Tag Archives: limitation

Day 341: Integrity within relationships

 

If you’ve read some of my blogs, you may have noticed that relationships have been a prevalent point for me in my process of self change – the more I open up this point, the more I see how much it has limited my self expression.

 

Due to some fucked up experiences I had as a youngster, and coming from a divorced family, I have polarized my relationships extensively, living in a world of ‘good and bad’ relationships and people, where I’ve become longing for relationships and closeness with other human beings, while being paranoid and jaded about relationships at the same time. What I had never learned how to do was to remain stable, here, within and as breath, wherein I trust who I am and how I have defined myself within my reality, so that no matter what is going on with other people around me, I will always direct myself in a way that is best for all. What others do and how they behave is out of my control, but what I can do is to not participate in this game of love/hate that we play with ourselves, which then become projections onto others in the form of conflict emerging in our relationships. This is how wars start – it always takes two to tango, and until we learn to disengage ourselves and diffuse the situation, it will continue.

 

From a young age we learn that we need others, but when we have experiences where we feel others fail us or we are betrayed, this is where the paranoia and distrust is seeded. Too many times I have gone through the experience of seeking out others for positive relationships, only to end up disappointed and then moving to the opposite polarity: get away from people – yeah, that’s the solution!

 

Not really. Not only do we humans need each other, but if we can learn to actually understand and value each other as equals, we can really make this world an awesome place for everyone. The problem is that in seeking out others from a starting point of fearing loss, of fearing that without some kind of positive energetic experience within a relationship that we will be doomed, we end up creating what we fear. Within such a desire, I realized, it is as though I had already accepted tacitly that the natural state of relationships in life is one of failure, and thus, I must control things in every way possible to ensure the relationship is a positive experience, and that way it will work out somehow. But that really isn’t recognizing relationships for what they really are as an intrinsic part of who we are as human beings.

 

We will always be in relationships of one kind or another, that is inescapable – the question rather then simply who are we within our relationships? Do we fear loss and desire control? Or are we real – real with ourselves first in who we are, what our starting point is and what we’re all about? Are we real in not approaching relationships with fears that create secret desires and ulterior motives? Are we real within relationships that we have the integrity to not give into our fears, and rather face them and forgive them so that the relationship remains honest? Are we real enough to maintain that integrity to not deceive others out of our fear of loss, even if they may be playing the same game and want to be deceived with the same kind of fear-of-loss-based relationship? Many do not even realize they are playing this game and how artificial their relationships have become, and who they are within them that would have them use each other just to feel better about themselves and subside these underlying fears/issues by creating appearance of a positive experience/interaction with others, and you may find, when you get real, that this isn’t ‘good enough’. To be real, we are going to have to decide, with real specificity and self honesty, what is ‘good enough’.

 

It is possible to have real relationships where the commitment to life as what is best for all in equality is ‘good enough’ – but first we have to recognize such a point and stand by it with steadfastness, commitment and resolve before we can ever expect for others to recognize it

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Day 310: No more cappuccinos!

In this blog I will not be continuing chronologically with the topic of my previous blog of redefining ignorance – this will be continued at a later time. The reason for this is that a fascinating point came up today.

Normally, my coffee drink of choice is a cappuccino. I have been drinking cappuccino’s regularly for a couple years or so now. The reason I like them is because I don’t like to put sugar in my coffee – I find it defeats the point. So basically, I justified the cappuccino addiction (as I just saw today that it was in fact an addiction) by saying to myself that I did it to make drinking coffee a little easier, since I don’t take sugar.

As a result, having a cappuccino was something that I saw as my daily ‘treat’, while at the same time I justified this habit/dependency that I had created because it was my way of getting coffee, which I have defined as a good thing, because it helps me focus and do work and blah blah blah.

What I really was not seeing was how this habit was affecting me. I mean, it seems innocent enough, right? The last few days I had been noticing how difficult it was to study, do work and generally focus myself, specifically with things that really matter that need to get done. I would even set very specific and attainable goals for myself for my days, and I just couldn’t stick to what I had planned. I was becoming frustrated with my inability to focus myself and be effective/directive in my daily activities. Sometimes, because of this there will then be side effects where I will do other things/other behaviors will arise to compensate for this. Within this state of being unfocused and in a kind of haze, without realizing it, I was beginning to accept it as my normal state of being, like this is who I am, and this is where the tendency to overcompensate comes in, where I would find ways to become overzealous or ‘psyche myself up’ for my daily activities. I would sometimes become frustrated because it is like I am aware on some level that there is something wrong with me, and yet I was not conscious of what it was at all, and therefore helpless to do anything about it.

Then today, at one point I really felt lost, because I had already had my daily cappuccino, and yet, I just couldn’t focus at all. I felt lost. So I got up and went to the local coffee bar. For whatever reason, I decided to try something new. I wanted a black coffee. This was really interesting because I’m not really sure what the motivation was, other than the appeal of a black coffee being cheaper than a cappuccino. What I had chosen, I didn’t realize, actually turned out to be an espresso. I noticed and had a slight experience of feeling disappointed when I took my coffee and it felt so light lol. But then I gulped down the expresso and went back home. When I got home I decided to study Thai language. As usually, when studying, there were moments of distraction, but I didn’t latch on to them. I stayed the course and studied. The determination that I had all day long as my intent, suddenly had a stronger resolve in performance. I studied quite well and ended up memorizing 10 words that I had previously been struggling with. Then after studying, I was onto the next point, and then the next, and the next. Within all of this, my focus was much better than it been in some time. It was really cool. Six hours later now, the espresso caffeine has worn off for the most part, and yet the focus is still better than it has been in the last few days.

A few key insights I have realized with regards to health and diet are: the mental relationship and the relationship we have to the experience of eating food is paramount. From my perspective, it is this relationship that really plays a crucial role in whether or not foods are healthy for us. Why do I not overeat tons of sugar which could have a detrimental effect on my health? I simply don’t have that kind of strong, positively charged relationship to those kinds of sugary foods that would create an addiction which would cause me to eat past the point of when the body is saying ‘enough’. From what I can tell, the human body functions quite well on it’s own – it is the mental relationship that we develop to foods and things in our world that fucks up what the body would normally otherwise regulate and manage effectively. In this way, it is interesting how one food (or activity, for that matter) may be a problem for one person, while it may totally not affect another person in any negative way whatsoever. That’s why it is sometimes foolish to make blanket statements about the health/food/nutrition.

What is interesting about this addiction is that it was very insidious. It had become most detrimental, purely by virtue of it being a habit, by it becoming normalized, and therefore, unquestionable (or at least very difficult to question with clarity). This point speaks volumes to the way we as human beings live and exist in general – existing in insidious habits and patterns, their lethality being by virtue of the fact that we have just always done things in such a way. This is the main point to take away from this experience. What other habits/patterns have I been overlooking and justifying with ‘a grain of truth and reason’ that it is for a better/higher cause/purpose? I will, in my personal journal, list all such points that I am aware of or suspect.

Furthermore, this point has clearly been holding me back from being effective with other points, so it is interesting to see how sometimes we are trying to correct a point and see that we are unable to, and sometimes need to step back and not obsess/fixate ourselves, so that we can take a look at the bigger picture and consider things outside of our initial frame of mind. It is sometimes surprising to see how when we deal with something that we may have otherwise normally overlooked, we end up finding the key to other things that we are well aware of require a change. It usually always tends to be these things that we take for granted and resist giving up. Like many other addictions/habits/patterns I’ve dealt with, this one, by the end of it’s time, did very little for me. The pleasure I perceived to get from it was very little, and more by virtue of the habit than the actual experience. It just gave me a nice little feeling – but at what cost?

Day 303: Some times we are living in…

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One of the greatest things I was ever shown was how the mind has become an absolute trap – that the information which comprise the mind which is that we have been taught through experience in our culture/society, is not taught in my best interest – it is only here to lead me astray, to disempower me, to make sure that I am stuck in the mind that is based on belief, ideas, ideology, opinions, perceptions – never based in reality – so that I am not able to have any real effect in my reality whatsoever.

This is how we are all raised (razed?) and it is no wonder hoards and hoards of people – the vast majority of humans – are essentially useless, ineffective and are thus able to be controlled by a tiny percentage of the population who wield no real power but the ability to have us deceive ourselves within/as our own minds – we control ourselves for them. Having as much of an ego as I did at the time that I found this out, it was a great shock, and in vast contrast to how I had wanted to perceive myself: as being powerful and in control. It is that same ego that felt insulted, ridiculed, embarrassed – which drove me to zealously want to uncover the truth and figure things out.

It was only then later after I did sufficient research from sources less heard, walking a road less traveled, that I began to figure out that ego itself was part of the problem – that no matter what the illusion is that I am trapped in, the essential point is that my delusions were all about ME – self serving, and never in consideration of all life as equal and one. I began to see that the problem is not the brainwashing per say, but the brainwashed, following the religion of self-interest – a game that only a few people in positions of privilege and advantage will ever win.

I sometimes found it difficult to make this connection – between my own weaknesses, fears, insecurities, and the ‘bigger picture’ of the absolute mess that our society/world has become. But the more I let go, I see that it is the combined self-limitations of all people on earth, administered as brainwashing and mind control, that have us collectively creating the world as it is today.

Sometimes we stop because we realize what we are doing to ourselves. Sometimes we stop because we see what we are doing to others. Eventually, stopping becomes a point of common sense that is really what is best for all, and this is what stopping is becoming for me in my process. It is less about my reaction and anger and disgust with what I have seen in the world, and more of a common sense point because the way my life had become was no way of life at all – it had just become normal.

Sometimes it seems so difficult to question what has become normal and the way we have always existed and done things. How much is enough? How much does it take to make us stand up and take self responsibility to sort things out? Everyone has a threshold – no matter how lost, deluded or trapped – everyone has a ‘breaking point’ where they can take no more, once it dawns on us what we have actually been doing. That dawn is upon us and better we open our eyes than to resist what is here.

We all require to take a long, hard look in the mirror, we need it so badly that it should be a top priority in every free moment of our lives, if we actually were to recognize how much life matters. That long, hard look is best done through writing. Is it really such a big deal to question that which we have always trusted? Is it really so hard to consider that maybe there is another way? Is it really so hard to look at our world and consider – maybe this is not working, and maybe I am this which I observe in my external reality – maybe it is me.

Day 298: Removing energetic attachments to process

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Currently I am on holiday and am getting a bit of a break from all the stimulation of being engaged in the matrix – work, school, friends, family etc. – so I am able to just come to my computer and write out points as they come up. On three separate occasions I ended up writing about the same essential point, which is process itself (my process of self change through self forgiveness and self corrective application).

 

The first writing was with regards to the positive/negative relationship that I have developed with process, where I allow my process to be limited and controlled by energetic charges, still trying to get some form of stimulation within my process and justify the stimulation as being necessary and real through the belief that this is how I must move myself, that there can only be self/movement as progress in my process if it is energy based:

 

on the ‘negative side’: I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I must be intense in order to affect change, meaning that I must use some kind of energy such as anger or vengefulness or contempt as my motivation for affecting change, not realizing that within such a starting point I am only existing as energy and thus change is not real but rather just another way to get energy and live/experience myself as a high, as the mind is so insidious and tricky that it will justify this kind of behavior as rational and good because apparently it makes some kind of change happen, when this is not in fact so

 

on the positive side: I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe that I must ‘be in a good place’ mentally where I feel good and satisfied before I can work on myself/my process/affect any kind of change, or that things must be perfect in my life or everything has to ‘be right’ or that I must have certain wants/demands met before I allow myself to work on myself and affect any real change, believing that I need or require to be stimulated into some kind of positive experience as the experience of positive energy to be able to move myself, as this is just another way for the mind to justify getting what it wants under the guise of ‘doing something good/positive’

 

I commit myself to not move myself in my process according to energy as positive/negative feelings and to no longer depend on energy for self movement, but rather to breathe through energy and not act on it, even if it is presenting itself/justifying itself as being ‘for the better’/’for change’, I do not follow such desires as my thoughts, feelings and emotions and simply breathe through the energy

 

the second entry:

 

process doesn’t ‘feel good’ for the mind because in essence you are constantly correcting and disproving the mind, and the mind as ego doesn’t like to be wrong – what is then experienced as being ‘hurt’ and ‘unpleasant’ is actually allowing me the opportunity to learn and grow as the point is then opened up once the illusions of my mind are shattered, which is experienced as this perception of ‘feeling hurt’

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to limit myself in process by existing within/as the desire for positive energy wherein I place the condition on my living/application that process must ‘feel good’ as an energetic experience, within the belief that good feelings are what is important in life and that process as self improvement/change should somehow be a positive feeling experience – I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to make this association and within it, stop myself when facing points that I experience as ‘difficult’ or ‘being hurt’, especially in contrast to this belief, and within this not realizing that the bad feelings, which are essentially just a form of fearing change/tricking myself into not changing, is not real and just another trick of the mind experienced as ‘feeling hurt’/’feeling wronged’ by another, and I no longer allow myself to use this justification as self sabotage/self limitation as I see, realize and understand that this energy is not real but just the mind not wanting to accept the truth and lose illusions, unwilling to accept this experience of ‘being hurt’ and unwilling to support myself to breathe through this experience and keep moving

 

I commit myself to, in the moment that I am experiencing negative energy as the experience of being ‘hurt’ by others/’having my feelings hurt’, to stop and breathe, as I see, realize and understand that this is a trick of the mind as ego to stop self from moving forward through the justification that I don’t want to have negative experiences, not seeing, realizing and understanding that I am able to breathe through such experiences as they are not real, and just the mind fearing to lose itself/lose illusions – and thus when I experience this, I stop the fear through breath and keep moving in humbleness and humility

 

third entry:

 

feeling ‘stumped’ investigating words: I was not able to tell whether or not the word ‘process’ carried a positive energetic charge – but when I ‘talk it out’, it is like ‘of course it is good, how could process ever not be good?’ and then I realized ‘well, it is difficult as hell sometimes and not experienced as good!’ – so already I am seeing here how the word can easily get polarized – I also see how in looking at how I view this word, I was actually just trying to view it again, rather than looking at my actual experience of it, meaning: how am I living this word? How am I experiencing it n real time? And this is where reality sets in: I experience process as all kinds of things – specifically, I experience it positively as an idea in the mind, because process is like, awesome, right? lol. And then in reality I experience it as difficult and arduous. So the arithmetic here is quite simple. I am creating the negative experience in reality through the positive experience/definition that I have created within/as the mind – process requires no positive connotation/energetic charge, because after all, process is just common sense. It is who I am and the process of self discovery wherein I remove the layers of systems that limit me and see who I really am – and thus process can in reality carry no positive connotation because it is simply who I am – and thus if I am to live process for real, no connotations/positive energetic charges may be allowed to exist

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to have given process/applying myself in process a positive energetic charge/connotation as I see, realize and understand that my process is an expression of who I really am and simple, obvious common sense as the necessity to express myself as who I really am

 

Thus, I commit myself to stop and breathe where and when I see myself defining/believing/judging process to be a ‘good thing’/positive thing as if it were some kind of tool/commodity for the mind/ego, as I see, realize and understand the common sense of process and that if I continue doing it from a starting point of believing that it is good/positive, I am in fact making process more difficult to effect in my reality because I believe it will be fun (as the mind experience fun as energy) when in fact it is just straightforward physical work/application and carries no energetic charge, and thus I am simply setting myself up for disappointment as this experience will feel negative in contrast to the positive experience that I created in the mind which I then believe/expect process to be – I stop all judgments of process as they arise as my thoughts

Day 258: 24-Hour Abstinence Challenge

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When titling this blog, it took a few tries until I got the spelling of this word correct. Normally I am decent when it comes to spelling – I have sometimes wondered if my inability to spell a words spells the fact that I haven’t grasped that word, both in the memory of copying the word itself as well as the definitions/concepts it embodies.

In recent blog posts I have written about prioritizing that which is important, about living my life to it’s full potential, living without regret, in a way where I don’t end my days feeling unfulfilled and wanting for more. Within this, I have more clearly identified for myself that which I would like to do, what are some things I would like to get done and accomplish, some ways I would like to live. I have also identified what is problematic in my life, in terms of old habits that have no real value, and only serve to keep me from full transitioning into a new being, a new way of living life – I could really do so much more if I did not allow such pointless things to hold me back. 

As it has always been for me in this process, stopping any old habit is the same as stopping an addiction – it does not come naturally at all, or without resistance and withdrawal. I have screwed myself in the past by not being realistic about how to go about stopping long-standing habits/addictions, where I ended up getting false expectations and creating ideals about how well I was going to do, and then only ended up in disappointment and discouragement. Stopping a habit/addiction had become a form of abstinence that was really just a suppression, where I would try really really hard to just stop and keep stopping and the whole thing was very energetically driven and tiring – and eventually I would fail – yet I set myself up for failure.

I have began to learn how to walk practically, within the understanding that change is a process that requires more than just stopping, that I require support through writing and doing the necessary study and investigation to ensure that I am stopping with understanding. When I have stopped other habits/addictions in the past, because it came so unnaturally, with so much resistance, I had to actually first do a 24 hour abstaining period, just to break the habit and physically come to terms with stopping – in a way, I had to make decisions that were a form of tough love on myself, not giving myself any other options. Usually, after breaking the habit initially, things would get easier over time, and at the very least, I was giving myself a window to support myself, with clarity, without any backdoors or ulterior motives, or being under the influence of still being dead-smack in the middle of a habit/pattern, just in between doses.

24 hours really isn’t much to ask, either. It is the least I can do, and I owe it to myself, to life, to give myself the chance – no matter how much I resist, or feel as though I am ‘missing out on something’ – I mean that is just withdrawal talking. Thus I am dedicating myself to a minimum of 24 hours of stopping old habits/patterns that really contribute nothing to life. I won’t discuss here the specifics of what some of these habits are – one could gather from reading past blogs, or just use your imagination – I am a fairly ‘normal guy’ when it comes to time-wasting habits – but it doesn’t so much matter what we are wasting our time with as it does the fact that we are wasting away the bit of time we are gifted with while here on this earth.

I forgive myself that I’ve not accepted and allowed myself to give myself a chance to break free from old habits/patterns that serve to keep me lost and from completely making the transition into a new life, using the experience of feeling overwhelmed, like I cannot do it, as a justification, due to past experiences where I set myself for disappointment and failure by not being practical about how to go about stopping habits/addictions – within this, I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to test the point of stopping through giving myself the time and space to stop with simple commitments that are manageable and reasonable to ask of myself and do, to give myself the breathing room/time/space to support myself with more clarity than I otherwise would have while stuck in the middle of a habit/pattern, not realizing and understanding that stopping must be accompanied with self study and understanding, and not enforced on the physical like some unreasonable ultimatum, imposed with force as a for of suppression

I commit myself to live 24 hours without giving into an old habit/pattern of wasting time with various distractions/entertainments/preoccupations and to, within this experience, support myself with breathing and writing – when and as I see the desire to participate in an old pattern arise in my thoughts : I stop, I breathe, I remember my 24 hour commitment to myself as life, I see and understand that the desire to participate in old habits/patterns is simply the mind having withdrawal and using the illusion/belief that I am ‘missing out on something’ – and thus I do not allow myself to participate in these thoughts/this energy as desire, and continue to move myself throughout my day, here as breath.

Day 237: Stepping up my application and tying up loose-ends

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The are points in my process which I have been leniently allowing and letting slide for quite some time now and it’s time to really step up my application, because even though I am able to fool myself that these points are more ‘minor’ and justify that which the idea that I have changed in the more ‘major’/significant ways, the fact is that even the tiniest fall//thought can fuck up everything and even lead to falls back into the ‘major’ points in my process. By ‘points’, here I am referring to addictions/habits/patterns that I have accepted and allowed myself to become and exist as which require self correction. Time to get strict about bullshit and let myself really live and have some fun.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define living as being recognized by others positively/getting positive attention from others/impulsing others to feel positive and by association of that, to recognize me positively – I forgive myself that I have for so long accepted and allowed myself to be limited/controlled/influenced/defined by the belief that I require this kind of experience to be able to survive, and that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the experience is real and always want to try and make that happy experience happen with others or to fear not having that experience with others or to fear when I am not having that experience with someone

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to constantly monitor my process by giving positive values or negative values in the form of thought/reaction/backchat to that which I have defined as ‘doing well in process and not doing well in process’

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe that love is a positive feeling

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to fear not smiling

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to fear not feeling happy

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to turn music and playing/listening to music into a crutch and a trap/limitation wherein I abuse music by using it as a way to boost my ego, as a way of compensating for my inferiorities in terms of where I lack skill/abilities/self confidence, by essentially drowning-out my reality by immersing myself in the drug of the experience I have when I listen to music and play music as an energetic experience, allowing myself tom in brief moments, be driven by a thoughts that bubble up as I am participating – I commit myself thus to watch who I am within the experience of playing music and to also be clear on my starting point as to why I am moving myself to participate in music 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe that my life/process would be better or easier if I were in a relationship agreement with a Destonian

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to compromise myself, my well-being and the well-being of others by allowing myself to fear not participating in energy/consciousness when interacting with other people within the belief that if I do not, others will reject me and I will not survive and have a pleasant experience of myself

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to selfishly always want and desire to have an experience that is pleasurable as a form of energetic high as any form of mental experience/energy that takes me away from being here in the physical world

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to qualify and judge my interactions/relationships/participations with others based on whether or not they agree with me or have the same principles as me 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to define love and living as having friendship connections with others and within this, want and desire to ‘connect’ with others as friends a s form of having a positive energetic experience of myself that is like a drug of ecstacy that gives me a higher experience of myself that is experienced as positive until the energy fades and reality sets in again – within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ‘make good’ on instances in the past where relationships failed or I harbor some degree of guilt and regret and within that, want to ‘reconnect’ and forgive each other and have everything be ok between us, not realizing within this that making amends is not about the other and establishing a connection with the other, it is about who I am and correcting the nature of myself as who I am

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not be directive with others when I see points come up that require assistance/support/direction by justifying what they are living as ‘cute’ and treat the point jokingly as if it is irrelevant, acceptable and a funny thing, simply because I fear to actually act and what may be involved in taking action which may challenge a being/contradict them, as I fear how the other may react or that they will not like me or they will reject me – thus I commit myself to stop allowing abuse in the name of ‘oh isn’t that cute and harmless’ and to direct that which I see as abuse/abuse in-the-making, rather than trying to support the other from a starting point of positivity, believing that I will have a better chance to convince them/support them if I am positive and make them feel good/positive

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to take that which I have defined as having value in my own mind based on my own self interest, and to impose it on others and insist that it has value and that they should recognize that value, as I now see, realize and understand that to present anything as ‘more than’ what it actually is in fact (but rather as a personalized value judgment/opinion) is actually brainwashing, no matter how well intended it may seem or how much I believe in the value I have given to that which I am sharing, as any form of presenting something as ‘the gospel’/special/profound/more than what it really is, is always indoctrination, deception and brainwashing 

I commit myself to stop feeding my mind energy in all of the smaller addictions that I have already identified in my life but have not completely let go of because I have deemed them as ‘small’ and ‘insignificant’ and thus being apparently ‘harmless’

I commit myself to stop making/looking for an energetic experience in my interpersonal relationships with other people, in my daily activities of watching videos, reading or writing, when playing the drums, when talking to my girlfriend, friends and family, with animals, the animal kingdom, nature, with anything in this reality with which I am creating some kind of energetic experience/relationship to 

I forgive myself that I’ve not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that anger is not real as anger is just energy which always fades in time and thus I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to fear others being mad at me and this madness being real/everlasting, when in fact, it is not who they are and can never be real as who they are

I forgive myself that I’ve not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that within my fear of survival and desire to survive/have everything be ok/have positive experience and interactions with others in my world, I am in fact miss others completely and not seeing who they really are at all, and in no way considering them as life as equals as how they in fact exist and are experiencing themselves and within this, I forgive myself that I’ve have accepted and allowed myself to neglect others who require assistance and support just as I require assistance and support

I commit myself to stop all fear as self interest as the fear of surviving/others and to thus stop neglecting myself and others as life as who we really are

Day 227: What does a Destonian mean when we say ‘stop the mind’?

It is fascinating the kind of reaction a statement such as this gets from some of the haters, and I notice that much of it weighs solely on semantics – the meaning we give to the word ‘mind’.

More commonly in western societies, the mind is given positive connotations: it is seen as the answer, something of real value and we had better use it or lose it. “have you lost your mind?” is what we say when someone does something insane. “use your mind….think for yourself!” we say of the value we give to thoughts and how they apparently serve us. After all, you don’t want to me a “mindless zombie”, would you? Fascinating that so much of this reaction is based purely on a blind energetic charge that we give to a single word.

Funnily enough, that with all of the minds in the world, all 7+ billion , it just doesn’t seem to be enough to make sure that everyone on this planet has food to eat, a roof over their head, an opportunity to work, to go to school, to have healthcare and other forms of support that are human necessities. So much for the ‘power of the mind’, because even if it does serve self, and that seems to work for a while – it won’t last – you will see.

Contrastingly, when you look at some old philosophies from the far east on the mind, a different approach can be found –  that the mind is something to silence, to be conquered, to be vanquished, to be transcended.

We tend to miss this point because we have taken for granted what the input has been that has created our minds – how our minds have been developed and influenced in ways that are destructive towards ourselves and all other life around us. And if one really looks at it, this mind is the thing that dominates us in every way. We are in no way directing your thoughts, on the contrary, they are directing us, they simply pop up and most of the time we don’t even notice. It is that voice in your head that tell you that you are not good enough, it is that feeling that tells you that you need something to be complete, it is that emotion that makes you fear others and your reality so extensively that you will spitefully take every measure to ensure that you are the one who will win over others.

This is why it is called mind control – and we are going to have to remove another false connotation here that mind control is something that someone is doing ‘to you’ – that is not the case. While society provides us with the example, it is we that copy it, and we do so from such a young age that we tend to even forget that it was we who allowed it in the first place.

Before you know it, one day we are all grown up and it is the mind that is in control. We trust it to such an extent that to even question it will be viewed as something that is evil, something that is done only by evil dictators and totalitarians. But who is the dictator really? Isn’t the statement of “this is me, this is MY mind and this is THE way, don’t ever question it, that is wrong!” an absolute statement of a totalitarianist dictatorship?

If a being has any true autonomy left, they would allow themselves the right to question their own mind, they would pursue the path of writing to see what is really taking place within and as their own mind and if you really look at it, I mean look at your thoughts, you’ll see that they are always judgmental in nature, always coming in the form of either positive or negative judgment call – the mind is calling you out – now it is time to call out the mind!

I understand that this has become such a difficult thing to question because the mind requires fuel to keep it alive and that comes in the form of living/repeating patterns/habits/addictions that are designed and scripted by the mind – the mind sets us on a path to feed its own logic, a path of logic, and we become pathological in the way we live out these patterns/habits/addictions that feed the mind, it is pathological, and as anyone who has been taken to the depths of their pathology as addictions can attest to, it can become really pathetic.

However what I am seeing more and more, the less and less I give into the wants and desires of my mind, those tough moments where I literally have to breathe until the desires go away – and sometimes that is really tough, you can feel and experience it like you’re losing everything, life a kind of death is around the corner – it is in those moments that you do not give in, that you no longer allow the mind to influence, control and direct you – that you grow the most, that you transcend the mind and break free from the grip it has on you. It is a kind of death – the death of your jailor who is a character you have created as your mind, and thus it is the birth of your freedom.

The cool thing about all of this is that you don’t have to take anyone’s word on it, after all we are weary of taking the words of others at face value because we know deep down that words as knowledge are the scripting tools of the mind and how mind control is administered. You can go test this shit out for yourself. Try to stop the mind, try to stop your thoughts from popping up – you will see how difficult it is, you will see the extent to which it is in control and you are not. Some will even go to the extent of convincing themselves that just because they cannot stop, then this is just ‘the way it is’ and that it is not possible to stop the mind.

The answer exist within each one as the truth of themselves but it requires self honesty to get to the bottom of what is really going on here. It is the greatest challenge one could ever undertake – to challenge themselves as each one has become their own worst enemy. You have to give yourself that gift of self honesty as the awareness to challenge your own mind and everything that you have ever believed in – you have to give yourself the gift of self forgiveness.