Day 23: Discouragement

I forgive myself that I’ve allowed myself to become discouraged by the fact that I have thoughts, feelings and emotions and exist as a mind consciousness system, within and as an experience of judging myself as such

 

I forgive myself that I’ve allowed myself to become discouraged at the fact that I have desires and wants as self interest, within and as an experience of judging myself as such

 

I forgive myself that I’ve allowed myself to become discouraged and judge myself when I fall or give into my desires and wants as self interest

 

I forgive myself that I’ve allowed myself to become and impatient that I am not changing immediately upon doing self forgiveness on a point, and that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that some points require extensive self forgiveness and are often linked to other points as the matrix that is my mind, and that it takes time and a process of self forgiveness, point by point, moment by moment, within which change slowly but surely occur as long as I dedicate, commit and apply myself to continually apply self forgiveness every day

 

I forgive myself that I’ve not allowed myself to realize that the fact that self change takes time is a gift as through time I have an opportunity as self change requires times as I have created, developed and infused the mind extensively through layers upon layers of knowledge and information and thus time is a gift through which I am able to go through all necessary layers and apply myself in this way to through time create a world that is best for all life

 

I forgive myself that I’ve not allowed myself to see the experience of discouragement for what it is: an energetic experience of the mind through which I atTEMPT to deceive myself into temptation and going back to old ways within the desire to give up to simply be able to keep feeding the mind energy by participating within and as old habits/patterns as energetic addictions

 

I forgive myself that I’ve allowed myself to create an experience of discouragement for myself through the minds desire to change and have things done instantly as the mind as desire do not consider or understand how the physical reality actually operates/functions

 

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to become frustrated and discouraged with myself when I see or am aware that I am still stuck in old patterns and feel/expect that I should have changed because I am aware of them or have done self forgiveness on them

 

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to feel discouraged and judge myself because I did not meet/fulfill an expectation of myself that I have created within my process

 

I forgive myself that I’ve allowed myself to judge myself within and as my process as though I am different or worse than any other mind consciousness system, not realizing that such self judgment is a trick of my mind to create an experience of discouragement for myself so that I may give up on myself and go back to old patterns/habit as ways to continue to feed my mind energy

 

I forgive myself that I’ve allowed myself to feel discouraged through seeing others not applying themselves within and as their own process, and at the experience of feeling overwhelmed within the experience of judging what this world has become as its current state

 

I commit myself to walk through all experiences of discouragement to see them for what they are – self created experiences where I desire to escape my process through the justification/belief that I did not meet an expectation/projection that I had created for myself within my process as the minds desire to have things done and over with already

 

I commit myself to continuously and consistently walk and apply myself within my process unconditionally of what resistance my mind may create as the experience of feeling discouraged

 

I commit myself to be patient, understanding and gentle with myself within and as my process

 

I commit myself to apply myself unconditionally in my process and walk through all experiences of discouragement in seeing them for what they are – a self created attempt of the mind to stop self from applying self within and as process, using the justification/belief/judgment that everything in the world is so bad and that others are not applying themselves in their processes, and within this, limiting myself to depending on others to apply themselves within and as process as the desire to have others apply themselves within and as process is in fact the projection of myself wanting myself to apply myself in my own process, and a way to escape from doing this myself

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Day 22: The Perfect Woman

I forgive myself that I’ve allowed myself to create the fantasy/illusion/dream/archetypal design of the ‘perfect woman’ as another human being who I have separated myself so extensively from as life through self definition and self belief that I actually believe that finding, experiencing and attaining some form of ownership over this person will complete and fulfill me as the void I have created and left when I abandoned myself and committed the original sin of eating from the tree of knowledge in creating myself as a self defined mind consciousness system

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to believe that the ‘perfect woman’ is out there somewhere for me to find and discover, not questioning and considering what it is that is driving me to believe in this fantasy/illusion

I forgive myself that I’ve allowed myself to define ‘the perfect woman’ based on various traits/characteristics that I have separated myself from as a male, as various traits that I have defined as ‘feminine’ and part of being the ‘perfect female’, such as: I forgive myself that I’ve allowed myself to define the perfect woman as having dark skin while I have light skin, I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to have defined the perfect woman as being of another race such as Asian as I am Caucasian, I forgive myself that I’ve allowed myself to have defined the perfect woman as joyful, upbeat and happy while I am serious, negative and depressive/sad, I forgive myself that I’ve allowed myself to have defined the perfect woman as youthful as their appearance and expression as I have become ‘weathered’, jaded, weary and defined myself as ‘mature’, I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to have defined the perfect woman as sweet and innocent while I have become sour, bitter and corrupted/guilty, I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to have defined the perfect woman as small and cute while I have defined myself as big and tough, I forgive myself that I’ve allowed myself to have defined the perfect woman as kind and gentle while I have become mean and aggressive, I forgive myself that I’ve allowed myself to have defined the perfect woman as good as I have defined myself as bad, I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to have defined the perfect woman as angelic as I have defined myself as demonic – and within all such definitions that have made woman foreign and separate from myself, I forgive myself that I’ve not allowed myself to see, understand and realize that myself and such woman are merely playing roles of polar opposites to each other, yet are both equal as we are simply self-defined mind consciousness systems that comprise of definitions/perceptions/beliefs of the mind and are literally like two sides of the same coin, and for this manifestation of the mind as such characters/polarities to exist, each one must continue to play such roles in continuing to define/believe/perceive ourselves as such

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to separate myself from such traits/expressions that I have defined as feminine within and as the idea of the perfect/ideal woman such as: I forgive myself that I’ve allowed myself to separate myself from gentleness, joyfulness, goodness, kindness, sweetness, innocence, beauty, youthfulness, happiness and all such ‘positive’ polarity manifestations as expressions/traits  that I have separated myself from as a male standing self defined as the opposite as the negative polarity manifestations/expression as a male – I accept and allow and embrace myself to stand equal to and as all expressions as self here as the flesh, within and as breath

I commit myself to stop seeking to attain/experience all polarity manifestations/expressions that I have separated myself from as I then see and project into and as females in this world as the search for the ‘ideal/perfect female’

I commit myself to stop subscribing to/following/believing in/perceiving self created beliefs of what is the perfect/ideal manifestation/expression of the ‘perfect/ideal’ female

Day 21: Wanting to be God

I forgive myself that I’ve allowed myself to want to be the best

 

I forgive myself that I’ve allowed myself to even believe that life exist in levels and thus can be compared amongst itself and therefore within this belief, that there can even be a person/personality/someone that is “best” when in fact I am only seeing the mind as consciousness and levels of consciousness that were cleverly designed to deceive and enslave life

 

I forgive myself that I’ve allowed myself to want and desire to be #1 or to rank first within the power struggle and competition as a fake game that has been made out of life to abuse and enslave life

 

I forgive myself that I’ve allowed myself to want and desire to be the ‘top guy’ within the context of life as a game of levels as personalities and a competition environment where certain values have been attached to life as forms of personality/characteristics/traits that are then valued against one another in comparison and competition

 

I forgive myself that I’ve allowed myself to want and desire to compete to try and be the best as if that were even possible as life can only ever be equal to itself as life

I forgive myself that I’ve allowed myself to want and desire to be God or some form of living god as one whose dominance over others as enslavement and abuse is so great that it is far beyond other all other levels of consciousness and therefore is unable to be challenged by others as it is cleverly designed to enslave other forms of consciousness to have them feed this god construct that I have created for and as myself to want to exist as and live

 

I forgive myself that I’ve allowed myself to want and desire and pursue the polar opposite of the male archetypal god construct that I have created as the female archetypal god construct as a goddess as I have defined it in my mind

 

I forgive myself that I’ve not allowed myself to realize that all forms of superiority and godhood that I have defined, created and believed in were not created by me originally as life but rather were created by me through my experience of this world as what I had observed as levels of consciousness since a young age, and that I purely developed and constructed this god archetype/consciousness based on what I had observed and therefore sought a way to be able to control, dominate and feed off of what I had observed as consciousness and that my starting point and desire to do so, was based purely in fear, inferiority, spitefulness and self interest as I did not understand that what I had observed as consciousness was only such and not life in fact

 

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to treat life and everything that life entails as my experience as a game in which I am trying and attempting and looking for ways to win – always only ever considering me and how the result will favor me without any regard of what is best for me in fact as what is best for all life within the understanding and consideration that self IS life as the flesh

 

I forgive myself that I’ve allowed myself to want and desire to have and experience power, control and dominion over others as various forms of enslaving others to my will as my self interest and desire as an elitist personality who only live in self interest and completely disregard what is real as the physical from which I have been birthed and given life

 

I commit myself to no longer allow myself to get lost in the illusion of consciousness as levels of the mind and subsequent processes of comparison and competition in the strive to reach some higher consciousness – and embrace myself here as breath to equalize myself with that which I am and that which I have always been and all that I could ever be – life as the physical

 

I commit myself to no longer want, desire and pursue the conquest of godhood, being the best, being the top guy or being #1 as having some kind of perceptual power/control/dominion over others through the experience of feeding off of the energy from the friction created through standing as polar opposites through comparison of levels as inferiority/superiority or lower levels/higher levels of consciousness and realize that all such perceptions and experiences are self created self deception to never in fact realize who I am, and what real power/dominion/godhood is as life as the physical

I commit myself to give up the illusion of what is best for self for the reality of living what is best for all life as the flesh that is the physical which I breathe, live and exist as

Day 20: The musician/drummer character

I forgive myself that I’ve allowed myself to create an ego of being a ‘drummer’ and a ‘musician’ and as ‘having talent’ as a self definition which I use to assert and project an image of self superiority to myself and others to compensate for the lack and low self esteem and inferiority that I experience and within this inner experience, the fear that others will not accept/validate/recognize/support/like me, therefore I project myself as the opposite of this

 

I forgive myself that I’ve allowed myself to judge and define myself as a drummer and a musician

 

I forgive myself that I’ve allowed myself to believe that I am special because I play music and drums

 

I forgive myself that I’ve allowed myself to compare myself to other musicians/drummers within the context of inferiority/superiority and competing to see who is apparently the best

 

I forgive myself that I’ve allowed myself to believe in/subscribe to the fantasy of musicians and drummers being ‘special’ as a form of superiority over others and justify this belief with the skills and attributes that musicians possess – not realizing, understanding and taking into consideration that such skills are acquired through experience and conditions/circumstances that led to such skills being acquired and thus if any other who is not a musician/drummer had experienced these same conditions/circumstances, they would obviously have acquired and possess such skills

 

I forgive myself that I’ve not allowed myself to see and be honest with myself about the fact that musicians are given value, worth and notoriety through separation

 

I forgive myself that I’ve not allowed myself to realize and be honest with myself of the fact that myself, and many other musicians are driven to acquire skills and learn and perform music primarily due to economic circumstances as the drive to make money and survive in this world – and that these real reasons/drives are covered up with bullshit illusions of emotional expression and other forms of vanity

 

I commit myself to stop defining myself as special/superior for being a musician/drummer and others as well for the same reasons

 

I commit myself to stop judging and comparing myself and others as musicians/drummers

 

I commit myself to see and realize that music is in fact a self expression – not a way to make money in spitefulness towards others

 

I commit myself to stop judging/defining musicians/drummers as special and to simply realize that we are characters who have acquired skill sets that these characters need in order to survive and make money and that there is in fact nothing glamorous or special about these circumstance/conditions

 

I commit myself to stop using music/drumming as a way to make myself to make me feel or look special as a self projection of my own accepted and allowed fear as inFEARiority

 

I commit myself to stop separating myself from others through defining myself as a musician/drummer