The title of this blog is a statement I am going to need to learn to accept. While the ultimate goal is always perfection as the purest living expression of ourselves, it will never be possible to travel down that road of continuous improvement if I do not begin to face the current reality of things, which is far from perfect. The question is: who am I within such situations? If I am reactive, I will copy that which I see as I am easily influenced, and I will use the examples set before me as excuses and justifications to allow myself to be weak and be tempted by illusory desires that have been fed to me by my society to make me weak.
How can I provide for those who I care about if I allow myself to react and be influenced by the failings of others? How am I to stand and be dependable and trustworthy, with integrity, to always ensure that what I accept and allow is what will create a world that is best for all life, if I cannot even stop my fear of what others have become and the dangers they may pose to themselves and life in general? How am I going to face my day if my reactive nature has me subconsciously anticipating the next unfortunate/negative event that may be waiting for me that may be out of my control to stop, will I just allow myself to be defined by some negative experiences or events, just because I am able to find reasons to blame other people and things for such events?
No. Of course not. That is what equality would imply – I am required to become a humble servant to life within the understanding that I am life and as such, the harmed state that life is currently in is my cause and responsibility to correct. This is my only reason to have virtue or ambition.
This blog post seems to be shaping up into a point of dealing with discouragement, deterrence and the overall point of giving up on myself and this world – an old habit of mine that seems to be dying hard. I suppose everyone does this to some degree or another – we use the bad things that happened to us in our lives, at times where we did not consider or understand why these things happened – and we use them by taking things personally and adopting these experiences as reasons why we don’t live life fully – we are trapped in memories of harm and helplessness. Sometimes we create beliefs through the explanations that we use to explain these events, and from these beliefs we also get ideas about what we want and what the solution is – this is also a form of deterrent because it keeps us from letting go of a point that is likely holding us back because we have accepted this as ‘the way’ and thus fear that ‘there can be no other way’ – especially when we have committed so extensively to the old way.
But there is a new way – to live without fear as breath. “keep your eyes on the prize” is what someone said to me today, in the context that: “keep your chin up, because even if things don’t go as planned you will get to where you are going, as long as your head is facing straight forward to see the way”.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to become deterred from engaging in my process and living my life to the fullest in every moment, because I fear bad things happening along the journey and thus I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to use bad things happening in the past – and thus the fear of bad things happening in the future – as an excuse/justification to not push myself to express myself and live life to the fullest in every single moment
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to associate my process and my goals with/to be defined by particular things or people, and to then become discouraged when things do not go according to plan – conversely, I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to set myself up for disappointment and failure by associating my process/goals with certain things/people and then once I have achieved/acquired such things or associated/interacted with/had certain experiences with certain people, and then becoming discouraged when I perceive myself to ‘lose’ such things/people/experiences – not realizing the limitation I am placing on myself by defining myself by only certain things that I know (knowledge = thoughts)
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to create ideas/beliefs/associations/definitions of how things should be ideally and how I should experience myself ideally, and then become deterred/discouraged when things do not go this way – I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to think and belief that process is going to be an easy, perfect or painless process – I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowd myself to be deterred by pain or other negative experiences
I commit myself to ‘keep my eye on the prize’ in terms of not allowing certain events/experiences such as disappointment or other judgments, or the fear of these events happening to define who I am and my motivation and how I will live
I commit myself to not copy the failures and flaws that I see and to not judge them because if I judge them I will believe them, and if I believe them I will fear them, and if I fear them I will copy them
I commit myself to not define my process/goals by certain things/people/experiences so I am no longer defined/influenced by the perception of loss or potential fear of loss but rather am able to always consider alternatives and other possible outcomes, through letting go of fear and the subsequent desire/belief of how things should be
I commit myself to never be influenced/defined by painful or negative experiences