Tag Archives: choice

Day 234: Choice, consequence and possession


Today, while reviewing some of my own recent behavior, I noticed that possession is a real thing. I mean I’ve kind of sort of heard this before, it all makes perfect mathematical sense, but it is like I did not grasp it as much as a reality as I did today. When I would hear terms like ‘demons’ and ‘possessions’ it brought up within me connotations of supernatural stuff which I would consider far fetched, although I didn’t pay much heed to that and stayed open-minded, knowing that there was still much that I am to understand about reality and myself.


When I look back at the degree to which my vision became narrow, in terms of what I actually considered within the decision making process of who I am, when I look at the degree to which my behavior became automated to the degree where it makes absolutely no practical sense whatsoever, and repetitive. I mean wtf, that is like some insane blind devotion. And what is the small spark that eventually snowballs into this insanity? Beliefs. Ideas. Perceptions. Opinions. Judgments. Justifications. About myself, others and the world around me. All it then takes is for some thoughts to bubble up and for me to allow myself to participate in it, and boom! I’m off! For a while anyways. I suppose that is what has been referred to as a ‘time loop’. It is amazing that thee is a kind of ‘point of no return’ in terms of the fact that once a decision has been made, the consequence is inevitable, regardless of what one may believe. It is amazing that this one fall, can turn into hours, days, weeks, months, years – who knows. It is in a way microcosmic to how our entire society has emerged from 1 starting point, how entire cultures are defined by single events in the past that are being held onto to this day.


Yup, the human race is possessed. If we could really see ourselves, it would blow away the notion that movies are fallacious, because we’re living one – a sci-fi horror film with some fake hollywood love stories for good measure. Anyways I’m getting a bit off track having fun with words – the point here is that within our possessions, we really fuck up our reality. Possessions always tend to be based in some form of self interest/desire that is based in some kind of fear, and this fear is always based within the beliefs etc. as I have mentioned above where ironically, in our pursuit of self interest and self preservation we attempt to possess our world and reality, and yet it is we who in turn become possessed.


The fact is that as long as we are not the directive principle in our lives and give that power to our minds as thoughts, those thoughts become our gods (nevermind the belief in god/religions/cosmologies etc. – all that stuff is just a projected story made-up around the fact that thought is in fact your God and you are not even aware of it). As long as we are not the directive principle, we will never create the reality that we want to really create, enjoy, live and experience ourselves within. That is why nothing ever turns out properly, the way we may have liked or expected it to. We start out with such good intentions, and then everything just goes terrible.


I forgive myself that I’ve not accepted and allowed myself to fully realize that possession is very real and that the thoughts/emotions/feelings that I allow myself to participate in have consequence and thus within this point I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that to give into temptations and do not direct myself here in every breath but rather allow myself to be directed by my mind, I am creating a real hell for myself over which I may lose all control as I have given permission for by allowing myself to fall initially – I forgive myself that I’ve not accepted and allow myself to see, realize and understand the severity of consequence, just because it is not always foreseen, understood or expected, and takes time to unfold (so hopefully it won’t unfold later) – I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to hope and wish that life could exist without consequences and that I could somehow run away and ignore consequence – this is impossible and I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to fully see, realize and understand that it is impossible to escape consequence or alter it in any way whatsoever


I commit myself to live within the living awareness and consideration that that which I accept and allow, primarily within me and then externally, will have an equal and one consequence and thus I commit myself to always make decisions that will always have specific outcomes that are best for all life


I commit myself to investigate all thought and that which I accept and allow to exist within me and why I have accepted and allowed it to exist within and as me as the mind, no matter how difficult it seems, or how uncomfortable or uncertain or doubtful it seems


I commit myself to see, understand and realize that if I am to create the kind of reality I would like to live, experience and enjoy, I am required to change my inner world and my living habits/patterns so that I may assist and support others in turn, creating a world where we can all experience ourselves as life in joy and harmony, without fear, where there are never any winners and losers again – just equals.


You can learn more on possession, demons and the mind at:




Day 226: Energy is a slippery slope – finding freedom in structure

Reflecting back on my day today I noticed how much more I probably could have done with it. I am finding it is crucial to challenge myself to live to my full potential, not waste time, and really make constructive use out of every moment that I am given here on earth. So what happened?

I let things slide. I did not put limits and boundaries on the fun I was having, the self interest I was indulging in. Self interest can work in self-honest moderation within the consideration/understanding of all life as equal to yourself, but given that we are raised to live the exact opposite of that, it is important to be careful on that point because it can really be taken too far quite easily. The main point is that I did not prioritize ‘what is best for all’ ahead of what I want. Even if those two points are in conflict with/contradictory to one another, it is only by putting what is best for all ahead of your self interest that would allow one the opportunity challenge their self interest.

So I didn’t, and before I knew it, the day flew by with all kinds of fuzzy nice experiences and warm feelings, but very little was accomplished in terms of positive  ACTIONS – that is the deceptive thing about positive feelings and positive thinking  – it is purely a mental experience, you are mental.

I should know this already, in fact I do know that self interest and stimulating yourself in such a way that makes you experience positive feelings is a slippery slope, I mean I have really learned this the hard way with past experiences with addictions to drugs and sex and shit like that. That is not a recommended experience. Now I am seeing it manifest in ‘smaller way’ as this example of today, but even then, the experience is still not a cool one. The more aware of this you become, the more you become aware of and thus begin to value even the smallest moments. So what is the difference between wasting 5 minutes of your life, a day, a week – it is all just a matter of degree. In that 5 minutes you could have made the world a better place than it is today, in 5 minutes you could have made yourself a better person that you were 5 minutes earlier.

Every single moment is so valuable that all it takes is a single moment of thought, of having a desire for some kind of experience, that that is all it takes to set a person off onto their socio-path of desire and self interest. And of course we can find all kinds of ways to justify our self interest: I need it, just a little, I’m tired, I need to relax, I don’t feel good and this will make me feel better, a little won’t hurt, I worked hard and I deserve it – etc.

It is already hard enough to change our habits that are formed from desires without having already given into, let alone when you start to give into them, it is like, too late, the energy is already flowing, and it just feels oh so good – I can’t stop, I don’t want to stop!

So this is the reason I am seeing more and more how important it is to set boundaries, guidelines, and specifically, to implement a schedule in my life as a fail-safe to make sure that this is impossible. This is an important point I realized a while ago with regards to the nature of the mind – that you are your own worst enemy and you literally have to take measures sometimes to ensure that abuse is not possible/not able to be allowed in the short term, until the abuse/self interest point has been sorted out and one can again be trusted with life as this time we are given here on earth.

Thus I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to create a schedule for myself and be patient in understanding that this is a process of developing a schedule, and thus it is not to be limited by a schedule as I may fear, but rather to see how I can structure myself in a way where living is effective and enjoyable – to ensure that I can manage both to be the best that I can be and take responsibility for my world, and to also enjoy myself as an individual within my world experience, ensuring that these two points no longer conflict with one another.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to fear that a schedule may limit me as I allowed it to/experienced it to in the past, and to instead simply work with a schedule within the understanding that it serves purely as a guideline of support to living the life that I have always dreamed of, but never knew how to structure and create effectively – after all, inherent in creation is structure, inherent in the ability to express in freedom is having the structure from which to express self

I commit myself to design and develop a schedule as a structured support/guideline, and to work with this point within the principles of freedom and self expression – not limiting myself to it, but rather working with it as I work with myself: a work in progress