Day 244: Making connections

 

One thing that I notice about myself in the way that I have been changing in this process is that I have become much, much more attentive to others than I have ever been. I have come to see the that there is much, much more to people than what meets the eye, and I was only enabled to see this in others once I began to recognize it about myself, within a process of becoming intimate with myself and learning to be honest with myself. I find myself glad, even eager sometimes to just sit with people and listen to them, to get to know them and their experiences, their feelings, their thoughts – everything – and this has been coming at a more unconditional level where it is not about opinions of finding others who agree with you – I will gladly sit there and listen to anyone because it is really an invaluable learning experience, and an opportunity for support.

 

Sometimes I wonder if I even like it too much. I mean when I have such interactions, I tend to come out of them with some really nice feelings and thoughts. The intensity of this has decreased dramatically from what it used to be, but I still see it there. Conversely, sometimes where I want to connect and it just isn’t happening, I mean the person just isn’t interested or maybe I am approaching the interaction with too much eagerness/gusto, I can then feel not so good and have some not-so-nice thoughts.

 

One of the reasons that ‘connecting with others’ this way, you could call it, has a sort of ‘place in my heart’ in terms of having an energetic charge/experience to it, is that this is the kind of attention, recognition and support that I felt I never got. Not only never got, but was promised, expected, and never received. Yes it is a sad thing, that life in general does not receive the value, recognition, attention and support it requires, to say the least, but taking my past experiences of this and allowing them to influence who I am today is really useless and limiting. There is a song about this very subject that, when I listen to it, brings up all kinds of feelings/reactions, you can check out the lyrics here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D3liCmuiPTY – the significance of this experience with the song is really just that obviously, because I have such reactions, this point of past experience is still having an influence on me today.

 

So it is not like I am going to change this point of interacting with others, I mean that is a part of me that is here to stay in terms of the attention/recognition point, but the extra ‘feeling experience’ that I get out of it is something to deconstruct. So much of that happy feeling of ‘oh wow, we have just connected and we understand each other better now!’ is taking a reality of events and making something ‘more’/extra out of it than what it is. This energetic feeling experience is actually based on separation. It is based on how we have already accepted within ourselves definitions of ourselves that separate us which we are currently busy believing and living-out. It is like the sigh of relief you experience when you fear someone due to how you misunderstand them through each one having defined each other as separate, and then all of a sudden, because a connection is made, you realize that ‘oh, this fear isn’t real, they’re just like me!’ it is in that moment of relief/realization that one may tend to mindfuck themselves and make something more out of it than what it is. We’ll tend to cling onto that feeling/moment and believe in it and even give it names like ‘love’.

 

But if such separation didn’t exist, would such a mental experience exist? If you were already equal, would it possible for a connection to be made? Wouldn’t be necessary, would it?

 

Still, equality is something that starts with self, done by self, for self. It is necessary for one to equalize themselves within and as themselves – meaning to actually be equal to that which you are as the physical body, by living it completely – not living in alternate dimensions/realities of the mind. Only through stopping ideas/beliefs/definitions of ourselves can we see and understand what our equality really means, and what it means to be equal to others. You don’t have to have the agreement of others to be equal to them. They might not even understand who they are…yet. But if you understand who you really are, you understand who others really are, and those who have done the work for themselves this way may have to serve as an example/support for others in the meantime by standing as that example of equality, no matter what the others may believe of you and themselves.

 

I forgive myself that I’ve not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that the feeling/energetic/thought experience that I get from making connections and relationships with others is in fact based on a form of separation, wherein I experience a sense of relief that ‘everything is ok’, because my experience with them is positive which contradicts the fears that exist deep in my mind, and negative expectations that stem from such beliefs

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I make enough connections or that if the connection is ‘strong enough’ as the feeling/thought/energetic experience I have with others, that my life will be better and everything will be ok because I am apparently now loved

 

I forgive myself that I’ve not accepted and allowed myself to ensure that my interactions with others is effective and specific as conducive to the process of self realization

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to use anxiety as the fear of others as a way of activating all kinds of character/personalities to entertain, endear and impress others in some way

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to look for equality in experiences with others instead of establishing equality within and as myself as breath as the starting point

 

I commit myself to check in the moment what my starting point and experience is with another in interacting with them, and to rid myself of any secret desires/mental experiences that I am having in my interaction with others

 

I commit myself to stop the positive mental experience of thoughts/feelings as energy with others due to my interaction with them, as I see understand and realize that such thoughts are actually based in separation as deeply engrained self definitions/definitions of others and that the positive mental experience is only in contrast to such separation as the temporary/illusory relief of fear through believing that we now ‘understand each other’, when and as I see such thoughts/feelings/energies arise, I stop and I breathe, as to stand equal to others in fact means to stand equal to and as myself as the physical, and I stop and give up this desire to make a connection with others and have a positive illusory mental experience of myself – rather, I live positivity, I live support, I live equality and oneness, in whatever capacity is necessary to be effective in actual physical reality

Day 206: What is power really?

Power as we know it is an illusion. Our real power as who we really are in this reality has been abdicated and become a shell of itself where it is experienced as a mental energy. This can be seen and confirmed in the physical reality as how we are all beings that come from the earth, existing in the same reality, equal to it as parts of it, expressed in individual forms. I am a human. That is a dog. This is a rock. We are all individual in our form and expression yet we are equally here in this reality as part of this reality, equally expressing ourselves in this reality. This can also be confirmed in the mess that we have through the mind as the illusion of power, created of the physical reality. We have created a world of polarity and this has gone to extremes. We have people who are living in such heightened positions in our world in a status system, which we have created in the mind and made real through our world systems – mainly the economic system – that live as though they are gods, when we all know for a fact that this isn’t true. They are from this earth equally as everything else in this reality is. They are going to return to the earth one day just like everything else is. Then we have people who are living in such extremely low positions of status, value and worth that they are treated as less than nothing, their entire lives, value, worth and potential completely disregarded and endure such extensive abuse that it would traumatize one just to witness it. We unfortunately hide the truth of this (or is it that we hide ourselves from the truth of this?) As in our media and education systems we tend to only look at the ‘high points’ of those apparently ‘great people’ of great status in our world and do not shed light on how bad the situation really is – but let me assure you, if you want to find out you can – I dare you to if you have not already.

I mean we even do this power thing with animals and objects, where apparently according to the systems we create in the mind, some are worth more/higher than others and are then treated, regarded and experience by us in our world as such. For this particular blog I won’t be getting into that and will just focus on the human aspect of it.

The main point here is that what we experience within ourselves as some kind of experience of power/experience of ourselves being powerful, is a complete mental illusion and delusion, to put it in very nice technical terms, not revealing the extent of the evil that is such an experience. It is a bully, making himself feel better because he physically harmed another. It is the gossiper, making themselves feel better because they put down another persons reputation. It is the popular person who is having a blast with no awareness of the experience of those who are socially outcast. It is the glutton who is stuck in their addiction to pleasure with no inkling of what starvation really is. It is the porn addict, having no idea what their experience of masturbating to porn is contributing to massive amounts of abuse that exist in and as the porn industry. It is the rapist, deriving pleasure from physically harming and abusing another. It is the soldier, feeling proud because he did a good job killing the ‘bad guys’. It is the consumer, feeling great because they got a good deal thanks to those toiling in lowly positions as sweatshop workers. It is the billionaire CEO of a corporation, enjoying his god-like living experience because of the billions who live a live of destitution and hardship that no one would want for themselves. I could go on and on but the point here that really matters is that power as we know it as this mental experience is absolute abuse and just because we do not see that abuse, does not mean that it does not exist and hasn’t already been created. But because we have not self honestly placed ourselves in the shoes of another as the consideration of what other who are not having an experience of power in this world, we miss it all. What absolute fools we must look like to anyone with an objective view of it all.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to want to have an experience of myself of being powerful/having power – that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that the desire of such an experience is what is directly causing abuse in this world and the extent of inequality as it exist today

I forgive myself that I’ve not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize the massive amount of harm that is done just so that I/one can have an experience of power within their mind

I forgive myself that I’ve not accepted and allowed myself to realize that power is not real

I forgive myself that I’ve not accepted and allowed myself to stand on the behalf of those who have no power in this world in the giving up of my own desire for an experience of power as I would want them to do for me if I were in their position

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to want and desire to control my world as an extension of power as the attempt to maintain my experience of power in my world

I forgive myself that I’ve not accepted and allowed myself to realize that the experience of power is the abuse of myself and others and carries within it consequences

I forgive myself that I’ve not accepted and allowed myself to stand as one and equal to all no matter what the world may present to me as otherwise as the illusion of power as complete deception is present and everywhere all the time deceiving all of those who have given into their own illusions of power

I forgive myself that I’ve not accepted and allowed myself to realize that to have power is to have fear as there is a deep awareness of the harm I am doing and thus to live without fear, I must give up all power/the desire for an experience of power

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to want and desire to experience power as a mental energy through words: the words that trigger an experience of power within me as the perceived freedom to abuse without consequence, the perceived freedom to cause harm to others, the perceived freedom to say and do harmful things to another and to use words to present myself as superior to another or others as inferior to me

When and as I see myself wanting and desiring an experience of power over others – I stop, I breathe, I realize the harm I am doing both to myself and others and that this experience is not real – and thus I do not participate in this energy of desire as my thoughts, feelings and emotions

When and as I see myself using words to have an experience of power over others through presenting myself as having a higher level of status than others/presenting myself as better than other or abusing others through words that would imply a form of power that allows the freedom to abuse another – I stop, I breathe, I do not accept and allow myself to use and abuse words in such a way to have this kind of experience of myself as I see the harm it is doing and that it is not real- and I do not accept and allow myself to participate in the use/abuse of such words

I commit myself to give up fear through giving up the idea of/belief in power and my desire for power

I commit myself to give up the mental experience of power and the desire for power