Day 253: What the hell is wrong with you?!

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Today I am writing about self righteousness, as I am noticing it’s outflows in various forms. It is a form of blame, and tends to be experience as like a ‘wtf’ kind of reaction towards others, when I am seeing a point that is fucked, and yet I am reacting to the point because of how it somehow relates to me, where I am somehow living the same point without necessarily realizing it – it is only when it is presented in another, perhaps in a different form, that it becomes obvious because it is not me, it does not have the exact same look and feel as my own shit, but it is the same in essence.

Now it is obviously pointless to live this way because I mean, sure, the whole world is fucked, people are fucked beyond belief, but if we live in judgment and blame, we are literally never going to get anything accomplished in terms of affecting any real change. It is simply not effective to judge and blame others for who they are as what they have become and believe themselves to be, when I have not taken responsibility for my own self as what I have become and who I believe myself to be.

As long as I am reacting – I am ineffective in directing a point, as it shows that I have not yet cleared/directed myself effectively. As long as I am looking to make a point or prove a point, I know that I have abdicated my self-responsibility to such a level that I am actually going out and trying to change the point in others as a form of self righteousness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become so accustomed to blaming and judging others, within the desire to be special/better than others, within the fear and pursuit of survival, that I have actually created a character of self righteousness that will focus on the mistakes others are making, without first actually implicating myself and looking at where I have made/am making mistakes

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to, within the experience of reacting to others, not take the point back to self and write myself so that I can see how I created this experience for myself, how the negative experience started out as a positive one, based in desire and positive energy as a form of delusion/escapism from reality, and that I have allowed myself to act on such reactions, believing them to be real in self righteousness, rather than sorting myself out, and not being satisfied to move on and speak with others/direct others until I am %100 clear and have directed the point – as until this is done, I am only speaking to my own detriment and the detriment of others 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe the experience of judgment and blame in thought to be real – and that I have not fully embraced my reaction as reflection of myself, being strict in stopping my experience and immediately working it out until I am clear

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to let greed/wants/desires, to not have to change, to be special, to live a life or unequal privilege, sabotage me into wanting to blame others and be superior, while not in fact taking self responsibility for who I am, to rather in this way create a self/world that is best for all life 

I commit myself to, when and as I see myself judging/blaming others, to immediately stop and not give any power/attention thought to more judgment blame, as I see, realize and understand that any and all reactions are in fact about me, and thus to even be effective in directing others and sorting out this shitty experience of judgment/blame, I commit myself to immediately look at my reactions, breathe, and work them out through self writing, taking a moment to step outside of myself and look at how it all started, to write about how I feel as being about me, and not an actual reflection of what I am experiencing of others, committing myself to do this until I am sorted out and clear, and not making any excuses to stop myself or avoid/not take self responsibility as sorting myself out

Thus I commit myself to never again speak out of reaction, or act out of reaction, but to rather give myself the patience, and give to myself/others the support and understanding necessary by always working shit out before I continue to react or act on such reactions or believe them to be real in any way – thus I commit myself to never give power/attention to what others are doing as a form of blame, as all are equally responsible and that which we are angry about/fear in others, we are the same in essence, and thus from this perspective it does not matter what others do, but rather who self is and what self does, because only by supporting self and taking self responsibility on the point for/as self, is one able to then direct others at a physical level in self honesty and common sense

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