Day 44: The desire to be special, Part 2

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to want and desire to be special in my own self image and in the minds of others, as any form of being ‘more than’ or ‘superior’ or ‘different’ or ‘better’ or ‘more noticeable’ or higher’ or ‘more profound’ or any other form of separation

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not realize that by desiring to be special I am in fact desiring to be less than life as that which desires to be more than life is doing so as it in fact exist as less than life as FEAR an inferiority and is only confirming so and validating this inferiority through the desire and attempt to be/recognition of being something special

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed my ego to continually look for ways to individualize itself as separating itself from others/life within the desire and pursuit of wanting to be something special

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to create a life as ego that is so twisted that it will, upon recognizing all the other egos desire to be special, find new ways to be special including trying to be ‘not special’ as a separation/contrast to how other egos tend to make themselves special, as some form of being special by being ‘less’ or even ‘inferior’ as apparently being different or not caring, as forms of false humility and fake humbleness

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to use that which is most exclusive and rare – yet desired and valued by other minds – as a vehicle for my ego in the purSUIT of specialness from which my relationships are based to further solidify this special personality I have created and validate my ego in its self belief/desire to be special

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I am able to separate myself from others extensively enough within the belief that I am special and thus superior, that they will somehow gain a kind of reverence and worship of me wherein they will apparently ‘respect me’ and conform to by desires by helping or supportive me in whatever way I may please on order to gain favor with me and be a part of my specialness – exactly the same principle of what is done with other figures of specialness/ego such as celebrities or GOD

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not see that any desire to be unique or individual is the desire to be special as superiority over others/life

 

I forgive myself that I’ve not allowed myself to see and realize that my self-identity of specialness and the feeling of being someone special is an absolute fraud that invalidate me as life equal and only serve to further delude me into my projection of specialness and feed the mind energy that sustain this self belief that cover up and support my accepted and allowed fear and inferiority

 

I commit myself to stop all desires and endeavors to define myself as someone special or unique or individual as forms of superiority over life

 

I commit myself to stop all inferiority and fear through self forgiveness as the return back to earth as one as equal wherein no separation exist and thus, all desire to be feel special and superior will exist no more

 

I commit myself to stop all forms/personalities of false humility and fake humbleness as the desire to be special/unique/individual/superior

 

I commit myself to stop abusing individuality as life to be special and superior to others as life – and embrace myself in equality to all life within the acceptance that I am equal and one in every way, both as the creation of the mind as what we have become as mind consciousness systems, as well as equality within and as the physical reality as life

 

I commit myself to stop using expressions of life as the physical as various forms of commodities with which to distinguish my specialness/status/superiority as ego

 

I commit myself to stop my desire to have control and power over others out of inferiority and fear of survival, which drive me to create personas that are special/superior to others with which to gain power and control over them, and to stop any justifications in the name of fear of survival that present themselves as logical as to why I apparently have the right to be someone special and use specialness and power over others in self interest which is in fact spiteful and can in no way be justified

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Day 43: Work and Discipline

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to have resistance towards work through the definition of work that I have accepted as stupid, boring, mundane, tedious, difficult, pointless – which I have defined from past experiences where I was not enjoying myself within my work and allowed myself to be defined by such experiences where I made associations with these words to the word ‘work’ and ‘working’ with negative connotations – I forgive myself that I’ve allowed myself to deceive myself from being effective in participating in working by projecting such definitions of the past onto the future where I am thus limited and cut off from working and the fulfillment of work

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to define work and discipline as control and enslavement, not realizing that I created such definitions/associations based on who I was within past experiences of work, and from this I have limited myself from seeing and realizing the real freedom and self support that is able to be realized through work and discipline

 

I forgive myself that I’ve not allowed myself to see and realize the absolute fulfillment and enjoyment I am able to live and express through work and discipline as I give myself to the opportunity to live, express and explore me through self expansion and growth, and that within work and discipline I am standing within the basic self expression of self will and self direction wherein I am the directive principle of what is best for me as life, and am not being directed by my fears and self interested desires

 

I forgive myself that I’ve not accepted and allowed myself to realize the absolute fulfillment of work and discipline as using the time I have been given on earth and the life of privilege I have in comparison to others, to use this time in honor of life in doing what is best for all life as taking advantage of the opportunity I have of a life of privilege, and the absolute fulfillment of using work and discipline as tools through which I have give back to life as I have been given life, as such a life will lead to the real joy, fearlessness and satisfaction of living a life where I have given as I would like to receive

 

I forgive myself that I’ve allowed myself to define work and discipline only within the context of the fearful pursuit of money and survival and not within the context of self support as supporting life as creating a world that is best for all –I forgive myself that I’ve allowed myself to fear work and discipline and fear myself as LIFE through fearing self expression through work and discipline

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe and define work as being a difficult struggle due to past experiences and from this, create definitions of relaxing as ‘not working’ and instead playing games that apparently make me feel ‘relaxed’ – not realizing that I am creating polarities within myself of positive and negative definitions that keep me from ever seeing life here direct as who I am

 

I commit myself to live work and discipline as the fulfillment of using the time I have been given on earth in honor of life to support myself in self growth and self expansion within the context of supporting and creating a world that is best for all life equally

 

I commit myself to engage myself proactively in work and discipline and stop all past definitions I have created with work and discipline and enjoyment, and to dedicate myself to discipline myself in my work to see through real life application the reality of what it means to enjoy self through work and discipline as this physical discovery is the only way to actually realize the value of myself as work

 

I commit myself to no longer resist work through choice and entertainment within the realization that it is only possible to experience work and discipline as un-enjoyable, self enslavement if I am living a life wherein I am enslaved within myself to my mind as my thoughts, feelings, emotions, definitions and desires and that such perceptions of work are only possible if I am living/existing this way as a mind consciousness system which I will then project onto that which supports me such as work and discipline

 

I commit myself to see and realize through practical application and that work and discipline are the keys to enjoyment, fulfillment, self expression, development and growth

 

I commit myself to stop all fear through the mathematical certainty of creating a life that is best for all through giving back to life as I have received life in honor of life, through discipline and work in applying myself to create a life and a world that is best for all