From an early age observed other kids in my neighborhood and how every single other kid seemed to have more than I did. When I am self honest and I really look back at some of my long-forgotten childhood memories I see that there were instances where I observed how those who had more seemed to be ‘better off’ somehow, like they were more successful somehow, had more fun, even behaved as if they were superior to me somehow – and then there were the television commercials that presented the stuff that they had (at this age it was mostly toys) as being the most amazing things – so I really had this sense of missing out on something and that I needed to get that which I did not have.
We all seem to go through this basic point through varying extents because to a degree, the amount of wealth we are born into does have a significant impact on the overall quality of our lives and the experience of ourselves, at least within the context of the socioeconomic climate that we live in of competition and hierarchy.
A common result of this is the “the grass is greener on the other side” syndrome – where what we believe we desire doesn’t so much have anything to do with the thing itself, but more so with the underlying status of it, and the fact that it is in the hands of another and not ourselves. We tend to want what others have.
The reason I am bringing this point up is that – if you have read some of my past blogs posts, you’ll see that I’ve written quite extensively on relationships – and my interest is how this underlying psychological condition of ‘wanting what we don’t have’ plays a significant role in how relationships so often end up being about having control over another.
In our world, everything has become commodified – from nature to people to animals – we are so deluded by ‘the way of the world’ of competition and the desire to be dominant and have power and control, that virtually everything that is a part of our life becomes an acquisition in the pursuit of the personal empires we build for ourselves. I was completely unaware of this point within myself until another pointed it out for me – how I had the idea of what ‘a perfect life’ would be in my mind, as I observed in my reality what it mean to be ‘successful’ – the perfect house, car, wife, family, toys – possessions – we tend to not see this about ourselves and how we live because we become possessed by our possessions and the pursuit thereof – that’s why it is called brainwashing, because you don’t know you’re brainwashed (usually until reality gives you a hard smack in the face, if you don’t take it upon yourself proactively to investigate yourself).
My interest at this point is how this point of ‘the grass is greener on the other side’ and desiring humans as commodities for relationships fuels the so-called ‘physical attraction’ between men and women. Each gender has what the other does not. And if the attraction is homosexual rather than heterosexual, the point is still that one is desiring access to something that another has.
I have not investigated this point in depth, but to ignore the way in which we are socialized and it’s influence on the way we think, feel and experience ourselves, towards ourselves and others, would be foolish. We may not understand how, we may not yet know why, and so this directly indicates that there is ‘more than meets the eye’ in terms of the underlying reason for why we are the ways that we are. After all, we are only actually aware of about %10 of our minds as the conscious mind. Most of us, if asked the question why we like what we like tend to answer “because I like it” – this is called circular logic, something we tend to attribute to those who subscribe to something religiously. Are our likes, desires and preferences our religions? Has the desire to acquire possessions and consume our way to happiness not become a way of life on earth?
Letting go of desire is liberating to the nth degree, but as I have found, is not always so simple as the programming/conditioning of our culture/society exist at mostly a subconscious level – but what is possible is to make a commitment to work towards understanding ourselves sufficiently to be able to let go, and to make the commitment to ourselves to be ready to let go – we will lose everything anyways – and if there is any real ‘reason’ or ‘purpose’ why we are here on earth it is to show us that – that the fear of loss and subsequent desire to feel ‘alive’ through consuming, acquiring possessions and building monuments/legacies to ourselves is the greatest con we have ever convinced ourselves of, the greatest cosmic joke we have played on ourselves. What we perceive as ‘losing everything’ – that which we feat most – is giving up nothing for everything because we give up a lie to be able to embrace the truth: that there is nothing to gain: and within that, there is nothing to lose.
We can continue to believe that the systems of win and loss that we have indoctrinated ourselves with are real, or we can stop playing games with ourselves, grow up and take self responsibility in realizing that we are the source of it all to begin with, that there is no religion – theological, consumerist or otherwise – there is only us, and that which we experience of ourselves in this reality is only ever based on that which we create and give to ourselves. This truth of creation applies to absolutely ever facet and level of our lives and our selves. To see where we have abdicated and given away this power of ourselves is the journey to understanding what it means to create.