I originally titled this post ‘input, output’ – but then realize that I could probably write much more interesting posts about the importance of supporting oneself and how we only get what we give. Well this post has the same theme, but is more focused on the downfalls of the shit that I tend to put into myself, which made me remember that expression, garbage in, garbage out – we must do enough of that as human beings that it has become an idiomatic expression. We really put the ‘idiot’ back in IDIOmaTic expression.
I would like to say more in today’s post, would like to share some more in depth, well re-searched and insightful stuff for you, but the fact is that after a day of not supporting myself, I really don’t have much to offer, which I am regretting in this moment. I used the excuse that I worked hard today, because I have been working since 8 this morning to about 8 this evening, and yet, not only did I not support myself, but in the absence of self support, I filled that time void with shit instead, falling back into old patterns of concerning myself and preoccupying myself with things that do not matter, are not relevant, and do not support me.
So it is like anything this way, if I do not support myself, if I am not diligent in ensuring that I do the research necessary to support myself, that I do not do the necessary input to support myself, to expand myself – then only garbage comes out. It is fascinating because I felt like I could just take ‘the middle of the road’ and not do anything, as if doing nothing would be fine, and it is like “I will take a rain check on this one, and support myself later – there will be no consequences to that” – and yet I see that if I am not supporting myself to live life in such a way where every single moment is a real self expansion, a real personal growth, a real new experience – then not only am I stagnating – am actually diminishing.
I forgive myself that I’ve not accepted and allowed myself to support myself in remaining diligent with my process and applying myself in ways necessary such as research, study, and self investigation, to be able to expand, grow and continue moving within my process and to justify this with the idea that I have worked hard and the belief that I can do nothing and it will be of no consequence – not realizing that there are always consequences of regret that I have allowed myself to diminish further
Thus I commit myself to remain steadfast and diligent in my self application in this process, to not use excuses and justifications of having worked hard or feeling as if I deserve a break as a way of shifting my priorities and focus – when such thought arise as the desire to shift priorities and escape my self responsibility to myself/life, I stop them, I breathe, and I do not participate in these thoughts or this energetic experience of wanting to escape, as I see, realize and understand that I am only sabotaging and deceiving myself from actually growing and living life