Day 48: Masturbation

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to create masturbation as a way of feeding the mind energy wherein I access pictures and ideas when I masturbate to stimulate me into orgasm wherein I experience an absolute ‘high’ and energy rush in the mind – only to then come down again experiencing shame and guilt, that my masturbation was based in fear and desire to have a certain energetic experience of myself of the mind, and not a self expression

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to fall into the trap as a pattern of masturbating to pictures and memories that make me ‘feel good’ about myself in some kind of superior way where I am getting what I desire or feeling what I desire to as a sense of superiority and grandeur, which is reflected in the images that flash in my head and the thoughts that come up which are always based in wanting an experience of power and control over life, not realizing that this is reflective of the mind as the minds desire to have power and control over me to be able to get energy from the physical body in order to sustain its existence

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not realize that when I masturbate to pictures, I am literally losing myself in an illusion that is not real and that every time I do this, I diminish as the mind feeds off the body through the energetic experience of masturbation and climax, and that that is why over time the mind becomes addicted to masturbation and wants and desires it more and more and has to go into deeper levels of fantasy and illusion and try to ever increase the level of intensity as the energy generated and the minds appetite grows and the body continues to diminish and within this awareness, the appetite of the mind grows until the body can handle no more and die

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe that I enjoy masturbation when it is only the mind being addicted to energy and the enslavement of the physical body into patterns/habits

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that masturbation as it has been created in my life as a system is based on fear, wherein I fear to face myself and live myself here within and as the physical body and instead go into the realm of thoughts as the illusion of my mind, where I can be god and have power and have some great magnificent experience of myself that I have defined as great through pictures and images that stimulate me to give me this experience of power and control as enjoyment, and that by participating in such an action I actually fear to stop my illusion to see who I have become and what my desires are really based in and instead choose to escape myself which is never a sustainable way to live

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not realize that masturbation starts off as an evolves further into an obsessive/possessive personality state as the mind becomes addicted and dependent on these feelings it generates by stimulating itself in participating in the illusion/fantasy of masturbation as this only serves as a temporary escape from my reality and that the more I escape, the more I desire to escape and the more intense the attempt to escape will become

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that masturbation is based in unhappiness and dissatisfaction of self and only further progresses and evolves down this path of being further unhappy and unsatisfied with self as I set out to masturbate to have a better/higher experience of myself due to my already being unhappy/dissatisfied with myself and my reality, and as I do this I am only escaping my unhappiness/dissatisfaction in my reality and thus it continues unabated and grows as I continue to not face it as myself every time that I choose to masturbate, which then fuel the desire to escape through masturbation even more and that this continues as a vicious cycle unless I stop and see and realize my dissatisfaction and the fact that I do not have to accept such an existence and am able to change it if I apply myself through self -honest self-investigation and self forgiveness as real self change, as this would not only be best for myself but also assist in creating a self that is so satisfied with self that self realize the courage and strength to stand for a world that is also best for all life as equals

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe that I will enjoy myself if I masturbate and that my desires will be satisfied when this is in fact not so as it has been proven to me time and time again through experience that masturbation that is based in desire and pictures only serve to weaken, not strengthen

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not realize that masturbation only fuel and compound the self-interested self-obsessed desire for happiness at all costs that is based in fear and desire and always leads to recklessness and the disregarding of life as the physical and serve to create a self that abuse life in pursuit of self interest

 

I forgive myself that I’ve not accepted and allowed myself to realize that to GET the kind of enjoyment that my mind project itself to want to have requires to GIVE up all illusions of what enjoyment is as it has been defined by the mind as the mind only defines enjoyment based on criteria that only consider self as the mind and not life, and thus for real enjoyment to exist I must give to all life equally as giving up all self interested versions of enjoyment and love

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to justify giving into my desire to masturbate within the belief that I am powerless to stop myself, not seeing or realizing how I have created the desire to masturbate as who I am as who I accept and allow myself to be in every single moment, and that it is in fact possible to stop creating the desire to masturbate through self honesty and self forgiveness as standing as the self directive principle of what is best for life in every single moment wherein every moment I am continually faced with the opportunity to stop my mind through breath and direct myself in ways that is best for all life which serve to stop the accumulation of energy as desire based in self interest

 

I commit myself to stop creating the desire to escape my reality through masturbation by standing here as the self directive principle in self honesty and self forgiveness in every moment as I live and accumulate the actions that take into consideration what is best for all life, which include giving to life as myself as I would like to receive so that I no longer want and desire to escape myself and my reality

 

I commit myself to give as I would like to receive as giving up all desires/illusions/fantasies/escapes as self interest to live in a way that is best for all life so that I as life may receive the life I would truly want as I have given it to all life equally

 

I commit myself to stop the reckless pursuit of self enjoyment through energy and stimulation of the mind through breath by breath a practical application of stopping desires, fears and beliefs an within this, slowly but surely create through accumulation of self application a life that truly thrive and enjoy

I commit myself to stop all beliefs/perceptions of what self enjoyment apparently is as they have been created in the mind of fears and desires in self interest that disregard life

 

I commit myself to stop and face all unhappiness and self dissatisfaction that I have come to exist as and no longer create and sustain such an existence through the chasing of desires and illusory escapes from what I have become, but instead create a life that is best for all here, breath by breath

 

I commit myself to no longer trap myself into illusions of good feelings through sex and masturbation and instead create a reality that is truly good as what is best for all life by creating this reality without self interest and in consideration of what is best for all life, here in the physical reality where the results/effects of this are not illusory but are in fact able to be cross referenced and measured as they exist in the physical reality

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