an experience because you’re being forced to give up your illusions, you are rather doing it for yourself, slowly but surely – not to mention that in the meantime, you are learning about life and how to care for life and how to enjoy life – and not even to mention making this place a better place for all other life, if that is at all on your radar.

This post is not meant to judge, because we ALL do this in some capacity of another. It is a reminder to self of the actual seriousness and scope of what we are a part of – this all means much more than you or I, this world is much bigger than we as individuals – but perhaps we don’t see that because we have not even realize that who we really are is much bigger than who we believe ourselves to be, as the illusions we have created of ourselves in separation to life. What seems like each persons greatest most insurmountable challenge – that which they could hardly even conceive that they are capable of doing because it is apparently so beyond them – is they key to finding out who we really are as life. Challenge yourself. Challenge everything. Embrace a bit of trauma every now and again – be it from your own gentle wake up call of breath, or the harsh hand of consequence – face it all, and have fun.

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand what is actually at stake with regards to my process and transcending points of self-limitation

I forgive myself that I’ve not accepted and allowed myself to realize that process does not have to be so difficult if it is self directive, that it does not have to be a point of ‘pushing’ myself through resistances because I have given them power, but rather that I am able to simply stop, breathe, recognize what must be done, and simply walk this point in doing whatever is necessary to be done, as a simply recognition in self honesty and self trust

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to worry about what others may think of me – and that I have not allowed myself to look at my own illusions to see what is really real and what is of real value/importance/priority

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to want to avoid the inevitable – giving up everything and becoming part of the process that is taking place here on earth

I commit myself to stop the mind through breath and embrace all that I experience as ‘trauma’, in contrast to the illusion that I have created within/as myself as the mind – I commit myself to give myself the support I require to stop all illusions as breath and employ tools like self honesty, and self forgiveness in written word, spoken word and deed

When and as I see myself wanting to follow the mind and using excuses/justifications as to why I can apparently follow the mind without consequences – I stop, I breathe, I realize the actual context of reality that I exist within and that I am actually creating myself and my consequences as this world in every moment, and thus I do not allow myself to participate in such delusions as my thoughts, feeling and emotions

I commit myself to continue to educate myself to give myself the strength and resolve to stand as life, by giving myself the education of life – to exist here purely within/as the physical, equal and one – stopping all illusions as fear and inferiority

Day 235: Addiction as a form of suicide

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What I have learned about addictions, both to drugs and alcohol as well as anything else that one may become addicted to, is that it is all about escaping. I mean I actually had this pointed out to me years ago but never really investigated the point because I did not know the value of writing, self investigation and self inquiry.

Going down that path of logic of using drugs as an escape, you realize that it is a totally dead-end road. I mean, where the fuck are you going when you are on drugs? Nowhere but in your own mind. Nothing is actually happening in reality. You just sober up and realize you’re still in this shit – and yet because the drugs appeal so greatly to the mind as the desire to escape, you just end up going back to them because for a moment, the experience felt so nice – but that is all it was – an experience. We fool ourselves by holding onto the memory of that experience and holding it dear, as something to be sought after and experienced again. 

So what are we escaping from? Our reality, and the way we have experienced it. The same way that we cherish our ‘positive memories’ that can fuel addictions, we tend to hold onto memories negative experiences we have had in our lives, which is what even drives us towards the positive. But again, the negative memories that drive us are also just an experience – it is the way in which we saw our reality in specific moments/events and how we have defined our reality within such experiences. It is not the truth, it is not what reality really is.

In this misunderstanding of reality is birthed the idea that ‘this is the way it is, and thus, this is how it will be – I cannot change it’ – and so the desire to escape is birthed. Is it that we cannot change it or that we do not want to change it and thus we conveniently believe it to be impossible? I mean escapism is really just the abdication of self responsibility. But what is self responsibility? It is your ability to respond through that which we have been endowed with as human beings to be able to create a world that is best for all life. So in not taking that responsibility to create a world that is best for all life, what are we actually doing? We are killing ourselves. I mean, striving to live to our full potential is an intrinsic property of living itself – there is no such thing as half assed living – that would be survival – and that is what the mentality of the entire human race has become.

So this is all why addictions and vices eventually are the end of us, because, although it is being done in a very slow but sure way, we are killing ourselves! I mean in the very plight of addiction we exist as the walking dead, so while you might not have physically died yet, the mind is possessed, and you’re well on your way, while simultaneously killing others in your name through the absolute neglect of life that drugs facilitate. The desire to escape and not be here and have some ‘higher experience’ of yourself is the desire to live in an illusionary fantasy world that doesn’t exist – sounds like heaven doesn’t it? So I suggest to consider your addictions from this perspective: that you are killing yourself slowly but surely and it will be a shitty process. So every time you give in, ask yourself – are you ready to die? Is not existing what you really want? If so, then why the hell don’t you just kill yourself right now? You may as well.

But then that nugget of self interest and hope chimes in – the positive memory of the positive experience – something to live for, apparently! So we keep ourselves alive to kill ourselves. We end up living full lives that are torturous. I mean what the fuck is the point of living such a life? This can also be seen at a greater societal level where the way in which we value our lives is a matter of quantifying them through length . But I mean, what about the matter of what are we actually doing with the time we are given? This is why being in the middle of the road is the worst place to be.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not equate how it is exactly that I can create the kind of self/life that I would actually like to experience/exist as, and to ensure that I am living my life to it’s full potential

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become comfortable in accepting/living with addictions and stand in the middle of the road with regard to my addictions and that I have not allowed myself to strive to stop them and do whatever is necessary to stop

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to keep myself alive purely for the sake of survival and keeping up addictions to have ‘higher experiences of myself’ and accept a life of mediocrity and imperfection

I commit myself to, while I am here on this earth, living this life, investigate and work out how exactly I can live the life I would like to, and apply that which I learn practically

I commit myself to, when and as I see myself wanting to survive solely so that I can fulfill my own self interest, I stop, I breathe, I stop myself from within the pursuit of survival and the patterns/behaviors that I participate within that I believe will assist me to survive and walk through the fear/resonant experience of feeling like if I do not continue within these patterns, my life is going to end/deteriorate

Day 196: Making the right decision

Before expressing what is going on within me I would like to write about a tendency I have had in my process to look at things from an ‘outside perspective’ – meaning that I am looking at who I am, what I do and the decisions I make from a starting point of morality and what is right or wrong in the outside world, and therefore how my actions affect others and how it would then be judged from the eyes of others or society, and how these value judgments that others/society have as morality have been internalized in my mind and become the way through which I try to judge my actions/being as good or bad, and from which I attempt to base my decision making.

The problem within this is that I am always trying to base my decisions on others as if others have a better understanding of what is best for all/what I should do than I do – but I can see now that this is based within the desire to be accepted and approved of, as well as surviving. The fact is that I can only be self honest and within this point I am missing the SELF part of it.

The fact is that I have to be a leader and lead myself and thus, sometimes others as necessary. My tendency to look to others for answers has failed me again and again and I have found myself in a position where I have the tools to assess certain points where others do not – thus when I look to others it becomes a situation of the blind leading the blind. I often take for granted that I have these tools where others do not, that I can see where certain desires and things that we consider ‘good for us’ are in fact not so as we have essentially become our own worst enemy and therefore looking to others to make ‘the right decision’ based on what will please them/please their desires/assuage their fears, is not in fact what is best for them, myself and all.

The other problem here is that no matter how good the effect of what I am doing looks or how positive of an impact it may appear to have, it does not account for my own intentions, my own starting point, if there are any self dishonesties/hidden desires. This is how so much abuse is justified in this world, like for instance charity, where you have all these presidents and CEO’s of charities making huge amounts of money, and it is all justified because they are apparently doing something good.

Thus I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to look towards what others/the outside world/society/societal morality regard as ‘right’ to make decisions about myself, who I am and what I do

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to want to please others in my decision making

I forgive myself that I’ve not accepted and allowed myself to realize that it does not matter what makes others feel good or seem right to them or agrees with their opinions as we tend to be our own worst enemies and that you can never trust a feeling/opinion because the self dishonesty that exist within man is extensive

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe that others have a better understanding of what is right and therefore what decisions I should make within the starting point of survival as wanting to please others through agreeing with their opinions/beliefs

I forgive myself that I’ve not accepted and allowed myself to realize that I must lead myself as self direction and thus sometimes with regards to how my life affects others, I must, for only a moment, stand as a leader

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to take for granted that I have the tools to support  myself and direct myself as self honesty, breath, writing, and the ability to question self dishonesties and accepted beliefs/opinions/norms

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to justify decisions based in a starting point of self interest through the appearance of improving someone’s life, either by pleasing them and their feelings, or bringing them some kind of reward, material or immaterial

I forgive myself that I’ve not accepted and allowed myself to challenge what is accepted as ‘right’ and ‘normal’ with the evidence of what is here that is not right as self dishonesties, abuse and hidden desires that exist within the mind

When and as I see myself justifying my decisions of self interest with the appearance that I am helping someone through pleasing their mind or bringing them some kind of material or immaterial reward – I stop, I breathe, I do not allow myself to create such a justification as I see and consider my actual starting point and who I currently am as desires, and thus I do not participate in these justifications as my thoughts, feelings or emotions that I am doing something ‘good’

When and as I see myself making decisions based on what will please others/bring them some kind of reward, material or immaterial – I stop, I breathe, I realize that this process is about self honesty as living within and as self honesty is the only possible way to live as what is best for all and create a world that is best for all, and thus I do not allow myself to participate in the desire to please others/do what others believe is right/assuage the fears of others, as this desire arise as my thoughts, feelings and emotions, I stand and breathe here.

I commit myself to lead and direct myself in self honesty and make decisions based on self honesty as considering what is here in reality, both within and without as the secret mind/hidden desires as well as the physical world as evidence/proof of what is real