Tag Archives: fears

Day 338: The Freedom of giving up

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I have noticed many times that the desire and attempt to control my reality is really prevalent. It is absurd from a certain perspective in that it assumes that we know what we want, which we often find out when we get what we want, that we have no clue what it is that we want or even where the idea of what we want comes from – ‘be careful what you wish for’.

 

The desire/attempt to control is obviously an exhausting experience, it takes a lot of energy and stressful effort, the fear is so draining. When this energy depletes us, we then sometimes have the opportunity to consider what the hell it is that we are doing. Giving up may become a considerable option when we have had enough of this tiresome exercise in futility.

 

But what it is interesting is that we fear to give things up, because of how we perceive giving things up: that our world will somehow fall apart if we stop trying to control it – not realizing that we are only giving up an illusory idea.

 

From the perspective of what real life is, it is impossible to give up, because you cannot escape who you are. And in the attempt to control our world within an idea of the mind about who we are and what we want, we are giving our real selves up, and denying the fact of who we really are as life – the point we cannot give up but attempt to.

 

So when considering what it means to give up, you cannot, for instance, give up on your world, other people, your job, the world systems etc. – all the things that you are intrinsically a part of that are inescapable – you can only give up how you have defined them and judged them, and how you have defined yourself to be, and who you believe yourself to be within them. You can only give up on the desire to be special within them, on the desire to escape them, on the desire to fight them, on the belief that you are separate from them, on how you have defined them as something to be feared, on how you have defined yourself as being limited to/controlled by them. One way or another, you are always here within/and as this world, among others. The only thing that prevents us from taking responsibility for this situation and making it a situation that is really ideal and one that we would like to experience, is the belief in something more, in the belief that we are not responsible and thus must somehow escape it or fight it or deny it or whatever.

 

Ultimately it is not our outer world that is the problem, it is the reflection of ourselves that we see in it. We don’t see how we are existing within ourselves as beings that are responsible for our outer world, and that the primary focus should be on who we are as this determines the experience of our outer world. The more we attempt to control our outer world, the more we miss this point, our real point of power in taking self directive principle and self responsibility. We see the absolute prison and police state that our world is becoming – is this not enough evidence to see that this line of thinking/these courses of actions are completely futile? Who would have thought that change comes from within and starts with self? It is only when we give up how we view ourselves and our reality in an attempt to control things within a pre-programmed idea of what life should be that we give ourselves an opportunity to give back to ourselves a world of real enjoyment that we would like to experience and live in.

 

The reward of giving up the desire to control things to have an outcome that you believe you desire, is firstly the massive sigh of relief you get from no longer attempting to control things, followed by the realization that none of it really mattered at all in the first place, and the lastly, the reward of being able to focus on things that really matter, of living a life where control is not necessary because what matters becomes obvious common sense as it is within the context and consideration of what is best for all life as one and equal.

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Day 326: The value of ranting and raving

 

Tonight I began working on a ‘mind construct’ – this is a technique used to deconstruct the knowledge and information of the kind which comprises the beliefs, opinions, ideas and perceptions that exist in the mind which create what is referred to as the ‘mind consciousness system’ – here I am using specific terminology that I have learned through the Desteni I Process. It is a self help and life coaching course which teaches practical tools which one can use to deconstruct their own mind, to be able to life a life if clarity that is not directed and controlled by the mind as the mind has been created and programmed by us with the influence and taint of our society and culture. A ‘mind construct’ is an invaluable tool that allows one to look at themselves in a way that is not biased and takes real work here in the physical – no guessing games or spiritual tricks, it is real technical/mechanical stuff.

 

The first part of doing a mind construct is simply to rant and rave – to let the mind rant and rave about whatever the point is that one is facing. The purpose of this is to provide one with the real, candid stuff of the mind, which one can then use and utilize as the content that of the mind that will be worked with and deconstructed. This is the part of the mind construct I have worked on tonight.

 

As usual, the ranting and raving provided me with an initial sense of relief, of just being able to ‘speak my mind’ in a way where I am not suppressing myself or hiding from myself or fearing how I might be judged. It is rare in this world that we give ourselves moments in our lives where we can be truly open and candid. But one of the other reasons we do not do this is the fact that we fear what we will uncover and discover – because everyone knows the truth of themselves is not so nice.

 

But this fear of ranting and raving, this fear of facing ourselves only comes from a perspective of not knowing how to deal with it, not knowing how to change it – we fear that when we rant and rave, it will be from a starting point of believing in what we are ranting and raving about, and thus may be further influenced by that mentality if we rant and rave – therefore not having the self trust, self-assurance and fearlessness of knowing that whatever it is that we uncover/discover: we can correct it, we can change it. This is understandable – we are taught in every possible way to not focus on ourselves, to not be insightful, to focus only on the superficial and the world around us – and if one does happen to be insightful and want to investigate themselves deeper, we are certainly not given any tools with which we can correct and direct that which we uncover/discover within ourselves.

 

But this education now here, if one is looking for it, in the Desteni I Process, or even DIP Lite, which is completely free. There are those out there who have the know-how and the willingness to teach and support others because they themselves have made a commitment to themselves to support themselves and other to make this world a place that is best for all life. There is no more reason to run, to hide, to fear, to avoid, to suppress, to judge – the solution and the tools are here – we simply have to be willing to give those tools to ourselves, to give ourselves back to ourselves, to realize that – even if don’t know yet – there is something more to this life than what we have accepted and allowed – will we accept and allow ourselves to go further and dig deeper? That is a question that we owe it to ourselves to answer with great care and consideration.

Day 315: Daily self forgiveness: using the faults of others to justify my reactions

To those who spend their time looking for the faults in others: Quote About Spend Time Looking Faults Others

Just a quick post for today.

 

Today I had some experiences wherein I was becoming mildly frustrated with ‘the incompetence, bullshit and mischievous ways’ of others – apparently. It is fascinating because as much as I am able to blame others for how I experience myself, they are not ‘making me’ feel anything – everything I experience internally is about no one and nothing but myself.

 

The tricky part is how the mind uses real things in physical reality to justify and further ‘make real’ that which I am experiencing within myself. Sure, perhaps those who I was dealing with were incompetent, bulshitting and being mischevious, but by focusing on this I am overlooking the real point: the issue was over money, and within dealing with a point about money, fears of mine came up – ‘what ifs’ – which are points of self-doubt that the ego uses so cleverly to again ‘make real’ it’s own desires and beliefs. The only reason I experienced any irritation, frustration and therefore blame/judgment towards others, is because of the fears that dealing with money bring up

 

So the point here is to stop all reactions/projections/desires related to money and what the point of money really brings up: fear of loss.

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to lose my things and be ‘cheated’ out of having things: money and possessions, and therefore one day find myself ‘without’ and ‘in trouble’ because I have nothing on which to survive – I commit myself to remain here within and as breath when and as this fear arises, as I see, realize and understand that I am only able to do what I am able to do within the necessity to survive and nothing more, and that to ‘over blow’ this point by acting out of fear and thus resorting to mind-tactics to be able to survive such as attacking others or intimidation – I stop, breathe, and do not allow myself to participate in my reactions and fearful projections about what I will do’, and rather remain here as breath until the energy passes and I may continue to support myself in a way that is not out of self interest and self preservation, but in a way that is best for all life and within the consideration/starting point of all life as equal and one

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to use other peoples short comings to self righteously justify my own fears and reactions, and self beliefs about how my fears are real and how others are wrong and thus apparently are the reason for why I am reacting – I thus commit myself to, upon reacting to others within situations where I fear losing/loss/being harmed, to stop, and breathe, and not give into my reactions and blame towards others, as I see, realize and understand that this tendency to focus others faults is the ultimate deception that looks and feels ‘so real’ in the eyes of the mind because it may have a grain of truth, yet I am fooling myself my making the association between this and how I experience myself within myself as blame – and thus I do not participate in my reactions/projections onto others as they arise as my thoughts, feelings and emotions

 

Day 299: I, Fear…

Today I sat down to write out all my fears with regards to a certain point I am facing my life and certain experiences I am having, as this was suggested to me by another as a means of self support. It was simplistic, I just sat down and wrote “I fear…….I fear……I fear….” – all the fears that I experience. I mean it is not that hard to do if one just sits down and is honest with themselves about what it is that they fear. We are actually all surprisingly aware of this, if we actually give ourselves a moment to have a look. It was a cool experience to ‘get everything out’ and within this process it has allowed me to get a grasp and a perspective on the points I am facing/experiencing in a way that I normally would have not gained, through for instance just thinking about the point. Even talking out loud about things isn’t quite as effective because self expression can be limited to/compromised by the presence of another and how we feel/experience/define ourselves in relation to their presence.

 

What I then did was write self forgiveness statements on all the fears, taking the point that I feared back to myself by forgiving myself for the same points that I fear in others as they exist within myself. In just doing this, I felt a kind of release from a tension that I had been experiencing but was almost unaware of because the tension had become me, it had become what I lived and experienced as ‘normal’.

 

I then wrote corrective application statements and this is where it got interesting, because here I had to actually create, I had to actually design my living application in a way where it is actually me, for the first time, considering what would make practical sense in terms of what would be best for myself and all life. Here I was finding alternatives from the ways that I normally deal with things, which have never really gotten me anywhere but further into the mess I was already in.

 

So this was a point that I wanted to share due to such effective self support being so simplistic in nature – the problem however is that the mind tends to work solely on ideas and always wants some kind of idea to be satisfied with without ever actually going into physical practical reality to do any real work. It is a way that we stop ourselves from ever really moving ourselves towards corrective action or if we do, we just end up doing it with a pre-conceived idea that suits the mind. When we allow ourselves to move in physical simplicity, and just write, it is amazing what can step forward and how aware and directive we are actually capable of being.

 

It can be challenging to get to this point, and admittedly, I am on vacation now and not busy being engaged/stressed by things like school, work, family, friends and all the stuff that is part of our day to day living. The problem I found is that being so engaged/stressed, when I finally do have a little bit of free time to sit down and write and give myself some much needed self support, I will tend to not want to do it, but rather just find other ways to have an experience of ‘escaping’ the daily challenges/experiences of my reality. Now with having ample free time, it is a bit easier. However, given the necessity/dire need to support ourselves, that who we are is of utmost importance (even though we do not recognize this and give ourselves very little real value), it is critical that we make the time to give ourselves this self support, no matter what the conditions or circumstances. We believe that by ignoring such things and just escaping our reality through various forms of entertainment, that things will be better, when this is proven time and time again to not be true, and life just becomes more stressful, more of a grind.

 

We fear to live physically, to let our hands and body do the work, to move ourselves without any mind controlling us or telling us what to do and how we should live. It is akin to stepping into the unknown – and yet, this is all despite knowing full well that the way we are currently living is simply not ideal – nowhere close – the extent to which this point is realized being completely dependent on how much we choose to accept and allow ourselves to delude ourselves from reality and escape it, rather than facing it head on with the will, self trust, self honesty, strength and resolve to make it better. As we exist already in fear and self dishonesty, we are already lost, and so one literally has nothing to lose by facing that which one fears.

Day 239: The kind of attention you don’t want

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Support is only able to be given explicitly to those who seek it. Support is a word that we tend to define only by actions and not as a state of being, as it is with so many words/expressions. Support is something that starts with self, and must be absolute, if we are to create a world of support, a world that is best for all life – how can we hope to support others if we are unable to support ourselves, consistently and absolutely. This is an insight I had today that I wanted to share but will not be the main theme of this blog.

 

Today I was having some reactions to other people. Specifically, I was getting annoyed with people sending me fake love bullshit. In the last couple days I been getting a lot of attention from people who were, basically, hitting on me, meaning that they had some kind of romantic or sexual fantasy/desire/motive in talking to me. Frankly, this the kind of attention I have always sought as a male, it is like my ‘dream come true’ apparently, to get that kind of attention from women, but now that I understand the true, hidden nature of that kind of attention, I don’t want it. It is really not the kind of attention anyone would want, if they understood what is was they were participating in. Everyone just wants something. People sweet-talk you and tell you all kinds of nice bullshit, but they just want something because they are afraid and inferior and believe that having someone (who fits a certain profile) give them attention and recognition will apparently satisfy them or make their life better it some way. Guess what? It won’t. Relationships that are based in this kind of dependency are a lie, and will always be revealed as such, in time.

 

This point is reflective of my own tendency to go looking for love, believing that it will complete me, believing that certain people that fit a certain profile will be able to bring me that kind of experience, and that having this kind of experience will help me/make me happy/satisfy me/complete me: and again, it won’t. The only person that is able to give the attention and support that I yearn for is myself, and I would not yearn if it were not for the fact that I am still very much in the process of learning how to give that to myself.

 

Another notable point if reaction within me today was seeing my girlfriend ogling some celebrity guy. All kinds of shit can come up, a bit of jealousy but mostly fear: what if this is a bad sign? How can I trust this person? And then some judgment: ‘that is shallow’, ‘superficial’. Hell, there were even pre-emptive thoughts, thinking maybe the grass would be greener on the other side somewhere – fortunately now I see that I will be facing the exact same challenge no matter what relationship I am in: myself.

 

Why would I fear such things? The only way such bullshit reactions could ever bother me so is if I am not standing resolved to stop my own desires. Am I totally clear? Do pictures of ‘beautiful’ women still influence me? Do I have any secret desires? If I had the opportunity to give into such desires, would I have the integrity to not do it?

 

So the point here is that which I fear in another is only that which I fear of me. I fool myself sometimes with the prospect of losing my parter – the fear of loss – but I mean, if someone is not even able to value themselves/myself sufficiently to give up secrets/desires/abusive behavior, why the hell would I want them in my life?

 

This is the mistake we make so often in relationships: believing and projecting that some person or some experience will bring us joy and satisfy us, and we get so lost in this belief that we sacrifice ourselves within our fear of losing this point, we compromise ourselves the point of being completely miserable, in the name of the search for happiness and fulfillment.

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe that the answer to my problems in life is a relationship.

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to want to try and escape my reality by trying to get a certain energetic experience out of my relationships

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe that when I am not getting attention in my relationship, that I am apparently not being loved

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to have defined love as attention and thus the more attention I get, the more love I feel and the less attention I get, the less love I feel

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to loo for attention from the starting point of the belief that getting attention, especially positive attention, will satisfy me and complete me and make my life better

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to present myself as caring for others more than I actually do in fact, purely because I know that I give this kind of positive attention, it will be given back to me

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to want and desire to control my relationship through asserting a form of dominance wherein I am always trying to ensure that I will get the attention and energy that I want

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to judge others as shallow, when I can be equally shallow and have been equally shallow

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe that my process would be easier if I were in a relationship with a Destonian, or if I were single

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to want others to see me as attractive so that I can get/experience positive energy from them as attention

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to compromise who I am as integrity and principles that are best for all life, just because I want attention as energy – I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to fear not getting this energy or feel bad/sad/angry when I do not get it

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to feel sad or angry or throw other forms of tantrum in my mind when I am not getting the attention I desire, or when I see it being given to others I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to become jealous when see others getting positive attention/affection, not realizing within this that I am actually allowing within myself inferiority and the desire to be validated

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to want and desire to experience attention/energy as a form of friction, the friction that is created between myself and another through the ways in which we have defined ourselves as separate and live-out this self definitions as the fear of each other

 

I commit myself to support myself whenever I yearn for attention and affection from others as it is always a prime opportunity for me to support me and for me to be intimate with me

 

When and as I see myself wanting to lash out on another because I think/feel/believe they are not caring for me or because I feel I am not getting what I want from them , I stop, I breathe, I see, understand and realize that this is the mind throwing a tantrum in it’s desire to have energy when it is not getting any energy, and thus I do not participate in this desire to act on my thoughts, feelings and emotions

 

I commit myself to stop giving others special attention because of how I have defined them as ones who can potentially give me positive attention

 

I commit myself to stand as stability as having a clear starting point in my interaction with others which is based in that which is best for all life – not giving myself attention, love and happy feelings as energy

 

I commit myself to stop the tendency to try and control things with the specific outcome in mind of getting attention/energy

Day 230: Correcting myself within a relationship

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The following is an excerpt from my journal:

How do we change our relationship from a dependency to a support? If we do not do this, we will be damned.

I mean, do either of us want this experience of loneliness anymore? No. do either of us want this experience of not trusting each other anymore? No. I am not advocating a break up – I am advocating that we stick together and support each other in our own processes. We must not have secrets both with ourselves and with each other – and starting with ourselves first is what is important. I cannot ‘demand’ anything from her if she does not even understand what I mean, so certainly I have to make sure she understands where I am coming from and how this all works before I can even propose this, I mean she has to see the importance of this for herself in any case – as do I.

So it is important to not focus on her alone, and yet to not neglect the relationship and focus on myself alone – this will have to be done together, equal and one. We need to get to the bottom of why we are really in this relationship. To have a relationship where we actually grow and make each other stronger, we are going to have to ensure that there is trust and that trust is real. We have to ensure that it is about making each other stronger and not weaker.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe that it is impossible to have a successful relationship based on past experiences/memories – not taking into consideration that this belief is based on a past belief of what relationships are and who I must be within a relationship, because yes, within such assumptions a successful relationship is impossible – and within this I forgive myself that I’ve not accepted and allowed myself to see what is possible in a relationship when my starting point for a relationship is no longer self-interest/sex/greed, meaning to exist within the relationship without any desires or ulterior motives

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to fear losing my relationship and to exist within/have a relationship from the starting point of fear of loss as fear of not surviving: meaning to design a relationship purely from the starting point of trying to survive and make it in this world, to have financial and moral support and ‘someone in my corner’

I forgive myself that I’ve not accepted and allowed myself to ‘live and let live’ in my relationships, meaning that I have not allowed myself to simply enjoy another when it is practical to do so, without any desire or dependency, so that we may unconditionally enjoy each other and allow ourselves to support each other to grow and be stronger

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not realize that that which I fear about others is in fact that which I fear about myself – thus not realizing that it is important to take ALL points of fear back to self and support self to see how self is living such points and work effectively to stop it

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to become negative and paranoid within and as my own mind about other people apparently being bad or doing bad things, not realizing that I am projecting myself as past experiences and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create the tendency to want to ‘jump the gun’ and end the relationship with the person or cut them out of my life

I forgive myself that I’ve not accepted and allowed myself to realize that if I stick to my process and continue to push myself to walk through tough points and change habits, creating myself anew: that there is nothing to fear in others as the actual fear of myself projected as I am in fact doing what I am able to as what is necessary to sort out myself and my world

I forgive myself that I’ve not accepted and allowed myself to realize that all relationships are a reflection and extension of myself and thus what really matters within all relationships is who I am and what I am accepting and allowing within my own life and thus from this perspective, it is impossible to try and control or influence others even if my intentions are best, and that the desire to control is only existent when I am not effectively self directive – thus I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to want to in any way control my relationship or my partner or influence them or have them see things my way

When and as I see myself wanting to give up on my relationship/believing that a successful relationship is impossible – I stop, I breathe, I realize that this kind of thinking/feeling is a resonant experience based on past memories of who I was and what I was attempting to create in relationships from a starting point of self-interest – and I do not allow myself to participate in such thoughts/feelings/emotions and simply remain here within/as breath

When and as I see myself fearing loss within my relationship/the experience of myself within a relationship – I stop, I breathe, I realize that this fear of loss is engrained through past experiences/memories and that I can only fear loss if I am lost and am not directing myself effectively and thus I stop the tendency to go looking outside of myself for solutions and simply face myself here in the moment, and work with who I am to ensure that I can never be lost and thus my relationships will not be lost along with myself – I work with what is here as me/who I am within relationships and stop the tendency/desire to go into the mind looking for solutions

I commit myself to stop making/basing decisions on what will best for the survival of the relationship within the starting point of living for my own survival, and to rather make decisions that are best for all to ensure that the relationship support us individually to be the best individuals that we can be so that we may give back to life

I commit myself to stop all fears of others and always bring the point of fearing something back to self so that I may correct the point within myself and effectively assist/support others within the same point

I commit myself to stop all paranoia and fear of others/fear of loss within my relationships and to simply unconditionally live and give as I see, realize and understand that if I stand/give unconditionally, then the outcome of all my relationships will inevitably be what is best for all life, no matter how that outcome comes about or how long it takes – I commit myself to trust myself in standing by the principles of equality and what is best for all life as self honesty, self forgiveness and self corrective applications such as writing and breathing

I commit myself to work on myself daily in self writing and self corrective application to ensure that I will be the best that I can be and thus all my relationships will be the best they can be within the understanding that to bring about a change in others, I must stand alone and with resolve to support others in realizing themselves and standing up as well

Day 222: Fear of loss – what to do?

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At this very moment I am not feeling comfortable – what am I experiencing – fear – what does it lead back to? Desire. I have desire and this desire is not being directed effectively. Directing desire is a simple application as breath which I must continue to apply and develop as a tool/mechanism through which I am able to move through these tough experiences of desire. If I have no desire, I will have no fear. If I have no fear, obviously I will be able to have quite a cool experience of myself.

Much of the fear also has to do with others in my reality – what if they do not stand? What if I will lose because they are not standing?

The last question is interesting because there is no way another’s not standing can ‘take away from me’ unless I allow it – in other words, if others do not stand, if they ‘turn on me’ or become abusive or ‘leave/abandon me’, it is only me who is able to say “oh God, I am missing out, what a loss!” and of course the common sense question is: if others become what I fear – then why the hell would I fear losing them in the first place?

I understand at this stage, as an idea, that if a relationship ends, it is fine because it was never real in the first place – but living that statement is another story, as the fear of loss certainly exists within me. It is a mental thing in nature, of this I am sure. So because it is mental in nature, that means I had to have created it. How did I create it or how am I currently creating it?

Now I see the point more clearly: if the relationship exists only in our mind as mental projection of ourselves as what we would like to be but are not it living in fact – then naturally within this the fear of loss will be created because we are projecting ourselves as the awareness that we are in fact lost in our own creation.

However the point here that is difficult is to focus the shift from ‘we’ to ‘me’ – in other words, making this stand unconditionally and absolutely. Interestingly enough, while the fear of standing is the fear of loss, losing relationships/not surviving in my society, is that by standing am I in fact making sure that all relationships that I accept and allow will be that which is best for all. By not doing so, I am accepting an existence of relationships that are made to fail, destined for pain and sorrow.

 

The problem lies in how I will tend to define certain individuals as special, based within this fear of loss, because here I am making the association with maintaining positive relationships with these individuals. So it is missing the principle by essentially making the mistake of ‘formatting’/defining the principle as embodied by certain individuals in my life. My standing cannot be limited by who else is willing to stand – and if I am to ever expect that anyone will stand, my stand will have to become unconditional.

I fear that others will not understand and I will lose them, but the fact is that this is the only way – nevermind that fear isn’t even valid in the first place. Within the desire to ‘have them understand’ I am not focusing on me and I will not be clear, and within that, trying to communicate a understanding to another will be impossible because it is I who am not under-standing – standing up within myself. This is the key, whether others understand initially or not – they will do so in time as my standing is absolute.

The fears I am having must be ‘nipped in the bud’ in terms of not allowing a single one to exist within and as me, let alone drive me to action! To be clear that fear is not the point that moves me because if I allow this within myself, I am allowing in another – what I fear is what I attract!

Here I must also watch the tendency to project myself and thus when I do take on a point – be clear that it is focused on the point rather than focusing on the point in another person only – because here I will be speaking from a starting point of separation. Another tendency to look out for is the tendency to want positive feedback or some kind of positive feeling experience from which to base everything that I’m talking about, because the fact is, there is no positive feeling attached to standing, and we are a race all so addicted to positive feelings that standing is not going to feel positive at all – those are the ‘tough moments’ that I am going to have to walk through that will be my test of absolution.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to push and exercise the point of walking through desire by breathing through it, not realizing that if I allow any desire to exist, I am allowing harm to be done unto myself by living the self interest that I fear in others, where we neglect each other in our own delusion of self importance

I forgive myself that I’ve not accepted and allowed myself to realize that IN ALL INSTANCES OF WHAT I FEAR ABOUT OTHERS that I am in fact only fearing that which I am accepting and allowing about myself

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to fear not following or losing system relationships as the systematization of interaction which is created through fear as self dishonesty.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to create and define relationships with others within and as my own mind, based on the polarization of living in the survival mode of friends and enemies.

I forgive myself that I’ve not accepted and allowed myself to realize that to remain not standing due to the fear of loss is actually creating the fear of loss as what I fear I will create – and that by not standing I am creating certain loss – albeit perhaps in the distant future in some cases – it is inevitable – while not realizing that by standing unconditionally and walking through the fear of loss, am I in fact, for the first time, creating a life that is worth living and sustainable – not matter who it is in relation with

I forgive myself that I’ve not accepted and allowed myself to realize that the fear of loss is a marker of support indicating that I am lost within some point which requires careful attention and consideration

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to limit myself to certain relationships which I value more than others within the fear of loss – not realizing that it is my relationship to life that must take precedent – I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to value some relationships more than others – I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to associate my process/self definition with other human beings in my life and allow the people who are in my life to influence my standing as either defining them as supportive to it or taking away from it

I forgive myself that I’ve not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that to have a cool existence where all relationships are sound and no one live in fear of another, I must stand without fear of loss as fear of others as who others may accept and allow themselves to be

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to create the desire to have others understand, not realizing that this desire is a self projection where I am not supporting myself and not realizing that supporting myself is what must be done in order to have effective relationships/interactions that are best for all life – I forgive myself that I’ve not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that if I do not stand, I will be completely unable to communicate anything to another and all interaction becomes useless

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to act on fears, rather than get into the habit of nipping them in the bud immediately

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to, within a point of un-clarity due to not taking responsibility for my own mind/fear, want to focus on points in another – not realizing that I am limited from being able to actually discuss the point itself WITH another, and thus actually be effective in support

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to trust positive feelings to the extent where if no positive feelings exist, I am not able to move myself – within this I forgive myself that I’ve not accepted and allowed myself to realize that standing absolute is not going to feel good and given the nature of how addicted we have become to feelings, it is going to feel like I am going against the grain of all that is good – when in fact it is not so – that is only a resonant experience of the mind not being fed energy

I commit myself to breathe through all desires as I am able to identify them and get into the habit of breathing immediately when I am entering a mind possession as desire

I commit myself to stop the fear of others through standing as a being who consider all life as equal and one and thus do not fear others because I am standing within the principle of what is best for all life, which quite naturally will bring about a world that is best for all life

I commit myself to not give into the self-imposed pressure of behaving systematically in relationships out of fear of loss/judgment/misunderstanding by others – when and as I see myself having a resonant experience of thoughts/feelings/emotions wanting to act out of fear of loss, I stop, I breathe and I do not accept and allow myself to participate as I see, understand and realize that if I allow fear of loss to exist within and as me, then fear of loss is what I will create

I commit myself to stop the tendency to create relationships within and as my own mind through thoughts/backchat/spoken word that convince myself that there is something ‘more special’ or more profound than what actually exists in fact

I commit myself to stand within and as principles that is best for all life within the context of the mess that we are currently in on earth  – as to absolutely honor life here in this time I am given on earth is to create a reality where all future relationships may be sound

I commit myself to nip fear of loss in the bud, in the moments that I experience through applying the 4 count breath and not allowing my fear of loss to direct me as thoughts/backchat/a feeling/emotional resonant experience

When and as I see myself wanting/desiring for others to understand a point/me/process, I stop, I breathe, I see, realize and understand that this tendency is a form of compensation for myself not looking at/facing/standing up within certain points, and thus I do not allow myself to participate in this desire as my thoughts, feelings and emotions, but rather make sure I am clear on the point within myself and live/apply myself accordingly – I commit myself to stop the tendency to focus on points in others and simply focus on the points as equal and one to/as others

I commit myself to stand absolute in my resolve to walk this process and never give into fear as the mind and never allow fear as the negative of the experience not getting the positive energy it is used to determine/define who I will be – thus when and as I see myself having resistance/fear because I am not being positive energy, I stop, I breathe, I see that this resistance is based on how I have come to define/trust positive feelings as energy/the mind and thus I see, realize and understand that this process is going to not ‘feel good’ and be difficult and will even perceived as ‘negative’  and ‘don’t go there’ because of the fear of loss, when in fact that fear of loss is the fear of the mind losing itself – I breathe and I do not participate in the mind as my thoughts/feelings and emotions