Day 430: Overcoming adversity to stand as a catalyst of change in the education system

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to have judged the Thai teachers as annoying and ‘don’t know what they’re doing’

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to fear Thai teachers attacking and judging me as I have accepted the same system within/as myself – thus I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to want and desire to judge and attack others/Thai teachers within the belief that this is a way of getting things done/making progress/getting my way

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to want and desire to ‘get my way’ and within this, not seeing, realizing and understanding that my work is not about ‘getting my way’ in the short term in terms of what I prefer/see as ideal/best, but rather that it is about the bigger picture and having a means to an end: to make money so that I am able to pursue my greater goals in life

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to try and attempt to impose my own cultural understandings/beliefs about ‘respect’ onto others in the culture that I am currently living in and that I’ve not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that such beliefs/standards are simply a weapon to use to try and get my way

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe that others are against me and within this, I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to resist others rather than to stop, take a moment to breathe, and move slowly so tat I may embrace what comes my way and not judge or resist it but rather direct it in clarity about without energy/feeling/emotions

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to ‘get ahead of myself’ within the fear of losing my job/fear of having problems/struggles and within this, I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not see the bigger picture and to not see my current situation within the context f the bigger picture, which shows that my current situation is in fact not ‘as big of a deal’ as I am making it out to be

I forgive myself that I’ve not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that words are the solution and that if I take a deep breath and I am stand clear, I may speak my words without energetic attachment/drive in clarity so that I may direct the situation as what is best for all as equal and one, and that most things in this world can be directed by a simple explanation

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to try and attempt to ‘act nice’ as a form of compensation for where I have judged others and that this act is not necessary when I am simply able to take a deep breath and stop all judgment in consideration of the other person as my equal

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to fear having others at work dictate to me what I must do and how I must act when in fact this is only a means to an end and that I am not in fact required to be defined by it within myself as who I am – and thus I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to fear facing and taking on and abiding by criticisms, dictates, directives, orders, judgments etc. directed towards me as I see, realize and understand that if I simply breathe and do not accept/allow thoughts/feelings/emotions as reactions within me, I am able to direct myself effectively to do what is necessary to be done to maintain my position and income in the workplace

I commit myself to stop the desire to attack others and ‘put others below me’ and ‘win’ as a way of accomplishing and achieving things

When and as I see myself fearing the reactions of others and reacting to others and having the desire to defend myself or fight back – I stop, I breathe, as I see, understand and realize that such points are of no real threat to me/life as I am able to stand clear within/as myself through breathing and standing as breath, not allowing thoughts, feelings and emotions to control me so that I may direct myself and navigate the workplace effectively so as to maintain my position and income – thus I commit myself to not participate in such reactions as they arise as my thoughts, feelings and emotions

When and as I see myself wanting/desiring to judge and attack others or defend my position/view/belief in self righteousness, I stop, I breathe, I realize the futility of such acts and that this only increases stress/friction/fear of losing my job or being attacked, and thus I do not participate in this desire to attack/defend become self righteous/argue as it arises as my thoughts, feelings and emotions