Tag Archives: format

Day 337: Going beyond the mind and the reward of insight

I have talked before in this blog a out how easily the power of habit can take over, where I have found that there exist within me a desire to find a program of behavior that I can just stick to, so I can basically turn myself off and put my mind on autopilot – it is this underlying drive that exist within me, that was created within me through symbolic imprinting of experiences throughout my life, to live a kind of artificial life of artificial intelligence. It is fascinating how we as human beings become so robotized and don’t even realize it, realize that we have this tendency to want to robotize ourselves and find comfort in it.


It is an extremely effective control system because even if one has the absolute best of intentions, even if they can speak the gospel in perfect form, this intent/desire to do good is re-routed into the circular living, the circular logic (robots run on codes/programs of logic) where such intents become formatted, where ‘doing good’ becomes limited to only certain activities, and within participating in such activities in ‘autopilot mode’ where it just becomes a robotic pattern of habit, we lose ourselves – we are no longer here as breath in the physical body, but rather just existing within a program that is busy running/playing out. This is crucial because to live a life that is best for all, of real care and love for life – can never be a program, can never be defined only by certain acts – because in doing so, we deny our inherent ability to direct ourselves and live life in a way that is best for all in every moment, self directively – it is as though we do not trust ourselves/give ourselves the confidence to do so, and so abdicate such responsibility to a program. Eventually, the program takes over and becomes warped and a twisted mockery of itself, a shadow of itself, as religion and morality so often does – that is because these are, again, formatted systems of benevolence.


We as human beings are set up to do this and so our entire lives and all that we do/participate in become subject to/contextualized by this tendency to live systematically. If there are any criticisms of Destonians being robotic and merely ‘spewing the gospel’ that are valid as observations, it is due to this tendency, that, despite being educated on principles that are truly best for all life, the pre-existing tendency to format and systematize new information and behaviors can still take over – it is easy to ‘talk the Desteni talk’ – living it is a whole other story – just like Christianity or any other cosmology that has valid principles that serve life. The only difference with Desteni is the commitment to constantly self scrutinize and push self to be honest with oneself to ensure that this actually doesn’t happen, as we educate our selves to have a practical understanding of how the mind works in order to prevent this from happening, and hold a steadfast commitment to ourselves and life to persist. We work together and hold nothing as personal or sacred in terms of a moral ‘right and wrong’ – we assist and support each other and cross reference each other and do whatever is necessary to be effective in supporting each other – even if it means saying that which may be difficult for another to hear, within the principle of ‘tough love’.


I write about this point because I have had a bit of tough love myself, and found it extremely effective, as I understand how deceptive the mind is in, understanding that I am in fact my own worst enemy – and thus what may seem ‘tough’ about ‘tough love’ sometimes is merely how the mind perceives it.


Today, when working on a mind construct – which is extremely challenging because there is nothing programmed/habitual/pattern-based about it, you are walking mind constructs as the memories in your mind that influence you and limit you into patterned living, in real time – I saw the benefit of working in real time, in breaking out of habitual living, even if that habitual living seems just and righteous. It can be extremely difficult to break out at times, but the reward really is simply magnificent. I was having insights and old memories that I had long forgotten come up, I was having ‘aha!’ moments where I gained some deeper understanding into myself and my own mind, which is essentially the key to freeing me from the limitations of my mind, that really keep me enslaved. We tend to identify with our enslavement as something positive just because it becomes to habitual, we feel safe to live in ‘autopilot mode’ because we are taught that it is good and nice and to fear stepping beyond the boundaries of what we know as living life as a programmed robot.


But the reward of pushing ourselves beyond our perceived limits really are something that we can appreciate as we have never appreciated anything like it before, if we actually do it.

Day 127: Resistance bureaucracy and legal battles

Today I noticed a tendency I have where I hate doing things that are conflicting by their nature. I don’t mean having personal problems/fights, I mean things like: appealing a traffic ticket, going to court – that kind of stuff. Interestingly enough a few of these kind of situations have come up recently in my life, and so I noticed this resistance.

Specifically, there was a parking ticket that I got – knowing I would get it because the parking machine was not working, took my money and didn’t give it back, and I was angry because I would have to contest the ticket for something that was unjust/not my fault – which was really just a point that I focused on because: I just didn’t want to deal with/take the time to appeal the ticket as I had defined doing this as a ‘headache’/inconvenience/’pain in the ass’.

There was another point recently too where I had missed an assignment at University due to an illness, and got at F on the assignment because I did not know that it had to be deferred (or that the rules even worked that way, that I was required to defer it) – and then found out that I can appeal it, but when I spoke to the person at the deferrals desk, I got the impression that this would be a difficult, arduous task because the rules were not in my favor. I have been pretty much %99 decided to not do anything because it seems like there is a very small chance that I would win the appeal. Interestingly, there is actually nothing to lose in trying this, other than ‘time’ but that is not necessarily so as I have judged it – as it could still be a learning experience. Mainly I fear the ‘humiliation’ of being denied – which is actually only based in the desire to win because if there is no desire to win, there is no fear of failure.

And there are other points in my life currently where I am dealing with legal issues, which I have also been having resistance to dealing with. Anything of a legal/political/bureaucratic nature – anything with ‘red tape’. I’ve spent a fair bit of my life just ignoring this aspect of life and trying to stay as far away from it as possible – sometimes I would get so pissed off that I would want to engage in some kind of fight like this as a personal vendetta, but eventually that energy always fades. I’ve never simply allowed myself to engage in the processes as a means of self support. Instead I have defined this tuff as ‘boring’ and ‘undesirable’ just because it does not bring excitement or immediate pleasure. It is silly, because this is how the world systems work – they are bureaucratic and formal in nature – and you can’t escape it, I will have to deal with these kinds of things and learn how they work in my life – being adept at them makes sense, whether I ‘enjoy it’ or not – just because we do not get some kind of direct pleasure experience from something does not mean that we don’t enjoy/benefit from it – look at brushing your teeth for example – no direct pleasure – but the enjoyment of a functional set of teeth that allows you to enjoy your life!

In the past I had some bad experience with this kind of stuff, becoming ‘sick and tired’ of always having to ‘fight for my right’ – and hating this because sometimes I was ‘in the right’ and was falsely/unjustly under accuse/attack – and sometime I would fight but to no avail, the system won and I gave up. I took it personally and felt hurt, frustrated and like it was impossible/no one would ever listen to me, or that I could never figure out exactly how to navigate through these situations. I have generally never been very adept with/knowledgeable of ‘the ways of the world’ like this – I could simply look at a bureaucratic/government form and just feel an overwhelming sense of confusion and perplexity. Part of feeling like this was impossible was also the fact that I was not perfect and sometimes was wrong, and within the ‘rebel’ character that I had become, did not feel I was capable of taking on the system by its own rules and more importantly, was not justified in doing so, knowing that I was not perfect or deserving necessarily, knowing that if I had followed the rules or learned how to become functional within the ways the rules worked, that I would be able to deal with these things better. Part of this has to do with a general fear of authority as well, where I had separated myself from this point of authorities through these experiences.

But overtime and through the support I have been given/what I have learned/developed of myself through the Desteni I Process, I have proven to myself that I can become capable in working within the ways of the world and playing by the system rules – and being successful within this even. So, I will continue to do self forgiveness on all these points in the next blog.