Day 428: What matters: here in this moment

One thing I noticed today while doing some studying is how concerned I get with the future – fear of the future – as I noticed how this takes me away from being present here in the physical reality of the moment I am currently in, and in this instance, it took away from my ability to focus, learn and remember/retain information.

We can plan as much as we like for the future but it really doesn’t mean anything if we are not effective in the moment we are currently in because that is the only place that anything can ever be done/taken care of.

I was too focused on the planning of the overall goal/outcome of what I wanted to accomplish, with the subject I was studying, that I saw how it was compromising by ability to do quality work. Specifically, the fear was that I was ‘taking too much time’ on working on this subject, and that ‘there would not be enough time’ for the next thing that I wanted to do. One thing we have to be careful about when planning is that our plans are realistic in that they take into account how much we can actually do so that we are not unrealistic and overambitious. It is only when we have become practically effective in the tasks we undertake here in the moment, that we can realistically plan for the future and assess how we can plan/organize the future based on a real understanding of what is involved/how much time it actually takes to get things done.

I am dedicated to my process of changing myself/the world, and so the excuse of ‘there is not enough time’ is simply not valid because I will always find the time – even if I am currently not as effective as I know I potentially can be, I am dedicated to reaching this potential, and the stepping stones to do so are here in this moment. A thousand moments that are not well spent and fully lived in with our whole beingness present is not equivalent to one moment where we are fully here and present in the moment and therefore effective – that is the only key to moving on to the next moment, and eventually a thousand, a million, a billion more. “A journey of a thousand miles starts with one step” I have heard this once before in a song.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to value/look at/focus on speed and quantity over effectiveness and quality

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to look at goals only in my mind as an ideal of what I would like to get done rather than to live my goals here in the present moment fully

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to be overambitious in setting goals for myself as a diversion tactic/self deception to ‘feel like I am doing more than I actually am’ and nit actually be here/present/effective in the current moment/reality

I forgive myself that I’ve not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that even if I do not accomplish as many separate tasks as I would like to, the path to becoming effective in more tasks is to become effective in the task that is here in the present moment and this in no way takes away time from other tasks but rather in fact increases my effectiveness in other moments as I am learning to be effective in the only place I can be effective in all moments/tasks – here in the present physical reality

I forgive myself that I’ve not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that there will always be time to take on the next task and the next moment to do so will always exist as long as I am dedicated to this process and that the only way to be truly dedicated is to be fully present here in the current moment and thus the excuse of ‘there is not enough time’ is never valid and is only created by self to deceive self into not being here in the current moment/task and therefore not being effective in any moment/task –

Thus, I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to resist having to give myself time and space here in the present moment until I can move to the next moment and I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to have anxiety about the future as ‘fearing that I will not have time’

I commit myself to embrace the present/moment and whatever task I am busy with in the present moment and to not ‘get ahead of myself’ but rather to remain here as breath and fully allow myself to participate in the present moment and ensure that the moment is live/the task is accomplished sing my whole self, without fear of the future or anxiety about the future

I commit myself to stop fearing that there won’t be any time left to do what I want to do as I see, realize and understand that there is nothing to fear about letting go of the idea of ‘what I want to do’/’what I planned to accomplish’ as this is only the mind becoming disappointed because it expected ‘more’ when in fact there is always ‘time for more’ and thus the fear of not having enough time in the future is not valid as the next moment and opportunity will always come, whether it is today, tomorrow, next week, next year – does not mater as I commit myself to fully live in the present moment and therefore can live without anxiety as the certainty that I will stand and take self responsibility here in the present moment to fully take on that which is necessary to be done with my whole beingness as breath

When and as I see myself wanting to ‘do more’ or rush the present moment because I wanted/planned to do more in the future – I stop, I breathe, as I see realize and understand that this is the deception of the mind to create expectations to ‘feel like I am accomplishing more than I really am’ and therefore not actually be effective in anything that I do – thus when this fear and the energy that propels me to rush arises, I stop, breathe and do not participate in this fear/energy as my thoughts, feelings and emotions