Tag Archives: opinion

Day 337: Going beyond the mind and the reward of insight

I have talked before in this blog a out how easily the power of habit can take over, where I have found that there exist within me a desire to find a program of behavior that I can just stick to, so I can basically turn myself off and put my mind on autopilot – it is this underlying drive that exist within me, that was created within me through symbolic imprinting of experiences throughout my life, to live a kind of artificial life of artificial intelligence. It is fascinating how we as human beings become so robotized and don’t even realize it, realize that we have this tendency to want to robotize ourselves and find comfort in it.

 

It is an extremely effective control system because even if one has the absolute best of intentions, even if they can speak the gospel in perfect form, this intent/desire to do good is re-routed into the circular living, the circular logic (robots run on codes/programs of logic) where such intents become formatted, where ‘doing good’ becomes limited to only certain activities, and within participating in such activities in ‘autopilot mode’ where it just becomes a robotic pattern of habit, we lose ourselves – we are no longer here as breath in the physical body, but rather just existing within a program that is busy running/playing out. This is crucial because to live a life that is best for all, of real care and love for life – can never be a program, can never be defined only by certain acts – because in doing so, we deny our inherent ability to direct ourselves and live life in a way that is best for all in every moment, self directively – it is as though we do not trust ourselves/give ourselves the confidence to do so, and so abdicate such responsibility to a program. Eventually, the program takes over and becomes warped and a twisted mockery of itself, a shadow of itself, as religion and morality so often does – that is because these are, again, formatted systems of benevolence.

 

We as human beings are set up to do this and so our entire lives and all that we do/participate in become subject to/contextualized by this tendency to live systematically. If there are any criticisms of Destonians being robotic and merely ‘spewing the gospel’ that are valid as observations, it is due to this tendency, that, despite being educated on principles that are truly best for all life, the pre-existing tendency to format and systematize new information and behaviors can still take over – it is easy to ‘talk the Desteni talk’ – living it is a whole other story – just like Christianity or any other cosmology that has valid principles that serve life. The only difference with Desteni is the commitment to constantly self scrutinize and push self to be honest with oneself to ensure that this actually doesn’t happen, as we educate our selves to have a practical understanding of how the mind works in order to prevent this from happening, and hold a steadfast commitment to ourselves and life to persist. We work together and hold nothing as personal or sacred in terms of a moral ‘right and wrong’ – we assist and support each other and cross reference each other and do whatever is necessary to be effective in supporting each other – even if it means saying that which may be difficult for another to hear, within the principle of ‘tough love’.

 

I write about this point because I have had a bit of tough love myself, and found it extremely effective, as I understand how deceptive the mind is in, understanding that I am in fact my own worst enemy – and thus what may seem ‘tough’ about ‘tough love’ sometimes is merely how the mind perceives it.

 

Today, when working on a mind construct – which is extremely challenging because there is nothing programmed/habitual/pattern-based about it, you are walking mind constructs as the memories in your mind that influence you and limit you into patterned living, in real time – I saw the benefit of working in real time, in breaking out of habitual living, even if that habitual living seems just and righteous. It can be extremely difficult to break out at times, but the reward really is simply magnificent. I was having insights and old memories that I had long forgotten come up, I was having ‘aha!’ moments where I gained some deeper understanding into myself and my own mind, which is essentially the key to freeing me from the limitations of my mind, that really keep me enslaved. We tend to identify with our enslavement as something positive just because it becomes to habitual, we feel safe to live in ‘autopilot mode’ because we are taught that it is good and nice and to fear stepping beyond the boundaries of what we know as living life as a programmed robot.

 

But the reward of pushing ourselves beyond our perceived limits really are something that we can appreciate as we have never appreciated anything like it before, if we actually do it.

Day 334: The trap of comfort and what it means to live life in the moment

 

A couple days ago I wanted to watch a music DVD that I hadn’t seen in a few years. I remember enjoying this dvd, band and their music a lot at that time, and so when I wanted to watch it, I wanted to share it with my girlfriend as something ‘good/cool’. What I tend to forget about points such as this with regards to music is that, despite having some education as to the technical workings/aspects of music, much of what I consider ‘good’ and worth sharing is just out of personal opinion, based on personal preference. There is absolutely no objective facts that somehow state that my music is better than others, or special in any way for that matter.

 

Within this there is also an underlying point which is the desire to ‘connect’ with another person through sharing such personal interests as personal preferences/opinions of things I enjoy. But it is impossible to truly connect with someone on something that is based only in opinion and personal preference.

 

What I also notice is that because I have defined some music as ‘more valuable than other music’ and ‘special’ than others, there is almost a sense of urgency that I must share it, as if I am waging some kind of propaganda war, some kind of opinion war where I must show and give as much exposure as possible to my propaganda, to my opinions, to my preferences, and if I do not, it is as if something will be lost.

 

I have already been shown through many experiences that this simply does not work – to attempt to control moments within the idea of trying to ‘make something special happen’, to create some kind of special experience with special things, with special elixirs – I mean it sounds like a form of magic where I am trying to create a certain energetic experience through ‘connecting with another’ on a point of opinion – a mental connection, and thus a metaphysical connection.

 

This is not life, this is not something that is constant, stable, consistent – it is rather based on the characters that we believe ourselves to be, which have been programmed since birth through societal and media experiences/conditioning, which are the character/personality types that determine what are our preferences and opinions.

 

Life, I have found, is something that is emergent, something not necessarily predicted so specifically – though it can be predicted based on essential principles, it is not something that must take on a certain form or character. It is not something that must be so controlled and prescribed. Life is here in every moment of every experience, and every moment/experience is in fact equal – but it is our personal preferences/opinions that limit us from embracing this fully and unconditionally.

 

Real sharing can only come in sharing the reality of life, of being here in every moment equally in the physical reality that we all share in fact, devoid of personalized opinions and beliefs, where all moments are actually lived fully – there is not a single moment in our lives that is not a moment of value – but by looking for/trying to create moments of value/moments that are special, we miss what is already here, that life already in itself is special. I have had some fascinating experiences of understanding, interaction and personal growth when I have least expected it – and again it is not as though these moments were anything special, they were just surprisingly unseen, as the real life experience that can be had when we let go our our preprogrammed, predetermined and prescribed ideas/beliefs/opinions/notions of what life should be, of what is apparently valuable or special or meaningful.

 

We fear to give up that which we have preprogrammed and prescribed in our life as being special, the prescribed drugs of comfort as that which is familiar to us which keeps us drugged in a state of feeling as if ‘everything is ok’ because we feel safe and secure only experiencing and accepting and participating in what we know. But what if the only real security in life is to let go of all attempts to stick to what we have defined as secure and comfortable, to abandon all that we have grown accustomed to and comfortable with, and embrace life itself fully and completely? This is the real key to learning, to living a life where the education of life never ends and we give ourselves true purpose by living a life where we can constantly grow and become better. I mean, there is so much in this world to learn and do, it is virtually endless.

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to have defined certain things in my reality as the things that I like, based on the fact that they are familiar, known, and thus I identify with them as a way of establishing my own identity and thus establishing myself in this world within the starting point of survival as fear of loss – and in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have made opinions about certain things in my life as being special/better than/more important than others, whether those things be music, TV shows, movies, people, places, things, animals, activities, sports, foods, – I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to define and limit myself according to the things, environments, people and activities that I am familiar with and accustomed to, not realizing that such points I have become attached to within the fear of surviving/losing myself, as if I am clinging onto them for dear life, and thus I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to fear letting go of such things, to stop defining myself by them and participating in them, and moving onto new points, embracing the unknown within the self directive principle of life and living within self honesty and self trust

 

Thus, when and as I see myself defining/believing certain things, people, experiences, places, environments, foods, cultures, activities, sports, animals as being more special/having more value than others, and thus wanting to stick to only participating in such points and promote such points as something special/’more than’ – I stop, I breathe, I see, realize and understand the self limitation I am imposing on myself as self definition, ego and pride, and how I am limiting myself from actually embracing and living life – and thus I do not participate in such beliefs that what I identify with are special and the desire to participate in and promote them, as such desires arise in my mind as my thoughts, feelings and emotions – I commit myself to set myself free from the fear of loss/fear of losing myself that I have created as self definition, and live here as breath, embracing every new moment unconditionally within principles that are best for all life, as self trust and self honesty in embracing who I really am by letting go of self definition

 

I forgive myself that I’ve not accepted and allowed myself to realize the implications of an underlying fear of loss/fear of death/fear of losing myself, that such fears create a tendency within me to always try to find a point of habit as experiences, which I then associate with my environment and surrounding things/people, which I find comfortable because it appeases these fears by creating an experience of comfort/stability/that I am surviving well, and that I will then always try to situate myself within/define myself by such habitual living patterns and will begin to trust them because they suit my desire to survive and be comfortable, and thus no matter where I am or what I am doing, I will always try to find this point of normality/regularity/stability through habit – not seeing and realizing the point that living life is fluid and dynamic and cannot be entrapped within a point of habits/patterns which I then define myself by/associate with, and thus that the only real stability that I am able to experience is a stability that is lived as self where, no matter where I am or what I am doing or who I am with, I am stable within/as myself within the self trust of remaining here as breath and not going into the mind to create certain habits/identities within the fear of survival, and thus by remaining here as breath in self honesty, I trust myself to direct myself in a way that is best for all life, and thus myself because I am life

 

I commit myself to stop the tendency to associate myself with/define myself by/limit myself to being a ‘creature of habit’, wherein I look for living patterns/habits that I am comfortable with which I can then automate myself into, not realizing that this is an abdication of self, of who I am, as the breath of life that I have been given as the opportunity to realize what life is and live life here as myself in every moment, as the opportunity to create a life/self/world that is best for all, that is quite cool because it is made in the image and likeness of myself of that which I would like to give to myself/create for myself, enjoy and experience

Day 306: Pleading with others

 

Today I noticed a particular thought pattern that was occurring in my mind, which I have noticed before but never pinpointed and addressed. Upon having a moment of fear arise – the fear of what another might do and the fear that I will be harmed – I saw myself suddenly go into imaginings about how I would plead with this person to see things another way – my way – and to have some sort of realization that would change their mind and course of behavior. This was real Hollywood bullshit, straight out of a movie where I envision myself becoming very endearing, dramatic, heartfelt, really ‘putting it all out there and showing my deepest feelings’ – that is like, really manipulative bullshit that needs to stop immediately. It doesn’t work and it’s not real. There is only common sense as what is best for all and to give something some personalized, moralistic connotation is just deception and manipulation, no matter how good it sounds or how well intended it is.

 

There is an additional consequence as well, where I actually further build up the fear existent within me by not actually directing it but rather tacitly allowing it through just finding ways to appease it, and then, I build myself up in hope – fascinating to see such a correlation between fear and hope – and then of course I build myself up for a big disappointment when I don’t get what I want and the manipulation isn’t effective. Then the fear ultimately ends up as anger.

 

Yesterday I wrote about the point of spitefulness – which is basically the behavior that is the result of the accumulation experiences of anger – and how that leads to a false desire for ‘love’ – trying to escape the negative, the truth of myself, by chasing that which has been presented to me as positive: the ideal life including the ideal relationship. So it is fascinating to begin to see how all of these points intertwine – fear, hope, love, anger.

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to – upon having a moment of fear as reaction to a belief of another, based on what I may have observed about them – go into imaginings about how I can manipulate the person, using pleading with them, as a way of utilizing a fake persona wherein I am endearing, heartfelt and dramatic, trying to appeal to them ‘softly’ and hoping that they will feel empathy and a kind of ‘caring’ that is also fake because it is just based invoking their own inner feelings of guilt by presenting a sorry image to them, hoping that they will ‘come to their senses’ of empathy

 

I see, realize and understand that I only believe that such manipulation tactics may work because they seem to have worked in the past – thus I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that such manipulation tactics are actually effective and will still work

 

When and as I see myself wanting to utilize pleading and ways of invoking empathy through presenting a sorry, heartfelt, endearing presentation of myself as a way of manipulating them to not be/do that which I fear – I stop, I breathe, I see, realize and understand the game of manipulation that I am playing and that it simply doesn’t work as it is not real/directive/self honest but actually just a reflection of me accepting/allowing/giving into my own fears/beliefs/judgments/opinions, and as such, having this acceptance as my starting point will in fact resonate through me from the core of my being and only invoke fears in another, which were the cause of my fears in the first place! Fearing who others are because others are living/acting out of fear – thus I do not go into such imaginings or act on them, I stop and breathe and not give into my fearful desires as my thoughts, feelings and emotions

 

Another quick point written in my journal today:

 

A reaction is just a reaction == not real! Breathe breathe breathe, walk it off – until it is done and you may then be able to get to the bottom of it.

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to have ignored the moment in which I had a reaction to another where I did not get what I wanted, not realizing how this intense moment of reaction would greatly affect me and my perception/thinking throughout the course of my day

 

thus, I commit myself to – when I have such emotional reactions of feeling rejected/not getting what I want – to stop and breathe, and realize that I have gone into a reaction and to deal with it immediately if necessary or as soon as possible, within the understanding and consideration of the fact that this is a reaction occurring here and that if I do not direct myself in such moments of reaction, I am setting myself up unnecessarily for hard times – thus I do not accept and allow such reactions to exist within me as I see, realize and understand that they are just reactions which need/require to be directed, and I apply myself to direct all reactions and not give into my reactions as the mind of thoughts, feelings and emotions