Day 26: SEX

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to want, desire, hope for, dream of and fantasize about having sex with others who I have defined as ‘special’ as fitting the profile I have created in my mind of  a ideal/acceptable sexual partner which is commonly referred to as ‘attractive’

 

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to want and desire sex as this ideal/ultimate/amazing/larger than life experience where I strive to attain this experience of ecstasy and exhilaration as an escape from the reality of how I actually experience myself internally within and as the mind which is ‘negative’ as inferiority, stress, anxiety, fear, sadness, regret, guilt, shame etc.

 

I forgive myself that I’ve allowed myself to abandon myself in the search for intimacy with another as I have defined it as sex and physical actions that symbolize affection as the mind has defined it – not realizing that I am able to become intimate with myself here in self support, self understanding and self love, to see and understand how and why I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in such ways that I would want and desire for another to make me feel happy and good about myself as an escape from myself

 

I forgive myself that I’ve allowed myself to lose myself and become lost in the feelings of ecstasy and exhilaration that I experience within the act of sex and the experience of orgasm

 

I forgive myself that I’ve allowed myself to fear giving up and not experiencing the feelings of ecstasy and exhilaration that I experience and attain through the act of sex and I forgive myself that I’ve allowed myself to believe that if I give up and no longer experience these feelings, that I will not enjoy myself and not be able to have fun

 

I forgive myself that I’ve not allowed myself to see how possessed/consumed/controlled I have become by sex and the desire for sex/to experience orgasm and thus to fear not experiencing these things, not realizing that the less I feed these desires and believe that these desires are real and are who I am – the more the desire to have sex/the belief that I need sex will fade over time into nothingness

 

I forgive myself that I’ve allowed myself to believe the inner experience of myself during sex as the thoughts and feelings that I experience – to be real and who I am

 

I forgive myself that in the moment of experiencing the desire/want for sex – that I have not allowed myself to stop and question: where does this desire come from? And blindly follow my desires to lead myself into a fantasy reality where I feel great and experience myself like a king/god, not realizing or considering that this feeling/experience is not real and is always fleeting, despite the obvious proof of this which I have experienced over and over again

I forgive myself that I’ve allowed myself to use and abuse sex as an expression of selfishness/self interest where I am only considering my own pleasure and feelings where I have allowed myself to completely detach from and disregard and neglect all other forms of life simply for a momentary, illusory escape from myself and what I have allowed myself to become as the mind

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abuse sex expression which is here originally to support me and others equally as an expression of who I am as life – by turning the expression/experience of sex one wherein I only seek to pleasure myself and feed myself with good/happy/ecstatic/exhilarating feelings wherein the mind is able to dominate and control life as the physical purely for the sake of its own survival, the nature of which is abusive

 

I commit myself to purify myself as my sexual expression until sex becomes an expression of myself as who I am, as life, here as the physical, through breath, self honesty and self forgiveness

 

I commit myself to stop using sex as an escape from myself/my reality

 

I commit myself to stop chasing sexual fantasies that exist only within and as the mind where – only there within the frame of the mind  built upon layers and layers of self deception and illusion – can my fantasies ever make sense and thus appeal to me as thought they are what is in my best interest/the interest of life

 

I commit myself to become self intimate in facing myself and applying daily self honesty/self forgiveness as self support, and no longer abandon myself within the belief that another could ever do this for me, fill this void or ‘complete me’

 

I commit myself to give up my desire for mind sex as a mental experience and purify my sexual expression to a purely physical one – by remaining here within and as breath within all self movement and self expression

 

I commit myself to no longer accept and allow my desires for sex to possess, control and direct me

 

I commit myself to learn what sex really is as an expression of myself as oneness and equality with all my life – with myself, my partner and all of existence as we all exist within the oneness that is the physical existence – breath by breath

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