Tag Archives: breathing

Day 333: Daily habits and thinking

Observe your thoughts for a day, a week, a month” – this was something that I read today that really stuck with me, even though it may seem a simplistic point. I notice that actually, to even observe my thoughts for a whole day is very difficult, because of the nature of thinking: that you are the one doing it, and so while you’re busy doing it, it is difficult to be able to step back and observe what you are doing.

This is where words like determination, dedication and strictness have to be lived and applied, because such a habit of taking note of one’s own thoughts does not happen naturally at all, it takes real effort and concentration, it requires one to be steadfast, almost vigilant, if it is to be done properly. I happen to have started reading this new book on habits and habit formation and that is one of the points that is brought up: that forming new habits take real work and concentration. Over time they become easier to activate as the path has already been walked – practice makes perfect.

Crucial within this is to stop participating in habits that take away from this point of concentrating myself on what matters. It is crucial to actually direct myself here in the moment in making specific decisions where I am fully aware of what I will do and I do it, based on the understanding that deciding on and sticking to certain activities will in fact support me. There is always something there to entertain myself with, there is always someone else to focus on, and then there is always my partner, who is quite frankly very attractive and charming to me – all of these points are things that I experience as nice, good feeling habits that are just so easy to fall into, as they have already been formed – and I notice that when I fall into these habits, because they are based in the energy of the mind, I become like hazy, clouded and unfocused, it becomes very noticeable when I then try to focus myself/concentrate on something. Again, strictness with self, and not fearing that I will ‘lose anything’ is crucial here, because what I tend to do when I fear losing something, is that I may apply myself, but I will kind of ‘try too much, ‘focus too hard’, where I become too intense, obsessive and zealous, because within that fear of loss within giving up old habits, a new energy is created which is then the energy that I end up feeding and building-up in the attempt to stop and change.

This reminds me of an interview series I watched recently from Desteni with regards to Michael Tsarion and his work, where they discussed the point of how we try to be good and not be evil, but how being good takes so much effort and energy because it is only based on judging evil and thus trying to suppress/not be evil. This is simply not necessary and doesn’t work, especially when I have the tools and even some of the experience to be practical and effective in dealing with the mind. So, back the notebook I will keep in my pocket for when thoughts come up, back to breathing as a self support as often as possible and when I see myself falling into old habits – there is no need to judge and then fear – but to simply recognize, breathe and within breath the common sense is always here to move myself directly, in one single moment as breath as I see, understand and realize what it is that I must do – move myself.

I forgive myself that I’ve not accepted and allowed myself to stick to the simplicity of breath in directing myself here in every moment – of being determined to breathe whenever I see myself participating in a habit/pattern/addiction, and to then move myself to make a decision in self honesty in participating in that which is practical and relevant which supports me. I forgive myself that I’ve not accepted and allowed myself to be disciplined in writing out my thoughts and observing the patterns of my mind as thoughts consistently so that I may begin to know and understand how I work and thus know how to support and change myself effectively

When and as I see myself getting lost in a habit/desire.pattern/addiction, or even the thoughts of participating in it – I stop, I breathe, I see, realize and understand where this is going and that I will only delude myself with energy as the habit/energy takes over and I lose control over my own self directive principle, and thus I remain here as breath and direct myself in self honesty as a decision that self honestly will support me in my process of stopping the mind

I commit myself to stop my habits/patterns/desires/addictions effectively so that I may support myself to understand myself, and thus within stopping I commit and dedicate myself to writing out my thoughts and to observe and write out my thoughts as much as possible, within the commitment of getting to know myself and thus getting to know all beings as the mind, and thus being able to change myself and direct myself and within this, be able to direct and support others effectively, making my existence on this earth relevant as I can actually have an effect on my reality that results in an outcome that is best for all life as change

Day 251: Walking a new path without thought


So today, I had another desire to go back into a past pattern of thought. The pattern is not so much about the specific activity I am doing (which for privacy purposes, I will not be naming) – but rather, who I am within the experience as the thoughts that are coming up within me. It is like that with a lot of things. I am beginning to understand this as before, I would simply try to avoid/suppress the act, rather than dealing with the point of who I am within the act, meaning: how do I experience myself, what are the thoughts that come up during the act?

It would be like having a past patterns of being addicted to food, where the act of getting food and eating it brings up all kinds of thoughts as a mental experience that builds up energy, and then you’re mind fucked. Or playing on Facebook – Facebook can be cool, but turning it into a big mental experience by allowing all kinds of thoughts and for self to participate in such thoughts, is a different story, it would change one’s entire experience of being on facebook.

So rather than to avoid things because I fear to fall, I am stopping the fear and trusting myself to be honest with myself about who I am within the experience – to set boundaries with myself and be strict about what I will allow (or rather, not allow) within the mind.

Now this is not to be used as some kind of justification to lead self into past patterns – if it is found that I am unable to participate in an activity without the mind/thoughts completely taking over – then yes, I will step away for a while and work on things before I dare to venture back into the point.

Answers to our problems tend to be simple it is just the things we don’t want to look at, the things we don’t want to do, the things we fear to give up that is making life so difficult – but the answers are simplistic, and only self can be honest with self about whether or not self is in fact living the answer.

I forgive myself that I’ve tried to avoid certain activities because of past experiences of who I was in the activities and within this, not realizing how I am tacitly allowing myself to fear myself and rather not trust myself to actually apply myself for real in self honesty to change who I am within such activities, not allowing myself to give to myself the opportunity to change myself for real by changing who I am within this world and all that I participate in 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to trust the mind to such an extent that I actually believe that I require the mind as thoughts to participate in certain activities, and fear to let go of the mind as thoughts.energy, not realizing that I am able to direct myself here as breath and create myself anew within/as breath through no longer allowing who I am and my self movement to be dictated by the mind as thoughts/energy

I commit myself to give myself the opportunity to change who I am in actual real time in physical reality by changing who I am within certain activities that have normally in the past been mental experiences, by stopping the actual thoughts/desires that come up when participating in activities – thus when and as I see thoughts pop up when participating in activities that had normally always been energy based for me – I stop, I breathe, I see, realize and understand that I no longer require the mind/thoughts/energy to live, experience and enjoy myself as I have believed I require to in the past – and I walk as breath exploring physical activity without the mind intervening

Day 211: Stability in the face of the mind

I have already written before about how valuable our time on earth is and how important it is to not waste it. I tend to take for granted how much really depends on me, in terms of maybe having to take a leadership role for the moment. Sure maybe I’m not the richest, the most well educated, the most – whatever – but I do see what is going on in this world and I am willing to do what it takes to sort it out. Perhaps I am just placed in a position – due to the circumstances I was born into in this world – where I can see a few things that others do not – and therefore will have to stand within those points and assert myself. Because really, for all people talk, their actual recognition of the issues and how bad things are in this world is really limited, as their actions reflect. There is always such a limit to what we’re willing to do and how far we’re willing to go and what we’re really willing to give up to make a change for the better in this world.

Everything that we are exposed to as our media (which has been the primary education system in the world) really teaches us nothing of the real problems in this world, how bad it really is, how it really works, intimately showing the faces and lives of those who live in absolute destitution and lives where they are valued as if less than nothing. People who have money and comfortable life are so sheltered that they have no clue at all.

Where our real intentions will stand is according to where we will stand – what we will allow within our lives and within ourselves. For this reason, it is important to give up the things and the influences that keep us from fully standing. The matrix really is all around us and if you’re not careful about the information that you are allowing to exist in your mind as your thoughts, and then in your outside world as what you are living/talking about/participating in within your interactions – you will get sucked in. So along with the things I will have to give up within myself as the thoughts, words, ideas beliefs and perceptions I will have to let go of, so will there be changes in my outside world. Those are not decisions to be made hastily, influenced by an emotional or thought or feeling experience, but within self honest common sense.

Thus I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize the importance of every word I think, speak, and allow within my mind as how I have defined it in my mind as this determines the entire outcome of who I will be and what I will live – thus I commit myself to breathing and investigating, whether in the moment or when I have a free moment to write on paper – the words that I am thinking , speaking, participating in and living to make sure that it is in fact self honest and that which is best for all life.

I thus forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not fully investigate my reactions but rather to believe in my reactions as if they are real, not being careful as to whether they are self honest or not – within this I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to feel the need to react as a way of functioning with others to make things seem ‘normal’ and ‘flowing’ and to fear the reactions of others if I am not immediately responding/reacting as speaking

And so I commit myself to breathing to check if I am reacting to the words I am reading/hearing experiencing to see if I am reacting to them or not and I commit myself to stop reacting and to rather breathe here and to live/respond in self honest common sense as breath – even if that means at times to remain silent or speak in a way that others will not understand at that moment

I commit myself to give up/not participate in any reactions/interactions that can in no way be of any benefit to life

Day 138: Re-defining entertainment and relaxation part 3

As it was discussed in my precious blog, a real form of relaxation as leisure would be to take the time to allow the body to rest and unwind from work/activities, rather than to simply give myself a mental experience of positive stimulation that simulates a feeling of rest, that is just a form of trying to escape reality through going into alternate dimensions of the mind by stimulating memories.

What I noticed with regards to disengaging the desire to participate within these kinds of stimulation/escapes from reality, is that it is difficult, there is a lot of resistance, because I have lived-in this habit so extensively that it is like I am giving up relaxation/leisure time by not participating within it – in the brief moment that I am faced with the opportunity of stopping my participation in it, there is then like an experience of panicking, and I immediately rush/race back towards the entertainment/stimulation instead of participating within it. Thus I will have to install a support program to support myself within this experience. Before, when I would ‘choose’ to not participate, it was like very difficult, and the desire/urge to participate was still there, and it was more like I was suppressing it, by instead  just rushing work – I would never actually give myself a moment to just breathe through the energy of the desire/urge, until that energy dissipates. Considering how strong/significant the energy is, this is an essential point – to breathe through it and allow it to dissipate.

Instead of doing this, just ‘jumping into the next task’, which is to participate in something that I have defined as positive/supporting, is again a form of suppressing myself, and because I am just suppressing this desire, I have had the experience of feeling like I am trapped/caged, because this energy is still ‘pent up’ in a way – not really being released effectively before I move onto the next task. This I find leads to an experience of ‘boredom’, because the desire still exist and I am just suppressing it with something that is better but apparently still tough/difficult, because I still would see the desire as something ‘better’, then it makes the whole experience of doing the new task like difficult/boring/like I am trapped. I often get the urge to just ‘run away from it’ and do something else, not unlike what some people experience as ‘cabin fever’ – which is something I have found myself to experience recently, but it is not simply from being indoors for an extended period of time, it is because of this suppression point, without real relaxation.

Thus as a practical solution I will dedicate myself to taking walks. While anything – even walks – is able to be turned into another point of escaping/looking for more stimulation – the specific purpose of walking here is to actually allow myself to breathe through the energy and allow it to dissipate, so that I can return to doing work/tasks/responsibilities, or even to go relax and read something or go to sleep – walking is a point within which I can simply be here, and focus on breathing, and support this self application by not just staying in the same place where I am, but literally actually removing myself from the situation. Often this whole experience is taking place in front of the computer, because both a lot of my work responsibilities and entertainment/distractions can be found on the computer, and so rather than being trapped within this experience of bouncing between polarities of the ‘good stuff’ vs. ‘the bad stuff’ on the computer- I am able to actually physically remove myself – walk, breathe, focus on breathing and stopping thoughts until a point of clarity is reached wherein I will then decide what I will do next, and how I will do it, which can be done by speaking aloud once thoughts are stopped, or even just to clear my head through breathing if I already know what I am to do next.

This would then stop the experience of tension I am having with regards to being caught in between the stimulation and stress of work and play, and allow me to actually – as per its actual definition in real physical reality – relax.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed my mind to race when I have desires/urges for stimulation/the desire to escape and within this desire, bounce back and forth in my own mind between the idea of what I should not do as this desire, and what I should do as daily work responsibilities, and instead of just wanting/desiring to move from one ‘bad idea’ to another ‘good idea’ as a desire/projection of the mind – to actually give myself a moment to stop the mind as thoughts as this desire, and the opposite ‘good ideas’ that I project from this desire, and allow this energy to actually dissipate through focusing on breath until it passes.

Thus, when and as I see myself wanting/desiring to participate within entertainment/stimulation/distractions – I stop, I breathe, I physically get up and take a walk outside, and for a moment, allow myself to focus on breathing, relaxing the body and enjoying myself in this relaxation as I breathe and the energy as thoughts stop and then, when the energy has passed, I then allow myself to go back and participate within whatever work is required to be done, and I remain here as breath within it. I realize that walking in fact supports me to remove myself from my position where I am stuck sitting and thinking, as a deliberate point of support, as I am specifically walking to STOP these thoughts as this energy, and utilize this point to actually in fact relax my body through breathing, so that I may enjoy myself and stop the stress/friction that is existing within me. And so, I give myself the gift of real leisure time that support me as who I am.