Day 61: Effective Self Writing

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In the last few days I have become unfocused on my writing and just in general in terms of how I experience myself. With school and work starting to become busy, it has somehow been easier to justify not staying focused on my process and to indulge in entertainment and thing that I see as ‘relaxing from work’, because I ‘worked hard’ and therefore I deserve a break. The fact is that I am not necessarily getting any kind of break as real self support because within participating in entertainment/distractions, I am not really directing myself in ensuring that I am doing what I am able to support myself in any and every given moment.

After participating in distractions/entertainment, I find it difficult to go back to my process and apply myself – specifically in writing. It is like all of a sudden I have nothing to say, as if from suppressing myself. Yet I try to write about something and look for points to write about because that is what I feel I should be doing, but it all comes out as very contrived, not real self expression. I then end up giving up because my writing is not up to standard and I am dissatisfied because it is not working.

Part of the problem here is that I am not writing for myself, but instead I am writing others, as indicated by the idea that I ‘should’ write because it is the ‘right’ thing to do as a statement of morality – when in fact writing is meant to be a self honest self expression that is relevant to my process. First and foremost, this process starts with me and must be done for me by me, so I cannot base writing or any aspect of my process on what it will look like in the public eye, or that it even should be written for the public eye. Being able to share my writing with the public is but another outflow of my process of self honesty where I am ready to stand as an example and share with others my process, but it is not meant to be the starting point.

Thus the point of using writing as an effective tool is to do it daily as a natural self expression in the moment, to investigate who I am currently and how I am experiencing myself. ‘Not knowing’ what to write about is not really an excuse because that is based in the idea that I have to write about something for others, and I even have to know what I am going to write about. This is not the case. I have often found it more effective to be unprepared and simply write to reflect myself back to myself, and from this new doors will open where I will have insights and understandings of where to go and what to look at based on what has been uncovered by simply sitting down and being honest in asking myself – how am I experiencing myself currently?

In doing this, I am ensuring that I am working with what is here as how I am experiencing myself, rather than taking or looking for an idea of what I should or should not be doing which I believe is relevant to my process. This I have found is the best way to ensure that self writing is real and effective because if my starting point for my writing is not real, I will just be working with ideas/knowledge/information which will mind-fuck me from actually seeing and writing directly.

In part 2 of this blog I will do self forgiveness and self corrective statements with regards to these points on self writing.

Day 60: Every child is an artist – what happened to the adults?

Image“Every child is an artist. The problem is how to remain an artist once we grow up.” – Pablo Picasso

What would be necessary in this world for every person to be an artist? Would life then be an art?

Children are artistic from the perspective that their participation in activities tends to be more of an unconditional self expression – a self discovery – rather than doing tasks that are to be completed with an idea or goal in mind. What happens as we grow older is that we are filled with knowledge and value judgments of ourselves and world from which we create fears and desires – ideas about what to do, what not to do, and of course the reasons why we do things or do not do them.

These are conditions. For every idea of what we don’t want, is created an idea of what we do want, and from every idea of what we do want, is created an idea of what we don’t want. This is where the ideas of success and failure are birthed, and engrained in the pursuit of success will be the fear of failure. If the process of trying to succeed then results in failure, this fear is then further engrained within us, and the more this process is repeated, the more the fear of failure is engrained within us.

Children ‘fail’ all the time – but they do not see it that way – we, the adults, do. For a child, the experience of what we as adults would define as failing, is but another learning curve where the value of seeing what does not work is invaluable to the process of learning what will work, and how all things work in general. Without learned negative or positive connotations, this process of ‘making mistakes’ is invaluable and essential to learning and coming in to our own self expression and self discovery in our world.

What happens as we grow older however is we are taught by adults all about the ways of success and failure – the learned motivations for that which we do that are based within fears and desires. Children are taught that in life we must be successful and reach our goals, and then we provide for them the goals on the premise that they are in the child’s best interest. We have even devised a system to administrate this, a system of levels, wherein a child is urged to have learned certain skills or must have certain knowledge acquired by a certain age – a time limit. With this expectation/desire to have a goal reached by a certain age, the fear of failure is born and the clock is now ticking.

For an adult that has already learned this way of life, it is amazing to watch children work and play. In fact, there doesn’t seem to be any real difference between work and play for the child – are these words also polarity creations of the fears and desires of adults? Children simply go about their business, exploring, investigating, expressing – it is natural and requires no knowledge from the adults, because if it did, no development would be possible as a baby cannot be instructed through knowledge. Children are no less effective in their development with the absence of fears/desires and other value judgments of the like.

How would a baby learn to walk if it was constantly judging itself for falling down? How would it learn to speak if it was afraid of saying the wrong thing? Failure is only an option for those who have learned the fear of failure and the drive for success.

Yet we as adults are doing a very effective job at completely stymieing all natural self expression and opportunities to nurture and support the self expression of the child. The child is constantly being bombarded by the parents, the society, and the education system that teach the value judgments that hinder and limit its ability to develop and express itself, whether by actual education, or purely by exposure to the ways of the parent/society that exist within/act upon these value judgments.

Through the educational system we have perfected a system of limiting the child’s self expression through brainwashing the child with all kinds of knowledge as value judgments about the child and the world in which they live. We do this in the name of what is best for the child and society, but there is a big difference between educating the child about how the physical world functions to support the child in becoming self expressive as an effective participant in our world, and telling the child what it must be as an expectation imposed upon the child to be able to serve a society that does not necessarily give equal value to all members of the society.

So what is the great fear all about? What is it that we desire so greatly in our pursuit to be successful? To what end does this ‘educational’ experience serve?

Education as it currently exist serves to teach the human how to be effective in doing the work that is necessary to serve and maintain society, for which the human is rewarded for its service to society based on how the society has valued what the human has done to serve it. There are various values given to various jobs to be done in any given society, and depending on the job and its value, the human will be rewarded through money to be able to survive.

The above paragraph may be obvious, simple common sense to some – and to be even more to the point, notice that the paragraph began with the word ‘education’ and ended with the word ‘survive’. Education = survival.

That is what education is currently about – survival. That is what our goals are about – survival. That is what our fears of failure and our desire to be successful are about – survival. Thus how can life be lived to its full potential, if it is based in survival? Survival is the lowest possible form of existence – it is literally on the verge of death. How can a child continue into adulthood, expressing itself freely, without fear, without compromise, when the child is taught to only do what it is told within the pursuit of money that is based on fear of surviving?

How can this even be a legitimate fear when the earth provides unconditionally more than enough resources for the human species to be able to live and thrive in peace with other life forms on earth? It is not – it is a fear that we have learned – as the fearless child shows – it is a fear that we are teaching. It is not real. It is not life.

Yet almost everyone is trapped within this survival system to some degree or another due to how our world system operate – which is that we have created a value system that is in imbalance, where a small minority of people have far too much and the majority of people have little with which to survive, and some have nothing at all. In no way is our survival ensured, we have created survival as something to be attained and sought after. It is among the masses of people who have little or nothing that the fight for survival has become a way of life, and from this perspective it makes perfect sense that we are teaching our children to compete and survive. Artistic endeavors and self expression become secondary, if even still relevant/possible at all, and people’s lives become consumed by the fear and pursuit of survival from which we create all our ideas of success and what we desire.

Thus a correction of our value system is required, to stop creating life within the context of survival due to artificially created circumstances of lack, where so many have so little of the resources from which they depend on to live. By unconditionally providing people with equal access to that which is required to survive, survival will no longer become the main issue that is at the forefront of everybody’s minds all the time in some form or another. With our basic needs taken care of and survival no longer an issue, the human will be able to learn, express, grow and develop without fear and unconditionally of outside influence that may limit them. Our competition, spitefulness and fear towards each other will cease as a new way of life for the human emerge. Who would we be if we lived and expressed ourselves without fear? What would we do and how would our accomplishments fair if they were not driven by desires that were based in fears? Would we as adults, remain as children do in a peaceful state of mind if we were no longer taught the fear of survival and the drive for success?

From years of research and first hand investigation in the classroom, I can assuredly answer: YES.

To learn more about how we are able to create a value system that is based in equality where everyone’s basic needs are taken care of, visit equalmoney.org

In part 2 of this blog I will be doing self forgiveness and self corrective statements on the educational system we have created that does not serve our children’s best interest.

Day 59: Body Image and Fear pt. 2

ImageI forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to fear aging and being unattractive within the belief that if I age or I fit the description of what society has defined as unattractive, I will not survive, and the belief that ‘good looks’ will bring me money, status and sex – I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to want and desire money, status and sex from the starting point of fear of survival

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to define what is a ‘successful male’ within the fear of survival as a male who is ‘good looking’ by societal definitions, and also has a ‘good looking’ wife or girlfriend, children, the perfect job, the perfect house, car etc., and I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to participate within the belief that a good looking person reflects ‘good qualities’ that are necessary to survive

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe that if people love and admire me, I will survive or have a good life and get all the things I want

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe that I must be good looking to survive and within this belief, limited myself extensively through constantly monitoring and obsessing with maintaining good looks, and only recognizing myself/judging myself and others based on this context of either being good looking or not, and through this obsession, missing what is here as life in the physical, not realizing that life does not exist in pictures, but as the physical

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe that being good looking and having the perfect life will support me to survive and be happy, despite all of evidence that being obsessed with these pursuits has brought me misery, as I exist within fear and limitation to desires/expectations/beliefs/judgments

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to live and exist within the fear of survival, and upon stopping participation within a point in my life that is based in fear of survival, simply replace it with another point that is based in fear of survival – not seeing that it is the same point in essence and thus it is the fear that must be stopped, not only the individual points of manifestations of fear of survival

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe that life and love can be created in fear of death and that I have not allowed myself to see that life and love have been created in the fear of death

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not give equal value to all others as me as life through limiting my understanding and the value given to others to picture forms which I have defined within a polarity system of people who look good or do not look good – I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed this to limit my interaction and participation with others in my world

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to fear death, and within this fear of death, found a way to justify all the things I have created that I believe will enable me to survive, such as being ‘healthy’ for instance – not realizing that life is not a competition that is about who can amass the most time spent on this earth, but life is established and determined by who we are and what we do with the time we are given on earth

 

I commit myself to stop all beliefs related to good looks and survival, that if I am good looking, I will have a better chance at surviving, and if I am not good looking, I will not survive – to do this I must give up the fear of dying altogether and thus I commit myself to stop all fears of dying/survival

 

I commit myself to stop all desires based on the fear of death and survival – the desire to be good looking, the desire to amass wealth, the desire to have a wife/girlfriend, the desire to have sex, the desire to have children, the desire for attention and love the desire to have the perfect home, car, job etc. – I commit myself to stop when I see that desires exist within me and investigate – what is this desire really based in?

 

I commit myself to stop all judgments around looks and physical appearance, and to investigate what is behind the pictures of what the mind sees to see and understand what is really real

 

I commit myself to investigate and debunk with self forgiveness all of my creations as aspects of myself and my living that were created in the fear of survival so that all is understood for what it really is from its point of origin to ensure that in fact I am life, not just a creation of the fear or death

 

I commit myself to investigate all forms of love and happiness to ensure that they are not just the creations of the fear of death and survival

 

I commit myself to stop the fear of death and the desire to simply cling and hold on to my time on earth for as long as possible as I only fear dying, I commit myself to make the most of the time I have been given on earth which will require me to give up the limitations of only living for my own self interest within the fear of survival

 

I commit myself to stop all value judgment systems that do not give equal value as life and I commit myself to give equal value to all life, equally!

Day 58: Body Image and Fear

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Lately I’ve been looking at my body a lot in fear of gaining weight. As I get older and notice the signs of aging, I become more fearful and obsessive about my body and how I look. If looks had no value in our society, then it is really unlikely that I would be so obsessed with the way I look, because the only reason I am obsessing is that I fear losing my ‘good looks’ because I believe that good looks will get me what I want – sex, status, and ultimately money.

 

It all falls within the accepted design of what is a ‘successful male’ in our world. He is good looking, because good looks are supposed to somehow imply good qualities/attributes to a person, like for instance being smart – which is no wonder why we actually use the word ‘smart’ to say someone looks attractive. The ‘successful male’ also has a girlfriend or wife who is beautiful, and by virtue of her also being beautiful – female beauty being extensively valued in this world – the successful male will feel great and special if he has a beautiful female to have sex with, and even possibly have children with.

 

It has all been for these reasons that I have always been obsessed with the way I look and maintaining this look – so that people will ‘love and admire me’ and I can be successful and basically, survive.

 

This however has been extremely limiting, because this is not necessary to survive in fact – it is something that in my fear, I noticed was able to be utilized for my survival, and over time I came to believe that I need this and became dependent on this to survive – and rather than expanding myself as a being, I clung to this character of a ‘good looking person’, trapped in the obsession of being and maintaining this character from which I could not really grow or expand myself. I mean it is like, ‘well I have what I need to survive, I’ll just stick to this, this is all I need’. Because of this, I have lived a life of dissatisfaction with myself because I allowed myself to be trapped within a character, only concerned with pursuit and maintaining the projection of this character.

 

I say ‘pursuing’ because I will then want to fulfill this character to the greatest extent possible, and as I began to discuss above, this character is part of a greater life design of a character, who has the perfect wife, job, home etc. Within this realm of fearing for my survival and only seeking to attain that which I fearfully believe will keep me alive, I have become consumed by this fear and pursuit of apparent happiness – even though it has made me miserable.

 

Now I’m beginning to see there are other ways to survive – but more importantly, that the fear of survival is no way to live at all, it is not a starting point from which I can truly exist and express myself. It is absolute stupidity as I am attempting to escape the inescapable, just as everyone seems to be doing this, to the extent where it is like a huge competition to beat and cheat death – but who are we kidding when this is a game that everybody LOSES – and in this game we lose ourselves on our way to the inevitable end of time. How can a REAL life be based on the fear of DEATH? It is from the fear of death that all characters are made.

 

I have seen that being given value for looks or giving others value based on looks, will inevitably lead to abuse because what is being valued is not the real person – but a societal construct which myself or others believe they will also benefit from by recognizing or utilizing this value.

 

By limiting myself and others to these characters, I have limited my self-expression, the self expression of others and even the interaction I have with others as who I do or do not interact with is based on these values – that is very limiting and creates a very ‘small world’ where so much is left undiscovered and misunderstood, just because of a value judgment placed on a picture – I have missed the depth and humanity of so many around me.

 

So, every time I become concerned with my body image, I must stop and realize – this is fear, fear of death. I and many around me have used other excuses, like healthcare for instance, or there has also been the more apparent reason that it is because I am looking for sex or a partner, but at the bottom of all of these reasons is one simple point – fear of death. It can be justified in all kinds of ways – but the simple question remains – how can a life that is only based in fear of death be a life worth living?

 

In part 2 of this blog I will continue with self forgiveness statements and self commitment statements on body image and fear of death.

Day 57: Anxiety and Breathing pt. 2

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I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not simply breathe and exist here within breath as a purely physical being, without the preoccupation/possession of energy as my thoughts, feelings and emotions

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that breath and simply breathing – focusing on remaining here within breath – is the key to stop the mind of thoughts, feelings and emotions which create anxiety as a state of fear

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to become impatient and frustrated with myself because I did not meet a false self-created expectation of being able to stop the mind through breath instantly perfectly, and that I have not allowed myself to be patient with myself in realizing that to become effective in assisting myself in stopping thoughts with breath, it is a matter of practice and as I practically walk through my mind with self forgiveness and support myself with breathing throughout this process of walking I accumulate self change through time of application

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I am able to do self forgiveness at any place at any time, through the act of – upon seeing and recognizing that I am lost in thought – simply stopping and breathing and not participating in thoughts as energy until the energy passes

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not realize that breath is the tool to support myself to stop thoughts and see what is coming up in my thoughts so that I may investigate the thought and where it is coming from, digging deeper and deeper until I understand the origin of the thought and the design of the train of thought so that I may forgive myself and stop the thoughts at all levels

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not understand and realize that breath is the key to stop mind control and thought which create a life experience of myself of nervousness and anxiety, but that to live in such a paradise to be free of thoughts requires me to simply breathe and give up all thoughts unconditionally as giving myself the opportunity to investigate and deconstruct my thoughts and no longer be consumed by them

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for my fears and desires and judge my fears and desires and within this, simply try to stop my fears and desires as suppressing acting out on my fears and desires, not understanding and realizing that the energy of fears and desires that arise within me is built up through the accumulative act of thinking and allowing/participating in thoughts and thus as long as these thoughts are coming up, I must stop them through breathing and doing self forgiveness as the necessary investigation of the thoughts to understand their origin and stop them effectively – and that if this process is not effective initially, it simply indicates that I have not gotten to the core of the thoughts and require further investigation and self forgiveness and that I must repeat this process as many times necessary until the thought is no longer coming up

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to become frustrated and judge myself when I apply the tools of self forgiveness and breath on thoughts/patterns and yet the thought/pattern keep coming up, not realizing that I have still not allowed myself to get to the core of the issue and that I must simply keep digging and applying myself in self honest investigation through writing and that who I am my living participation is simply another part of process I am able to walk to reflect back to myself the effectiveness of my application as to whether or not I have transcended the point or require more work – from this perspective, even making mistakes is able to be turned into a point of support if I bring the point back to myself in investigating the mistake and how it came to be through thought creation

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not fully be honest with myself through investigating myself thoroughly enough through self writing and working with what is here as my thoughts that are coming up to get to the core of the thought/point that is coming up and that breath is the key to support myself to effectively stop myself and direct myself

 

I commit myself to support myself throughout my process through breathing and utilizing the 4 count breath if necessary when thoughts become intense as I accumulate a new life and work to change me through self writing/self investigation

 

I commit myself to give up thoughts unconditionally and not give into the desire to remain in thought but instead simply breathe as to unconditionally receive a new life, I must unconditionally give new life

 

I commit myself to stop judging/reacting to myself if I fall or am not effective in breathing within the self honest consideration that this is a process of accumulation and understanding

 

I commit myself to support myself through breathing and do self forgiveness at any place at any time so that I may be consistent within the realization/understanding that I am able to do self forgiveness and support myself through breathing at any place and any time

 

I commit myself to make a consistent habit of writing myself out and investigating myself as thoroughly as necessary until I get to the core of myself as the point in am looking at, especially if I find myself still falling/having thoughts come up around the point which indicate the point requires more work/investigation

 

I commit myself to stop suppressing myself as who I am currently am and have become and stop suppressing my desires, through instead breathing to support myself to stop the thoughts that accumulate into desires and self writing/self investigation/self forgiveness to stop the thoughts that accumulate into desires/energetic build-up

 

I commit myself to always work with what is here as the actual thoughts/feelings/emotions/desires that arise within me in the moment and my day to day experiences, and stop writing/doing self forgiveness from a starting point of ideas of the mind of where I apparently should be or what I apparently should do – and within this embrace and face fully what I have become so that I may forgive it effectively

Day 56: Anxiety and Breathing

ImageThroughout my life I have experience extensive amounts of nervousness and anxiety, to the point where it became a normal way of living and I became unaware that this was actually my regular experience of myself and my world. It became normal, who I was. Through my process I have began to learn how I have created myself in this way and how I have come to exist in nervousness and anxiety, both in my past experiences and my daily living habits/patterns today. Anxiety and nervousness are forms of fear and from fear desire and love are created as ways to escape this experience of ourselves of fear – to forget it all and make ourselves feel better. This desire and love turned eventually into various forms of addiction to things which then brought me this feel good experience of myself.

 

Living in this kind of way – a world of fears and desires, the mind tends to always race, like everything is moving very fast. This is an energetic experience of following thoughts, feelings and emotions that will all tend to be based in desire, and the limitation of this is that one will tend to not see their own limitation that they are trapped in this energetic experience of thoughts, feelings and emotions – they just come and you just follow and become consumed by them.

 

Throughout my process, one of the most useful tools I have learned is breathing, and the 4 count breath – which is to breathe while counting to in my head so as to stop the thoughts from racing. I found that this is one of the most effective ways to stop from being possessed by my thoughts, feelings and emotions. However, given the nature of what I described above about my history with anxiety and nervousness, this can be a bit ‘tricky’ because as I mentioned, when one is in the mind where thoughts, feelings and emotions are racing, one will tend to get lost/consumed in this experience, and so it is difficult for one to see themselves outside of themselves to see what they are doing and be able to remind themselves to stop, and just breathe.

 

So despite having learned to use breath as a tool, I would still become lost in my mind all the time, not remembering to stop and breathe, and on rare occasions when I would stop and notice myself and what I was doing, I would become frustrated and I would judge myself when I noticed how lost I was in my mind and that I couldn’t even remember to breathe. I would even become more frustrated at times when I would remember to breathe, start focusing on breathing or the 4 count breath – only to ‘lose it’ and become once again lost in thought. That was a very frustrating experience.

 

But over time I have been learning to be more patient with myself and to stop judging myself, because this is a process, and what has to be taken into consideration is the practicalities of the time it takes to change oneself. The implementation of solutions and self change does take time, and like any new learning curve is done through a process of accumulation – where it is best that one simply apply themselves unconditionally as much as they are able to – and through this, one will accumulate the experience and understanding of the application of these tools, and this new way of life that upon accumulation amounts to self change over time.

 

In part 2 of this blog I will continue with self forgiveness statements and self commitment statements to support myself in utilizing this tool of breathing and the 4 count breath that is critical to my process as self support to stop the creation of old thought patterns which create the experience of nervousness and anxiety that have for so long limited and controlled my life.

Day 55: Giving Equal Value

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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not give equal value to all life forms as all that is HERE – as that which is here requires support as life whether it come in the form of plant, animal, human or any form that is of the earth – and I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not give consideration to that which is not of the earth but of the mind/energy as even that which is of the mind requires support/direction so that it may the life from which it is sourced may realize itself that it is trapped in an illusion

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not realize that all life on earth have equal value as everything is HERE as ONE physical reality and as such must be given equal value/consideration as a living expression of who I am in every moment as my actions and understanding will show whether or not I am worthy of life as equal and one to it

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not realize and deny my oneness with life as the physical reality, and the simplistic realization that if you are part of something, you are IT

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not realize that to value all life equally would imply on a practical level that I am living within the consideration/understanding/awareness of the extent of the suffering, abuse, pain and torture that exist on earth such as for instance starvation, and that to value and consider all life equally as myself would mean to act to stop this abuse, just the same way that if I were the one experiencing this abuse, I would act to stop my own abuse/pain/suffering – that if I were the starving child, I would stop starvation, that if I were the animal whose throat is being slit, I would stop animal abuse, that if I were the woman who is being used and raped, I would stop abuse and rape, etc. until I have stood for all life in all forms as my equal

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not realize that enjoyment as a real self-expression that is equal to and one with all life as considering all life equally as myself, would imply that enjoyment should be a physical experience wherein I am taking into consideration all life that is here as the physical and within such consideration exist the realization that life is suffering extensively, and thus it is common sense that to experience real joy, the suffering of life must stop, and as such that real enjoyment lived and expression would be to take the practical actions necessary to stop  the abuse and suffering of life on earth

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to give more value to ‘loved ones’ than others, as ‘loved ones’ being those who I have defined as special in my life based on the way they make me feel or our co-dependency on each other to survive such as my family, friends, girlfriends, those I agree with or even other Destonians – within this I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize the simplicity of the fact that to have loved ones as those who I have defined as special implies superiority as for some to be loved and special, others must be not special and not loved and are therefore not given equal value and consideration by me

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to only see and believe the illusion of characters that has been made of physical life forms and as such, base value and worth on others as a judgment of character as to whether I like or dislike the character, based on how they make me feel and whether I agree with them or not – not seeing or realizing the illusion of character that has been made of life is an atrocious creation of war and separation and that to value the characters is to support this abuse, wherein I am missing the life essence that each one is in fact and that to support the life essence in the stopping the abuse of life essence as characters, I must stop judging these characters as good/bad and see through the characters into how these characters exist and have come to be, to no longer give power to these characters but instead support to the life essence that is creating these characters to realize themselves and stop the self abuse that is living in the prison of a character

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not realize that living a life of only considering one’s own experience and value as not giving equal value and consideration to the life and experience of all other life on earth, is how we have created this mess on earth as we have billions of people who are

I commit myself to stop and expose self interest and greed in my life and all lives as the root cause of all the neglect, inconsideration and disregard of life that is lived by billions and collectively create the mess that we find ourselves in here on earth

I commit myself to live a life of equality where I give equal value and consideration to all life in my actions as the realization that life is in critical condition and requires my direct support immediately in every moment

I commit myself to live a life of equality and oneness within and as the physical reality – which implies to stop all illusions of the mental reality that is not equal and can never be equal to physical reality as it operate by a different set of rules/values wherein I am always the winner and projecting myself as superior within the awareness that in actuality, the mind is inferior and can never be equal to the physical reality as long as it do not give value to all life as that which is best for all is equality

I commit myself to realize and live what real enjoyment is in fact as taking the necessary actions to not be limited by the mind and be able to direct myself in every moment in self honesty in doing what which is necessary to be done to support equality and bring about a value system in the world that is best for all life

I commit myself to stop giving more value to some and less value to others as an act of self interest and to realize that the value of life must be given to all equally just as I would like to receive equal value from all life so that we may all exist in oneness and harmony and never again life in fear, distrust and separation

I commit myself to see through all characters and not feed the characters of consciousness with energy by judging the characters and participating within the character illusion of validating other characters through being a character that is a reactor to other characters because all characters require each other to survive – and to recognize the life essence that is lost/consumed by the characters and to stir the pot of the character through self honesty and self forgiveness of not allowing myself to be a character so that the life essence that is trapped in characters may realize itself and wake up from the dead

I commit myself to give equal value and consideration to the experiences and existences of both characters and the physical life that is here on earth to understand how life has been made into characters that abuse so that I may understand life and the characters sufficiently to support life to realize itself and stop the illusions of character that trap life in cycles of fear and loss