Day 68: Being judged as a straight male

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I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as bad for wanting/desiring sex

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to adopt the judgment of others through feeling bad when others judged me as bad for wanting/desiring sex

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am exceptional in being bad for wanting/desiring sex as a form of self interest, not realizing that everyone is existing within a point of self interest to one degree or another that comes in one form or another and thus I am in fact equal to all others as this self interest was taught to me by a society that exist in self interest

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to take the blame in past relationships for being self interested as only wanting sex or cheating on a partner because I wanted sex, and allowed myself to be blamed/defined as ‘the bad guy’ because it was obvious that I as a straight male has self interest in the form of wanting sex – yet I did not allow myself to see/realize that both I and my partner were existing within forms of sex interest as we were both in the relationship for our own selfish reasons as wants/desires that merely took on different forms

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to let others/society tell me who I am as allowing myself to be defined by their judgments of me as bad/selfish for being a straight male that wants/desires sex

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not realize that others judgments of me being bad for being selfish in wanting/desiring sex and their attacks on me for being this way, were in fact based in self interest where they in fact want something and had an ulterior motive in making this judgment of me, in an attempt to have power/control through creating a moral context of better/worse where they get to be the morally superior/righteous ones in contrast to be being the morally inferior one

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to suppress my wants/desires only because I fear self judgment/others judging me

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not realize that real self change that is best for all life must be done through a real understanding, not through an idea of what something is that is based in morality definitions that are created in the human power struggle of people trying to have power over one another

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to define myself as being the ‘bad guy’ as having self interested desires where the woman is the ‘victim’ – not realizing that I am also a ‘victim’ of my own desires just as everyone is enslaved to their own self interest as desires as self interest/desires are always based in fear – and everyone has fear

 

I commit myself to stop suppressing my desires and investigate myself self honestly through living out who I currently am and writing daily to support myself in understanding who I am so that I may make the corrections necessary through understanding to create a life that is best for all

 

I commit myself to stop judging myself and suppressing myself because I fear being judged by others within the acceptance and realization that I am in fact one and equal to all others and am not any better/worse

 

I commit myself to stop and forgive all morality judgments that I have made about myself and others with regards to sex/desire

 

I commit myself to investigate all desires of the mind so that I may understand the mind and its desires and accordingly distinguish between what is real and what is not to create a life that is best for all, and not limit myself/suppress myself from participating within the desires of the mind only because I fear them because I have judged them as wrong/bad and would simply like to escape/suppress those judgments

 

I commit myself to no longer limit my understanding of my mind/desires through judgments and trying to escape my mind/desires through suppression, as the self honest realization that what I resist will persist and that I cannot simply stop through a desire to change that is based on morality judgments – that I must understand me and how/why I have created myself this way and thus why and how to stop and create a life that is best for all

Day 67: Laziness and Procrastination

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I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to be lazy and procrastinate

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not realize that procrastinating is the procreation of fear wherein fear will be an inevitable experience when I accept and allow myself to procrastinate as there exist an awareness that valuable time has been lost and that I have not done what is necessary to create a successful life on earth for myself as life but instead procrastinated in self interest believing that I can escape the self responsibility of creator

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not realize that laziness is a drug of the mind where I allow myself to be intoxicated by the belief that I can escape myself/my reality through entertainment and distraction which is a form of ego in wanting to play God, believing that I can get away with what is not possible to get away with – abdicating self responsibility

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not see and identify laziness and procrastination as forms of resistance and that I’ve not allowed myself to see and realize that what I resist will persist as self responsibility as life is always here and must always be lived in any moment, and that any belief that I am able to resist self responsibility is a mental illusion that it is actually possible to escape the self responsibility of being here in the physical as even death is no escape from self responsibility, but rather death is the escape of the illusion as all illusions end at death

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to use the excuse/justification of “I’m not ready” or “I’m too tired” as excuses to be lazy and procrastinate when this is not in fact so and that I must give myself a chance to walk through this resistance by always trying/applying myself

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to use the excuse that I don’t have the time to apply myself when in fact there is always enough time, and it is instead just a matter of priorities

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to resist changing myself and be lazy with regard to applying myself in process within the belief that it is somehow difficult, not realizing that applying myself in process is a simplistic application where I’m able to simply look at what is here in self honest writing to investigate who I am and do the relevant self forgiveness, and that this is actually quite a fun process as I move myself and no longer accept and allow myself to be limited to laziness/procrastination/resistance and that every time I do this, I learn, grow and accumulate a new me that is self directed and not limited to energy/feeling of the mind

 

I commit myself to apply myself daily/consistently in self writing as self support and stop all laziness and procrastination with regard to my process or other daily tasks that require to be done

 

I commit myself to realize the self enjoyment and self directive principle/self will of no longer allowing myself to be limited to laziness/procrastination/resistance through walking through these experiences and applying myself in my process/whatever needs to be done, no matter what how strong the resistance or how believable the justification of this resistance may seem

 

I commit myself to walk through all temporary experiences of laziness/procrastination/resistance to see that it is only an energy ‘weighing me down’ and to no longer allow myself to be influenced/controlled/directed by this energy

 

I commit myself to always make the time to support myself through self honest writing and self forgiveness