Day 28: Relationships and Agreements

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to use relationships as a way of escaping self responsibility as self living within the context/principles of what is best for all life, through using a relationship as a distraction by using the friction of two self-defined minds and the energy that is created from such to consume and intoxicate me to never actually see and live direct as self as what is best for all

 

I forgive myself that I’ve allowed myself to prioritize the desire to have an energetic experience through a relationship over doing what is necessary to be done in practical actions in every moment to support life as actions that are based within the context and consideration of what is best for all life

 

I forgive myself that I’ve allowed myself to use the fear of losing a relationship and the energy I experience from relationship as an excuse and a failsafe of the mind to compromise the principles of what is best for all life and doing what is best for all

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to use the fear of my partner not understanding that which I stand for as life/equality as the principles of what is best for all life as a way to keep/limit me from me from doing what is in fact best for all life, including myself and my partner as equals as life

 

I forgive myself that I’ve not allowed myself to see that if my relationship is not based in agreements that are made within the context of what is best for all life with an outcome that is absolutely certain to be what is best for all life – the relationship will be useless and will inevitably fail as it did not consider what is best for all life but instead only a set of illusory hopes and dreams that exist in spite of life and serve life in no real way whatsoever

 

I forgive myself that I’ve not allowed myself to – within and as all relationships/agreements – stand as what is best for all life in the face of the fear that my partner may not understand and thus may judge and reject me, in deceiving myself by believing that this rejection from my partner is in fact who my partner really is as life, when in reality it is only the mind/ego of my partner who has no real consideration/understanding/value in who my partner really is as life and thus what appears to be my partner protesting as their will, is not them as life in fact and thus to stand steadfast within the principles of what is best for all life in the face of such adversity and protest is in fact doing what is best for my partner as life even though they may not realize/understand be willing to consider this at the current time

 

I forgive myself that I’ve not allowed myself to see and realize that a successful relationship IS possible with certain outcome of success if it is in every way based within the principles of what oneness and equality as what is best for all life in practical living application using the simple tools of self honesty and self forgiveness as guides with which both partners within the relationship are able to stand as life and direct themselves from

 

I forgive myself that I’ve not allowed myself to see and realize that although self is still within the process of becoming life, a relationship that is based within agreement of existing/living principles of what is best for all life, then it is able to assist in the transformation of the individual that is currently existing within and as self interest and desire, to learning what it means to be a living, breathing being as equal to life here as the physical as what is best for all

 

I forgive myself that I’ve not allowed myself to see that only through sticking to the basic principles of what is best for all as oneness and equality through self honesty and self forgiveness is a relationship able to be transformed into an agreement that support the  betterment of the individuals of the agreement to become real physical beings that honor life and always life and exist in a way that benefit all life equally, and that with such principles as starting point and such tools being lived in practical application, the agreement is certain to have a successful outcome that is best for all life throughout the turbulence and challenges of ego that are also able to serve as a gift as a test to ensure that self do in fact stand as what is best for all life

 

I commit myself to never allow any relationship as the opportunity to feed self interested desires to compromise my self-responsibility as doing what is best for all life as my process of self honesty, self forgiveness and learning what it means to be an equal participant

 

I commit myself to never allow myself to prioritize my desire to have an energetic experience through a relationship over my self-responsibility to life as applying myself in my process as what is best for all life and ensure that all relationships are based on agreements that is certain to support self as life and thus have an outcome that is certain as what is best for all life

 

I commit myself to never allow myself to use the opportunity to feed my desire for energy to compromise and marginalize my self-responsibility to self as life in always doing what is best for all life

 

I commit myself to base all my relationships on agreements that is best for all and based within the principles of oneness and equality that will have an outcome that is certain to benefit all life equally

 

I commit myself to base my relationship with a female partner on agreements on principles that is certain to have an outcome that is best for all life and to design our partnership in a way where we are able to walk together in self support as equals in applying the necessary tools and providing the necessary support to in fact stand and realize ourselves in a way that in fact make us better as equal participants as life that care for life

 

I commit myself to never allow a relationship of feeding self interested desires to take place of what should be a practical agreement that is based within the principles/starting point/context of what is best for all life and as such, I commit myself to create a relationship where the basic principles agreed upon are sound as equality as thus are certain to have an outcome that is best for all and truly learn for the first time what it means to communicate, interact, love, care, consider, and experience another as self as life

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Day 27: The ‘American Football Player’ Character

I forgive myself that I’ve allowed myself to define myself based on past experience as an American Football player

I forgive myself that I’ve allowed myself to define myself as/take pride in having played American Football because I felt or believed that this made me ‘strong’ or ‘tough’ or ‘competitive’ as my peers and others around me had recognized it as such and thus I simply played the part to be accepted, respected liked and feared by those around me.

I forgive myself that I’ve allowed myself to define myself and play the role/character of an American Football player because this is what my society accept and believe to be part of an ideal model trait/characteristic of being a male and masculinity

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to use the self definition/experience of having been an American Football player as a point from which to compare myself to others in measuring who is apparently better based on false accepted and allowed definitions of what is good/bad and all comparisons/levels between

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to define acceptable/good ‘masculine traits’ as traits like ‘toughness’, ‘courage’, ‘fearlessness’, being intimidating, threatening, dominating, nasty, mean, fast, strong – as they are apparently exemplified through and as the act of playing violent physical sports such as American football – when in fact one such as myself has only ever been driven to project/portray such traits out of fear, inferiority, fear of others, self rejection and weakness, as the actual way within which I have defined and experience myself within myself which I would never allow myself to show but rather attempt to hide and compensate for it by projecting the opposite as I and society have accepted and allowed it to be defined

I forgive myself that I’ve allowed myself to define and associate strength with violence and the ability to hurt others or strike fear in the minds of others

I forgive myself that I’ve not allowed myself to see and realize that the desire to strike fear into the minds of others and intimidate others is in fact only indicating my own accepted and allowed fear and inferiority which then turn into the desire to dominate others to assuage my fears and compensate for these inner experiences, not realizing that I am only in fact feeding these fears/constructs and further weakening myself by not finding a real practical solution to stop such inner experiences

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to take pride in defining myself as an American Football player because it momentarily compensates for my fears through giving me the feeling/experience that I am ‘part of a team’ and therefore accepted/liked/validated by others as per societal definitions of what is acceptable/likable/valid, not realizing that I am further rejecting, disliking and invalidating myself as life by separating myself into a character where no real self honesty and thus self support/self love can ever exist

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to take pride in hurting others through playing violent sports such as American football as if this somehow a measure of strength, courage and dominance when in fact I am only confirming my own accepted and allowed self defined weakness, not realizing that real strength, courage and dominance is to direct self in self support to investigate my inner being as to how I have defined myself and thus why I seek such validation and confirmation of myself beliefs/projections as real self mastery

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe using such characters as a way of asserting myself and fighting/attempting to dominate others will be in any way in my best interest or the best interest of life and bear any advantage whatsoever – when in fact I am only fighting for my own limitations by existing within/reinforcing the belief that life is a struggle and thus it is necessary to ‘fight’ with others, giving permission to others to control and influence me through my own self imposed mind control as existing within and as such characters as a way of life

I commit myself to stop using/taking pride in accepted societal definitions of male superiority and dominance as a way of validating self beliefs/self projections that are only created to escape the way I truly experience myself within which are forms of weakness as lack, fear and inferiority

I commit myself to investigate how and why I have accepted/defined myself within and as a state of weakness, lack, fear and inferiority from which I then create alternate illusory projections of myself as characters that only other characters will be able to recognize and believe in as such – whereas anyone who stand as life will be able to clearly see through and expose such characters – I commit myself to see through and expose such characters in all ways

I commit myself to stop defining myself based on past experiences as an American Football player through which I seek to validate my ‘masculinity’ as merely another character projection

I commit myself to see and realize the absurdity of living within and as such self projections as characters

I commit myself to stop fighting for my own limitations by existing as such characters that are used as weapons to wield in the fight/struggle that I have come to create life as – I commit myself to show self that life is not a struggle as if it were, breathing would be difficult – and thus it is not necessary to use self definitions and characters as offense/defense mechanisms as I accept and allow myself to live/exist as life by no longer separating myself from myself as life, into character creations