Day 111: Fuck it. Fuck everything. (part 3)

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Here I am continuing from the self forgiveness statements I wrote in part 2, proceeding to write self corrective and self commitment statements on the point of giving up by essentially saying ‘fuck it, fuck everything’ – a tendency/habit that I have formed over time through layers of past experiences that eventually led to this point.

 

When and as I see myself feeling discouraged/as if it is impossible to learn/expand myself/do what is necessary to be done in school/work as a resonant experience that may be triggered through not understanding something and feeling overwhelmed by the pressure I am placing on myself to understand/perform and comparing myself to the progress/understanding of others and believing/feeling like there is no support and from all these factors accumulating in the mind as a resonant experience as feeling overwhelmed – I stop, I take a deep breathe, breathe, breathe, breathe – I slow down, noticing the accumulation of all these points that have been integrated over time through experiences – and I release them and release myself from them as the belief that I require fear to move/motivate me as I have used it over time, and I do not allow this fear as these resonant experiences as thoughts/feelings/emotions to move me

 

When and as I see myself going into the tendency of not making decisions for myself and expecting/waiting for decisions to be made for me from some ‘higher power that is out of my control and believe I do not understand – I stop, I breathe, I direct myself here in the moment in self honesty and do not allow this tendency to be directed by outside influences as higher powers/chance/luck to direct and influence me as this is in no way self movement

 

When and as I see the tendency for that which I have accepted as ‘higher powers’ – as things that I have accepted are outside of my control and do not understand/believe I do not understand/believe I cannot understand – to influence my outlook on life and what is possible/not possible – I stop, I breathe, and I do not accept and allow these beliefs to influence me – I instead investigate what is possible and how I am able to direct myself in self honest practicality

 

When and as I see myself becoming confident or losing confidence based on what I observe of the opinions that other have of me, either positive or negative – I stop, I breathe, I do not allow myself to participate within/be influenced/directed by these ideas/perceptions/beliefs as opinions – and I move me as me as life, free from mental influence

 

When and as I see myself judging others around me who fit into/can effectively participate within the systems as ‘nerds’ – I stop, I breathe, and I do not accept and allow myself to participate within this tendency to make myself feel superior to others and instead look at practical ways in which I am able to stand equal to them as how I can participate effectively within the systems within the context and starting point of what is best for all life

 

When and as I see myself going into the resonant experience of feeling/thinking like no one cares about me – I stop, I breathe, I realize that this is a projection of myself as the tendency to not care for/support myself, and I do not participate but rather, see how I can practically support/care for myself

 

When and as I see myself turning towards entertainment/distractions/diversions through the resonant belief/feeling that I am not able to move myself, direct myself live a fulfilled life where I am applying myself and living to my full potential – I stop, I breathe, I realize and understand that distractions and diversions only lead me further away from ever realizing myself and what is possible – and I live, and apply myself in self honesty as the self directive principle as me living to my full potential as LIFE LIVING

 

When and as I see myself experiencing spitefulness towards others as blame/the desire to escape through believing I am not able to stand and from this, desiring to want to try and escape myself this reality in spitefulness – I stop, I breathe, I see, realize that spitefulness as self interest is not the answer – and rather, I apply and direct myself in whatever is necessary to be done here in the moment to support me as life

 

When and as I see myself relating to messages/symbols of spitefulness as for instance in entertainment – I stop, breathe, identify what it is specifically that I am ‘relating to’ and thus, why I believe that I relate and apparently enjoy relating to these things, and I stop my participation in them within the understanding of the resonant experience I am actually getting as energy from experiencing them

 

When and as I see myself wanting/desiring to prove to others/myself in showing that ‘I really can be nasty/the nastiest’ through being aggressive/dominant/competitive/attacking – I stop, I breathe, I realize that this is a resonant tendency built up over time through the acceptance of the belief that nastiness will win me ‘respect’ through fear – and I do not participate within this tendency that is based on this belief – rather I stand unconditionally as who I am and embrace myself as life here, free of all spitefulness

 

When and as I see myself going into the tendency of taking my work for granted – I stop, I breathe, and I embrace that which supports me as work to be able to explore and discover who I am through the discipline of practical application

 

When and as I see myself going into the ‘feeling/experience of believing I am superior because I can do things that others can not – I stop, I breathe, and I do not accept and allow myself to act on/be influenced/directed by this belief of what superiority apparently is as competition/dominance of others in spitefulness and fear

 

When and as I see myself not understanding/realizing/being aware of why I have a tendency to give up and acting as if this is some great mystery as feigning ignorance – I stop, I breathe, I take the necessary steps to see, understand and realize why and how I have built up this tendency/habit over time – and I use this understanding in practicality to STOP the tendency to give up as I direct myself here in self honest awareness of who I am

 

I commit myself to never again give up on myself as the tendency/habit of saying ‘fuck it, fuck everything’ and trying to escape into a world of self interest as spitefulness towards others/myself/life

 

www.desteni.org

www.desteniiprocess.com

www.equalmoney.org

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