Tag Archives: principles

Day 341: Integrity within relationships

 

If you’ve read some of my blogs, you may have noticed that relationships have been a prevalent point for me in my process of self change – the more I open up this point, the more I see how much it has limited my self expression.

 

Due to some fucked up experiences I had as a youngster, and coming from a divorced family, I have polarized my relationships extensively, living in a world of ‘good and bad’ relationships and people, where I’ve become longing for relationships and closeness with other human beings, while being paranoid and jaded about relationships at the same time. What I had never learned how to do was to remain stable, here, within and as breath, wherein I trust who I am and how I have defined myself within my reality, so that no matter what is going on with other people around me, I will always direct myself in a way that is best for all. What others do and how they behave is out of my control, but what I can do is to not participate in this game of love/hate that we play with ourselves, which then become projections onto others in the form of conflict emerging in our relationships. This is how wars start – it always takes two to tango, and until we learn to disengage ourselves and diffuse the situation, it will continue.

 

From a young age we learn that we need others, but when we have experiences where we feel others fail us or we are betrayed, this is where the paranoia and distrust is seeded. Too many times I have gone through the experience of seeking out others for positive relationships, only to end up disappointed and then moving to the opposite polarity: get away from people – yeah, that’s the solution!

 

Not really. Not only do we humans need each other, but if we can learn to actually understand and value each other as equals, we can really make this world an awesome place for everyone. The problem is that in seeking out others from a starting point of fearing loss, of fearing that without some kind of positive energetic experience within a relationship that we will be doomed, we end up creating what we fear. Within such a desire, I realized, it is as though I had already accepted tacitly that the natural state of relationships in life is one of failure, and thus, I must control things in every way possible to ensure the relationship is a positive experience, and that way it will work out somehow. But that really isn’t recognizing relationships for what they really are as an intrinsic part of who we are as human beings.

 

We will always be in relationships of one kind or another, that is inescapable – the question rather then simply who are we within our relationships? Do we fear loss and desire control? Or are we real – real with ourselves first in who we are, what our starting point is and what we’re all about? Are we real in not approaching relationships with fears that create secret desires and ulterior motives? Are we real within relationships that we have the integrity to not give into our fears, and rather face them and forgive them so that the relationship remains honest? Are we real enough to maintain that integrity to not deceive others out of our fear of loss, even if they may be playing the same game and want to be deceived with the same kind of fear-of-loss-based relationship? Many do not even realize they are playing this game and how artificial their relationships have become, and who they are within them that would have them use each other just to feel better about themselves and subside these underlying fears/issues by creating appearance of a positive experience/interaction with others, and you may find, when you get real, that this isn’t ‘good enough’. To be real, we are going to have to decide, with real specificity and self honesty, what is ‘good enough’.

 

It is possible to have real relationships where the commitment to life as what is best for all in equality is ‘good enough’ – but first we have to recognize such a point and stand by it with steadfastness, commitment and resolve before we can ever expect for others to recognize it

Advertisements

Day 325: Standing in the mess-age as the message

Image

Human beings are really only as good as what they know: it is the knowledge that we operate and function on that determines what we will live and the choices we make. In this ‘age of information’, the temptation to live in ignorant bliss is the greatest it has ever been, because we as human beings are given no directive guidelines/principles within which we can direct ourselves with the knowledge and information that we take on and experience as our world/reality.

In fact, the very notion of self-direction is suppressed in virtually every way possible: and we are rather just subject to the information we experience and the world systems that function according to this information, teaching us 1 thing: that we are inferior, that we cannot direct ourselves and our reality, to give up on ourselves and just turn to entertainment and other petty preoccupations, that we can never have any real true freedom or happiness, that we are forever limited to the reality and information that we are presented with. And so, the desire to live in ignorant bliss is greater than ever, because in ignorant bliss, one can attempt to escape and get away from the knowledge and information that controls their mind and their life, that they have accepted as ‘the way things are’ in this reality. At every turn our reality is bombarding us with this information about ‘the way things are’ – it is in our commercials, on our TV, in our movies, magazines, newspapers, books, schools, from friends and families – all communicating 1 essential message: you are a slave, you can never change your reality, you must follow and be content with the content that is presented to you as your entertainment. Even our knowledge becomes as polarized as we are because our reading skills and ability to assess information become subject to the ‘good kinds of knowledge’ (entertainment) and the ‘bad kinds of knowledge’ (knowledge about our world/reality).

So as we are living in this age of information, with the internet and the widespread reach of information being like it has never been before on this earth, we are bombarded and there is more pressure to conform and give up than ever before – and yet it is in this bombardment that we are given the keys to our reality: when we decide to be self directive, when we decide that we will face this world as the information it throws at us, when we decide to take self responsibility in understanding that which we are faced with as our world and how we have come to create it – a new self is able to emerge from within it all, and this new self is able to create a new world in its image and likeness. As such, self is no longer required to feel subject to all that self is exposed to as the information of this reality that has influenced and controlled the way that self lives and exists – another way is possible where we exist within it all, yet we are no longer controlled, affected or directed by it all. It takes self honesty, it leads to self forgiveness, and inevitably self change, because when standing self honestly in the face of what this world has become – a playground for demons as those lost in delusion – we have no other recourse than to stand as the solution of what is best for all life. However, no said it would be easy.

The amount of deception and delusion that exists in this reality – which is dispensed at the level of knowledge/information – is extensive and surely this endeavor of standing within it all as the message of life that holds life in the highest regard above all knowledge/information as cultural brainwashing and deception, is an endeavor that will require steadfastness, strictness, humbleness, perseverance, self will, self forgiveness, self honesty, self will and self commitment – to no longer be influenced by the information that controls our lives through spoken words and written symbols, and to unconditionally stand as a beacon of stability as self trust in self honesty, only allowing self to live by and according to the principles which honor all life equally in the highest regard. They key in self honesty is to be forthcoming as the one who is equally and the utmost responsible for what we have created as this massive deception that exists on earth as the knowledge/information that we are conditioned by, identify ourselves by and live according to – I have committed the same sins, I have fallen just as my fellow man has and as the one responsible for creating this age we are living in, as one who finds themselves equally here as part of this mess-age, I stand as the message of life: that the knowledge and information that we live by that is in conflict with life and seeks to abuse and destroy life will no longer be allowed to have any power or control over myself as life – and as such I remain here as the breath of life, directing all that may require direction as my attention given as necessary to sort out the mess we have found ourselves in. This is a commitment that can not be fickle or fair-weather, but must be done in the face of all words that are thrown at us as the continued bombardment of the words/knowledge/information that seeks to enslave us and keep us trapped in patterns of the past, where we believe we are safe, but where the system always has you the most controlled.

Day 321: Desiring intimacy within a relationship

Here I am looking at the point of how I have defined the word ‘intimacy’ as something outside of myself, separate from myself. When I look at the word intimacy, I can see how I have defined this within having a relationship – preferably with my ‘ideal’ relationship partner, which is another point I have written about extensively in previous blog posts. So, I have defined intimacy as something that exists within a relationship, separating myself from intimacy and placing it within a relationship, so that apparently the experience of intimacy is only possible within a relationship. Within the relationship, intimacy is further defined as a lot of touching, hugging, kissing, sex, and ‘deep’ conversations, which is another way of saying conversations that are emotionally charged, usually with the energy of fear.

A long time ago I read a really insightful article on what intimacy really is, with regards to self intimacy – you can check out the article here: http://desteni.org/a/winged-exploring-self-intimacy – this article really opened my eyes to the fact that I have neglected myself, I have avoided self reflection and really facing who I am and what I’ve become, extensively, while in pursuit of love, relationships, and all kinds of ‘higher’ energetic experiences – living a life where I am always looking for the next high because within myself I am ’empty’ in a kind of way, because by not being intimate with myself, I had abandoned myself, and thus was this insatiable appetite for energetic highs through experiences was created, which I then searched out in romantic relationships.

Thus now it is time do bring myself back to myself, to again become intimate with myself in self honesty, facing who I am and what I have become as a living principle of doing what is best for all life, as from this starting point, I can direct myself in a way that is effective in taking all life into consideration, so that my life is not wasted in a bubble of exclusion, but is rather based on the intimate understanding that all life is one and equal, and thus who I am and how I live should be oriented as such.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to suppress myself with relationships – focusing on my relationship and my partner so that I am not self directive and focused on myself, and giving my attention and concern to my partner and the survival of the relationship, rather than to first be intimate with myself and focus on myself and that what I am living and who I am is that which is best for all life. Thus I commit myself to bring myself back here through breathing, and to focus myself on myself by utilizing tools like breathing, writing, self honesty, self forgiveness and self corrective application – when and as I see myself being prompted to participate in my tendency to look to others/my partner as a way of essentially taking attention away from myself and distracting myself from my only real ‘power’ as an ability to have any real effect in my living and changing this world to a place that is best for all, I stop, and I breathe, and I do not participate in such desires as my thoughts, feelings and emotions, and rather breathe through the fear that drives me to focus on my partner that is justified as the fear of losing the relationship

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to have defined intimacy as something that exists separate from myself, that can only be achieved and experienced through romantic relationships with a beautiful woman, and that I have further defined intimacy within a relationship as touching, kissing, hugging and sex – not seeing and realizing that intimacy is here – it starts with me, alone with myself, being intimate with myself in getting to know myself and standing as life within/principles that consider and are best for all life – thus I commit myself to redefine and live the word ‘intimacy’ as starting with myself, being honest with myself, directing myself, and living a life that takes my self as life/all life into consideration as equal and one, and thus I commit myself to stop the desire to experience intimacy as something separate from myself as sex and sexual touching within a relationship and rather insist that intimacy be expressed from a starting point of self honesty: as self intimacy, equal and one to/as life

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to have defined intimacy as having ‘deep conversations’ with my partner that are emotionally charged, and that I have allowed myself to yearn for this experience/try and create it where I have not first been intimate and honest with myself – thus I commit myself to stop trying to ‘create an experience of intimacy in my relationship as having deep conversations with my partner as a form of trying to control the relationship from a starting point of trying to maintain the survival of the relationship, and rather I begin with self intimacy as self honesty, as the point from which all other self expression as intimacy may emerge, without the fear of losing control of my relationship as the attempt of the mind to try and continue to maintain control by keeping the definition of intimacy as something separate from self within/as a relationship – when/as I see this desire to have an experience of intimacy as deep conversation arise within me, I stop, I breathe, as I see, realize and understand that this is the mind trying to control me through maintaining intimacy as something defined separate from self within a relationship, as the mind is extremely tricky in presenting projections of intimacy that appear real and fulfilling – and thus I remain here as breath and do not participate when such desires arise as my thoughts, feelings and emotions

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to have defined intimacy as creating some kind of experience with my partner wherein we feel like there is a ‘connection’ between us because we have stimulated each other sufficiently into feeling good through having positive thoughts about ourselves, the other and the relationship as such experiences are in alignment with a symbolism of intimacy and love that has been imprinted in my mind through my mind and society – thus I commit myself to no longer define intimacy as purely creating positive experiences with others such as sex or other things that stimulate happy thoughts/feelings, as this can be tricky as it is only giving the mind energy and an experience of happiness but is not necessarily real, as countless relationship experiences have shown me that started out positive this way but ended up negative because once the energy ran out and we were no longer able to stimulate each other through separation (as we had come to know each other better and begin to see that in fact we are not so different and that real ‘love’ is not so elusive and thus exciting) then all of a sudden intimacy and love ceased to exist – thus when and as I see myself desiring to create a positive experience with my partner in some way where we can connect and be stimulated together sufficiently – I stop and breathe, as I see, realize and understand that this desire only exists in the pursuit of keeping a relationship alive that is based in separation – and thus I do not participate in this desire of the mind as thoughts, feelings and emotions, but rather commit myself to remain here as breath and act in self honesty as breath in the physical, without fear of loss as the desire for a relationship directing me

Day 317: The Desteni of Living – My Declaration of Principle

I hereby commit myself to live the following Principles:

1.       Realising and living my utmost potential

2.       Living by the principle of what is best for all – guiding me in thought, word and deed to always in all ways direct problems to the best possible outcome for all

3.       Living by the principle of self honesty – to ensure I am pure in thought, word and deed: that my within and without is equal and one. Who I am within is who I am without and vice-versa

4.       Self Purification through Writing, Self Forgiveness and Self Application – the action of realising I am responsible for my own thoughts, words and deeds, to forgive myself for transgressions and change myself to ensure I take responsibility for who, what and how I am and through this know that I can trust myself to always be honest with me and so others

5.       Living the principle of Self Responsibility – realising only I am responsible for what I accept and allow inside of me, my relationships and my outside world and so with this responsibility: only I have the power and ability to change that which I see is compromising who I am, what I live and how this affects others

6.       Realising that who I am in thought, word and deed affects not only myself – but others as well and so with Self Responsibility in thought, word and deed – I take responsibility for myself and so my relationships to be Self Aware in every moment and live in such a way that is best for me and so others as well

7.       Living the Principle of Self Awareness – to be aware, to see, to recognize my own thoughts and Mind, to be self honest to the extent where I can take responsibility for when I see my thoughts / Mind is not what is best for me / others and commit to immediately take responsibility and change for myself and so for others

8.       With taking responsibility for myself, becoming aware of myself – take responsibility and become aware of others in my life, to assist and support them as I am assisting and supporting myself – to give as you would like to receive and do the extra bit every day to see where I can contribute to other’s lives and so my own

9.       Living the principle of self trust – as I commit myself to remain constant in my living of self honesty, self responsibility and self awareness, I stand as an unbending trust that I always in all ways know who I am no matter what I face and that in this I know, as proven in the constancy of my living that I will always honour and stand by what is best for all and so best for me

10.    Making Love Visible – through me not accepting/allowing anything less than my utmost potential, I support those in my life to reach their utmost potential, to love them as I have shown love to myself by gifting to me my utmost potential, the best life/living experience and show others as I have shown myself what it means to LIVE

11.    No one can save you, save yourself – the realisation that the tools and principles of Desteni is the guide, but I must walk the path myself. We are here to assist and support each other in this process from Consciousness to Awareness/LIFE and what it means to live – but the process itself, where you are alone with yourself in your own Mind: is walked alone

12.    Not waiting for anything or anyone to take responsibility for me and this world – but that I realise I have created who and how I am in this moment, therefore I have the responsibility to change who and how I am and so the realisation that we as a collective created how and what this world is today and so it is the responsibility of the collective to change how and what this world is today

13.    Honouring the life in each person, animal – everything from the great to the small of earth, that we expand our awareness and responsibility to creating the best possible life for everyone and everything and so ourselves

14.    Relationships as Agreements: individuals coming together using agreements as a platform to one-on-one expand, grow and develop as individuals in life and living to support/assist each other unconditionally to reach their utmost potential where the agreement is a coming together of individuals understanding what it means to stand as equals and to stand as one

15.    Sex as Self Expression – where sex is an united expression between individuals in honour, respect, consideration and regard of each other as equals, two physical bodies uniting in equality and oneness – a merging of two equals as one physically.

16.    Realising that by the virtue of me being in this world – my responsibility does not only extend to my own Mind / my own Life, but to the minds and lives of everything and everyone of this earth and so my commitment is to extend this awareness to all of humanity to work together and live together to make this world heaven on earth for ourselves and the generations to come

17.    I must in my thoughts, words and deeds – but most importantly in my living actions, become a living example for others in my world that is noticeable and visible when it comes to the potential of a person to change themselves and so change their world. So that more people can realise how we can change this world, by standing united in our self change within the principle of what is best for all to bring heaven to earth

18.    I am the change I want to see in me and my world – to bring heaven to earth is to bring into being, into living the LIVING PROOF of a PRACTICAL HEAVEN that can be seen and heard in our actions and words. We are the Living Heaven that must come into creation in this living world.

19.    Through purifying my thoughts, words and deeds – my inner becomes my outer, so I bring into creation me as heaven into earth, realising it is not enough to ‘see the change / be the change’ – for change to become REAL it must be a constant, consistent living of me through the words I speak and the actions I live visible and noticeable to all in every moment of breath

20.    Realising that my physical body is my temple – my physical body is the living flesh through which and in which I will bring into being and create / manifest heaven on earth as me in my thoughts, words and deeds and so I honour, respect and regard – nurture and support my physical body as I would nurture and support me as equals: my body is me

21.    We are the change in ourselves and this world we have been waiting for: and so I commit to dedicate myself and my life for each one as all to realise this, as nothing will change if we don’t change in all that we are, within and without

22.    The realisation that for me to be able to change myself in thought, word and deed to the most effective living being that I can be and become – I first have to ‘know thyself’ and so commit myself to investigate, introspect and understand how I became who I am today, to prepare the road before me into self creation of a responsible, aware, self honest and trustworthy person for myself and so for all

23.    The realisation that for me to be able to contribute to change in this world – I have to get to ‘know thyself’ as this world and so commit myself to research, investigate and introspect the inner and outer workings of this world and align the systems of today to present and give the best possible life for all on Earth

Day 222: Fear of loss – what to do?

Image

At this very moment I am not feeling comfortable – what am I experiencing – fear – what does it lead back to? Desire. I have desire and this desire is not being directed effectively. Directing desire is a simple application as breath which I must continue to apply and develop as a tool/mechanism through which I am able to move through these tough experiences of desire. If I have no desire, I will have no fear. If I have no fear, obviously I will be able to have quite a cool experience of myself.

Much of the fear also has to do with others in my reality – what if they do not stand? What if I will lose because they are not standing?

The last question is interesting because there is no way another’s not standing can ‘take away from me’ unless I allow it – in other words, if others do not stand, if they ‘turn on me’ or become abusive or ‘leave/abandon me’, it is only me who is able to say “oh God, I am missing out, what a loss!” and of course the common sense question is: if others become what I fear – then why the hell would I fear losing them in the first place?

I understand at this stage, as an idea, that if a relationship ends, it is fine because it was never real in the first place – but living that statement is another story, as the fear of loss certainly exists within me. It is a mental thing in nature, of this I am sure. So because it is mental in nature, that means I had to have created it. How did I create it or how am I currently creating it?

Now I see the point more clearly: if the relationship exists only in our mind as mental projection of ourselves as what we would like to be but are not it living in fact – then naturally within this the fear of loss will be created because we are projecting ourselves as the awareness that we are in fact lost in our own creation.

However the point here that is difficult is to focus the shift from ‘we’ to ‘me’ – in other words, making this stand unconditionally and absolutely. Interestingly enough, while the fear of standing is the fear of loss, losing relationships/not surviving in my society, is that by standing am I in fact making sure that all relationships that I accept and allow will be that which is best for all. By not doing so, I am accepting an existence of relationships that are made to fail, destined for pain and sorrow.

 

The problem lies in how I will tend to define certain individuals as special, based within this fear of loss, because here I am making the association with maintaining positive relationships with these individuals. So it is missing the principle by essentially making the mistake of ‘formatting’/defining the principle as embodied by certain individuals in my life. My standing cannot be limited by who else is willing to stand – and if I am to ever expect that anyone will stand, my stand will have to become unconditional.

I fear that others will not understand and I will lose them, but the fact is that this is the only way – nevermind that fear isn’t even valid in the first place. Within the desire to ‘have them understand’ I am not focusing on me and I will not be clear, and within that, trying to communicate a understanding to another will be impossible because it is I who am not under-standing – standing up within myself. This is the key, whether others understand initially or not – they will do so in time as my standing is absolute.

The fears I am having must be ‘nipped in the bud’ in terms of not allowing a single one to exist within and as me, let alone drive me to action! To be clear that fear is not the point that moves me because if I allow this within myself, I am allowing in another – what I fear is what I attract!

Here I must also watch the tendency to project myself and thus when I do take on a point – be clear that it is focused on the point rather than focusing on the point in another person only – because here I will be speaking from a starting point of separation. Another tendency to look out for is the tendency to want positive feedback or some kind of positive feeling experience from which to base everything that I’m talking about, because the fact is, there is no positive feeling attached to standing, and we are a race all so addicted to positive feelings that standing is not going to feel positive at all – those are the ‘tough moments’ that I am going to have to walk through that will be my test of absolution.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to push and exercise the point of walking through desire by breathing through it, not realizing that if I allow any desire to exist, I am allowing harm to be done unto myself by living the self interest that I fear in others, where we neglect each other in our own delusion of self importance

I forgive myself that I’ve not accepted and allowed myself to realize that IN ALL INSTANCES OF WHAT I FEAR ABOUT OTHERS that I am in fact only fearing that which I am accepting and allowing about myself

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to fear not following or losing system relationships as the systematization of interaction which is created through fear as self dishonesty.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to create and define relationships with others within and as my own mind, based on the polarization of living in the survival mode of friends and enemies.

I forgive myself that I’ve not accepted and allowed myself to realize that to remain not standing due to the fear of loss is actually creating the fear of loss as what I fear I will create – and that by not standing I am creating certain loss – albeit perhaps in the distant future in some cases – it is inevitable – while not realizing that by standing unconditionally and walking through the fear of loss, am I in fact, for the first time, creating a life that is worth living and sustainable – not matter who it is in relation with

I forgive myself that I’ve not accepted and allowed myself to realize that the fear of loss is a marker of support indicating that I am lost within some point which requires careful attention and consideration

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to limit myself to certain relationships which I value more than others within the fear of loss – not realizing that it is my relationship to life that must take precedent – I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to value some relationships more than others – I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to associate my process/self definition with other human beings in my life and allow the people who are in my life to influence my standing as either defining them as supportive to it or taking away from it

I forgive myself that I’ve not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that to have a cool existence where all relationships are sound and no one live in fear of another, I must stand without fear of loss as fear of others as who others may accept and allow themselves to be

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to create the desire to have others understand, not realizing that this desire is a self projection where I am not supporting myself and not realizing that supporting myself is what must be done in order to have effective relationships/interactions that are best for all life – I forgive myself that I’ve not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that if I do not stand, I will be completely unable to communicate anything to another and all interaction becomes useless

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to act on fears, rather than get into the habit of nipping them in the bud immediately

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to, within a point of un-clarity due to not taking responsibility for my own mind/fear, want to focus on points in another – not realizing that I am limited from being able to actually discuss the point itself WITH another, and thus actually be effective in support

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to trust positive feelings to the extent where if no positive feelings exist, I am not able to move myself – within this I forgive myself that I’ve not accepted and allowed myself to realize that standing absolute is not going to feel good and given the nature of how addicted we have become to feelings, it is going to feel like I am going against the grain of all that is good – when in fact it is not so – that is only a resonant experience of the mind not being fed energy

I commit myself to breathe through all desires as I am able to identify them and get into the habit of breathing immediately when I am entering a mind possession as desire

I commit myself to stop the fear of others through standing as a being who consider all life as equal and one and thus do not fear others because I am standing within the principle of what is best for all life, which quite naturally will bring about a world that is best for all life

I commit myself to not give into the self-imposed pressure of behaving systematically in relationships out of fear of loss/judgment/misunderstanding by others – when and as I see myself having a resonant experience of thoughts/feelings/emotions wanting to act out of fear of loss, I stop, I breathe and I do not accept and allow myself to participate as I see, understand and realize that if I allow fear of loss to exist within and as me, then fear of loss is what I will create

I commit myself to stop the tendency to create relationships within and as my own mind through thoughts/backchat/spoken word that convince myself that there is something ‘more special’ or more profound than what actually exists in fact

I commit myself to stand within and as principles that is best for all life within the context of the mess that we are currently in on earth  – as to absolutely honor life here in this time I am given on earth is to create a reality where all future relationships may be sound

I commit myself to nip fear of loss in the bud, in the moments that I experience through applying the 4 count breath and not allowing my fear of loss to direct me as thoughts/backchat/a feeling/emotional resonant experience

When and as I see myself wanting/desiring for others to understand a point/me/process, I stop, I breathe, I see, realize and understand that this tendency is a form of compensation for myself not looking at/facing/standing up within certain points, and thus I do not allow myself to participate in this desire as my thoughts, feelings and emotions, but rather make sure I am clear on the point within myself and live/apply myself accordingly – I commit myself to stop the tendency to focus on points in others and simply focus on the points as equal and one to/as others

I commit myself to stand absolute in my resolve to walk this process and never give into fear as the mind and never allow fear as the negative of the experience not getting the positive energy it is used to determine/define who I will be – thus when and as I see myself having resistance/fear because I am not being positive energy, I stop, I breathe, I see that this resistance is based on how I have come to define/trust positive feelings as energy/the mind and thus I see, realize and understand that this process is going to not ‘feel good’ and be difficult and will even perceived as ‘negative’  and ‘don’t go there’ because of the fear of loss, when in fact that fear of loss is the fear of the mind losing itself – I breathe and I do not participate in the mind as my thoughts/feelings and emotions

Day 201: Relationship sabotage and porn: establishing a new self based on principles

Love_system

I have written in recent previous posts about how I have – for as long as I can remember – tried to make something ‘more’ out of my experiences within relationship, some kind of ‘larger than life experience’ in my interactions and sexual activity with my relationship partner. I noticed this in the last time that my partner visited where I was actually taking memories from my past and super-imposing them onto my present moment in order to have this kind of higher experience. I’m sure it is a very common experiences within relationships, and that is why it tends to always be the men and women that can present the greatest illusion of excitement as something ‘larger than life’ to their prospective partners that tend to get the most ‘action’ – but the problem here is obviously that it is all just based on image projection as nothing can in fact be ‘larger than life’ – life is life and is all inclusive and thus no part of life can be ‘higher than’ life itself.

It is no wonder why so many of my past relationships – and so many relationships of so many people – have all gone through the same pattern of ‘starting off high’, on an energy high as the two partners are excited about their ‘larger than life’ ideas that they have of each other in their own minds, and then eventually the ideas fade as reality sets in and the idea gets harder and harder to maintain as the energy used to feed the idea/relationship runs out, and eventually it all turns sour and the relationships end. I don’t want to repeat this pattern, I am tired of this kind of bullshit and heartache.

It is also no wonder that the same thing happens with sexuality as sexuality is really part of the whole relationship experience, where it starts off with excitement but as it continues, it takes higher and higher levels of energy and excitement to satisfy this energy high, and therefore for higher levels of excitement, higher levels of stimulus are required. Through a bit of recent study I have been seeing (to an even greater extent than I have in the past) the influence that porn has and the role it plays in this ‘upping the ante’ of sexual stimulus, as I have seen the same progression in my own life, where when I was younger I would be aroused/stimulated by relatively tame sexual images/acts, and over the years that progressed to more intense sexual images/acts, where the more tame stuff no longer satisfies.

This has also given me an insight as to why something like erectile dysfunction becomes so common in men because this ‘upping the ante’ of sexual stimulus/content is a constant progression, even if the progression is slow and in very small increments, one will ALWAYS need to step up the level – it is simply the nature of the relationship to sex and sexuality as something that exist within the mind which is experienced as energy which is stimulated and produced in the mind through images and other sensory triggers. As long as the mind requires new and higher levels to stimulate itself and thus the body into arousal – as one has already developed a relationship system where the bodies arousal is dependent on sexuality constructs within the mind – then the same old thing won’t cut it anymore, like for instance if you continue having sex in the same way, or with the same partner.

The fact is that due to how my relationships have been compromised by fear, the fear of loss and the subsequent and ever increasing desire for ‘something more’ – I have never in fact had a real relationship and if this continues and is not corrected, I will never have a real relationship, and more so I will never be real and live/experience life for real.

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to, within the fear of loss, believe that I must continue within the same relationship patterns of behavior as I have in the past, believing and fearing that if I do not, I will not have a partner or a successful relationship – when in fact the reverse is true – that it is my old belief about relationships, how they should be and how I should behave, that has destroyed all of my past relationships and will sabotage future relationships if I continue, as they are all based in fear and thus the desire for a ‘higher experience/someone special’ – thus I forgive myself that I’ve not accepted and allowed myself to realize that if I continue with the same patterns, then all of my relationships will be doomed and that the only possible way to have successful relationships is to base them on a self that is in fact living the principles of oneness and equality as what is best for all, a self without fear or fear of loss – here I do not allow myself to be compromised by the possibility or event of losing a relationship as any relationship lost due to myself living principles that is best for all as oneness and equality – were never real in the first place and thus I embrace the benefit of losing an illusion to embrace life

I commit myself to stop the mockery that has been created as my relationships with others that are based in fear and fear of loss as the ever increasing quest for stimulus as an experience of something higher/something more and to stop these unsustainable relationships/unsustainable ways of interacting within relationships as this desire for an energetic experience, and to stand within and as breath as the physical in self honesty, devoid of all memories that may influence my standing as a real physical being, as the principles of oneness and equality as that which is best for all life