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Day 228: Freedom through structure – building a life

It is a natural human expression to create, yet this has been long lost in the way that we live as a society on earth. I mean there are a few on this earth who are allowed to create because they have money and are funded somehow to create to serve a purpose (the rich people in the world).

When you look at the things that we build, they are in essence reflections of what is already here as nature. For instance while we have the humans building machines and robots, we can see the biological robots that nature produces. Everything in nature reflects the same basic principles of creation – it is as if everything is designed, built, structured in a specific way that facilitates a specific expression. Our whole environment is a learning experience, in that regard. The point I am raising in this blog is why we don’t learn from it, and specifically, why do we not structure our living, just as nature has structured us to facilitate our living? Without these human bodies – structured forms – nothing would be possible. Sometimes we fool ourselves and give it a negative connotation as if the limitations of the body are some form of negative trapping, which is a point that should really be re-evaluated given the nature of the human as being something that really needs some boundaries.

I have never had much of a structured life save for my schooling experience growing up,  as well as basic needs being met when I was younger, like bathing and eating. The latter are obvious examples of how structure I really quite a cool thing – you structure you’re eating habits, you’re going to be well fed. If you structure your sleeping habits, you’re going to be well rested. However due to negative associations I had made with being structured, from negative past experiences like school, I really began to deviate from any and all forms of structure, the more I grew into my teen years and beyond, to the point where I wanted absolute ‘free will’ and ‘free choice’ – but there is no such thing as free will and free choice when it does not fall within a context of self responsibility and your responsibility towards life – any ‘free choice’ that does not consider life is rather the freedom to abuse.

So it has been ‘normal’ for me to exist for this way for quite some time, as I’m sure it is for many people – we tend to only get serious about having structure in our lives when our survival is depending on it. However it has been introduced to me that structuring my life through developing and utilizing a schedule is paramount in creating and living the kind of life that I really want to. I had been avoiding this point because I know that it means I am getting real about this process I am in, getting real about what I really ideally want to do with my life, and most importantly, I have been avoiding it because I know that getting real means to completely stop with all the bullshit in my life – even the tiniest bit of it. Basically, I know that a schedule will stop that, so I have resisted it.

By working through a lot of my old addictions/patterns/habits, this opportunity through clarity to now structure my life has become more of an accessible reality, and at this point, it is within reach, it is as accessible as I make it. I am able to structure my entire living, every minute of every day, if I choose to, so that it is guaranteed that I live the life that I really want to, a life that I am satisfied with where I let nothing slide and I truly live to my full potential and accomplish everything I want to accomplish. Taking away the experience of feeling like I am missing out on something or that there is ‘something more’. This is all not to mention the stopping of the shit I allow in my life and the effect that would have, to live with less fear and anxiety because I know within myself that I am truly living and taking nothing for granted.

As mentioned before, I still have resistance to applying myself in the moment, but the more I work through that, the more effective I become at it and see the reality of being able to successfully follow a schedule as within reach. Today I finalized a tentative schedule to work with, and it is actually amazing how much is able to be accomplished in a day, when time is used effectively.

We tend to take granted our ability to create ourselves, to such an extent that I’m sure many will find it hard to fathom that it is even possible to do so, just as I did. It took real work, self honesty, self forgiveness and sticking to my process to even get to this point of making it possible to begin recreating myself. Within the recognition of life and recognizing ourselves as life, one and equal, anything is possible, no matter how long it takes or what you have to do to get there, because one is valuing themselves in fact and will do whatever it takes to honor oneself within such a recognition – how could we justify not giving ourselves that right? Just as life has given us the opportunity to exist and express through the structure we are endowed with, so too are we able to give ourselves the structure of a being that will ensure that this opportunity is not squandered – the opportunity to live – you only get it once.

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Day 202: Thanks to Bernard

Thanks to Bernard, I have a new ‘lease on life’ so to speak. I have already blogged about the death of Bernard Poolman but over the last few days I have noticed that there is even more to share about the impact that this being had on my life, so I will share a few points about how he did this, thanks to what he gave up to stand for the principles of oneness and equality and create a world that is best for all life, my life has been impacted.

Thanks to Bernard, I have learned what self responsibility is and have set new standards for myself where I accept nothing less than a self that lives in a way that is best for all life as being the best that I can be

Thanks to Bernard, I have developed a conscience

Thanks to Bernard, I have learned to recognize the value of life and the value of my life

Thanks to Bernard, I have learned how to be honest with myself for the first time in my existence

Thanks to Bernard, I have learned to forgive myself for abusing myself and life so that I may change and never do this again

Thanks to Bernard, I have challenged myself to live without fear and to work to stop all of my fears until I am clear of fear

Thanks to Bernard, I have learned how to recognize my own self dishonesties and how I can correct myself from sabotaging myself/others/life

Thanks to Bernard, I have began to see that there is more to me and more to life than meets the eye (I), that there is more than I had ever before conceived of

Thanks to Bernard, a whole new world has opened up for me where I have seen the potential of what I can be and what life can be

Thanks to Bernard, I have learned to stop judging myself

Thanks Bernard I have began to see that we are all the same, that life is equal, and thus that there is nothing to ever truly fear

Thanks to Bernard, I have began to see that living no longer has to be this difficult and un-enjoyable struggle that I had always known and believed it to be

Thanks to Bernard, I have learned how to practically stop all of my addictions and be free from my own self enslavement to energy and beliefs

Thanks to Bernard, I have learned how to begin loving others as myself, in practical physical reality

Thanks to Bernard, I have learned how to live with self respect

Thanks to Bernard, I have learned to stop competing through fear

Thanks to Bernard, I have improved my reading skills and my ability to process information dramatically

Thanks to Bernard, I have learned how to critically and independently assess information and to not be easily influenced by words, fear and deception

Thanks to Bernard, I have had a real education and begun to understand how life actually works

Thanks to Bernard, I am entering my 3rd year of a University degree – something I never thought I was capable of

Thanks to Bernard, my life and my experience of myself has become very stable, enjoyable and fun

Thanks to Bernard I have learned how to live a life of worth, where my existence is no longer at the detriment of others but is rather an existence where I can support and be of benefit to others, making those around me better

Thanks to Bernard, I had the courage to undertake the life-changing experience of living and working in Thailand, a country that is as far away from my home as you can get on planet earth

Thanks to Bernard, I have learned how to be effective in the workplace

Thanks to Bernard, I have been able to quit my addiction to drugs

Thanks to Bernard, I have learned how to trust myself

Thanks to Bernard I have learned to stop my self-limitations and that I am more capable than I had ever before conceived

Thanks to Bernard, I have seen how I and everyone else are capable of becoming equal to and one with the greatness that he lived

Thanks to Bernard, I have begun to see past the illusions as the evil that man has become and the potential for greatness that all people have

Thanks to Bernard, I have learned what integrity is

Thanks to Bernard, I have learned what freedom is

Thanks to Bernard, I have learned to stop blaming and to stop warring with my fellow man

Thanks to Bernard, I have learned how to embrace myself and stop the crippling fear of being alone

Thanks to Bernard, I have learned that anything is possible

Thanks to Bernard, I have learned how I can be everything that I have always wished, wanted and dreamed I could be

Thanks to Bernard, I have come to realize the meaning of my life as the time I have been given on earth

Thanks to Bernard, I have learned how to live a life that was not in vain, that I could reflect on upon death and be satisfied, and die well

Thanks to Bernard, I have learned what real love is as equality

I could go on and on. This homage is not to a man who was ‘special’ – forget the name – who Bernard was and what he stood for was beyond the petty games we play within the cult of personality where we make some people out to be more special than others – this homage is to the principles that were unconditionally lived and embodied by this being, and the eternal impact they will have on all of existence.

Day 167: Daily input

I forgive that I’ve not allowed myself to see and live the realization that: what I put into myself will determine who I am and consequently, who I am based on what I accept and allow within and as myself is also the input that I put into others/this world and thus I forgive myself that I’ve not allowed myself to realize that if I want to see a change in others/my world, I must be the change/input into others/this world that assist and support others to change through the input I put into them as that which I live and exist as

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to have trapped myself into a pattern based on memories, where, based on my memories, I had accepted myself as something ‘less than’ and others/my world as ‘greater than’ and within this, believed that I am too small and weak to overcome this and have any kind of relevant place in this world – within this, I forgive myself that I’ve allowed myself to dedicate myself to the pursuit of success based on my own self accepted and allowed inferiority, and within this process of working to achieved success as power/control/dominance, that I’ve allowed myself to create within myself the experience of achieving success/control/power/dominion as something great/amazing and that I’ve allowed myself to believe that the adrenaline rush which I experience within this – to be real and who I am

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to become frustrated with others when I am able to stop and breathe and be the support/self directive principle they require, and that I have not allowed myself to realize that my frustration is not about them, but rather it is about me and my own inability to support/direct them

I commit myself to put input into myself that has real value as the value of life, as I input into myself the value of life so that I may be and become a being that values life

I commit myself to stop the pattern of wanting to achieve dominance from a starting point of self created inferiority – when and as I see myself pursuing this kind of dominance as power and control, and the adrenaline rush/positive energy high that I get from it – I stop, breathe, I realize that I am here as breath and that I can be nothing more/higher and that anything ‘higher’ is merely coming from a point of existing as lower and thus if I want to be a real being that value and care for life, I must stop my own self created inferiority/superiority complex

I commit myself to stop allowing myself be frustrated with others – when and as I see myself becoming frustrated with others, I stop, I breathe, I realize that this frustration is only about me and my own deficiencies, and I remain here in the moment to be the support/input that others require which I would like to see to create a world that is best for all – I do not participate in judgments related to frustrations about others as my thoughts, feelings and emotions