Day 450: Forgiving the greatest self deception: the lie of Love

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to be blinded by the lie of love and the energy of love as fear

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe in the fantasy of love and relationships as I have observed it in the media and in my physical reality – I forgive myself that I’ve not accepted and allowed myself to see relationships as love as the fear and separation that it is in fact

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to become attracted and addicted to the energy that is created through existing in separation to another, and through existing in separation to myself, and to name and call this energy ‘love’ and believe it to be so when in fact it is only fear – creating and supporting the fear of myself, others and life and through this reinforcing my own self definition as mind which exist separate to/as life

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to miss what is real here as life in the pursuit of fantasies/projections about life, love and living

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe in relationships, that relationships are real as the energy of fear and friction created through separation to self and others

I forgive myself that I’ve not accepted and allowed myself to place blame/self responsibility squarely on my own shoulders for how I have deceived myself and created my own bubble

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to take it personally when others deceive me in the name of love, and that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see the deception within/as myself

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to associate the energy or fear and separation with the idea of ‘love’ and stability and security – I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to trust energy to be a point of stability

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to go into the polarity of desiring love as energy, which then change to hate as energy

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to abdicate myself to the fear of the future and fear of myself as a fear of self intimacy, and within this, go into a point of desire wherein I use and abuse others to give me the kind of experience that I believe I would like – and within this, not see that I am also being used and abused

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to go into anger and blame because I feel I have been used and abused by others when in fact it is I who have used and abused myself through believing in the lie of energy as love that does not support me as life

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to create the fantasy of the ideal partner in the pursuit of energy as the belief in love/fulfillment by another, and that I have accepted and allowed myself to try and attain this fantasy as the apparent ideal partner as the one whom I exist in separation to most and fear the most as I exist in extensive separation to them as self defined ‘unequals’ as the perceived polarity of man and woman

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to look for a kind of fulfillment and satisfaction in another as a form of energy wherein I have a ‘larger than life’ experience

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to use relationship fantasies to try and attempt to escape my reality, not take self responsibility for my reality

I forgive myself that I’ve not accepted and allowed myself to realize that when I am disillusioned from having love/relationships exposed for what they are, that the anger that I experience towards another is in fact anger towards myself and a form of fear: fearing to see the truth, fearing to let go, fearing to change – thus I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe that the anger I experience towards myself and others is real when in fact this is only a self deception of the mind where the mind fears letting go, fears change, fears new opportunities and fears taking self responsibility for life here as the giving up of fantasies/illusions

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to blame another within relationship for ‘making me feel like nothing/like I have no value/not recognizing my value/not appreciating me, as this is a projection/self deception of the mind to not see and learn from the pattern that I have created: wherein I have in fact abdicated myself and not recognized myself as life, not valued or appreciated myself as the belief that I require others to do this for me and give me some kind of larger than life experience

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to blame and antagonize others as the projection of what I have accepted and allowed within myself

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to go into experiences of disbelief within the shock of seeing and realizing that the belief of love that I have created is not real – as this is a subtle form of blame wherein I pretend that I am not the creator of my own experience and thus have the experience of ‘I can’t believe this/I can’t believe this is happening’

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I am the only one harmed by participating in relationships, and that I’ve not accepted and allowed myself to see how I have harmed others, only because they do not see the harm themselves as they are stuck in their own illusion/delusion

I commit myself to never again fall in love as the belief in love as the abdication of self/escaping of reality through an energetic experience is a great fall indeed

I commit myself to no longer accept any fantasies/creations of relationships as the breeding ground for energy and vampiric relationships where we feed each others minds and egos while abdicating life/ourselves/self responsibility

I commit myself to work with what is real only as the physical and to no longer trust relationships as the recognition of personality/mind/ego and the attempt to connect at this level of mind/personality/ego

I commit myself to ignore all egos/minds/personalities that attempt to connect with me at the level of mind/ego/fear as such a connection is never in fact real

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to feel obliged to recognize other minds/egos/personalities and believe that I have to connect with others at this level as the belief that such experiences are real/life and will support me, when in fact they only destroy and abdicate what is here as life

I commit myself to stand here alone within the point of breath as the only point in my reality that I can trust as life has been trapped within the containment bubble of ego/mind and in this form cannot be trusted in any way – I commit myself to recognize the deception/trap of mind/ego and to expose it as myself in every way

I commit myself to be ruthless in working with what is here as breath and no longer trusting mind as ego/personality/likes and dislikes/thoughts feelings and emotions

I commit myself to stop the need/feeling/desire/sense of obligation to participate in the mind as ego and to believe that this is the source/way in which to connect with others and that I am obliged to do so within the belief that this is the only way to exist

I commit myself to stop putting my trust in the faces of energy as fear that others put on as the attempt to connect at the level of mind/fear/ego/separation

I commit myself to stop the belief/participation that I must connect with others at the level of mind/ego/personality/energy and to stop this as a way of living in survival mode