Day 68: Being judged as a straight male

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I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as bad for wanting/desiring sex

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to adopt the judgment of others through feeling bad when others judged me as bad for wanting/desiring sex

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am exceptional in being bad for wanting/desiring sex as a form of self interest, not realizing that everyone is existing within a point of self interest to one degree or another that comes in one form or another and thus I am in fact equal to all others as this self interest was taught to me by a society that exist in self interest

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to take the blame in past relationships for being self interested as only wanting sex or cheating on a partner because I wanted sex, and allowed myself to be blamed/defined as ‘the bad guy’ because it was obvious that I as a straight male has self interest in the form of wanting sex – yet I did not allow myself to see/realize that both I and my partner were existing within forms of sex interest as we were both in the relationship for our own selfish reasons as wants/desires that merely took on different forms

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to let others/society tell me who I am as allowing myself to be defined by their judgments of me as bad/selfish for being a straight male that wants/desires sex

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not realize that others judgments of me being bad for being selfish in wanting/desiring sex and their attacks on me for being this way, were in fact based in self interest where they in fact want something and had an ulterior motive in making this judgment of me, in an attempt to have power/control through creating a moral context of better/worse where they get to be the morally superior/righteous ones in contrast to be being the morally inferior one

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to suppress my wants/desires only because I fear self judgment/others judging me

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not realize that real self change that is best for all life must be done through a real understanding, not through an idea of what something is that is based in morality definitions that are created in the human power struggle of people trying to have power over one another

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to define myself as being the ‘bad guy’ as having self interested desires where the woman is the ‘victim’ – not realizing that I am also a ‘victim’ of my own desires just as everyone is enslaved to their own self interest as desires as self interest/desires are always based in fear – and everyone has fear

 

I commit myself to stop suppressing my desires and investigate myself self honestly through living out who I currently am and writing daily to support myself in understanding who I am so that I may make the corrections necessary through understanding to create a life that is best for all

 

I commit myself to stop judging myself and suppressing myself because I fear being judged by others within the acceptance and realization that I am in fact one and equal to all others and am not any better/worse

 

I commit myself to stop and forgive all morality judgments that I have made about myself and others with regards to sex/desire

 

I commit myself to investigate all desires of the mind so that I may understand the mind and its desires and accordingly distinguish between what is real and what is not to create a life that is best for all, and not limit myself/suppress myself from participating within the desires of the mind only because I fear them because I have judged them as wrong/bad and would simply like to escape/suppress those judgments

 

I commit myself to no longer limit my understanding of my mind/desires through judgments and trying to escape my mind/desires through suppression, as the self honest realization that what I resist will persist and that I cannot simply stop through a desire to change that is based on morality judgments – that I must understand me and how/why I have created myself this way and thus why and how to stop and create a life that is best for all

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